What do I do now??
Discussion
I apologise nowto all those who hate the personal threads, but I am in a state, sat on my own in my mates flat after moving out of the house.
The other half told me last week that she has met someone else. She says that she doesn't love me any more and has got feelings for this other guy. Over the last few days we have talked and talked and she didn't know what she wanted (him or me) but she has decided that she is going to try with him and I am in bits.
I am only posting on here because my best mate is on holiday and I am really stuck for someone to talk to and need to get it out of my system.
I have told her that I love her enough to let her go, but think this is more for the sake of the kids (11 & 3). I don't know whether to fight tooth and nail or just allow this to happen to me. I am falling apart-can't concentrate, sleep or eat and have now developed a cold as well.
How could she do this to us? I never did anything to hurt her (although I am not perfect and would never pretend that I was) and worked my arse off to support my family to get kicked in the teeth.
I want to smash things up, including him. He is married with 2 kids and has told his wife that he is leaving her as well. I am so angry, although I am trying not to let her see that as she doesn't deserve the satisfaction.
I know that there are a few on here that do not agree with this type of thread , but I need some friendly voices to see if they can help rather than the voices and images which are rattling around in my head.
Apologies for the length of this, there is so much inside me that needs to come out, but that can wait for another time.
Steve
The other half told me last week that she has met someone else. She says that she doesn't love me any more and has got feelings for this other guy. Over the last few days we have talked and talked and she didn't know what she wanted (him or me) but she has decided that she is going to try with him and I am in bits.
I am only posting on here because my best mate is on holiday and I am really stuck for someone to talk to and need to get it out of my system.
I have told her that I love her enough to let her go, but think this is more for the sake of the kids (11 & 3). I don't know whether to fight tooth and nail or just allow this to happen to me. I am falling apart-can't concentrate, sleep or eat and have now developed a cold as well.
How could she do this to us? I never did anything to hurt her (although I am not perfect and would never pretend that I was) and worked my arse off to support my family to get kicked in the teeth.
I want to smash things up, including him. He is married with 2 kids and has told his wife that he is leaving her as well. I am so angry, although I am trying not to let her see that as she doesn't deserve the satisfaction.
I know that there are a few on here that do not agree with this type of thread , but I need some friendly voices to see if they can help rather than the voices and images which are rattling around in my head.
Apologies for the length of this, there is so much inside me that needs to come out, but that can wait for another time.
Steve
Been through that, know how you feel...sorry to hear it.
I stayed in the house with the kids and made her choose what to do. She did her best to get me out...I think she took professional advice about that, but it backfired. I guess she was hoping to make it look as though I had abandoned them.
Think about moving back in.......
Mine was years ago. All I can say is, it's bloody awful at first, but it gets better....good luck.
Edited to add.....
Re the kids...don't do ANYTHING daft....the lawyers will use it against you when sorting out the kids.
And don't get wound up by those Court social bods who recommend arrangements to the Court....whatever your missus does will be construed as poor woman needs sympathy and help, while their attitude to you will be sod him....
Golden rule is, however bad you feel, don't use the kids as pawns......and you'll find that helping them through this will help you, too.
It's never a good time, but what a lousy time she's chosen for the kids....
>> Edited by mybrainhurts on Tuesday 13th September 23:53
I stayed in the house with the kids and made her choose what to do. She did her best to get me out...I think she took professional advice about that, but it backfired. I guess she was hoping to make it look as though I had abandoned them.
Think about moving back in.......
Mine was years ago. All I can say is, it's bloody awful at first, but it gets better....good luck.
Edited to add.....
Re the kids...don't do ANYTHING daft....the lawyers will use it against you when sorting out the kids.
And don't get wound up by those Court social bods who recommend arrangements to the Court....whatever your missus does will be construed as poor woman needs sympathy and help, while their attitude to you will be sod him....
Golden rule is, however bad you feel, don't use the kids as pawns......and you'll find that helping them through this will help you, too.
It's never a good time, but what a lousy time she's chosen for the kids....
>> Edited by mybrainhurts on Tuesday 13th September 23:53
Cheers Srebbe
Only problem is that the 11 year old is not biologically mine, so that would never happen, and I could never split Chloe-ann up from the big brother she adores. I think I'm bearing up pretty well though and havemanaged to keep off the booze (so far)
That's 5 years of my life down the swanee!! And she has promised that she will never even think of trying to stop me seeing either of them.
(Her ex husband had gone well before we met and the split was not her doing in any way whatsoever that time, so please no character assasinations as I'm still sticking up for her because I feel so strongly for her-I guess that just got swamped by the lack of time we had because of work etc.)
MBH, as you can see, the staying with the kids would not be able to happen. I think we can be amicable enough, as there isn't much money involved (house equity etc.) so there is not much to fight over in that sense. I guess we will have to sell if and when she and him take it further, but until then I can't turf my kids out.
>> Edited by whoateallthepies on Tuesday 13th September 23:50
Only problem is that the 11 year old is not biologically mine, so that would never happen, and I could never split Chloe-ann up from the big brother she adores. I think I'm bearing up pretty well though and havemanaged to keep off the booze (so far)
That's 5 years of my life down the swanee!! And she has promised that she will never even think of trying to stop me seeing either of them.
(Her ex husband had gone well before we met and the split was not her doing in any way whatsoever that time, so please no character assasinations as I'm still sticking up for her because I feel so strongly for her-I guess that just got swamped by the lack of time we had because of work etc.)
MBH, as you can see, the staying with the kids would not be able to happen. I think we can be amicable enough, as there isn't much money involved (house equity etc.) so there is not much to fight over in that sense. I guess we will have to sell if and when she and him take it further, but until then I can't turf my kids out.
>> Edited by whoateallthepies on Tuesday 13th September 23:50
I'll post some good sense tomorrow. Know where you are coming from and where you're heading. It will get better, but it takes time. As for the kids, mine now live with me (6&7) half the time and it's wonderful.
It's hard work being a single dad, but god is it rewarding. I can honestly say that the ex walking out made me a far better father than I would have been otherwise.
It's gonna feel crap for a while, but you'll get through it
Good luck, a lot of us have been there and got the T-shirt.
It's hard work being a single dad, but god is it rewarding. I can honestly say that the ex walking out made me a far better father than I would have been otherwise.
It's gonna feel crap for a while, but you'll get through it
Good luck, a lot of us have been there and got the T-shirt.
I hate reading threads like this, they make me feel sick.
My heart completely goes out to you, it must be like living in a nightmare and wanting to wake up but knowing that it's real
I've not been through it so I can't offer you any advice but I know how important it is to talk about these things, so as far as I am concerned you have carte blanche to say what you want in here without impunity
I just don't know how I would feel, probably a mixture of anger, numbness and grief
Don't know what to say, so sorry mate
My heart completely goes out to you, it must be like living in a nightmare and wanting to wake up but knowing that it's real
I've not been through it so I can't offer you any advice but I know how important it is to talk about these things, so as far as I am concerned you have carte blanche to say what you want in here without impunity
I just don't know how I would feel, probably a mixture of anger, numbness and grief
Don't know what to say, so sorry mate
whoateallthepies said:
I guess we will have to sell if and when she and him take it further, but until then I can't turf my kids out.
Sorry, didn't mean that....I stayed with the kids....she left.
edited to add....I've just edited my first post.
>> Edited by mybrainhurts on Tuesday 13th September 23:56
Thanks guys. I am going to go to bed now and see if I can get some sleep. I'm gonna hit the gym early in the morning before work, so I will log on tomorrow.
I've got 3 weeks to get some timber off before the me and Andy unleash the rebuilt rally car on the world (so at least I have got something positive to focus on apart from the kids), and the nightclub job often leads to offers of "short term company" which have always been spurned before-probably won't help much but at least it will be fun to spread the word!!
MBH The only issue is that biologically one of the kids is not mine, so I have no legal guardianship over him,and I can't split them up. She is not a bad person and I think we will be friends eventually, but it hurts too much at the moment.
>> Edited by whoateallthepies on Tuesday 13th September 23:58
I've got 3 weeks to get some timber off before the me and Andy unleash the rebuilt rally car on the world (so at least I have got something positive to focus on apart from the kids), and the nightclub job often leads to offers of "short term company" which have always been spurned before-probably won't help much but at least it will be fun to spread the word!!
MBH The only issue is that biologically one of the kids is not mine, so I have no legal guardianship over him,and I can't split them up. She is not a bad person and I think we will be friends eventually, but it hurts too much at the moment.
>> Edited by whoateallthepies on Tuesday 13th September 23:58
mybrainhurts said:
I used to navigate too...funny old world, innit...?
Ever been to any of the Lincolnshire airfields-we tend to spend a fair bit of time at Manby, Swinderby, Binbrook and the like. We are hoping to be at Manby on October 1st, so I can look forward to a lads weekend at least.
whoateallthepies said:
I used to navigate too...funny old world, innit...?
Ever been to any of the Lincolnshire airfields-we tend to spend a fair bit of time at Manby, Swinderby, Binbrook and the like. We are hoping to be at Manby on October 1st, so I can look forward to a lads weekend at least.
Probably....going back a bit in time, though. Mostly road events in those days or combination road and stage. Did a few events in Lincs, but can't remember which airfields were included.
). Don't feel bad for feeling down about it.
Sorry mate...i feel for you.
Keep it +ve...as much as you can. Your kids love you and need you.
I have a daughter (not mine) who's 8, and a son (mine) who's 5, and things have been a little sticky recently too...so i sort of know your feelings.
Pump those weights...it helps.
Good luck.
Keep it +ve...as much as you can. Your kids love you and need you.
I have a daughter (not mine) who's 8, and a son (mine) who's 5, and things have been a little sticky recently too...so i sort of know your feelings.
Pump those weights...it helps.
Good luck.
Cheers guys
I've just got in to work after doing an hour at the gym and am feeling a bit better today, but this cold is really coming on strong. I would normally hit the scotch and peppermint but I refuse to even start down that route because I don't think that I will stop.
Mind you, I lifted some pretty big weights to say that I haven't been training for a few months, and did a fair bit of the old "weights roar" to get some of the aggression out.
The little one asked for daddy as soon as she got out of bed this morning so I got a phone call as soon as I got up from her. I managed to put a brave face on it, but I don't know how I will get on when I go round tonight to read her story and put her to bed. At least I'll get a cuddle if nothing else.
Steve
I've just got in to work after doing an hour at the gym and am feeling a bit better today, but this cold is really coming on strong. I would normally hit the scotch and peppermint but I refuse to even start down that route because I don't think that I will stop.
Mind you, I lifted some pretty big weights to say that I haven't been training for a few months, and did a fair bit of the old "weights roar" to get some of the aggression out.
The little one asked for daddy as soon as she got out of bed this morning so I got a phone call as soon as I got up from her. I managed to put a brave face on it, but I don't know how I will get on when I go round tonight to read her story and put her to bed. At least I'll get a cuddle if nothing else.
Steve
Sympathy mate - I cant comment on the issue as I have never been through this. But what I can say is that the others here who have, can offer support and advice - it seems that it need not be a nightmare and it will get better. Several members are living proof of this....
Good luck and fingers crossed - PH is a wonderful place and full of lots of good advice. Use and abuse I say....
Good luck and fingers crossed - PH is a wonderful place and full of lots of good advice. Use and abuse I say....
I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am not trying to hurt you or your family but you are going to be fine and probably better off.
For a woman to risk the stability of the kids home for an affair is about the most selfish thing she can do.
If she was willing to go off and have an affair behind your back then blame it "not being happy" then she is also underhand.
If her intentions were good then she would have talked you long ago about being unhappy. From what you have said, it is not the first time she has done this.
There is no coming back from this. If for some reason she wants to get back together with you (probably cos the other relationship has fallen apart and she thinks she can find happiness with you (Crap)) then you will spend the rest of your relationship wondering if she is doing it again. Any good relationship is based on trust.
I am not trying to be a git and make you sadder, my point is that you have no chioce but to start your next life and put this down to experience.
Please remember, bad things happen to all of us, the people who live the best, find the positive in and situation.
Good luck.
For a woman to risk the stability of the kids home for an affair is about the most selfish thing she can do.
If she was willing to go off and have an affair behind your back then blame it "not being happy" then she is also underhand.
If her intentions were good then she would have talked you long ago about being unhappy. From what you have said, it is not the first time she has done this.
There is no coming back from this. If for some reason she wants to get back together with you (probably cos the other relationship has fallen apart and she thinks she can find happiness with you (Crap)) then you will spend the rest of your relationship wondering if she is doing it again. Any good relationship is based on trust.
I am not trying to be a git and make you sadder, my point is that you have no chioce but to start your next life and put this down to experience.
Please remember, bad things happen to all of us, the people who live the best, find the positive in and situation.
Good luck.
I feel for you mate. Not been married or have kids myself, but lets just say that my love life and relationships over the years have not been good and never gone according to plan.
I guess all i can say is that time does heal, and it does get easier. You will be thinking all kinds of thoughts at the moment, and i think that this is only natural. You should feel angry, and you should feel badly done to and mistreated by these people involved. And i think its also normal to want to go and give this person a good hiding. However, don't do this as you will gain nothing from it and will probably feel even worse. Give it time and life will become easier again, the future will become clearer and you will be able to accept the current situation.
I know what you mean about needing to talk - i am just like that, and it has been a great help for me in the past. Talk to as many people as you can - perhaps a professional psychiatrist may also be of assistance? Try to take a step back from it all, and think about all the other aspects of your life, and indeed life and the world in general, and you will realise that there is plenty of things going on out there to put a relationship breakup into perspective. People fall in and out of love all the time. Only when you get things back into perspective will you find it easier to accept things and move on. Take care
I guess all i can say is that time does heal, and it does get easier. You will be thinking all kinds of thoughts at the moment, and i think that this is only natural. You should feel angry, and you should feel badly done to and mistreated by these people involved. And i think its also normal to want to go and give this person a good hiding. However, don't do this as you will gain nothing from it and will probably feel even worse. Give it time and life will become easier again, the future will become clearer and you will be able to accept the current situation.
I know what you mean about needing to talk - i am just like that, and it has been a great help for me in the past. Talk to as many people as you can - perhaps a professional psychiatrist may also be of assistance? Try to take a step back from it all, and think about all the other aspects of your life, and indeed life and the world in general, and you will realise that there is plenty of things going on out there to put a relationship breakup into perspective. People fall in and out of love all the time. Only when you get things back into perspective will you find it easier to accept things and move on. Take care
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