Offside rule explained for girls

[madbadger]

Er - sorry if this offends anyone

The offside rule explained for girls
>
> You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the
> shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and
> which you must have.
>
> The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing
> them with desire.
>
> Both of you have forgotten your purses.
>
> It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you
> had no money to pay for the shoes.
>
> The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
>
> Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop

> and sees your dilemma.
>
> She prepares to throw her purse to you.
>
> If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other
> shopper and buy the shoes.
>
> At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and,
> *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch

> the purse and buy the shoes.
>
> Always remembering that until the purse has *actually been thrown* it
> would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.
>
> There you go poppet.



>> Edited by madbadger on Thursday 2nd February 09:36

[kerfuffle]

I was about to post this

First time I've understood the damned rule though. Now I can really enjoy watching the curling

[madbadger]

kerfuffle said:

I was about to post this First time I've understood the damned rule though. Now I can really enjoy watching the curling

Me too!

Simple and clear explanation.

Maybe I should change the title to "How to understand the offside rule for people who don't understand it".

[Maroon5]

i'm guessing both the shoppers are playing for the same team though

[kerfuffle]

Nah, I prefer it as it is. I'll memorise it so I can be condescending to girls. Trouble is, most girls I know have a much better knowledge of football than I.

A mate once asked me to name three Chelsea players and was unimpressed by my answer of "Jimmy, Floyd and Hasselbank"

[kerfuffle]

Maroon5 said:

i'm guessing both the shoppers are playing for the same team though

It says she's her friend. Didn't mention her cup size though. I think that would help.

[Einion Yrth]

It ignores the fact that if the shop assistant should find it necessary to go behind you for some reason then you would need two other shoppers between you and the till.

[nervous]

Einion Yrth said:

It ignores the fact that if the shop assistant should find it necessary to go behind you for some reason then you would need two other shoppers between you and the till.

a good point, well made.


*feels complete as he's finally been able to comment on something football related for the first time in 32 years*

[wedg1e]

Maroon5 said:

i'm guessing both the shoppers are playing for the same team though

Well no, cos the one in front effectively represents the 'opposition' (ie also wanting the shoes)... but I still don't get it either. If the ball's there, the goals there and someone's around to shoot, fair play I say

[marki]

So if you are behind the opponent before the ball is past foward then once the ball is kicked you can run in front and then score the goal and not be offside


Now i get it

[Julian64]

How about this one.

Offside rule.

caused by the overpaid muppet who decides £1000 an hour is not enough money to actually have to run for a ball. So he just sits on the goal line waiting for one of his overpaid undereducated muppet friends to kick the ball to him.

My wife seemed to understand that.

[kerfuffle]

marki said:

So if you are behind the opponent before the ball is past foward then once the ball is kicked you can run in front and then score the goal and not be offside Now i get it

Now I'm lost again

When I played at school, you basically hoofed the ball up and down the field until it went between two piles of jumpers. Much more enjoyable.

[BliarOut]

Einion Yrth said:

It ignores the fact that if the shop assistant should find it necessary to go behind you for some reason then you would need two other shoppers between you and the till.

Unless the purse *had already been thrown*

[kerfuffle]

BliarOut said:

Einion Yrth said: It ignores the fact that if the shop assistant should find it necessary to go behind you for some reason then you would need two other shoppers between you and the till. Unless the purse *had already been thrown*

Trust you to consider that aspect. I'm surprised you didn't ask if the shoes in question were Jimmy Choo

[TonyHetherington]

nervous said:

Einion Yrth said: It ignores the fact that if the shop assistant should find it necessary to go behind you for some reason then you would need two other shoppers between you and the till. a good point, well made.

Hang on. You can't be offside from a throw.....?

[BliarOut]

kerfuffle said:

Jimmy Choo

[Einion Yrth]

TonyHetherington said:

nervous said: Einion Yrth said: It ignores the fact that if the shop assistant should find it necessary to go behind you for some reason then you would need two other shoppers between you and the till. a good point, well made. Hang on. You can't be offside from a throw.....?

Well that's the final nail in the coffin for an explanation that was already struggling.

[TonyHetherington]

If she kicked the the purse, then she'd be ok.

However, this has just managed to explain to 50% of my office how the offside rule works, so in it's teachings comes knowledge.

[TonyHetherington]

BliarOut said:

kerfuffle said: Jimmy Choo

cockney rhyming slang for one of these;

[nervous]

TonyHetherington said:

If she kicked the the purse, then she'd be ok. However, this has just managed to explain to 50% of my office how the offside rule works, so in it's teachings comes knowledge.

does youre office do open days?