need to win my ex girl back
Discussion
ive just split with the best woman in the world and 2 great kids ,she says she fell out of love with me and she cant see it geting better, we were fine till i came out of work and ended up being a house husband and she went to work ,after a bit she said all the bills and stuff were on her head and she has had enough plus she says she never had a sholder to lean on when she needed 1 .any one out there help me weve been together 17 years and this split is killing me any one with any advise on who to win her back would be greatful
I dont understand - will she not have bills and things to worry about now?
I'd be tempted to perhaps think that perhaps she liked being 'kept' - I'd hope that if I had bill worries my partner would share the worry too, regardless of her work situation.
Hope it works out for the best. Good luck!
I'd be tempted to perhaps think that perhaps she liked being 'kept' - I'd hope that if I had bill worries my partner would share the worry too, regardless of her work situation.
Hope it works out for the best. Good luck!
hullmonkey said:
she said all the bills and stuff were on her head and she has had enough plus she says she never had a sholder to lean on when she needed 1 .
Are you sure that's the real reason? Seems a bit of an excuse to me. Perhaps you need to have a proper discussion about what's really gone wrong before you will know whether it's fixable (and, indeed, if both of your want it to be fixed).
NiceCupOfTea said:
The sad and unfair fact here IMHO is that you ended the relationship by breaking the contract.
I imagine he means the view of marriage that the man is the main breadwinner while the woman doesn't work/ works less hours and looks after the kids and home.
He has a good point-are men cut out to be house husbands?.
JagLover said:
Julian64 said:
The sad and unfair fact here IMHO is that you ended the relationship by breaking the contract.
I imagine he means the view of marriage that the man is the main breadwinner while the woman doesn't work/ works less hours and looks after the kids and home.
He has a good point-are men cut out to be house husbands?.
Not quite as sexist as that, but when any relationship starts it does so on the basis of an unwritten contract between the two parties. When there is a major role change for one or other party it often makes one of the parties reassess.
I see this with sudden major disability, obesity, character change, financial change, you name it. Commonest thing I hear is they're not the person I married anymore.
In my view there is nothing you can do to make someone love you - they either do or they dont. However, she might say that she does'nt, but not realise that she really does, and the best way to ascertain this (even though it may be hard going) is to have some time apart - A good time to think for you both, and to really get an unbiased and unclouded view of how you each really feel.
gbbird said:.
In my view there is nothing you can do to make someone love you - they either do or they dont. However, she might say that she does'nt, but not realise that she really does, and the best way to ascertain this (even though it may be hard going) is to have some time apart - A good time to think for you both, and to really get an unbiased and unclouded view of how you each really feel.
Poo, this is a mans view. Love is not a genetically programmed response to the right face. Its a learned response.
Time apart only cures a few types of problems, its lead death for most relationships.
Love is something to work on. Its like stopping walking while in the rain, and looking up just to marvel at the sheer beauty of what you can see. The art to this is to see the beauty and not be distracted by the fact you are now late for work and your shirt is wet.
Part of being in love is to feel loved, and you can't do that in the next county. So my advice to you is to decide deep down whether she's actually worth it rather than you just being stunned by the loss and rejection.
If she is repair the contract. Get a job and try to be the person she wanted the relationship with in the first place by remembering who you were. All the time your trying to do this make her feel loved.
Julian64 said:
If she is repair the contract. Get a job and try to be the person she wanted the relationship with in the first place by remembering who you were. All the time your trying to do this make her feel loved.
I would have to agree with that.
Part of being a man is you work until you retire.
Julian64 said:
Its like stopping walking while in the rain, and looking up just to marvel at the sheer beauty of what you can see. The art to this is to see the beauty and not be distracted by the fact you are now late for work and your shirt is wet.
Is that one of those ‘finger pointing to the moon’ moments.
My closest friends have just been through something similar. He stayed at home and took care of the kids and house; she went out to work and brought home the money. Both thought it was a terribly modern way of living, although employment circumstances lead to the change around, not desire. Two years passed by and the resentment from both sides grew and grew, she was tired and wanted to see the kids and enjoy homelife. She also got a few 'digs' from friends such as, "oooh, I couldn't leave my kids all week, for the sake of my career"; you get the picture. He was miserable and felt that he had no place in society, his mates gave him a bit of a hard time too. He became withdrawn, and by his own admission, a bit boring as he didn't get enough social interaction during the week. Mother and todler groups didn't really extend to him! 
Sadly, they too decided to split up and had some time away from each other. As much as they didn't want to admit it they both wanted to comply with what is viewed as the social norm; him to be the 'breadwinner' and her to be the 'homemaker'. However, neither one had communicated these feelings to each other, for lots and lots of reasons.
During their time apart meeting up and talking face-to-face ended up with them in heated rows. Instead, he wrote her a six-page letter telling her how he felt and asked her to reply in a similar manner. Having the facts in black and white made it easier for both of them to understand the other side of the situation. There were some hurtful things said, but it cleared the air.
Now they're both going to Relate every week, he's working fulltime and she works during school hours to try to top up their income. It isn't ideal, but they're working on it, they're permanently skint as he earns much less that she can, but they're together again. As they’ve both said, it is dammed hard work, but they’re prepared to make the sacrifices.
Good Luck!
Sadly, they too decided to split up and had some time away from each other. As much as they didn't want to admit it they both wanted to comply with what is viewed as the social norm; him to be the 'breadwinner' and her to be the 'homemaker'. However, neither one had communicated these feelings to each other, for lots and lots of reasons.
During their time apart meeting up and talking face-to-face ended up with them in heated rows. Instead, he wrote her a six-page letter telling her how he felt and asked her to reply in a similar manner. Having the facts in black and white made it easier for both of them to understand the other side of the situation. There were some hurtful things said, but it cleared the air.
Now they're both going to Relate every week, he's working fulltime and she works during school hours to try to top up their income. It isn't ideal, but they're working on it, they're permanently skint as he earns much less that she can, but they're together again. As they’ve both said, it is dammed hard work, but they’re prepared to make the sacrifices.
Good Luck!
JagLover said:
Part of being a man is you work until you retire.
So does that mean you're less of a man if you stay at home to look after the sproggs - even if your missus earns more and wants to go out to work?
P.S. I'd better say it before anyone else does - being a house wife/husband IS considered full time work!
Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff