Supermarkets.. A Rant!
Discussion
So, while we are on the whole Supermarket subject, I'd like to get a few things off my chest..
1) Dear Milf, You have a pram, there really is no need to charge me down in the Yougart asile. I will move out of your way, just give me a chance! My ankles are easily bruised by your three wheeled mothercare terror!
2) It says Fast track and Basket because it is for people who have a basket or fast track. This means if you have a trolley you use another asile, you silly bint!
3) Car parks, Mother and baby spaces are for anybody with a baby, just because i left it at home, i can still use the space.. Right?
4) When i queue up at the fag counter to get some filters and a chocolate bar, having already queued for 10 mins to pay for my orig shop, I don't want to stand behind various layabouts as they spend thier dole money on lottery tickets. Your not going to win anything.. and GET A JOB!
5) Why oh why when i get used to going straight to the products i need, in the shortest possible time, do you move everything!
6) No, I don't bloody active kids vouchers! Nor do i have a Nector card, It costs me more in energy to carry the damn thing than it earns me.
7) I can pack my own bloody bags thankyou, I'm 25 not 75!
8) Whatever your trying to sell me on the way out, I don't want it. Unless its a free chocalate bar, in which case i'll take it.
:furious:
Shopping is so stressfull!
1) Dear Milf, You have a pram, there really is no need to charge me down in the Yougart asile. I will move out of your way, just give me a chance! My ankles are easily bruised by your three wheeled mothercare terror!
2) It says Fast track and Basket because it is for people who have a basket or fast track. This means if you have a trolley you use another asile, you silly bint!
3) Car parks, Mother and baby spaces are for anybody with a baby, just because i left it at home, i can still use the space.. Right?
4) When i queue up at the fag counter to get some filters and a chocolate bar, having already queued for 10 mins to pay for my orig shop, I don't want to stand behind various layabouts as they spend thier dole money on lottery tickets. Your not going to win anything.. and GET A JOB!
5) Why oh why when i get used to going straight to the products i need, in the shortest possible time, do you move everything!
6) No, I don't bloody active kids vouchers! Nor do i have a Nector card, It costs me more in energy to carry the damn thing than it earns me.
7) I can pack my own bloody bags thankyou, I'm 25 not 75!
8) Whatever your trying to sell me on the way out, I don't want it. Unless its a free chocalate bar, in which case i'll take it.
:furious:
Shopping is so stressfull!
bilko2 said:
www.tesco.com/superstore/p/help/welcome.htm
Hope this helps
Thanks bilko
Funny, family member started doing this the other week. Emailed me a huge rant about supermarket shopping. Then backed it up with a phone call giving me total earache on his views. All boils down to the same moans and standard of food depending which shop.
vixpy1 said:
1) Dear Milf, blah blah blah
Why not go when there are no Milfs? Wot a stupid question
vixpy1 said:I have a basket, but I left it at home - see your 3
2) It says Fast track and Basket because it is for people who have a basket or fast track. This means if you have a trolley you use another asile, you silly bint!
vixpy1 said:
3) Car parks, Mother and baby spaces are for anybody with a baby, just because i left it at home, i can still use the space.. Right?
Take your mother next time.
vixpy1 said:Give up smoking! Alternatively, use a till near the fag counter and ask the checkout chav to get your fags for you - Sainsburys will do this
4) When i queue up at the fag counter to get some filters and a chocolate bar, having already queued for 10 mins to pay for my orig shop, I don't want to stand behind various layabouts as they spend thier dole money on lottery tickets. Your not going to win anything.. and GET A JOB!!
vixpy1 said:They don`t - you have a goldfish memory
5) Why oh why when i get used to going straight to the products i need, in the shortest possible time, do you move everything!
vixpy1 said:Just because you don`t want "Big Brother" to know that you spend all your money on Optimax, Baby Oil and Whipped Cream.
6) Nor do i have a Nector card!
vixpy1 said:They probably saw the car you arrived in.
7) I can pack my own bloody bags thankyou, I'm 25 not 75!
vixpy1 said:Unless its totty flogging it.
8) Whatever your trying to sell me on the way out, I don't want it.
vixpy1 said:
Shopping is so stressfull!
Follow Steve`s Steps to happy shopping and you will be fine. Try shoplifting - no queues.
vixpy1 said:
5) Why oh why when i get used to going straight to the products i need, in the shortest possible time, do you move everything!
Because the bastards are trying to get you to buy stuff on impulse while you hunt around. Well listen, Mr Sainsbury, I never buy anything in a shop that I didn't know I wanted before I went in. I have mental filters of Rigellian effectiveness against this kind of advertising and I simply do not see the stuff I'm not looking for. If by chance the filters break down, the product goes on a list of things never to buy under any circumstances.
vixpy1 said:
6) No, I don't bloody active kids vouchers! Nor do i have a Nector card, It costs me more in energy to carry the damn thing than it earns me.
...and the time I save by not having to fart about with it at the till is worth more in reduced stress levels than the trivial financial savings I forgo.
vixpy1 said:
7) I can pack my own bloody bags thankyou, I'm 25 not 75!
...and I can do it faster than you can scan and pack, and I don't have to repack the whole bloody lot before I can carry it securely on my motorbike.
vixpy1 said:
Shopping is so stressfull!
You're not wrong there... And you forgot some:
9) Other shoppers: Get a bloody move on! It's a supermarket, not a frigging art gallery. Or if you must creep along the aisles at 0.5mph, STAY IN THE LEFT HAND LANE!!!
10) When all the stuff has finished going through the checkout you have to pay for it. So have the money ready. Get it out while you're standing in the queue doing nothing and hold it in your hand while you pack. Don't suddenly start fannying about for hours unpacking your entire handbag as if the demand for payment was totally unexpected. Have it ready, hand it over and piss off.
11) In the same way... pile the bags in the trolley as they fill up. Don't pile them on the end of the counter and then bugger about stacking them in the trolley when you could be gone.
12) Checkout operators... I do Not want certain items put in an extra plastic bag for no apparent reason. There's enough bloody packaging as it is without further needless additions to the problem. Nor is it necessary to look at me as if I had suddenly gone green and sprouted antennae when I ask you to stop doing it. Just putting the extra bags down will suffice.
Tell ya what gets up my nose. Bread squeezes. Mostly woman do it, they seem to have to pick every loaf on the shelf and squeeze it. I mean why??
They are mass-produced with a sell by date FFS. They don’t sell stale loaves any more.
I’ve developed the habit of reaching to the back of the shelf in the hope of getting a loaf that hasn’t been mauled about.
They are mass-produced with a sell by date FFS. They don’t sell stale loaves any more. I’ve developed the habit of reaching to the back of the shelf in the hope of getting a loaf that hasn’t been mauled about.
I stood patiently behind a couple in Morrisons the other day sorting out the eggs so that they had a full box of white eggs rather than those horrid brown ones that contain rat poison and shards of glass that I usually buy. They must have opened 20 boxes to get half a dozen white eggs.
My hate: fat ugly tattooed chav families who totally block an aisle while arguing with their fat ugly tattooed chav kids or trying to work out if 99p is less than 79p, and are oblivious to anyone who might be trying to get past. And when they do get to the checkout, their basket is piled five feet high with cheap white bread, supermarket cola and Stella...
And guess where the cash in their wallet comes from?
Plus, they usually have a boy called 'Taylor', which is odd, as I can't remember any footballers five years ago with that name...
Oh yes, and size 28 women in pea-green jogging bottoms with an arse like two pigs fighting in a sack...
>> Edited by simpo two on Thursday 14th July 09:08
And guess where the cash in their wallet comes from?
Plus, they usually have a boy called 'Taylor', which is odd, as I can't remember any footballers five years ago with that name...
Oh yes, and size 28 women in pea-green jogging bottoms with an arse like two pigs fighting in a sack...
>> Edited by simpo two on Thursday 14th July 09:08
But the worst part of shopping is when you get home and have to put it away. NOOOO. Bloody hate that!
Once saw two pick pockets at work in my local Chavsda, girl was making small talk with this woman about aubergine's or summat and shifty looking geezer moved in to snatch her purse. I intercepted and told him he better
off right now or he would be have to be wheeled out in a trolley. Scumbags.
Once saw two pick pockets at work in my local Chavsda, girl was making small talk with this woman about aubergine's or summat and shifty looking geezer moved in to snatch her purse. I intercepted and told him he better
off right now or he would be have to be wheeled out in a trolley. Scumbags.I always get the acne-ridden checkout blokes who seem to think it's funny to throw things through the beeping thing as fast as possible.
I locked eyes with one little git not so long ago, and there was a bit of an eye-of-the-tiger moment. He was brandishing cans of deoderant (6 of them - bloody 3 for 2's get me every time), and I was ready to receive with bags a plenty. I even got over the whole can't-prise-the-bag-open problem by working it in advance.
As he beeped faster, I packed faster.
He beeped more, and started doing clever stuff with all the multibuys, saving himself time.
I swear he was laughing at me. I packed faster and faster - throwing stuff in so as to not be beaten. Dormio jars went in with bleach, shampoo in with apples. There was no packing method this time round - it was WAR!!....
£200 later, I think, nay - I KNOW I won - the bags were filled before the little joker managed to niggle me for the cash. I did in that time, however, manage to launch a 12-pack of bog roll down across the floor and towards the exit, it's flight path narrowly missing the head of a small child. Said small child's mother shot daggers at me as I tried to offer a mars bars as compensation: 'My Jack isn't ALLOWED sugar...'.
Mars bars is snatched back out of the snotty child's sticky fingers and handed back to me. Mother glares and leaves.
Grrrrr
So if you ever see a checkout boy with squinty eyes, ready to pounce, I suggest you ask for help packing.
If you don't, then you may well drown in your own shopping, or accidently kill a small child with flying bog roll.
[checkout boy 0 - titiany 1] Next time I suspect there will be a rematch.
I locked eyes with one little git not so long ago, and there was a bit of an eye-of-the-tiger moment. He was brandishing cans of deoderant (6 of them - bloody 3 for 2's get me every time), and I was ready to receive with bags a plenty. I even got over the whole can't-prise-the-bag-open problem by working it in advance.
As he beeped faster, I packed faster.
He beeped more, and started doing clever stuff with all the multibuys, saving himself time.
I swear he was laughing at me. I packed faster and faster - throwing stuff in so as to not be beaten. Dormio jars went in with bleach, shampoo in with apples. There was no packing method this time round - it was WAR!!....
£200 later, I think, nay - I KNOW I won - the bags were filled before the little joker managed to niggle me for the cash. I did in that time, however, manage to launch a 12-pack of bog roll down across the floor and towards the exit, it's flight path narrowly missing the head of a small child. Said small child's mother shot daggers at me as I tried to offer a mars bars as compensation: 'My Jack isn't ALLOWED sugar...'.
Mars bars is snatched back out of the snotty child's sticky fingers and handed back to me. Mother glares and leaves.
Grrrrr
So if you ever see a checkout boy with squinty eyes, ready to pounce, I suggest you ask for help packing.
If you don't, then you may well drown in your own shopping, or accidently kill a small child with flying bog roll.
[checkout boy 0 - titiany 1] Next time I suspect there will be a rematch.
dave_s13 said:
Once saw two pick pockets at work in my local Chavsda, girl was making small talk with this woman about aubergine's or summat and shifty looking geezer moved in to snatch her purse. I intercepted and told him he better
The other day I was out shopping with the girlfriend, and she was panicking over the best way to dice an aubergine or somesuch. This was painfully dull so I ignored her tell she asked someone else. whilst I was standing back checking out the top shelf of the magazine isle some hairy fisted ogre came over to me and started threatening to beat my head in!
weird.
How about the 'struggling with a purse'act?
simpo two said:
How about the 'struggling with a purse'act?
Aah, you see that's a separate saga.
FINDING the purse in the mother of a bag I have first is a task and a half. 1 time in 5, I have to empty out some of the contents - (can be dangerous in public).
Actually paying is not a problem for me - spending money is easy
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