A n email to 'Ally D'
Discussion
Chaps, thought you may like to see what I've just sent off to Alistair Darling, email him at alistair.darling@dft.gsi.gov.uk. Made a few colleagues here smile.
Alistair my old mate - (I feel we should be on first name terms after my original email yesterday),
Following on from yesterdays mail, I've done a bit more research, and have to pass on more bad news to you, and of course our Tone. In my haste to tell you how it would no longer be viable for me to work once road charging was introduced, due to it possibly costing me as much to get to work as I earned once I was here, I forgot one or two points.
Not only will the government lose my income tax contributions of around £8000 p.a., plus my fuel tax of around £1200, you'll also have to forego the following contributions.
National Insurance. £3060 p.a.
Road Tax £100 p.a.
Insurance Tax - Dunno here, what is the tax on £270, 10%?
Car repairs, approx £500 p.a., I pay vat on this dont I? Whats that, £70-ish?
So, you, Tone and Golden Brown are going to be light to the tune of about £12,450 per year! Plus I guess I'll get help with my Council Tax, there's another £1200. And dont forget I'll need every DSS benefit going. I cant estimate how much that is, as I've only ever been in a DSS office once since I started work 37 years ago. Damn it Alistair, I'll be bankrupting the country!
Faced with this, me and the Mrs sat down last night to see what we could come up with to enable me to continue working and contribute to your 'pot'. First idea was that I could forego using the M3, and take to the back roads instead. The drawback here is that my journey time goes up from 45 minutes to about an hour and a quarter - hardly cuts congestion does it, being on the road for an extra hour every day? And of course, I'll be using more fuel, as the Ka is pretty good on the motorway at 70 mph (averaging 48mpg!!), but suffers a bit on the twisty stuff due to stop-start motoring, changing gear etc etc. Also, the M3 does keep me away from built up areas, ie Joe Public, whereas the A31 passes through numerous towns and villages, contributing - so I'm led to believe - in extra polution. So, we ruled that one out.
We then thought perhaps I could get a job much closer to home, perhaps within cycling distance. Ally, I have to report that IT Support jobs in the CRM market are few and far between in Colden Common. They're also about as rare as rocking horse dung (you get my drift?) in the Eastleigh/Winchester area in general. And of course, being the wrong side of 50 - as I suspect you are - companies are not too keen to retrain old duffers like us are they?
Next bright idea was to move from our house near Winchester to one close to work in Fleet. That'll do it I thought, until we realised that MrsH would have to drive TO Winchester FROM Fleet to attend her job! She doesnt earn as much as me, so although the costs are the same, the returns are much less, so she'd have to give up work. However, as she contributes less to the Governement than I do, you and the boys wouldn't lose as much, so dont lets rule this one out yet.
This got us thinking a little harder, and I think we've found a solution that suits most people - divorce!! Wife stays in Winchester, close to her job. We get divorced, I move to Fleet close to my job, hey ho everyones happy! Of course, son will miss his dad terribly, but there's no cost to the government, so everyone should be happy.
We're going to discuss this further over a bottle of wine and a cigarette tonight (more revenue for the Labour Christmas party there eh!), and I'll let you know early next week what course of action we intend to take. Of course Al, if you've got any other solutions you'd like to add in, please feel free, we're always open to suggestions from our masters.
Alistair my old mate - (I feel we should be on first name terms after my original email yesterday),
Following on from yesterdays mail, I've done a bit more research, and have to pass on more bad news to you, and of course our Tone. In my haste to tell you how it would no longer be viable for me to work once road charging was introduced, due to it possibly costing me as much to get to work as I earned once I was here, I forgot one or two points.
Not only will the government lose my income tax contributions of around £8000 p.a., plus my fuel tax of around £1200, you'll also have to forego the following contributions.
National Insurance. £3060 p.a.
Road Tax £100 p.a.
Insurance Tax - Dunno here, what is the tax on £270, 10%?
Car repairs, approx £500 p.a., I pay vat on this dont I? Whats that, £70-ish?
So, you, Tone and Golden Brown are going to be light to the tune of about £12,450 per year! Plus I guess I'll get help with my Council Tax, there's another £1200. And dont forget I'll need every DSS benefit going. I cant estimate how much that is, as I've only ever been in a DSS office once since I started work 37 years ago. Damn it Alistair, I'll be bankrupting the country!
Faced with this, me and the Mrs sat down last night to see what we could come up with to enable me to continue working and contribute to your 'pot'. First idea was that I could forego using the M3, and take to the back roads instead. The drawback here is that my journey time goes up from 45 minutes to about an hour and a quarter - hardly cuts congestion does it, being on the road for an extra hour every day? And of course, I'll be using more fuel, as the Ka is pretty good on the motorway at 70 mph (averaging 48mpg!!), but suffers a bit on the twisty stuff due to stop-start motoring, changing gear etc etc. Also, the M3 does keep me away from built up areas, ie Joe Public, whereas the A31 passes through numerous towns and villages, contributing - so I'm led to believe - in extra polution. So, we ruled that one out.
We then thought perhaps I could get a job much closer to home, perhaps within cycling distance. Ally, I have to report that IT Support jobs in the CRM market are few and far between in Colden Common. They're also about as rare as rocking horse dung (you get my drift?) in the Eastleigh/Winchester area in general. And of course, being the wrong side of 50 - as I suspect you are - companies are not too keen to retrain old duffers like us are they?
Next bright idea was to move from our house near Winchester to one close to work in Fleet. That'll do it I thought, until we realised that MrsH would have to drive TO Winchester FROM Fleet to attend her job! She doesnt earn as much as me, so although the costs are the same, the returns are much less, so she'd have to give up work. However, as she contributes less to the Governement than I do, you and the boys wouldn't lose as much, so dont lets rule this one out yet.
This got us thinking a little harder, and I think we've found a solution that suits most people - divorce!! Wife stays in Winchester, close to her job. We get divorced, I move to Fleet close to my job, hey ho everyones happy! Of course, son will miss his dad terribly, but there's no cost to the government, so everyone should be happy.
We're going to discuss this further over a bottle of wine and a cigarette tonight (more revenue for the Labour Christmas party there eh!), and I'll let you know early next week what course of action we intend to take. Of course Al, if you've got any other solutions you'd like to add in, please feel free, we're always open to suggestions from our masters.
My fiancee's house is in Fleet and she is trying to sell it, so you could always buy that! Very reasonable at £225 for a 2 bed detached bungalow and off road parking for 3 cars, plus you are within walking distance of the pubs 
I have a number of questions on this subject....
If my understanding of the cunning plan is correct, we will all be charged for using the roads and the charges will be different for each road and at different times of the day. This is similar to a timeshare whereby the property is "more" desirably during the summer and "less" so during the winter. Correct?
This is all very well in theory but has one fundimental flaw in it's design and that is what happens if there is an accident and through no fault of your own you end up stuck on a particular road for a number of hours? Do I get a refund?
If I can prove I wasn't supposed to be on a particular road at a particular time but was stuck because some muppet had an accident, can I get the muppet to foot the bill?
How will you enforce people to have a satelite receiver fitted to their cars? Will this apply to all cars or like with car tax will there be a "1973" type cut off point?
How will this be enforced? Will satelite blocking technology spring up so you can drive without paying?
Thanks for listening.....
>> Edited by vetteheadracer on Friday 10th June 11:14
I have a number of questions on this subject....
If my understanding of the cunning plan is correct, we will all be charged for using the roads and the charges will be different for each road and at different times of the day. This is similar to a timeshare whereby the property is "more" desirably during the summer and "less" so during the winter. Correct?
This is all very well in theory but has one fundimental flaw in it's design and that is what happens if there is an accident and through no fault of your own you end up stuck on a particular road for a number of hours? Do I get a refund?
If I can prove I wasn't supposed to be on a particular road at a particular time but was stuck because some muppet had an accident, can I get the muppet to foot the bill?
How will you enforce people to have a satelite receiver fitted to their cars? Will this apply to all cars or like with car tax will there be a "1973" type cut off point?
How will this be enforced? Will satelite blocking technology spring up so you can drive without paying?
Thanks for listening.....
>> Edited by vetteheadracer on Friday 10th June 11:14
T! steveherb said:
Iain, I was going to put that, but thought I'd expand on it a tad. maybe I'll use it in one of my later mails, if I may steal your literary prowess?
Steve
No problem - feel free, I tried to explain myself as simply as possible so that even he could understand - I guess being able to express yourself so simply and yet so profoundly is just a gift that I have
Blood 'n sand Nervous, Nicecupoftea, a mere beginner like myself receiving such praise from two bastions of this erudite forum such as yourselves, high praise indeed. When I started ranting at the TV last night, Mrs Herb sent me out for a glass of wine and a fag, when most of the letter was 'composed' in my head. Seemed once I got started I just couldn't stop - now where have I heard that before? Anyway chaps, thanks for the appreciative comments.
oh, stop. I'm blushing. OK, just 30 or 40 minutes more, then stop.
actually you're post got me thinking about the way, like you, I'm constantly being packed off to go away and 'calm down' myself. And ive just realised its what i like most about this place. Ive found that really deeply shitty things happening to me still piss me off, but my brain has grown a 'release valve': now, when I'm getting violently annoyed with something and am sure I'm about to start vomiting blood, my valve yells "i could make a funny post out of this". and do you know what? it bloody helps! prest-o change-o, i feel better. funny where we find solace, innit?
seriously, genuinely; your post is the most beautifully constructed, considered, ocean-going laugh out loud piece of writing Ive had the pleasure of passing off as my own work in months. nay, tens of weeks.
more to follow please, lurk no more. if you try really, really hard, you could be the next Bedford Rascal (though you may well need to put on a bit of weight) (but only if you're sub-30 stone).
actually you're post got me thinking about the way, like you, I'm constantly being packed off to go away and 'calm down' myself. And ive just realised its what i like most about this place. Ive found that really deeply shitty things happening to me still piss me off, but my brain has grown a 'release valve': now, when I'm getting violently annoyed with something and am sure I'm about to start vomiting blood, my valve yells "i could make a funny post out of this". and do you know what? it bloody helps! prest-o change-o, i feel better. funny where we find solace, innit?
seriously, genuinely; your post is the most beautifully constructed, considered, ocean-going laugh out loud piece of writing Ive had the pleasure of passing off as my own work in months. nay, tens of weeks.
more to follow please, lurk no more. if you try really, really hard, you could be the next Bedford Rascal (though you may well need to put on a bit of weight) (but only if you're sub-30 stone).
nervous said:
if you try really, really hard, you could be the next Bedford Rascal (though you may well need to put on a bit of weight) (but only if you're sub-30 stone).
Oi, I was in here first! Stop trying to push me off my comedy throne.
Hell no I won't go, hell no I won't go!!
What's that you say, there's an unattended biscuit on the lawn?
:scuttlesoffleavingthronedefenceless:
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