How much do you hate your colleagues?
Discussion
Well, this person clearly has some issues with his:
http://lifelong.disappointment.com/index.php?start=4
This is absolutely brilliant.
http://lifelong.disappointment.com/index.php?start=4
This is absolutely brilliant.
This stuff is pure gold.
Either the guy is a total comedy genius, or he's minutes away from a complete frothing at the mouth breakdown, probably involving automatic firearms...
This is perhaps one of the few that wont be filled with the
tag if it were posted:
More on my lovely friend Angela. At work we are sometimes required to make up chemical solutions. One recipe involves making up a big beaker of stuff and then pouring it out between four bottles. That way you end up with four lovely full bottles of stuff. Four. It's not hard. But it's counting and we all know how hard that is.
First off she comes to tell me there's no chemicals left. Now I know this isn't true, because I walk past them every day and there's tonnes. So I go with her to the shelf. I point at the boxes of chemicals.
"There's tonnes" I say.
"Where?" she says.
"Angela, do you have your glasses today?"
"Yes! Here in my pocket!"
"Please put them on"
"OOOOOH!" she says, genuinely suprised and chuffed "There's tonnes!"
Then about an hour later (add water, mix, pour...an hour?)
"Please come, something is wrong, there's not enough solution for the bottles"
So I go with her and look, and there are five bottles, all 3/4 full.
"Angela you have 5 bottles here"
"No, four"
I look at her
"There's five bottles here"
"No" she says "Four".
"one, two, three, four, FIVE Angela"
"No, four."
At this point I decide that one of us is mad.
"You count them Angela"
"one, two, three, four, OOOH! Five!"
She has a degree. I wonder if counting to 5 was part of the finals.
More wall-punching in private, because punching sweet dumb puppies is just wrong.
Dear god, please just make her go and work somewhere with cute bunnies where she'd be harmless and stop her torturing me like this...
Edited to add, looks like its random submissions from anyone who fancies writing one - rather than my initial impression of one guy on a mission. Some are well written and hysterically amusing, others are the hellish rants of the semi literate.
>> Edited by TheLemming on Friday 2nd December 18:09
Either the guy is a total comedy genius, or he's minutes away from a complete frothing at the mouth breakdown, probably involving automatic firearms...
This is perhaps one of the few that wont be filled with the
tag if it were posted: More on my lovely friend Angela. At work we are sometimes required to make up chemical solutions. One recipe involves making up a big beaker of stuff and then pouring it out between four bottles. That way you end up with four lovely full bottles of stuff. Four. It's not hard. But it's counting and we all know how hard that is.
First off she comes to tell me there's no chemicals left. Now I know this isn't true, because I walk past them every day and there's tonnes. So I go with her to the shelf. I point at the boxes of chemicals.
"There's tonnes" I say.
"Where?" she says.
"Angela, do you have your glasses today?"
"Yes! Here in my pocket!"
"Please put them on"
"OOOOOH!" she says, genuinely suprised and chuffed "There's tonnes!"
Then about an hour later (add water, mix, pour...an hour?)
"Please come, something is wrong, there's not enough solution for the bottles"
So I go with her and look, and there are five bottles, all 3/4 full.
"Angela you have 5 bottles here"
"No, four"
I look at her
"There's five bottles here"
"No" she says "Four".
"one, two, three, four, FIVE Angela"
"No, four."
At this point I decide that one of us is mad.
"You count them Angela"
"one, two, three, four, OOOH! Five!"
She has a degree. I wonder if counting to 5 was part of the finals.
More wall-punching in private, because punching sweet dumb puppies is just wrong.
Dear god, please just make her go and work somewhere with cute bunnies where she'd be harmless and stop her torturing me like this...
Edited to add, looks like its random submissions from anyone who fancies writing one - rather than my initial impression of one guy on a mission. Some are well written and hysterically amusing, others are the hellish rants of the semi literate.
>> Edited by TheLemming on Friday 2nd December 18:09
I know that I don't technically work...but I think a few posts on the morons parading as lecturers might turn up. Like the stuttering colourblind imposter who pretends to teach us chemisty - he couldn't get a lecture to be technically correct if he was paid for it (ah crap..he is..) or after a long rant at him about making us do colouring in - AND THEN FAILING ME FOR IT AS IT WASNT EYECATCHING ENOUGH (how old am I????) asks me to EMAIL him about it clarify the F***ING situation.
The guy is a moron...seriously..a moron...then it turns out he's head of studies. I used to be skeptical about people being promoted for reasons of damage limitation...then he came along and proved me wrong...
Actually that isn't strictly true - I had forgottong the complete t**t I worked for during my time at a mobile communications thingy place...its that place whose name is made up of the part of the car that makes it move and something you pass over the road to make it nice and smooth...That guy was a first class arsehole...completely under educated - made Bush look clever...didn't actually know what the department did and constantly had a go at us for not meeting targets WELL IF YOU HAD GOT OFF YOUR ASS AND SIGNED ALL THE PAPERWORK THEN THE FRIGGING ORDERS WOULD HAVE GONE OUT and because it hasn't, Saudi Arabia now has NO mobile phone masts...idiot...AND then you sack me for not wanting to be part of the team - I never said that you c**t..I mearly pointed out you were an asshole...but can you stay on an extra week until we can find your replacement? FO can I! The last laugh was on me you greasy, cheap cologne wearing *ooh marks and sparks is sooo posh i need to parade my plastic bag around* neothandal polyester suit wearing monkey f**k....you made the fatal error of telling me I wasn't allowed to speak to senior personnel...oops...I suppose my lunch meeting with all your managers was a bit of a mistake then...sorry...btw..they thinkg you're a pri*k too...
The guy is a moron...seriously..a moron...then it turns out he's head of studies. I used to be skeptical about people being promoted for reasons of damage limitation...then he came along and proved me wrong...
Actually that isn't strictly true - I had forgottong the complete t**t I worked for during my time at a mobile communications thingy place...its that place whose name is made up of the part of the car that makes it move and something you pass over the road to make it nice and smooth...That guy was a first class arsehole...completely under educated - made Bush look clever...didn't actually know what the department did and constantly had a go at us for not meeting targets WELL IF YOU HAD GOT OFF YOUR ASS AND SIGNED ALL THE PAPERWORK THEN THE FRIGGING ORDERS WOULD HAVE GONE OUT and because it hasn't, Saudi Arabia now has NO mobile phone masts...idiot...AND then you sack me for not wanting to be part of the team - I never said that you c**t..I mearly pointed out you were an asshole...but can you stay on an extra week until we can find your replacement? FO can I! The last laugh was on me you greasy, cheap cologne wearing *ooh marks and sparks is sooo posh i need to parade my plastic bag around* neothandal polyester suit wearing monkey f**k....you made the fatal error of telling me I wasn't allowed to speak to senior personnel...oops...I suppose my lunch meeting with all your managers was a bit of a mistake then...sorry...btw..they thinkg you're a pri*k too...
littlegreenfairy said:
Stuff
TheLemming said:
...others are the hellish rants of the semi literate.
I share her pain though. I had the same job for a bit. Boss was a first class idiot. One developer would change two lines of code, and the whole team would be congratulated on their excellent jobs! Imagine how grating it would get. Oh yes, the other person we worked with was a first class lentilist munching cycling numpty, who could comment on understeering in formula one cars, without even having a driving licence?
Just me then.... AHHH how could I forget lentilist...insisted on talking on the phone loudly (to emphasise how important he was) and putting his feet up on the desk...laying out 5 pieces of fruit (always 5, never more, never less) and disecting and then chewing them LOUDLY...the green tea he'd always drink...that smelt of horse piss - but was very special as he had to get it from London...(they sold it in Asda down the road) Always had some funny comment to make - thinking he was witty - I just pretended I didn't understand - thats wrong.. I didn't understand them. Then came the afternoon ritual of eating those godawful smelling ricecakes....
Oh and there was the time he was looking for a house for his gf (and himself) to buy..(god only knows how he got laid...I think she was an illegal and just kept saying to herself - I'm only doing it for the passport..) complaining about mortgages etc etc etc and making wise crack jokes to me about how I'll never be able to buy a house blah blah blah why did I need a degree (because I've seen what getting a 3rd from the arse end of nowhere poly gets you you two wheels short of a car hypocrit) as he's ended up in the perfect job that had nothing to do with his degree. I did get the satisfaction when he asked how long I was planning on renting for until I bought a house - to which I replied - well the conveyancing is going through now, oh no,no mortgage (thanks dad for lending me the money
) I'm quite settled now thank you...oh..and because I want to live in a house and not a rat infested hole like you are - THIS IS WHY IM GETTING AN EDUCATION YOU C**T. He failed to realise I was earning the same amount as him in summer job - and he had been working his way up the career ladder for years...
Gah I hated that job...more than anyone can possibly imagine....The only decent bloke there was walked all over and treated as if he was mentally retarded...he wasn't...to the divvys in the office he was stupid but really, he was the clever one - shame how the dumb ass mouse clickers couldn't see a good man when they had the chance - rumour is he's left now as well - don't bloody blame him.
Oh and there was the time he was looking for a house for his gf (and himself) to buy..(god only knows how he got laid...I think she was an illegal and just kept saying to herself - I'm only doing it for the passport..) complaining about mortgages etc etc etc and making wise crack jokes to me about how I'll never be able to buy a house blah blah blah why did I need a degree (because I've seen what getting a 3rd from the arse end of nowhere poly gets you you two wheels short of a car hypocrit) as he's ended up in the perfect job that had nothing to do with his degree. I did get the satisfaction when he asked how long I was planning on renting for until I bought a house - to which I replied - well the conveyancing is going through now, oh no,no mortgage (thanks dad for lending me the money
) I'm quite settled now thank you...oh..and because I want to live in a house and not a rat infested hole like you are - THIS IS WHY IM GETTING AN EDUCATION YOU C**T. He failed to realise I was earning the same amount as him in summer job - and he had been working his way up the career ladder for years... Gah I hated that job...more than anyone can possibly imagine....The only decent bloke there was walked all over and treated as if he was mentally retarded...he wasn't...to the divvys in the office he was stupid but really, he was the clever one - shame how the dumb ass mouse clickers couldn't see a good man when they had the chance - rumour is he's left now as well - don't bloody blame him.
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