The Sean Connery limerick thread...

[Balmoral Green]

Well, we've got the joke thread, how about limericks?

There once was a fellow named Ghandi,
Who went to the bar for a shandy,
And with his loincloth,
He wiped the froth off,
And the barmaid said Blimey thats handy.

[nel]

There was an old bishop of Birmingham
Who played with young girls while confirming 'em
While they knelt seeking god
He excited his rod
And pumped his episcopal in 'em.

[Balmoral Green]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear were a c#%+ I would f@#* it!"

[nel]

There was a young man of Devizes
Who's balls were of different sizes
One was so small
It was no use at all
The other one used to win prizes

[mybrainhurts]

There once was.....


Oh....bugger it

[turbo tim]

Limericks already being done here..

but before you go...

Old mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her doggy a bone
But when she bent over
Rover took over
And gave her a bone of his own

[jacobyte]

There was once a young lady from Bude
Who went for a swim in the lake.
A man in a punt
Grabbed hold of her leg
And said "You can't swim here, it's private".

[tombaron]

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner
eating his cold meat pie.
He caught salmonella,
unfortuate fella.
And now he's likely to die.

[bigandclever]

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
So Jack could see Jill's fanny.
Jack got a shock,
And a mouthful of cock,
Coz Jill's a ing tranny.

[nel]

There was a young man from Leigh
Who stood on a cliff to pee
Before he had started
The silly fool farted
And blew himself into the sea

[mybrainhurts]

There once was a Connery called Sean
Who arse was exceptionally worn
He tried to restore it
And carefully rebore it
But wailed as his piles became torn





>> Edited by mybrainhurts on Monday 14th November 19:06

[kneedowndeano]

There was a copper from Clapham Junction
with a penis that would not function
So for the rest of his life
he misslead his wife
with a dolop of snot on his trunction.

[8]

not a limerick but close enough

My uncle billy,
had a ten foot willy,
he showed it to the lady next door,
she thought it was a snake,
and cut it with a rake,
now its only 3 foot four.

[wedg1e]

jacobyte said:

There was once a young lady from Bude Who went for a swim in the lake. A man in a punt Grabbed hold of her leg And said "You can't swim here, it's private".

F*** me, I can scarcely type for laughing...

[BliarOut]

There was a young man called Bill
Who swallowed an atomic pill
The doctor said cough
The pill went off
And Bill ended up in Brazil

[Wacky Racer]

There once was a teacher called Green
who invented a wg machine
on the 99th stroke, the fg thing broke,
and whipped his balls to cream......

[406tm]

Jack & Jill Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jill came down
With Half a Crown
She did what she didn't aughter

[Size Nine Elm]

Sean Connery, who earns a packet,
Went to audition, though he should walk it,
"When's the screen test?"
"At tennish, so rest"
He replied "I don't have a raquet".

[nel]

And of course the Good Ship Venus epic - one verse that springs to mind:

The third mates name was McClass
His balls were made out of brass
In stormy weather
They both clashed together
And sparks flew out of his arse

[Ferg]

The Captain had a daughter,
Who fell in deep sea water,
The yells and squeals,
Revealed that eels,
Had found her sexual quarter.