How to get a woman back?
Discussion
OK you lot. I thought I would beam this one to you as I am unusually devoid of good ideas.
The Story so Far.
****************
Met my girl at university (5 years ago) moved down here with a view to being permanent. I had a load of life mess which resulted in me getting depressed and losing a grip on everything including her. Been split up for 3 months, I have got over my depression and have realised that she was the one and have to get her back.
The Catch
*********
She seems to have "got over" the situation and says that her life is pointing in a different direction now.
The Hope
********
Since love is fundamental and indestructible, she should have some "tectonic faults" so to speak.
The other catch
***************
She is a bit of a closed book and due to our passed is reluctant to put herself through the mill again. Not the best communicator in the world.
I should just let her go but I just can't. Has anyone got any good advice for how to get a woman back? (on a sensible budget). I need some pukka advice from the experts. I also am prepared to make a complete idiot out of myself.
Stu
The Story so Far.
****************
Met my girl at university (5 years ago) moved down here with a view to being permanent. I had a load of life mess which resulted in me getting depressed and losing a grip on everything including her. Been split up for 3 months, I have got over my depression and have realised that she was the one and have to get her back.
The Catch
*********
She seems to have "got over" the situation and says that her life is pointing in a different direction now.
The Hope
********
Since love is fundamental and indestructible, she should have some "tectonic faults" so to speak.
The other catch
***************
She is a bit of a closed book and due to our passed is reluctant to put herself through the mill again. Not the best communicator in the world.
I should just let her go but I just can't. Has anyone got any good advice for how to get a woman back? (on a sensible budget). I need some pukka advice from the experts. I also am prepared to make a complete idiot out of myself.
Stu
Marki said:
They are funny things ,they will put up with all types of crap and then they wll sort of reach a limit and thats "it" as far as they are concerned.
Absolutely right Marki, except the bit where you call us 'things' rather than people, but we'll forgive you that in the context
. My sister put it this way when my niece asked her advice about a man - "when you've had enough sh!t girl, you'll put an end to it; you clearly haven't had enough sh!t yet". I guess LM's ex has had enough, and the only way she saw of putting an end to it was to stay away from him 
Love Machine. For yourself, go back and read the things you wrote about this girl on PH when you split. If you went back, the old bitternesses would only return eventually if they haven't been sorted (and they weren't sorted, were they?).
Good luck mate.
LM, you posted on here a few months ago saying that you were thinking of having an affair because she wouldn't "give out" often enough, plus all the other unpleasant things you said about her, you've suddenly now decided that she's the one. WTF? Sorry to be unsympathetic, but as far as I can see, you're feeling lonely and you're seeing your past relationship through rose tinted specs. Your ex has the right idea. Move on.
Work on the assumption that it is over.
But it may not be. Just give it time.
I met Susie when we were both 17. We went out for a few months. She had a pregnancy scare. I demanded that she have a termination.
Unsurprisingly we fell out spectacularly.
It turned out that she was only a few days late, but the damage was done and we split up.
Neither of us bears a grudge, so we kept in touch and went out for a drink every 12 months or so.
Eight years, several girlfriends and a failed engagement later, I rang her for some sympathy only to find that she'd been dumped only a few months before she was set to get married.
We went out to compare notes on our crap ex partners and to sympathise with each other.
In the full and certain knowledge that we were both on the rebound, we ended up getting back together and six months later we were married.
That was ten years, two children and a vasectomy ago.
And we are still together.
So there you are, young man.
It isn't over 'till the fat lady sings. And Susie isn't fat and she certainly can't sing.
Cheers
Pat
But it may not be. Just give it time.
I met Susie when we were both 17. We went out for a few months. She had a pregnancy scare. I demanded that she have a termination.
Unsurprisingly we fell out spectacularly.
It turned out that she was only a few days late, but the damage was done and we split up.
Neither of us bears a grudge, so we kept in touch and went out for a drink every 12 months or so.
Eight years, several girlfriends and a failed engagement later, I rang her for some sympathy only to find that she'd been dumped only a few months before she was set to get married.
We went out to compare notes on our crap ex partners and to sympathise with each other.
In the full and certain knowledge that we were both on the rebound, we ended up getting back together and six months later we were married.
That was ten years, two children and a vasectomy ago.
And we are still together.
So there you are, young man.
It isn't over 'till the fat lady sings. And Susie isn't fat and she certainly can't sing.
Cheers
Pat
birdbrain said:
LM, you posted on here a few months ago saying that you were thinking of having an affair because she wouldn't "give out" often enough, plus all the other unpleasant things you said about her, you've suddenly now decided that she's the one. WTF? Sorry to be unsympathetic, but as far as I can see, you're feeling lonely and you're seeing your past relationship through rose tinted specs. Your ex has the right idea. Move on.
I'm afraid I have to agree with birdbrain and Rude Girl on this one.
mrs fish said:
birdbrain said:
LM, you posted on here a few months ago saying that you were thinking of having an affair because she wouldn't "give out" often enough, plus all the other unpleasant things you said about her, you've suddenly now decided that she's the one. WTF? Sorry to be unsympathetic, but as far as I can see, you're feeling lonely and you're seeing your past relationship through rose tinted specs. Your ex has the right idea. Move on.
I'm afraid I have to agree with birdbrain and Rude Girl on this one.
As much as I hate to agree with the other posters, I am affraid they are right. After all you said in your post, move on. OK, so you may think you cant life without her - bollox - life goes on. Get a grip, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
Sorry for being so harsh but lifes a b1tch and then you die.
>> Edited by 406 on Monday 4th April 08:12
Time to find someone new LM, you've hit the lonely/bored threshold, that's all. The excitement of chasing new girls has begun to lose its novelty and you're looking back to those comfortable days with your Ex. The fundamental reason(s) you split in the first place will still be there. If you were to get back together, I'd bet that within six months you'd feel exactly like you did when you were breaking up previously.
Move on.
Move on.
Been there. Even if you do manage to get her back (which I've managed to do before now), it's never the same as it was when it was really good and there's always things that hark back to the troubled times that have gone before. It all gets too strained and at best lasts a month or two before you decide to go your own seperate ways again. Last time I did something like this it took me a year to get over it. Simply because I felt like I was torturing myself as much as anything. You're best off letting her go.Love machine - I am sure that you're feelings are genuine, and you are pining for her and its all crap.
But you can’t put pressure on the girl – she’s probably barely got over you – she will certainly think she’d be stupid and blind to go back to you without a moment’s thought.
Stu – what Pat said is true – if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be, and will happen. But if you try to pressure her to come back to you, and the problems you had before aren’t necessarily sorted out, then she will bear the deepest resentment to you WHEN (not if) it all goes wrong again. Then, mate, there is no chance for a third attempt, even 20 years down the line.
My advice? Leave her be – let her experience life for a while, and you go do the same. She’s obviously well aware of your feelings of regret on you and her. Now the fairest thing is to leave it – keep in contact with her, and see how it goes. It may just be the wrong time for you and her – I can’t remember how old you are, but it may be that you both have some growing to do before declaring each other as ‘the one’.
Stu – if she IS the one, she still will be 1 year, 5 years, 30 years down the line.
But you can’t put pressure on the girl – she’s probably barely got over you – she will certainly think she’d be stupid and blind to go back to you without a moment’s thought.
Stu – what Pat said is true – if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be, and will happen. But if you try to pressure her to come back to you, and the problems you had before aren’t necessarily sorted out, then she will bear the deepest resentment to you WHEN (not if) it all goes wrong again. Then, mate, there is no chance for a third attempt, even 20 years down the line.
My advice? Leave her be – let her experience life for a while, and you go do the same. She’s obviously well aware of your feelings of regret on you and her. Now the fairest thing is to leave it – keep in contact with her, and see how it goes. It may just be the wrong time for you and her – I can’t remember how old you are, but it may be that you both have some growing to do before declaring each other as ‘the one’.
Stu – if she IS the one, she still will be 1 year, 5 years, 30 years down the line.
It takes two people to be really in love and right for each other. If one does not feel that way, there is very little you can do to change that. On the otherhand, if she deep down loves you, then in my experience the best way to help them come to their senses and realise what they really want is for you to get on with life and things and act as if it is over.
The PH collective has it right as usual. If you've not given yourself enough sh!t already, then go for it, try tp win her back. If you do succeed, it will be bloody difficult getting it to work. Its not impossible, but it is I'm afraid very unlikely.
I think you are both better moving on. Sounds to me lke she has done already.
I think you are both better moving on. Sounds to me lke she has done already.
When you are with someone, you know if they are the one or not without going through the losing them bit.
If you knew/thought that she was the one whilst you were in the relationship bit, then by all means try get her back (heartfelt letter would probably be most effective) but if she is REALLY not keen to proceed then refer to....
If you thought she was not the one in the relationship bit, then stop chasing her
Oh and make sure you can be comfortable being single before committing to anyone else, then you can start afresh, with your own set of values.
Also, do what one of the other girls suggested, read back through PH about what you said about her/relationship, from what I recall you werent too keen on the relationship before you split up, must have been quite bad for anyone to post a relationship problem in public.
I find the enjoyable thing about being single/looking is the first few dates with someone who turns out to be special
As to getting over her, just focus on bad things though... what did you hate about her...and stuff like that
Hope this helps
I'm quite experienced at breaking up with long term boyfriends/fiances so I know a little about how to hate ex'es
>> Edited by mxdi on Monday 4th April 09:46
If you knew/thought that she was the one whilst you were in the relationship bit, then by all means try get her back (heartfelt letter would probably be most effective) but if she is REALLY not keen to proceed then refer to....
If you thought she was not the one in the relationship bit, then stop chasing her
Oh and make sure you can be comfortable being single before committing to anyone else, then you can start afresh, with your own set of values.
Also, do what one of the other girls suggested, read back through PH about what you said about her/relationship, from what I recall you werent too keen on the relationship before you split up, must have been quite bad for anyone to post a relationship problem in public.
I find the enjoyable thing about being single/looking is the first few dates with someone who turns out to be special
As to getting over her, just focus on bad things though... what did you hate about her...and stuff like that
Hope this helps
I'm quite experienced at breaking up with long term boyfriends/fiances so I know a little about how to hate ex'es
>> Edited by mxdi on Monday 4th April 09:46
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