Marriage proposal - ettiquette
Discussion
After a few deep and meaningful conversations with my other half we've decided to get engaged. I'm aware that tradition dictates that I'm meant to ask her father's permission, buy a ring worth a month's salary, and then get down on one knee. Well, that's gone out the window as neither of us are that traditional. However, I'd like to do the right thing WRT her parents, as I've only met them twice, for very brief periods. How does one approach the prospective father-in-law? We're going to see them this weekend, and I've really no clue as to what I'm going to say! :boxedin: I know of course we could just come out with it over Sunday lunch, but I want a little tradition.
As for the ring, my girlfriend wears no jewellery at all, and is horrified that I'd consider spending a month's salary on a bit of metal. I'm not a fan of jewellery either.
I know it's really down to us how we go about it, and no-one else's opinion is significant - I'm just curious as to how everyone else has gone about it. :D
As for the ring, my girlfriend wears no jewellery at all, and is horrified that I'd consider spending a month's salary on a bit of metal. I'm not a fan of jewellery either.
I know it's really down to us how we go about it, and no-one else's opinion is significant - I'm just curious as to how everyone else has gone about it. :D
Just got engaged last week. Got down on one knee after romantic dinner. Did not have a ring as sure I would not have been able to choose the one she wanted. She is happier to choose together so that's easy. As for her parents; I phoned them soon after I popped the question to inform them that I had asked her to marry me and that she had said yes. They seemed to appreciate the call. If I had planned more, I would have asked her Dad before but as it was quite spontaneous I didn't have time. GOOD LUCK.
If you want to be really traditional - you go see her Dad, get him by himself and ask for "permission to marry his daughter".
I'm afraid I didn't do that with Mrs Don's old man at all. We were too old and independent by that time to need anyone's "permission" so we just announced we were marrying by phone to both sets of parents on the same day - bugger all that driving.
I did ask the Ex's old man. He thought I was very old fashioned.
I'm afraid I didn't do that with Mrs Don's old man at all. We were too old and independent by that time to need anyone's "permission" so we just announced we were marrying by phone to both sets of parents on the same day - bugger all that driving.
I did ask the Ex's old man. He thought I was very old fashioned.
I wrote to my future Father in Law, even though I knew him quite well anyway.
He didn't mention it then (ie call to say "yep that's fine"
and hasn't done since, which I took to mean I'd got the nod.
I often wonder whether or not he actually got the thing. I spent ages crafting it - not having replied is rather rude, and I've judged him accordingly ever since.
He didn't mention it then (ie call to say "yep that's fine"
and hasn't done since, which I took to mean I'd got the nod. I often wonder whether or not he actually got the thing. I spent ages crafting it - not having replied is rather rude, and I've judged him accordingly ever since.
julianhj said:
I know it's really down to us how we go about it, and no-one else's opinion is significant - I'm just curious as to how everyone else has gone about it.
I had the same conversation with my sister-in-law's now husband (if that makes sense
). He was a bit nervous about asking a 17 stone Irishman for his daughter It didn't occur to me to ask (I'm not a great traditionalist), but TBH I wasn't actually planning on proposing. I just got a bit carried away after a bottle or two of good Rioja
I guess you get him alone for a moment and then ask. Good luck anyway.
Never done it myself - only time I proposed to a girl she said yes and didn't bother with father as he didn't approve of his little girl even seeing a white man, let alone marrying one. But that was a long time ago (8 years to be exact)! (and it was just after this that I began to realise that the pet rabbit might be unsafe near her…)
I would take him on one side, perhaps even out to the local for a swift half. Tell him all about how much you think of his daughter and that, having discussed it with her, you would like to ask him for her hand. Sensibilities and tradition satisfied, together with letting him know you're not just taking his daughter for granted.
I would take him on one side, perhaps even out to the local for a swift half. Tell him all about how much you think of his daughter and that, having discussed it with her, you would like to ask him for her hand. Sensibilities and tradition satisfied, together with letting him know you're not just taking his daughter for granted.
Plotloss said:
I reckon the months salary thing is about right to be honest.
Lets face it, if you are making £5000 a month and shell out £500 on a ring, its going to look a bit pikey compared to that nearly new Fezza you're driving around in.
You have to spend your money on the important things in life (Cars, house, holidays) we only spent 2K on the wedding as well.
Plotloss said:
I reckon the months salary thing is about right to be honest.
Lets face it, if you are making £5000 a month and shell out £500 on a ring, its going to look a bit pikey compared to that nearly new Fezza you're driving around in.
cheapskate rat bags. its not 1 month - its 2 or 3 months salary! someone (probably a guy) put around its a month.
anyway, to overcome the cheapstake strategy of convincing yourself that its only a month, the 2-3 months is based on RRP and considering there is at least a 100% mark up, you have room to knock them down.
and as much as women may say they dont want a ring, they do. and as plotloss says, if your making £5k a month and turn up with a ring pull your fairy tale future may end sharpish with a knee in the crutch.
congrats btw.
>> Edited by tinman0 on Monday 23 May 11:07
JagLover said:
First of all don't pay any attention to this months salary cr*p. You can get a perfectly decent diamond ring for £600 (as I did)
that´s a month's salary for me!
Why don´t you invite her parents for dinner to a posh restaurant and you both break the news after some aforementioned bottles of Rioja? Seems rather inclussive, less pressure, you do the task together, and the end of the day, your fiance is not her father´s property (unless you want to strike a bargain and give some camels and goats in exchange
). Now, if the father of the bride is going to pay for the wedding you better drop to your knee... Edited to add my congratulations too!
And good luck with it >> Edited by Iria on Monday 23 May 11:07
>> Edited by Iria on Monday 23 May 11:17
I wish! £14k and counting so far...Plotloss said:
if you are making £5000...compared to that nearly new Fezza you're driving around in.
[hijack]
To be fair, you probably couldn't afford the 500 quid if you'd bought a Ferrari when 'only' earning 5k a month. I thought the done thing was to spend 1/2 of your yearly salary on cars, so 60/2 is a new Evo, not a Fezza!
[/hijack]
Congrats on the engagement!
The ring being worth 1 months salary was a marketing ploy be deBeers IIRC. Apparently in the US they are now "recommending" 2 months salary as fiancee's get a bit competitive over ring size. Buy something you can afford & your fiancee likes. (can be easier said than done)
On to protocol
I popped the question first, booked a weekend away to Amsterdam to buy the ring(get more for your money than in UK + good weekend away) and then drove down to see her folks.
When we got to her parents I told her parents that I had asked their daughter to marry me and that I hoped they would be happy for us. I was toying with idea of asking her dads permission the traditional way but as the decision was ours to make I didn't think it was right.
You've done the important bit, the rest is keeping the rellies happy, which closer to wedding day can be a pain in the arse.
The ring being worth 1 months salary was a marketing ploy be deBeers IIRC. Apparently in the US they are now "recommending" 2 months salary as fiancee's get a bit competitive over ring size. Buy something you can afford & your fiancee likes. (can be easier said than done)
On to protocol
I popped the question first, booked a weekend away to Amsterdam to buy the ring(get more for your money than in UK + good weekend away) and then drove down to see her folks.
When we got to her parents I told her parents that I had asked their daughter to marry me and that I hoped they would be happy for us. I was toying with idea of asking her dads permission the traditional way but as the decision was ours to make I didn't think it was right.
You've done the important bit, the rest is keeping the rellies happy, which closer to wedding day can be a pain in the arse.
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