Discussion
Pardon me while I vent my spleen ...
The 'phone packed up on Sunday. We think. Well, it worked on Saturday afternoon, and come Sunday lunchtime there was no dial tone.
So I call BT from my mobile, and are held in a queue for a while, then get to enter the numerical choices of what I want to talk to them about, then am told that there is a huge queue and they will call me back within 45 minutes.
OK, thinks I, pretty good, but I'll believe it when they do.
They did. One useless bint who spoke bu99er all english. Told me there was no problem with my 'phone line, the problem was inside my house. (Nothing had changed since it worked fine the day before, but this concept was way out of her grasp.) However, they would send an engineer 'round to make sure. I asked what time the engineer would arrive, as I work all day as does Mrs zcacogp. I was told "If the engineer needs to gain access to your property, we will give you an hours' warning."
"OK, I work all day, more than an hour's journey from home, as does my wife. You will need to give me more than an hours' notice."
"No, that's all we can give. We can't have engineers waiting around all day."
That was Sunday. They have until Wednesday to fix it. And, no doubt, if they do decide that there is a problem in the house, they will give me an hour to get home, which I won't be able to do, and then they will claim it's all my fault when it is not fixed by wednesday.
And, of course, no telephone also means no eMail and no internet and no PH. (This is being written from work ... )
Sometimes I feel that you cannot win. It's a hopeless situation. You have to comply with their ridiculous rules, and you lose if you can't.
Oli.
The 'phone packed up on Sunday. We think. Well, it worked on Saturday afternoon, and come Sunday lunchtime there was no dial tone.
So I call BT from my mobile, and are held in a queue for a while, then get to enter the numerical choices of what I want to talk to them about, then am told that there is a huge queue and they will call me back within 45 minutes.
OK, thinks I, pretty good, but I'll believe it when they do.
They did. One useless bint who spoke bu99er all english. Told me there was no problem with my 'phone line, the problem was inside my house. (Nothing had changed since it worked fine the day before, but this concept was way out of her grasp.) However, they would send an engineer 'round to make sure. I asked what time the engineer would arrive, as I work all day as does Mrs zcacogp. I was told "If the engineer needs to gain access to your property, we will give you an hours' warning."
"OK, I work all day, more than an hour's journey from home, as does my wife. You will need to give me more than an hours' notice."
"No, that's all we can give. We can't have engineers waiting around all day."
That was Sunday. They have until Wednesday to fix it. And, no doubt, if they do decide that there is a problem in the house, they will give me an hour to get home, which I won't be able to do, and then they will claim it's all my fault when it is not fixed by wednesday.
And, of course, no telephone also means no eMail and no internet and no PH. (This is being written from work ... )
Sometimes I feel that you cannot win. It's a hopeless situation. You have to comply with their ridiculous rules, and you lose if you can't.
Oli.
Have you tried unplugging all of your phones and plugging a standard (i.e. corded) phone into the primary wall socket.
1) see if there is a dailtone
2) Try calling it from you mobile see if it rings.
If the problem is inside your house it is more than likely a loose connection at one of the sockets.
1) see if there is a dailtone
2) Try calling it from you mobile see if it rings.
If the problem is inside your house it is more than likely a loose connection at one of the sockets.
Sounds silly, but do you have any other phone boxes in your house ? I had a local comapny one right next to the BT box( never really noticed), removed the plug on night and put it back in the wrong one, wouldn't work.
Also the engineer will ring you to give you the notice, just tell him your one your way and when it gets close to the hour just ring him ( you will have his mobile number on your phone ) and give him the cab company run around ( round the corner, any minute now ), he won't ring you whilst he is at your house he will guessamate the time to do his next few jobs, so don't worry about keeping him half hour or so.
Also the engineer will ring you to give you the notice, just tell him your one your way and when it gets close to the hour just ring him ( you will have his mobile number on your phone ) and give him the cab company run around ( round the corner, any minute now ), he won't ring you whilst he is at your house he will guessamate the time to do his next few jobs, so don't worry about keeping him half hour or so.
tampon said:
Also the engineer will ring you to give you the notice, just tell him your one your way and when it gets close to the hour just ring him ( you will have his mobile number on your phone ) and give him the cab company run around ( round the corner, any minute now ), he won't ring you whilst he is at your house he will guessamate the time to do his next few jobs, so don't worry about keeping him half hour or so.
Well they do it to you, would be sweet justice to do it to them
It's a very old one but I believe you need this letter.......
Below is a genuine letter to NTL about their services,
>
> Dear Cretins,
>
> I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when
> I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable
> modem, and telephone.
>
> During this three month period I have encountered
> inadequacy of service which I had not previously
> considered possible, as well as ignorance and
> stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me
> to provide specific details, so that you can either
> pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to
> rectify these difficulties - or more likely
>
> (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining
> reading material as you while away the working day
> smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in
> your office.
>
> My initial installation was cancelled without warning
> or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday
> sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to
> arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a
> further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold
> music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman
> telling me to look at your
> helpful website.... how? I alleviated the boredom to
> some small degree by playing with my testicles for a
> few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt
> both familiar and highly adept.
>
> The rescheduled installation then took place some two
> weeks later, although the technician did forget to
> bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit,
> and his cerebrum.
>
> Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived.
> After several further telephone calls (actually 15
> telephone calls over 4 weeks)my modem arrived ... a
> total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun
> to pay for it.
>
> I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers
> is roughly 35%... these are usually the hours between
> about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of
> the useful periods over the weekend.
>
> I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have
> made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help
> line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred
> to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it
> seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
>
> I have been informed that a telephone line is
> available (and someone will call me back), that no
> telephone line is available (and someone will call me
> back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows
> whether or not a telephone line is available (and then
> been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone
> who knows whether or not a telephone line is available
> (and then been redirected to an answer machine
> informing me that your office is closed), that I will
> be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a
> telephone line is available (and then been
> redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman....
> and several other variations on this theme.
>
> Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as
> you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied
> customers to ignore, and also another one of those
> crucially important testicle-moments to attend to.
>
> Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a
> customer to voice my frustrations in print than to
> shout them at your unending hold music.
>
> Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
>
> I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the
> holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that
> no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested,
> less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service
> to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and
> because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?
>
> How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my
> considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a
> useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are
> sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum -
> incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom -
> w*nkers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
> of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your
> seemingly limitless inadequacy.
>
> Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile
> and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service
> from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease
> any potential future attempts to extort payment from
> me for the services which you have so pointedly and
> catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity
> will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief
> - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by
> derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused
> rage.
>
> I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care
> from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter
> and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless
> company. I sincerely hope that they have not become
> dessicated during transit - they were satisfyingly
> moist at the time of posting, and I would feel
> considerable disappointment if you did not experience
> both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider
> them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL,
> and it's worthless employees.
>
> Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable
> short life, you irritatingly incompetent and
> infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of t
ts,
>
> Yours psychotically,
Below is a genuine letter to NTL about their services,
>
> Dear Cretins,
>
> I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when
> I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable
> modem, and telephone.
>
> During this three month period I have encountered
> inadequacy of service which I had not previously
> considered possible, as well as ignorance and
> stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me
> to provide specific details, so that you can either
> pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to
> rectify these difficulties - or more likely
>
> (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining
> reading material as you while away the working day
> smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in
> your office.
>
> My initial installation was cancelled without warning
> or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday
> sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to
> arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a
> further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold
> music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman
> telling me to look at your
> helpful website.... how? I alleviated the boredom to
> some small degree by playing with my testicles for a
> few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt
> both familiar and highly adept.
>
> The rescheduled installation then took place some two
> weeks later, although the technician did forget to
> bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit,
> and his cerebrum.
>
> Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived.
> After several further telephone calls (actually 15
> telephone calls over 4 weeks)my modem arrived ... a
> total of six weeks after I had requested it, and begun
> to pay for it.
>
> I estimate that the downtime of your internet servers
> is roughly 35%... these are usually the hours between
> about 6pm and midnight, Monday to Friday, and most of
> the useful periods over the weekend.
>
> I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have
> made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help
> line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred
> to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it
> seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
>
> I have been informed that a telephone line is
> available (and someone will call me back), that no
> telephone line is available (and someone will call me
> back), that I will be transferred to someone who knows
> whether or not a telephone line is available (and then
> been cut off), that I will be transferred to someone
> who knows whether or not a telephone line is available
> (and then been redirected to an answer machine
> informing me that your office is closed), that I will
> be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a
> telephone line is available (and then been
> redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman....
> and several other variations on this theme.
>
> Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as
> you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied
> customers to ignore, and also another one of those
> crucially important testicle-moments to attend to.
>
> Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a
> customer to voice my frustrations in print than to
> shout them at your unending hold music.
>
> Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.
>
> I thought BT were shit, that they had attained the
> holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that
> no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested,
> less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service
> to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and
> because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?
>
> How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my
> considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a
> useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are
> sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum -
> incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom -
> w*nkers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons
> of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your
> seemingly limitless inadequacy.
>
> Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile
> and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service
> from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease
> any potential future attempts to extort payment from
> me for the services which you have so pointedly and
> catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity
> will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief
> - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by
> derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused
> rage.
>
> I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care
> from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter
> and complete contempt for both you, and your pointless
> company. I sincerely hope that they have not become
> dessicated during transit - they were satisfyingly
> moist at the time of posting, and I would feel
> considerable disappointment if you did not experience
> both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider
> them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL,
> and it's worthless employees.
>
> Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable
> short life, you irritatingly incompetent and
> infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of t
ts, >
> Yours psychotically,
jesusbuiltmycar said:Good questions.
Have you tried unplugging all of your phones and plugging a standard (i.e. corded) phone into the primary wall socket.
1) see if there is a dailtone
2) Try calling it from you mobile see if it rings.
If the problem is inside your house it is more than likely a loose connection at one of the sockets.
The master box in the house is in our bedroom, and if you take the lower part of the cover off you get a second socket - but this is the main socket from the outside network. By taking the cover off, you have disconnected all the wiring inside your house, leaving you with the ability to test only that which is outside. I have tried plugging a simple corded (BT Approved as well!) 'phone into this, and there is no dialtone, although I haven't tried calling it.
tampon said:Yes, a eurobell 'phone box, but this is an external thing - a box which plugs into the 'phone socket, and then you plug the 'phone into this. I have taken this out of the circuit, and it makes no difference.
Sounds silly, but do you have any other phone boxes in your house ? I had a local comapny one right next to the BT box( never really noticed), removed the plug on night and put it back in the wrong one, wouldn't work.
pidgeon said:Excellent - and apalling!
NTL can't lay cables
Oli.
I had a problem with my landline a month or so ago. Went downstairs and tried using the phone, to find there was no dialtone. I unplugged the main connection downstairs (i.e. the downstairs phone and the wires to the dialup internet upstairs), replugged it in, and still no dialtone.
Called BT and explained the situation, and they advised that there was no problem with the line externally. They sent an engineer round (within an hour!) and he unplugged the phones, plugged in a box and got a dialtone straight away. Turned out the modem wire from my laptop had caused the problem.
Funny thing is, I'm still using the very same modem wire and have not encountered any such problem since. Luckily we didn't get charged a callout fee. Still, serves me right for not examining the problem more thoroughly.
Called BT and explained the situation, and they advised that there was no problem with the line externally. They sent an engineer round (within an hour!) and he unplugged the phones, plugged in a box and got a dialtone straight away. Turned out the modem wire from my laptop had caused the problem.
Funny thing is, I'm still using the very same modem wire and have not encountered any such problem since. Luckily we didn't get charged a callout fee. Still, serves me right for not examining the problem more thoroughly.
I have observed BT for years with increasing vitriol.
I moved my line rental to OneTel just to be rid of those nonsensical bills - they sent me a bill two months later for £34 with no explanation. I threw it away.
I pride myself on my vocabulary and descriptive abilities, but on this occasion I have no option but to choose the word 'W4NKERS'!!!.
>> Edited by simpo two on Tuesday 11th October 18:37
I moved my line rental to OneTel just to be rid of those nonsensical bills - they sent me a bill two months later for £34 with no explanation. I threw it away.
I pride myself on my vocabulary and descriptive abilities, but on this occasion I have no option but to choose the word 'W4NKERS'!!!.
>> Edited by simpo two on Tuesday 11th October 18:37
OK, an update.
As with so many of these things, if you talk to the PR/(un)Helpdesk/Customer Call Centre, you get a load of standard-issue twaddle. If however you can talk to the chaps at the sharp end, the story is a very different one.
I missed two calls from a BT engineer this morning (I was in a meeting, mobile on silent.) Engineers mobile number withheld, so I called BT and asked for the engineers number. "We don't give out engineers numbers, sir, for security reasons." However, they did agree to pass my message on to the engineer.
The engineer 'phoned me back immediately, telling me he was outside my lounge, investigating the problem. I gave him a detailed description of the symptoms (which I gave to the helpdesk when I originally reported it, but which apparently didn't get as far as the engineer.) He diagnosed the problem immediately from the symptoms, and said he would need access to the property as the wire had physically degraded to the point of uselessness. I talked to him about a mutually agreeable time to be there, we agreed on 8.00am tomorrow, he will have a new wire with him to fit at that time, I can leave slightly later for work, he gave me his mobile 'phone number to contact if there are any problems, and all is fine and dandy.
0/10 for the helpdesk. 10/10 for the engineer (Terry by name). Hopefully, by this time tomorrow, I will have an operational telephone at home. (And BB access again - whoppee!)
Oli.
As with so many of these things, if you talk to the PR/(un)Helpdesk/Customer Call Centre, you get a load of standard-issue twaddle. If however you can talk to the chaps at the sharp end, the story is a very different one.
I missed two calls from a BT engineer this morning (I was in a meeting, mobile on silent.) Engineers mobile number withheld, so I called BT and asked for the engineers number. "We don't give out engineers numbers, sir, for security reasons." However, they did agree to pass my message on to the engineer.
The engineer 'phoned me back immediately, telling me he was outside my lounge, investigating the problem. I gave him a detailed description of the symptoms (which I gave to the helpdesk when I originally reported it, but which apparently didn't get as far as the engineer.) He diagnosed the problem immediately from the symptoms, and said he would need access to the property as the wire had physically degraded to the point of uselessness. I talked to him about a mutually agreeable time to be there, we agreed on 8.00am tomorrow, he will have a new wire with him to fit at that time, I can leave slightly later for work, he gave me his mobile 'phone number to contact if there are any problems, and all is fine and dandy.
0/10 for the helpdesk. 10/10 for the engineer (Terry by name). Hopefully, by this time tomorrow, I will have an operational telephone at home. (And BB access again - whoppee!)
Oli.
zcacogp said:
10/10 for the engineer (Terry by name). Hopefully, by this time tomorrow, I will have an operational telephone at home.
I was going to post "Don't worry what the Helpdesk say. Wait for the engineer to phone and you will find that if you explain the situation he will arrange a convienent time"
I have had a similar problem when I wanted a new line installed at 2 different houses. But the engineer phoned on the first occasion he said no problem I'll have lunch while I wait, and on the second occasion he said I'll go and do another job and meet you at 4pm.
Engineers are great, helpdesk are idiots a bit like the British Gas central heating service too!
simpo two said:Russ, simpo two,
lucky for you lot that we telephone engineers care
I think this is spot on. Terry was there at 8.00am this morning, found the problem, fixed it, advised that the internal wiring for extension sockets (which I had put in) was decidedly shaky and gave some good suggestions on how to improve it, fitted a new master socket for me as the old one wasn't at the end of the road but was far from being excellent, told me to call him if I had any questions as I have his number from yesterday, accepted the offer of a cup of tea and was on his way by 9.00am. Couldn't have met a nicer bloke.
People on the end of the telephone helpdesk line were a complete waste of space, food and oxygen. Not only unhelpful, but actually obstructive in the process.
I feel a letter of both complaint and congratulations coming on. That's a rarity!
Oli.
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