The thing that made you laugh more than anything else
Discussion
It must have been the occasion I somehow ended up sitting in on a spiritualist meeting, the speaker said she had been a sheep earlier in THIS life, and explained that had also been a cow with mad cow disease very recently :scratchchin: It went on... and on.. and on...
After 45 minutes of stifling explosive laughter ('most' of which I contained) and the most powerful giggles, sweat pouring off my brow trying to keep it all in, teeth clenched, face in hands... I ended up bursting (as quietly as possible) out of the room, and quite literally lost about a minutes consciousness ouside on the street, totally blinded with bellowing laughter, staggering along holding a wall to support myself :) Very very funny indeed!
After 45 minutes of stifling explosive laughter ('most' of which I contained) and the most powerful giggles, sweat pouring off my brow trying to keep it all in, teeth clenched, face in hands... I ended up bursting (as quietly as possible) out of the room, and quite literally lost about a minutes consciousness ouside on the street, totally blinded with bellowing laughter, staggering along holding a wall to support myself :) Very very funny indeed!
In one high school class, the meanest, most explosively tempered teacher who always seemed to have a bad day and would bite anyones head off, the subject, law, so it was mostly boring and quiet. One day A friend and I just started laughing it was just one of those days and I lost it and couldn't stop laughing, essentially at nothing, of course this set of my friend as well, and there we are desperate to stop laughing but failing miserably while we could see the teachers head turning red and about to explode. Of course it then occured to me that this was also an amusing situation and so I laughed even more, after much screaming at me, with friend and I still unable to control laughter, we were sent to opposite corners of the class, facing away from each other. Of course I was still laughing at the mere thought of him laughing, with him doing the same. After class we had to stay behind and try to explain this, since we were literally laughing at nothing, this was difficult, especially as I was still laughing at nothing. I managed to suppress it enough to make an apology and she let us off as any threat she made just brought more laughter! The second we left that classroom we were rolling on the ground crying with laughter, and of course everyone wanted to know what was so funny that we couldn't even stop in front of the scariest teacher in the school. The answer was nothing! My mouth and stomach hurt so much after that.
I'm still laughing about it now just thinking of it!
I'm still laughing about it now just thinking of it!
Not dissimilar actually Bob. Bear with me on this - I have to set the scene:
Years ago I was interested in Ufology, before the X-Files and all the lunatics jumped on the bandwagon.
I used to be a member of a research society - all mostly sane and sensible people...until the X-Files came on TV and the group was swamped by total nutters.
I quickly became regarded as an arch sceptic by this noew influx of "believers" who, with eyes ashine and trembling lips, accept any old nonsense as unequivocal fact.
At one evening meeting, in front of about eighty people, it became a total farce.
Speaker after speaker was standing up and relating more and more outrageous tales in an attempt to outdo the loon who had gone before. I was getting really irritated, and giggling scornfully. I was not popular with the mad men and women present who were turning round and shooting me filthy glances and muttering as to how I should go elsewhere if I didn't "believe".
One guy stated in total seriousness that he had evidence that the Government's immunisation programme was a way of genetically tagging us for incineration in huge ovens being built on Salisbury Plain. I think I said "Horse-shit!" a bit too loudly, as there was much furious murmuring and shooting of stares.
Then an old and totally insane biddy stood up and informed us all that she was in actual telepathic contact with aliens at that very moment! She asked if anyone had any questions for them, to which my friend who was accompanying me and had also had enough by ths point yelled out "It's time for the interval - do they want tea or coffee?" I then followed this up with "How on earth do you know these are aliens?" To which the old bid replied, "I saw two lights over my house the other night, they were very small and far away and they didn't move all night. They remained absolutely stationary. They were their spacecraft and they looked just like stars."
I could contain it no longer and shouted "They were stars you mad woman!", and began to struggle for breath. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, my friend was hooting with laughter and we were surrounded by very angry nutballs.
We were asked to leave, which we did and I'm glad to say I never returned. I also lost much interest in the subject after that, as I had seen exactly who the majority of people involved in it were like.
>> Edited by alexkp on Friday 14th October 14:32
Years ago I was interested in Ufology, before the X-Files and all the lunatics jumped on the bandwagon.
I used to be a member of a research society - all mostly sane and sensible people...until the X-Files came on TV and the group was swamped by total nutters.
I quickly became regarded as an arch sceptic by this noew influx of "believers" who, with eyes ashine and trembling lips, accept any old nonsense as unequivocal fact.
At one evening meeting, in front of about eighty people, it became a total farce.
Speaker after speaker was standing up and relating more and more outrageous tales in an attempt to outdo the loon who had gone before. I was getting really irritated, and giggling scornfully. I was not popular with the mad men and women present who were turning round and shooting me filthy glances and muttering as to how I should go elsewhere if I didn't "believe".
One guy stated in total seriousness that he had evidence that the Government's immunisation programme was a way of genetically tagging us for incineration in huge ovens being built on Salisbury Plain. I think I said "Horse-shit!" a bit too loudly, as there was much furious murmuring and shooting of stares.
Then an old and totally insane biddy stood up and informed us all that she was in actual telepathic contact with aliens at that very moment! She asked if anyone had any questions for them, to which my friend who was accompanying me and had also had enough by ths point yelled out "It's time for the interval - do they want tea or coffee?" I then followed this up with "How on earth do you know these are aliens?" To which the old bid replied, "I saw two lights over my house the other night, they were very small and far away and they didn't move all night. They remained absolutely stationary. They were their spacecraft and they looked just like stars."
I could contain it no longer and shouted "They were stars you mad woman!", and began to struggle for breath. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, my friend was hooting with laughter and we were surrounded by very angry nutballs.
We were asked to leave, which we did and I'm glad to say I never returned. I also lost much interest in the subject after that, as I had seen exactly who the majority of people involved in it were like.
>> Edited by alexkp on Friday 14th October 14:32
Raify said:
Recently, Private Eye Dumb Britain: Anne Robinson said:
"What force, keeps the moon in orbit around the earth and the earth in orbit around the sun?" The Weakest link said:
"Delta Force"
I bet this one goes a stage further... the answer AR was looking for was "centrifugal force" - am I right? - whereas the correct answer is "gravity". I'd love to be a contestant on the occasions when they drop a bollock like that.
Gazboy said:
My boss, who has a great dad-pan delivery, was telling us when his brother had taken the family gerbil to medivet in Watford. They take the rodent away, a few days later come back and say the bill is £150 "have you got any idea how many gerbils i could have bought for that!". You had to be there really, as the hand movements were just so funny, me and two workmates were in uncontrolable laughter for 40 mnutes.
My Dad's like that. Problem is, he always waits till tea-time before releasing the deadpan Jack Dee-style one-liners that usually cause me to double up with laughter and have to leave the room because I literally can't breathe. I can't remember any off-hand though (they're probably not funny out of context).
Mrs Trackside said:
The first time I saw Lee Evans do 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. Brilliant.
I saw him do that live. Good job I have good bladder control or I WOULD have wet myself.
me too! He's so good live. Saw him in Leicester and he just decided at the end of the show to try out some new material on us for about another hour or so!
I saw him at Phoenix festival do the Bohemian Rhapsody bit but as he came on stage he crack the mike stand and pretended it was a bren gun.
Obvious humour but I hadnt seen it before, definately raised a chortle that.
My favourite Lee Evans gag for a mile, which I have used in a drunken stooper is to call up QVC and when they answer the phone enquiring how they can help just reply 'Thanks, I'mm just looking'
Obvious humour but I hadnt seen it before, definately raised a chortle that.
My favourite Lee Evans gag for a mile, which I have used in a drunken stooper is to call up QVC and when they answer the phone enquiring how they can help just reply 'Thanks, I'mm just looking'
We were on a bus on the way to play golf in Shanghai and somehow the conversation got around to bad experiences of operations. I was telling how both my father and sister had gone through a terrible experience with an ingrowing hair at the base of the spine (apparantly known in the medical circles as jeep drivers arse)and how it was such a bad operation and very bad to heal. A young scouse gentlemen travelling with us said his cousin had been through this experience six times, we were astonished and asked how she was now, with a dead pan face he said she is fine.........although her arse is now like a dartboard!!!! honestly we were cracked up for the next half hour.
Something I still chuckle about is:
We used to do some work for a hotel that had an electronic meeting board on the drive that would welcome you as you drove in, something like 'welcome X123 ABC to Pennyhill Park Hotel' so we decided the boss needed cheering up so we had a plate made up with U TOSSER and put it on the front of his car. Off he went to the Airport, collected his Clients and proceeded to drive them to said hotel.
The look on his face when he got back to the office was a peach!!!
We used to do some work for a hotel that had an electronic meeting board on the drive that would welcome you as you drove in, something like 'welcome X123 ABC to Pennyhill Park Hotel' so we decided the boss needed cheering up so we had a plate made up with U TOSSER and put it on the front of his car. Off he went to the Airport, collected his Clients and proceeded to drive them to said hotel.
The look on his face when he got back to the office was a peach!!!
Years ago, when my kids were babies, my Dad wanted to dress up as Santa to give them presents on Christmas day. Problem was the shop had run out of Santa outfits and offered him an Easter Bunny suit - which, astonishingly, he accepted! On the big day he turned up to our house in this pink bunnny outfit (with drawn on whiskers). For a joke I said, "you couldn't pop outside for a second please". He duly obliges and I locked him outside in the pooring rain. He began to get angry and started banging on all the doors and windows on the hoiuse - to get us to let him in. Every time me, or the wife, or my mum, or any of the kids saw him they cracked up with laughter which made him more angry - which made us laugh all the more. Honestly, you had to be there!
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