Frenchisms ...
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andy mac

Original Poster:

73,668 posts

285 months

Thursday 17th November 2005
quotequote all
(Only intended as humour, so lets not get on high horses!! )

MORE FRENCHISMS...

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better,
on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink
little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whisky I don't know."
P.J O'Rourke (1989).

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s
who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona.

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein?
Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people."
Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of
Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either"
Jay Leno.

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
David Letterman

Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada.
Ted Nugent.

War without France would be like ... uh ... World War II.

"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq, then France.'"
Tom Brokaw.

"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national
will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
Dennis Miller.

"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us."
Alan Kent

"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack,
each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
Argus Hamilton

"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised
on eBay the other day -- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"
Rep. Roy Blunt (MO)

"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq."
Dennis Miller

Raise your right hand if you like the French ... raise both hands if you are French.

Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris?
It's not known, it's never been tried." Rep. R. Blount (MO)

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII?
And that's because it was raining." John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv.

The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings
that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to Hide. The only two higher levels in France are
Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which
destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.

French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris, March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of
fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at
the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby
French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

285 months

Thursday 17th November 2005
quotequote all
je give in
moi, too
je give in grand temps
'allo 'allo

simpo two

92,891 posts

295 months

Thursday 17th November 2005
quotequote all
mybrainhurts said:
je give in grand temps

Vous avez le same qualite de Francais as moi. Tres bien mon ami!

selmer

2,760 posts

272 months

Thursday 17th November 2005
quotequote all
Dylan Moran was hilarious in his portrayal of French decadance and excess in one of his stand up routines, "When you start the day with chocolate bread, you know it's only gonna escalate from there" Vive la France!!!

allnighter

6,663 posts

252 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
Seriously though , there's a lot we can learn from the French , for starters their cuisine , not frogetting(oops!) their fabulous patisserie.Well I know they are very militant and go on strike for stupid reasons , and treat their immigrants like scum, and don't like us Brits buying their properties and pushing their property market up, and historically there is a lot of animosity between us and the French from Napoleon to Blair /Chirac bickerings over agricultural policies etc...
They dress better than us , have a better quality of life than us, they aren't as obsessed with "owning" their own home as we are, and use most of their cash not to pay the mortgage but go out for meals and enjoy life to the full.

I know we knock our "grenouille" munching neighbours, but I believe we can use some of their strengths to iron out our weaknesses, and vice versa of course , considering the crisis they experience at the moment , they could do with some British sourced advice.

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

285 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
What? like...err

Retreat.....?

Thelemming

4,319 posts

295 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
allnighter said:
Seriously though , there's a lot we can learn from the French , for starters their cuisine , not frogetting(oops!) their fabulous patisserie.Well I know they are very militant and go on strike for stupid reasons , and treat their immigrants like scum, and don't like us Brits buying their properties and pushing their property market up, and historically there is a lot of animosity between us and the French from Napoleon to Blair /Chirac bickerings over agricultural policies etc...
They dress better than us , have a better quality of life than us, they aren't as obsessed with "owning" their own home as we are, and use most of their cash not to pay the mortgage but go out for meals and enjoy life to the full.

I know we knock our "grenouille" munching neighbours, but I believe we can use some of their strengths to iron out our weaknesses, and vice versa of course , considering the crisis they experience at the moment , they could do with some British sourced advice.


Better quality of life? You mean higher unemployment (by far) and on average much lower disposable incomes?

fruitcake

3,850 posts

256 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
Thelemming said:
Better quality of life? You mean higher unemployment (by far) and on average much lower disposable incomes?


Yeah but they're usually to ed on red wine to care.

allnighter

6,663 posts

252 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
Thelemming said:
allnighter said:
Seriously though , there's a lot we can learn from the French , for starters their cuisine , not frogetting(oops!) their fabulous patisserie.Well I know they are very militant and go on strike for stupid reasons , and treat their immigrants like scum, and don't like us Brits buying their properties and pushing their property market up, and historically there is a lot of animosity between us and the French from Napoleon to Blair /Chirac bickerings over agricultural policies etc...
They dress better than us , have a better quality of life than us, they aren't as obsessed with "owning" their own home as we are, and use most of their cash not to pay the mortgage but go out for meals and enjoy life to the full.

I know we knock our "grenouille" munching neighbours, but I believe we can use some of their strengths to iron out our weaknesses, and vice versa of course , considering the crisis they experience at the moment , they could do with some British sourced advice.


Better quality of life? You mean higher unemployment (by far) and on average much lower disposable incomes?


Don't forget that we have the highest debt per head than all Europe gathered together, we might have marginally more jobs than the French , but they have more disposable income in their pockets

driller

8,310 posts

308 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
You know, when you talk about the French eating "frogs legs" and all the other stereotypes, you are just making yourself look very ignorant and narrow minded. Hardly ANYBODY eats the feckin things. I had some the other day and picked them out from a tiny section in the supermarket. My girlfriend and her family who were staying said she they wouldn't go anywhere near them, and when she saw me eating them she said she wanted to throw up. I like them. I'm English. Don't perpetuate stereotypes, it just looks really sad.

Sorry AM, il etait plus fort que moi!

>> Edited by driller on Friday 18th November 12:17

simpo two

92,891 posts

295 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
driller said:
Don't perpetuate stereotypes, it just looks really sad.

Rosbif!

andy mac

Original Poster:

73,668 posts

285 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
Sheesh... There goes the lighthearted look at things...

simpo two

92,891 posts

295 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
andy mac said:
Sheesh... There goes the lighthearted look at things...

Fear not, clearly he is a French sympathiser or closet Europhile and best ignored

The rest of us can relax safe in the knowledge that ALL Frenchmen wear stripey T-shirts, ride bicycles with onions strung over the handlebars, eat snails, hate the English (1346, 1415, 1805, 1815 etc), smoke Gitanes and mutter 'zut alors'...

NB None of the above is really true. Well probably not. It's just the English way of dealing with adversity; namely that all the other coutries in Europe are totally wonderful and far better than we are

LuS1fer

43,533 posts

275 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
The French stereotype is surely a myth. I see French students and they look ljust ike English students and are just as rude but in French. Only the Dutch are instantly recognisable in dressing like punk elves. Why the French ever dropped the national costume of stripey shirt, pencil moustache, beret, bicycle and string of onions is a mystery to me. There is also a stereotype of a fashionable French mistress but in truth, they are no different to their English counterparts but possibly smell of garlic and have hairy armpits. As for national pride, they were only too willing to ditch the franc and change it to euro thus encapsulating their view of what their country is - Europe..

Still, at least the French can still laugh at themselves. Look at their cars. Plus they have had a long revenge on foreigners who have bought French cars and skilfully ruined Porsche by forcing them to rename the 901 the 911.

andy mac

Original Poster:

73,668 posts

285 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
you can spot a french student as, unlike in the UK, they have their backpacks on both shouders!

I wish some of you would lighten up. Every country has stereotypes...

JonRB

80,078 posts

302 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
I hate you English with your boring trousers and your shiny toilet paper; and your ridiculous preconceptions that Frenchmen are great lovers -- [looks both ways, then speaks a bit more softly] I'm French, and I'm hung like a baby carrot and a couple of petit-pois.

shaw-cross shark

4,292 posts

264 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
JonRB said:
I hate you English with your boring trousers and your shiny toilet paper; and your ridiculous preconceptions that Frenchmen are great lovers -- [looks both ways, then speaks a bit more softly] I'm French, and I'm hung like a baby carrot and a couple of petit-pois.



Your muzzer was a hamster and your farzer smelt of elderberries.now go away or i shall taunt you a second time.

JonRB

80,078 posts

302 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
I was actually quoting BlackAdder, rather than Monty Python, you wypair of other people's nozez.

shaw-cross shark

4,292 posts

264 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
JonRB said:
I was actually quoting BlackAdder, rather than Monty Python, you wypair of other people's nozez.


Damn, didn't spot that one-I think that Blackadder the Third is the only one you could have slipped past me though The Scarlet Pimpernel episode?

esselte

14,626 posts

297 months

Friday 18th November 2005
quotequote all
driller said:
You know, when you talk about the French eating "frogs legs" and all the other stereotypes, you are just making yourself look very ignorant and narrow minded. Hardly ANYBODY eats the feckin things. I had some the other day and picked them out from a tiny section in the supermarket. My girlfriend and her family who were staying said she they wouldn't go anywhere near them, and when she saw me eating them she said she wanted to throw up. I like them. I'm English. Don't perpetuate stereotypes, it just looks really sad.

Sorry AM, il etait plus fort que moi!

>> Edited by driller on Friday 18th November 12:17


Having said that,the last time I was in the South of France the supermarket freezer was full of bags of snails.