Best Limericks.

[shentodj]

Looking for some good ones to share with my 6yr old, but also some more adult ones to share with adults!

Two to start off with.

The was a young man from Japan,
Whos limericks would never scan,
When asked why this was ...
... he replied it's cos I always try and get as many words on the last line as I can.


There was a young woman from Bude,
Who went for a swim in the lake,
A man in a punt,
Stuck a pole in her ear,
and said you can't swim here it's private.

[DAVEVO9]

This could get interesting..

There was a young man from Devizes
Had 3 balls of all different sizes
1 ball was small 1 ball was tall
The other one huge and won prizes

[Kinky]

There was a guy who started a thread
who was lazy and never got out of bed
If he'd used the PH Search
he'd not feel a berk
As he'd not have reposted

[Simpo Two]

There was a man from Belgrave
Who found a dead wh*re in a cave.
He said 'That's disgusting
She only needs dusting
And think of the money I'll save!'


Edited because the word w h o r e is apparently naughty and censored by PH

Edited by Simpo Two on Wednesday 2nd July 21:47

[911motorsport]

There was a young man from Didcot
who went somewhere he really should not
he flashed them his plastic
then did something drastic
That ill fated Aero flot

Edited by 911motorsport on Wednesday 2nd July 21:51

[911mot]

There once was a man from Calcutta
Who looked through a hole in the shutter
But all he could see
Was his wifes hairy knee
And the ar5e of the bloke that was up her

[mybrainhurts]

There was a young lady called Crump

Who desperatley needed a dump

She ran for the door

Then she slipped on the floor

But she wasn't quick enough and everybody gasped as she shat her designer jeans in the caravan in her neighbour's front garden, up the road, not down, that she mistook for a Portaloo in the dim light of dusk......

Edit...with a bump

Edited by mybrainhurts on Wednesday 2nd July 21:54

[911motorsport]

There was a young lady from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She layed on her back
Opened her crack
And p!ssed all over the ceiling.

[gibbos3]

The following was a favourite of Minnie Cauldwell (ex Corri) who liked a dirty limerick or two.
NOT for the young 'un.

There was a young lady from Coleshill
who chanced to sit on a moles hill
the inquisitive mole
stuck his nose up her hole,
miss Coleshill's alright
but the moles ill.


;)

[911motorsport]

gibbos3 said:

The following was a favourite of Minnie Cauldwell (ex Corri) who liked a dirty limerick or two.
NOT for the young 'un.

There was a young lady from Coleshill
who chanced to sit on a moles hill
the inquisitive mole
stuck his nose up her hole,
miss Coleshill's alright
but the moles ill.


;)

[Budaholic]

There was a young vampire called Mabel
who's periods were exceedingly stable
One night at full moon
She sat down with a spoon
and she drank herself under the table


There was a woman from France
who got on a bus in a trance
everyone f@cked her
except the conductor
and he came twice in his pants


There was a man from Dekelia
who painted his arse like a Dahlia
Penny a smell
was all very well
but tuppence a lick was a failure


Can only think of adult ones at the mo, probably the Kronenbourg...... hic

Bud

[gibbos3]

911motorsport said:

gibbos3 said:

The following was a favourite of Minnie Cauldwell (ex Corri) who liked a dirty limerick or two.
NOT for the young 'un.

There was a young lady from Coleshill
who chanced to sit on a moles hill
the inquisitive mole
stuck his nose up her hole,
miss Coleshill's alright
but the moles ill.


;)

thats ena sharples. minnies friend.;)

[Percy Flage]

The limerick form is complex
Its contents run chiefly to sex
It burgeons with virgins
And masculine urgins
And swarms with erotic effects

[mybrainhurts]

There was a young girl with a bucket...

But I can't be arsed to make it rhyme, you get the idea....

[DAVEVO9]

there was an old lady from tottenham
who used to make pies with snot in em
to make em superb
she would sit on the kerb
and toss of dogs till they shot in em

[Moreymach]

Jack and Jill went up hill
so Jack yould lick Jills fanny.
But Jack got a shock
And a mouth full of cock.
Jill was a fking tranny!

[HRG]

There was a young man called Bill
Who swallowed an atomic pill
The doctor said cough
The pill went off
And Bill ended up in Brazil.



Not exactly a limerick, but worth a repost...


The moon shone bright on the village green,
It shone on little Nel,
Was she picking daisies or,

Was she fkin hell,
She was waiting for her lover,
A dirty minded bugger,
Who was not fit to shovel st,
From one place to another.

He fked her till her tits went blue,
His balls went black as charcoal,
One dark night he missed the mark,
And shoved it up her ahole.

[gibbos3]

mybrainhurts said:

There was a young girl with a bucket...

But I can't be arsed to make it rhyme, you get the idea....

I just had to finish it....
There was a young girl with a bucket,
Who came all the way from Nantucket
She came with a reason
For the men she was please ‘en
Paid well, filled the bucket and took it.

[gibbos3]

I wish I was a glow worm
a glow worms never glum
cos how can you be gloomy
when the sun shines out your bum.

[celticpilgrim]

I thought the rhyme went thus..

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
While wiping his chin,
He said with a grin,
"If my ear were a , I could fk it."