Advice as to what to do about BiL
Discussion
Bit of advice please from the PH massive.
My brother in law (lets call him BiL)is 42 and single, not discernably gay. Mrs Leftie and I like to run his life for him as he is too laid back to bother. Need advice on what (if anything) to do next:
We would dearly love him to find a decent lady and finally setle down, and I think he does too. Thing is we have run out of ideas and I think he is now getting into the final' rut' of life and may soon be 'comfortable' and settle for his lot in life.
Let me tell you about him. I have known him for about 7 years and he is a decent chap. Good to have a beer or curry with, knowledgeable about most things and can hold a decent conversation. Lightening quick sense of humour, well into his music (spotted Artic Monkies and Franz Ferdinand before they were glints in the eye of the record producers) all round good guy.
Good job, own house, car etc. great with kids (he is a teacher). Not exactly Brad Pitt but closer to that than Andrew Lloyd Webber. 6ft plus and a stone or two overweight. Should be fighting them off with a stick, if he could ever meet them.
Thing is his work and social life revolve around young women teachers at work who I know and I am sure see him as a big brother and a groups of mates (some also single, but who have other things in their life). There are girls of his age at work, as I have seen them. He tells me he doesn't like to try and date girls at work because it is unprofessional (he has a senior post and coaches/mentors them) and may harm otherwise good relationships. I think he is afraid they will say No.
I have tried to get him to sign up for a dating club/agency. He laughed it off. I enrolled him for friends reunited dating and emailed him the hotter piccies: no luck. Short of dragging them in and helping him put it in, there is nothing more I can do.
He has a lady friend (from school days) he does care for but she has made it clear they is no long term future for them , although he still goes out with her to the cinema etc and babysits her kids. He did have a longer term relationshp with the divorced mother of one of his pupils he met at a parents evening but that ended after a few years when she dumped him suddenly and unceremoniously. We have introduced him to eligible ladies but he just says they aren't his sort (he has tended to go for skinny women and at 40 they are a dying breed). If he don't get out he never will meet his sort.
I have tried to get him to the gym (where there are a number of girls of his age), but he spent the money on a Sky subscription with the Premier League season ticket option. That made me think he has given up and gone to live on the settee in his underpants (no he doesn't have a sette IN his underpants).
What shall I do? Leave it alone for him to fester or keep on trying to get him out and meeting ladies? I am not up for sitting him down and saying I think he lacks confidence with ladies (I notice his relationships have tended to start as friendships)as I don''t think his ego would take it.
Where should I try and get him to go? I have been out on the town with him but frankly the ladies in the pubs were chain smoking drunk divorcees with thin lips,thin eyebrows, hair in scrunchies and large hooped earrings (if you get the picture).
What would you do?
Well, that is a tale I hear all to often from friends of mine who like me are single - both male and female - well divorced most of us.
Too often families and friends try to "Fix Them Up" with who they perceive as being "a suitable woman or man" When will you people realise that we may like to live on our own. We get dressed and shaved when we want, don't have to listen to inane babble first thing in the morning and fart whenever we want. Now don't get me wrong, I have a lot of lady friends that I take out when I feel the need for company or need a partner for a function or date. The women treat us the same way. This is the 21st Century, the stereo type of a man needing a woman in his life or a man in her life all the time is old hat. Just because a man or woman is not married, co habiting or "Going Steady", does not mean they are - as you put it - discernibly gay. Let the poor bloke do his own thing and STOP INTERFERING.
Just my 2d's worth
Dave
406
>> Edited by 406 on Friday 28th October 21:21
Too often families and friends try to "Fix Them Up" with who they perceive as being "a suitable woman or man" When will you people realise that we may like to live on our own. We get dressed and shaved when we want, don't have to listen to inane babble first thing in the morning and fart whenever we want. Now don't get me wrong, I have a lot of lady friends that I take out when I feel the need for company or need a partner for a function or date. The women treat us the same way. This is the 21st Century, the stereo type of a man needing a woman in his life or a man in her life all the time is old hat. Just because a man or woman is not married, co habiting or "Going Steady", does not mean they are - as you put it - discernibly gay. Let the poor bloke do his own thing and STOP INTERFERING.
Just my 2d's worth
Dave
406
>> Edited by 406 on Friday 28th October 21:21
Leave him alone and let him get on with his life. He probably resents your constant interference and nagging but is too polite to say anything. Your attitude is presumptious and you will find that he will partner up with someone once you stop scrutinizing his every move.
It sounds like you and and Mrs Leftie have settled into the final rut of your lives and are uneasy that he has not chosen the same one
pp
>> Edited by Pickled Piper on Saturday 29th October 08:32
It sounds like you and and Mrs Leftie have settled into the final rut of your lives and are uneasy that he has not chosen the same one
pp
>> Edited by Pickled Piper on Saturday 29th October 08:32
406 said:
I have a lot of lady friends that I take out when I feel the need for company or need a partner for a function or date. The women treat us the same way. This is the 21st Century, the stereo type of a man needing a woman in his life or a man in her life all the time is old hat.
>> Edited by 406 on Friday 28th October 21:21
Yes, that's all very well. But how often are you actually getting your end away?
pp
I think you are being too obvious, and he will resent that.
You shouldn't be telling him, go and join a dating website.
Do you have a female acquaintance he might like, why not organise a party to which they are both invited.
Personally I think saying that someone is happier alone is rather giving up, they are happier alone than they would be with most of the women of the world, but if they can find a woman that is right for them, they will be far happier.
This does not mean spending every moment together, someone who likes their own space, like I do, needs a woman who feels the same.
My own parents eat dinner together and then spend the rest of the evening apart, it's worked for them for 30 odd years.
You shouldn't be telling him, go and join a dating website.
Do you have a female acquaintance he might like, why not organise a party to which they are both invited.
Personally I think saying that someone is happier alone is rather giving up, they are happier alone than they would be with most of the women of the world, but if they can find a woman that is right for them, they will be far happier.
This does not mean spending every moment together, someone who likes their own space, like I do, needs a woman who feels the same.
My own parents eat dinner together and then spend the rest of the evening apart, it's worked for them for 30 odd years.
I go with what 406 and pigeon have to say and feel that ime quite content to float and bob,i can pick and choose but sometimes i get lazy and need a nudge now and again, maybe thats what Bil needs so fair play to you leftie for taking an interest.
To be honest there's a lot of sodding around with computor dating,maybe go for a drink once a month round different areas and get him circulating amongst the ladies would be an idea but dont force him into or try to fix him up,let it happen naturally.
To be honest there's a lot of sodding around with computor dating,maybe go for a drink once a month round different areas and get him circulating amongst the ladies would be an idea but dont force him into or try to fix him up,let it happen naturally.
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