Is anyone here a carer for a relative/partner with Cancer?

[drivin_me_nuts]

... If so, can you please tell me if you are part of a support group, or use councelling or some other means of support to help deal with YOUR issues surrounding caring for someone with cancer.

Many thanks.

[neilo]

Hi mate,

I have been there (cancer carer)and its not an easy place to be. I didn't have any 3rd party support as such but am lucky to come from a big family so everyone rallies round...maybe thats not applicable to you? I know there are groups out there but don't know any off hand. Hope you turn something that will help you through a very difficult time.

[dmitsi]

I think it would be worth contacting Macmillan, they'll have good advice.

[dmitsi]

Also try cancerjourney.org.uk, they are good for supporting carers.

Carer Support Info

Edited by dmitsi on Thursday 14th August 12:08

[Vesuvius 996]

Google for Cancer Backup

Everything you need.



Sorry for your situation. My Dad died 18 months ago from it. :-(

[drivin_me_nuts]

Thanks for the kind words - I should have explained better I do not have cancer, rather I am interested in understanding how peoples cope and the mechanisms they use when their loved ones have cancer.

For example, does anyone here use a support group?

Do you use any specific processes/mechanisms to help you deal with your own feelings and emotions: for example, do you use Yoga, or meditation, or alternative therapies or remedies?

How do you cope with the stress (because there is a plenty of scientific evidence that indicates that not dealing with stress is one of the major factors in why carers become ill themselves..)

Sorry for any confusion caused.

[space1999]

My child had cancer and I got most of the info and help from asking the parents, nurses and doctors. They do have social workers which helped with forms and gave me info. But couldn't really find a support group as such. My father died from cancer 19 months ago and my step mother didn't seem to get much help either. But I know there are places on the net and yes I agree cancer backup is really good. But do ask nurses they will help and point you in the right direction.

[Vesuvius 996]

drivin_me_nuts said:

Thanks for the kind words - I should have explained better I do not have cancer, rather I am interested in understanding how peoples cope and the mechanisms they use when their loved ones have cancer.

For example, does anyone here use a support group?

Do you use any specific processes/mechanisms to help you deal with your own feelings and emotions: for example, do you use Yoga, or meditation, or alternative therapies or remedies?

How do you cope with the stress (because there is a plenty of scientific evidence that indicates that not dealing with stress is one of the major factors in why carers become ill themselves..)

Sorry for any confusion caused.

Oh.

You don't cope. At all. You suffer, and tear yourself apart. And you get fook all help from the government, until you threaten to sue them.


Yoga? Alternative therapies?

Whisky, mate. Whisky.

Edited by Vesuvius 996 on Thursday 14th August 12:14

[dmitsi]

My Mum is based at a hospice and gives counselling to relatives and loved ones, sometimes she's referred to someone at their home, her experience has ranged from talking about everything, to yoga and writing excercises.

[space1999]

drivin_me_nuts said:

Thanks for the kind words - I should have explained better I do not have cancer, rather I am interested in understanding how peoples cope and the mechanisms they use when their loved ones have cancer.

For example, does anyone here use a support group?

Do you use any specific processes/mechanisms to help you deal with your own feelings and emotions: for example, do you use Yoga, or meditation, or alternative therapies or remedies?

How do you cope with the stress (because there is a plenty of scientific evidence that indicates that not dealing with stress is one of the major factors in why carers become ill themselves..)

Sorry for any confusion caused.

Ahh I see ok, well to be honest with you I put my trust and faith in God specially when my son nearly died. But when you are in the situation where you have to keep going you find the strength and just do it. Its like an automatic thing.

[drivin_me_nuts]

space1999 said:

drivin_me_nuts said:

Thanks for the kind words - I should have explained better I do not have cancer, rather I am interested in understanding how peoples cope and the mechanisms they use when their loved ones have cancer.

For example, does anyone here use a support group?

Do you use any specific processes/mechanisms to help you deal with your own feelings and emotions: for example, do you use Yoga, or meditation, or alternative therapies or remedies?

How do you cope with the stress (because there is a plenty of scientific evidence that indicates that not dealing with stress is one of the major factors in why carers become ill themselves..)

Sorry for any confusion caused.

Ahh I see ok, well to be honest with you I put my trust and faith in God specially when my son nearly died. But when you are in the situation where you have to keep going you find the strength and just do it. Its like an automatic thing.

would you mind saying what happened afterwards ... what were the feelings surrounding his recovery.. for exampple were you angry? frustrated? relieved? Do those feelings that you had back then still resonate today, and if so, are they still as strong? (I am assuming your sons recovery was a little while back)

Thanks

[space1999]

drivin_me_nuts said:

space1999 said:

drivin_me_nuts said:

Thanks for the kind words - I should have explained better I do not have cancer, rather I am interested in understanding how peoples cope and the mechanisms they use when their loved ones have cancer.

For example, does anyone here use a support group?

Do you use any specific processes/mechanisms to help you deal with your own feelings and emotions: for example, do you use Yoga, or meditation, or alternative therapies or remedies?

How do you cope with the stress (because there is a plenty of scientific evidence that indicates that not dealing with stress is one of the major factors in why carers become ill themselves..)

Sorry for any confusion caused.

Ahh I see ok, well to be honest with you I put my trust and faith in God specially when my son nearly died. But when you are in the situation where you have to keep going you find the strength and just do it. Its like an automatic thing.

would you mind saying what happened afterwards ... what were the feelings surrounding his recovery.. for exampple were you angry? frustrated? relieved? Do those feelings that you had back then still resonate today, and if so, are they still as strong? (I am assuming your sons recovery was a little while back)

Thanks

Yes my son has been free of cancer now for 19 months my dad died on the day my son had his last dose he stayed alive long enough to see my son through it. They say it can come back anytime in the 1st 2 years so I am so looking forward to Christmas! Then the 2 years will be up. He had Leukaemia and was diagnoised when he was 4.
Unfortunatley my son has on going problems - he lost his colon due to the chemo but I am sure he had an underlying problem even before the chemo started. He had a stoma bag for 3 years and had it reversed last year. He is on immodium for the rest of his life but hey he is still here! He has little accidents and when he has a cold or anything he will have a little accident every 20 mins. He has to be taken out of school if anyone is sick as a sickness bug will dehydrate him in 2 hours and he will end up in hospital and a sickness bug will last longer on him than normal. He also has hypermobilty and they reckon arthritis as well. So bascially I am still his carer. I get bad days and good days same as everyone else. AND yes I do suffer from depression. I just about get along but when things get on top of me I do tend to hide away! I won't go into to many details don't want to bore everyone to death!! I wasn't angry just damn relieved we got through it! I am angry with my husbands work however as they gave him 2 days compassionate leave in 4 years!!! And yes I think my life has changed a lot in feelings and everything. I would not say I was as confident as I was once. I want free of the depression but as one thing goes with me another thing comes along!

[Rude Girl]

drivin_me_nuts said:

would you mind saying what happened afterwards ... what were the feelings surrounding his recovery.. for exampple were you angry? frustrated? relieved? Do those feelings that you had back then still resonate today, and if so, are they still as strong? (I am assuming your sons recovery was a little while back)

Thanks

I think it would help if you declared your hand. Are you in the situation yourself and looking for guidance, or is there some other reason you're asking? This stuff runs pretty deep - it's taken me 5 years to shake the nightmares and irrational fears after having two people in my immediate family suffer from cancer at the same time. It'll take more than a generalised question to get me to give detail...

[space1999]

Rude Girl said:

drivin_me_nuts said:

would you mind saying what happened afterwards ... what were the feelings surrounding his recovery.. for exampple were you angry? frustrated? relieved? Do those feelings that you had back then still resonate today, and if so, are they still as strong? (I am assuming your sons recovery was a little while back)

Thanks

I think it would help if you declared your hand. Are you in the situation yourself and looking for guidance, or is there some other reason you're asking? This stuff runs pretty deep - it's taken me 5 years to shake the nightmares and irrational fears after having two people in my immediate family suffer from cancer at the same time. It'll take more than a generalised question to get me to give detail...

Thank you Rude Girl and yes she is quite right feelings go soooooo deep and understanding it is very difficult. I understand Rude Girl a lot. My son and my dad were diagnoised with Luekaemia 3 months apart!

[tamore]

drivin_me_nuts said:

... If so, can you please tell me if you are part of a support group, or use councelling or some other means of support to help deal with YOUR issues surrounding caring for someone with cancer.

Many thanks.

http://www.canceraid.co.uk/

they're particularly in tune with your issues as a carer, as most of the volunteers have been through it, including my dad.

[drivin_me_nuts]

Rude Girl said:

drivin_me_nuts said:

would you mind saying what happened afterwards ... what were the feelings surrounding his recovery.. for exampple were you angry? frustrated? relieved? Do those feelings that you had back then still resonate today, and if so, are they still as strong? (I am assuming your sons recovery was a little while back)

Thanks

I think it would help if you declared your hand. Are you in the situation yourself and looking for guidance, or is there some other reason you're asking? This stuff runs pretty deep - it's taken me 5 years to shake the nightmares and irrational fears after having two people in my immediate family suffer from cancer at the same time. It'll take more than a generalised question to get me to give detail...

Certainly Rude Girl. Here goes!

I am coming from the background of someone whose business is helping people resolve issues surrounding cancer and other serious diseases, including Asthma, Diabeties, as well as dealing with serious traumas including Rape, Male Rape, abuse and a host of other issues besides.

Odd to say, but my passion IS cancer. My partner is a Neurscoientist and for many years has studied serious diseases in numerous different systems. Muyself, I spent a long time dealing with a bucket load of kack surrounding rape and abuse of different kinds. We provide means of helping people resolve the issues they have around these areas. We help people resolve the why me? type of questions as well as deal with the issues surrounding diagnostic shock, fears surrounding remission, organ loss, and liveng again when the cancer has gone. Big stuff about control, identity, beliefs and values.


Now, the reason for the original post is that always I am trying to understand more, I constantly ask questions like how? and why? and what mechanisms? what processes? how do you cope with the emotions? because firstly it helps me understand more about what my clients think and the words they use and secondly and much much (to the power of 10!) more importantly is the massive belief that there is a huge huge benefit in dealing with the emotions surrounding the disease: from the shock of diagnosis to the afterwards..) dealing with the feeling, emotions in pragmatic practical ways makes a difference.

PH offers me the opportunity to ask questions in an open and honest way, with the hope and the belief that I will get back honest answers.

Thanks for asking your question, I'm glad that you did.

[drivin_me_nuts]

tamore said:

drivin_me_nuts said:

... If so, can you please tell me if you are part of a support group, or use councelling or some other means of support to help deal with YOUR issues surrounding caring for someone with cancer.

Many thanks.

http://www.canceraid.co.uk/

they're particularly in tune with your issues as a carer, as most of the volunteers have been through it, including my dad.

Thank you for this link.

[space1999]

What drives me mad is the fact that I had NO counselling! I had may be 3 chats in 4 years! I did go to the doctors before my son was diagnoised as there was other problems and he had other problems. I was sent to a psychologist at the practice and was told I had more issues than could be dealt with in 6 sessions and was sent to a charity one! They got rid off me a few months into my sons cancer because I was a long stander!!!! Great so now I am left with a mix of feelings which I don't understand myself! I am not thick I am not mental! Just have issues! I have had to deal with doctors becasue they didn't want to believe my son had any other problem. And in the end I got a sorry we don't see children with any other problems apart from cancer! My step mother and sister having nothing better to do than spread nasty rumours around about me and my family and the F'ing government won't help. So where has that left me! Sorry rant over! I shall go and have another coffee!!