One for the mothers out there...
Discussion
I have recently been presented with the following tale by our Health Visitor - An apparently intelligent, working woman, on her second mariage, and two children from her previous marriage, has at the age of 41, had a "planned" pregnancy and susequently has had a baby boy. The baby was born at home, on a Saturday, and on the Monday she packs her two existing children off to school, and then to their father's house (part of the usual rota for sharing child care). There are no requests that her children spend extra time with her to get to know the baby. Then, a week later she takes her 9 year old daughter on a girlie shopping trip, which she has never done before, and tells the daughter that mummy, husband and new baby are going on holiday together for a week, and her other children aren't going. Her 12 year old son has to cook meals for the whole family, including the stepfather, who is apparently busy with mummy tending to the baby which is spending most of it's time in their bedroom.
Two weeks after that, she tells her kids that mummy, husband and baby are going to see Great Grandma for the weekend, to "show GG the new arrival") but again the older children aren't going.
She has also gone to a school "graduation day", for the eldest child of her husband's first marriage, and left her own 10 and 12 year old children at an acquaintance's house, to get the bus to school.
Now, am I missing a trick here, or is this woman essentially disowning her existing children for the sake of the new baby, or am I reading a bit too much into it? Is she deliberately shutting out her kids from the bonding process in what is a new family, or is it just a tired mother not coping very well?
Two weeks after that, she tells her kids that mummy, husband and baby are going to see Great Grandma for the weekend, to "show GG the new arrival") but again the older children aren't going.
She has also gone to a school "graduation day", for the eldest child of her husband's first marriage, and left her own 10 and 12 year old children at an acquaintance's house, to get the bus to school.
Now, am I missing a trick here, or is this woman essentially disowning her existing children for the sake of the new baby, or am I reading a bit too much into it? Is she deliberately shutting out her kids from the bonding process in what is a new family, or is it just a tired mother not coping very well?
Bloody hell, I dont know you the DR. 
With a new Born god only knows whats going on with the mothers hormones. I have seen some new mothers attitudes change quite dramatically.
hopefully she isnt disowning the other kids but just trying to provide them with something more interesting and sending them with others. I dunno Protecting them in a funny kinda of way.
BB
With a new Born god only knows whats going on with the mothers hormones. I have seen some new mothers attitudes change quite dramatically.
hopefully she isnt disowning the other kids but just trying to provide them with something more interesting and sending them with others. I dunno Protecting them in a funny kinda of way.
BB
Thinking realistically it is hard work to look after a new baby with other children aswell, but the children shouldn't be excluded of they'll resent the baby.
It could be that she's doing special stuff (such as the shopping trip, which by the way seems extreme just 1 week after giving birth if its a propper one!) with the other children and it just hasn't been mensioned.
Suppose it all depends on so many other factors such as family network and support, but why is she telling you all this and does she seem proud?!!
It could be that she's doing special stuff (such as the shopping trip, which by the way seems extreme just 1 week after giving birth if its a propper one!) with the other children and it just hasn't been mensioned.
Suppose it all depends on so many other factors such as family network and support, but why is she telling you all this and does she seem proud?!!
To be honest this sounds shamefull behavior.
When our latest arrived we made certain that the Proud Big Brother stayed that way. He still gets taken on outings and has activities that are "his". As a result he is still Proud Big Brother and tells people "that there are four of us now" while pointing at the pram with a smile on his little face.
Perhaps this destructive selfish and ignorant attitude is why her first marriage failed?
When our latest arrived we made certain that the Proud Big Brother stayed that way. He still gets taken on outings and has activities that are "his". As a result he is still Proud Big Brother and tells people "that there are four of us now" while pointing at the pram with a smile on his little face.
Perhaps this destructive selfish and ignorant attitude is why her first marriage failed?
I have three children, two are just 19 months apart and the little'un (10..Gulp!) is about 5 years behind. I took them both to see her in hospital at the first opportunity (later on her 0th birthday) and they have been completely involved in her upbringing to date. The three of them rarely have a cross word and even her big 16 year old brother has time for a hug (even in front of his mates 
). Perceived favouritism isn't easy to avoid, but concious attempts to avoid it can exacerbate the problem.
). Perceived favouritism isn't easy to avoid, but concious attempts to avoid it can exacerbate the problem.
I forgot to mention that the family keep three horses in their (very large) back garden and the husband was kicked by one of the horses and broke his arm, 3 days after the birth. The mother is doing all the cleaning in the house, cooking, taking the children to school because husband can't drive, and tried initially to breast feed but unsuccessfully.
I just wonder what is going on in her mind. Perhaps she is trying to create a new family, with herself, husband and new baby, but that requires distancing herself from her childen. I think it is significant that both of her husband's children disappear to university this summer, which perhaps helps to clear the decks for a new "nuclear" family, and forget about the other kids as surplus to requirements. Very sad, IMHO.
I just wonder what is going on in her mind. Perhaps she is trying to create a new family, with herself, husband and new baby, but that requires distancing herself from her childen. I think it is significant that both of her husband's children disappear to university this summer, which perhaps helps to clear the decks for a new "nuclear" family, and forget about the other kids as surplus to requirements. Very sad, IMHO.
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