Family bereavement / taste advice please

[simpo two]

Not sure about this one. Last September my uncle died and it was quite a big family thing. It's coming up to the anniversary and I thought I might send my aunt some lilies with a 'In remembrance' tag to show we hadn't forgotten and were thinking of her on a day which is sure to be difficult for her.

And then I thought - maybe that will simply stir memories and emotions up again and be too sombre if she's trying to forget. My aunt is a very 'proper' lady and might take offence if I trample on some unwritten rule.

So - flowers, nothing, or another option...?

[staceyb]

I would say flowers would be a very nice thing.

Your Auntie probably thinks about your uncle everyday anyway and showing you remember his anniversary would be taken as a mark of respect and rememberance imo.

[off_again]

Oooo toughie that one.....

My father died a few years ago and it was always a bit of an issue with my mum upto and including the anniversary date. But over the years it has got less and less, and to be brutally honest I cant remember the day now (which for me is probably a good thing - just my way I suppose).

But, in my shoes, I wouldnt do the lillies thing - maybe a big bunch of flowers which are bright and smell nice rather than the ones linked with death etc. Personally I like the big bunch approach - that way they can split them up and maybe have two or three bunches scattered around the house adding light and colour (and potential some nice smells too). Oh, and a nice card - not one of those ones you get from the florist, but a proper thought out arty card - you know the type, nice picture or painting one.

But, that is what I would do - situations and circumstances are different so it might not be appropriate. Oh, and a personal visit and sunday lunch are always welcome by 99% of the population - so thats another track worth looking at....

[FrenchTVR]

Definitely flowers, hand delivered if possible.

[shadytree]

Take her out for a nice lunch maybe ?

[rich1231]

There is no right or wrong here.

But knowing that most people who lose a loved one do remember the departed person on the anniversary of their death and bunch of flowers/card will be appreciated.

[shadytree]

rich1231 said:

There is no right or wrong here. But knowing that most people who lose a loved one do remember the departed person on the anniversary of their death and bunch of flowers/card will be appreciated.

Must say that's a very adult and sensitive response Richard.

Quite impressed mate

[alexkp]

shadytree said:

rich1231 said: There is no right or wrong here. But knowing that most people who lose a loved one do remember the departed person on the anniversary of their death and bunch of flowers/card will be appreciated. Must say that's a very adult and sensitive response Richard. Quite impressed mate

Exactly right. The wrong thing to do would be to avoid or ignore the anniversary. The bereaved person will be all too aware of what day it is, and a card or flowers to let them know they are being thought of is exactly the right thing to do.

[rich1231]

simpo two said:

Not sure about this one. Last September my uncle died and it was quite a big family thing. It's coming up to the anniversary and I thought I might send my aunt some lilies with a 'In remembrance' tag to show we hadn't forgotten and were thinking of her on a day which is sure to be difficult for her. And then I thought - maybe that will simply stir memories and emotions up again and be too sombre if she's trying to forget. My aunt is a very 'proper' lady and might take offence if I trample on some unwritten rule. So - flowers, nothing, or another option...?

Just to add, if you are thinking about it then you can be sure that she is too, and she will be feeling low, send em, just say "thinking of you today" on the card.

[simpo two]

Folks, you're absolutely right. Flowers, but bright ones not lilies. I won't visit as her daughters will be there and they'll be having a quiet day together, visiting the grave etc and I don't want to intrude.

So - off to the flower shop I go. Thanks PH for mature advice in that gets things in perspective.