Parcel Force one liners
Discussion
Can anyone please help me.
I am looking for some witty quotes / phrases in relation to Parcel Force, along the lines of
"I wouldn't trust Parcel Force to deliver ............., let alone deliver a parcel" or something similar along those lines.
I've tried googling for Parcel Force / Royal mail / post office jokes, but so far have not been able to come up with anything relevant.
I am looking for some witty quotes / phrases in relation to Parcel Force, along the lines of
"I wouldn't trust Parcel Force to deliver ............., let alone deliver a parcel" or something similar along those lines.
I've tried googling for Parcel Force / Royal mail / post office jokes, but so far have not been able to come up with anything relevant.
You might need to shorten the joke
-------------------------------
A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"
The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"
The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."
The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"
"Well, here at the post office, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"
-------------------------------
A guy goes to the Post Office to interview for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you a veteran?"
The guy says, "Why yes, in fact, I served two tours in Vietnam."
"Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favor. Do you have any service-related disabilities?"
The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle, an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, though."
"Sorry to hear about the damage, but I have some good news for you, I can hire you right now! Our working hours are 8 to 4. Come on in about 10, and we'll get you started."
The guy says, "If working hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me to come at 10?"
"Well, here at the post office, we don't do anything but sit around and scratch our balls for the first two hours. Don't need you here for that!"
A bunch of posties are sat around drinking tea. One of them is a funny colour, moaning and holding his stomach. One of the new lads asks him "are you OK?". The man in pain responds "I'm dying for a s
t. "Why don't you go to the toilet then?" asks the new lad . The postie responds "I can't I'm on my break"
Post office acronym:
FUKT Failed Under Kinetic Testing. What happens when the parcel that posties are using as a football eventually bursts.
I should point out, that my experience of Royal mail/parcelforce has only ever been with very conscientious people. A lot of people use them as an excuse ie "I don't know whats happened to your parcel, we sent it yesterday".....quick, get the bloody thing sent today!
Phil
t. "Why don't you go to the toilet then?" asks the new lad . The postie responds "I can't I'm on my break" Post office acronym:
FUKT Failed Under Kinetic Testing. What happens when the parcel that posties are using as a football eventually bursts.
I should point out, that my experience of Royal mail/parcelforce has only ever been with very conscientious people. A lot of people use them as an excuse ie "I don't know whats happened to your parcel, we sent it yesterday".....quick, get the bloody thing sent today!
Phil
the only thing I know they will deliver is that little calling card...you know when you just pop out for 5 minutes to get some food after waiting hours for them and you're on the verge of malnutrition...the one that says "they called but you were out so now go and pick it up yourself from the depot" 
holbayhead said:
the only thing I know they will deliver is that little calling card...you know when you just pop out for 5 minutes to get some food after waiting hours for them and you're on the verge of malnutrition...the one that says "they called but you were out so now go and pick it up yourself from the depot"
Ah, the old "739" routine.
Phil
philthy said:
the only thing I know they will deliver is that little calling card...you know when you just pop out for 5 minutes to get some food after waiting hours for them and you're on the verge of malnutrition...the one that says "they called but you were out so now go and pick it up yourself from the depot"
Ah, the old "739" routine.
Phil
Go on then Phil...I'll ask
mandat said:
Can anyone please help me.
I am looking for some witty quotes / phrases in relation to Parcel Force, along the lines of
"I wouldn't trust Parcel Force to deliver ............., let alone deliver a parcel" or something similar along those lines.
I've tried googling for Parcel Force / Royal mail / post office jokes, but so far have not been able to come up with anything relevant.
How about:
I wouldn't trust Parcel Force to deliver their own paychecks, let alone deliver a parcel.
or,
I wouldn't trust Parcel Force to deliver ice to eskimos, let alone deliver a parcel.
holbayhead said:
holbayhead said:
the only thing I know they will deliver is that little calling card...you know when you just pop out for 5 minutes to get some food after waiting hours for them and you're on the verge of malnutrition...the one that says "they called but you were out so now go and pick it up yourself from the depot"
Ah, the old "739" routine.
Phil
Go on then Phil...I'll ask
Not much to it to be honest. A "739" used to be the number on the slip you get left through your door. It's since changed,but the name stuck. I have heard the odd tale or two about people being left dozens of the things, but back when I was on the vans, I always tried to deliver. For one thing, it meant you didn't have to do the bloody paperwork when you got back. Another reason, was some deliveries were in the middle of nowhere, and it meant going a long way out your way the following day. I've had people swear blind they were in when I tried to deliver despite ringing/knocking several times.
I know a lot of people won't believe me, but we really did try our best. Obviously there will always be some bad apples that give us all a bad name.
On one occasion, a high priority package turned up my local depot. It was incorrectly addressed, but more to the point incorrectly postcoded. It turned out, it was papers for a some sort of legal action that was being heard that day. After speaking to the person who was expecting the parcel the manager detailed a relief driver to jump in a car, and deliver it. That was from Exeter to Sunbury. By all acounts, it was there something like two hours later
. Phil
holbayhead said:
the only thing I know they will deliver is that little calling card...you know when you just pop out for 5 minutes to get some food after waiting hours for them and you're on the verge of malnutrition...the one that says "they called but you were out so now go and pick it up yourself from the depot"
...which is somewhere in the next county...
I'm not impressed with CityLink.
Requested a collection by noon, as I was going out. They called at 2pm.
Subsequently arranged for them to collect from step. I left it ont he step and went out. Got home - box still there. On chasing, they say 'You didn't leave it out'. Evidently I sound like an idiot.
Left it out again today and now it's gone. Here's hoping.
Requested a collection by noon, as I was going out. They called at 2pm.
Subsequently arranged for them to collect from step. I left it ont he step and went out. Got home - box still there. On chasing, they say 'You didn't leave it out'. Evidently I sound like an idiot.
Left it out again today and now it's gone. Here's hoping.
My postman is a complete tool. The other week I ordered a large photographic print and it was sent in a cardboard tube. I get home, surprised to find it in the hall as I thought it would be too big to fit through the letterbox.
The tube had been stamped flat to fit through the letter box. Creases from top to bottom every 3 inches across the print. Another one turned up the following day in the same condition.
I guess it could have happened at any point from the seller despatching the thing, but I reckon it's the postie getting his own back for making him carry all those parcels when I order stuff online.
The tube had been stamped flat to fit through the letter box. Creases from top to bottom every 3 inches across the print. Another one turned up the following day in the same condition.
I guess it could have happened at any point from the seller despatching the thing, but I reckon it's the postie getting his own back for making him carry all those parcels when I order stuff online.
rsvmilly said:
I'm not impressed with CityLink.
I don't have too much time for shitty link. They seem to knock on the door with the intensity of a mouse.
I suspect they fill out their failed delivery cards before they leave the depot.
Even their drivers agree with you on that one. Our regular guy reckons the company is going to pot.
Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff