Do I have the world's most knackered lawnmower?
Discussion
I dragged my ageing, 14th-hand heap of a mower out this afternoon to tame the 8-inch plus grass that was taking over my lawns (I have no interest whatsoever in gardening, and only cut the grass when neighbours knock on the door asking if their dog/small child/confused elderly relative is lost in my "jungle").
This wreck of an item of horticultural machinery was given to me by a well-meaning mate who, in the nicest possible way, is something of a bodge artist - hence the mower reached me in a fairly sorry state and required some tinkering just to get it going.
So I started to wonder: is my ancient petrol mower the most shagged-out example of its kind still in (sort of) regular use? What machinery have you PH'ers got that reaches the following stratospheric heights of utter f**kedness yet still manages - just - to serve its purpose?
It's litany of faults are thus:
It requires Herculean strength to start due to being partially seized - a result of the previous owner filling it with dirt-cheap car engine oil rather than using the proper stuff.
As a result, the starter cord snaps on a monotonously regular basis and has more knots in it than an amnesiac's handkerchief.
Speaking of starter cords, when the rubber knob thing snapped off the end years ago, my mate tied a broken spanner on in it place.
After about 5 minutes running under load, the engine begins to slow and eventually conks out. Pulling the cord reveals that its now near-impossible to turn over. Yep, its overheated and seized - again. Given a few mins to cool it starts again!
One of the head bolts has a stripped thread - result is blue smoke emerging from around the bolt and a bit of extra noise for good measure.
Oil is lost from numerous places: filler neck, plate covering valve stems, and of course into the cylinder. Hence it kicks out as much blue smoke as a 2-stroke moped.
It's self propelled, but only if you pull like hell on the lever to engage the drive, whilst pushing it forward very slowly and hoping the moon is in the correct phase this time. But engaging this whilst cutting grass is usually too much for the poor engine, which then stalls.
It can be heard from half a mile away thanks to the hole in the silencer. The neighbours' kids are terrified of the racket it makes.
Most of the power generated is wasted in overcoming the friction in the engine, so pushing it into long grass at more than snails' pace stalls it.
The grassbox is in numerous broken plastic pieces - hence the unfortunate sod pushing it gets his/her legs peppered with high-velocity grass clippings. Stings if it picks up a stone!
On the upside, it was free and despite all the above it refuses to die completely!
So has anyone got something that's more knackered than this, yet still, in a very ramshackle/dangerous fashion, works? By the way, cars don't count - has to be some sort of household or garden appliance!
This wreck of an item of horticultural machinery was given to me by a well-meaning mate who, in the nicest possible way, is something of a bodge artist - hence the mower reached me in a fairly sorry state and required some tinkering just to get it going.
So I started to wonder: is my ancient petrol mower the most shagged-out example of its kind still in (sort of) regular use? What machinery have you PH'ers got that reaches the following stratospheric heights of utter f**kedness yet still manages - just - to serve its purpose?
It's litany of faults are thus:
It requires Herculean strength to start due to being partially seized - a result of the previous owner filling it with dirt-cheap car engine oil rather than using the proper stuff.
As a result, the starter cord snaps on a monotonously regular basis and has more knots in it than an amnesiac's handkerchief.
Speaking of starter cords, when the rubber knob thing snapped off the end years ago, my mate tied a broken spanner on in it place.
After about 5 minutes running under load, the engine begins to slow and eventually conks out. Pulling the cord reveals that its now near-impossible to turn over. Yep, its overheated and seized - again. Given a few mins to cool it starts again!
One of the head bolts has a stripped thread - result is blue smoke emerging from around the bolt and a bit of extra noise for good measure.
Oil is lost from numerous places: filler neck, plate covering valve stems, and of course into the cylinder. Hence it kicks out as much blue smoke as a 2-stroke moped.
It's self propelled, but only if you pull like hell on the lever to engage the drive, whilst pushing it forward very slowly and hoping the moon is in the correct phase this time. But engaging this whilst cutting grass is usually too much for the poor engine, which then stalls.
It can be heard from half a mile away thanks to the hole in the silencer. The neighbours' kids are terrified of the racket it makes.
Most of the power generated is wasted in overcoming the friction in the engine, so pushing it into long grass at more than snails' pace stalls it.
The grassbox is in numerous broken plastic pieces - hence the unfortunate sod pushing it gets his/her legs peppered with high-velocity grass clippings. Stings if it picks up a stone!
On the upside, it was free and despite all the above it refuses to die completely!
So has anyone got something that's more knackered than this, yet still, in a very ramshackle/dangerous fashion, works? By the way, cars don't count - has to be some sort of household or garden appliance!
NDA said:
Jonny_ said:
So has anyone got something that's more knackered than this, yet still, in a very ramshackle/dangerous fashion, works? By the way, cars don't count - has to be some sort of household or garden appliance!
Do wives qualify?
quality description. Pics? I left my two mowers outside for over 3 years. One oil change between them in that time. After changing the petrol they always started up after a few tugs. It was pretty weird tbh. The worst bit of garden kit I had was a strimmer that was supplied by a well known DIY store. The pull start snapped after one pull and the remedial work could only be done at one shop and they where busy until the end of summer. The worst was a ride on mower that was defective as hell yet cost the earth. The tyres went flat all the time and the electrics where shocking. The factories answer was to send a new wiring harness with a black and white picture telling you how to wire it all up. Being told to hook up coloured cables via a black and white image is daft. I will never use that bit of kit again. I reckon I might I race it though
About the only bit of ancient yet un-killable machinery I've got is an ancient (probably about 40 years old by now) Seeboard vacuum cleaner (cylindrical shape, it sucks and blows 
). The lid is sealed with masking tape so you have to re-apply it every time you empty the bag, but it's survived this long sucking up crap in our garage, cars etc and won't die 
). The lid is sealed with masking tape so you have to re-apply it every time you empty the bag, but it's survived this long sucking up crap in our garage, cars etc and won't die Puddenchucker said:
We used to get a couple of letters a year from old blokes who'd run the same machine for 30 odd years. New ones used to die pretty quickly, from what I remember.
Time for GoogleMan to strike methinks.
eta. Yup they still exist. Why do I care? I don't even have a lawn...
Edited by NeilBeforeZod on Monday 25th August 19:08
NeilBeforeZod said:
My first ever job was in accounts for Hayter. Don't even know if they still exist.
We used to get a couple of letters a year from old blokes who'd run the same machine for 30 odd years.
The mower in the photo is about 32yrs old. Apart from rountine maintenance (oil, plugs etc) and a couple of sets of blades, it's had nothing done to it in that time.We used to get a couple of letters a year from old blokes who'd run the same machine for 30 odd years.
Irritatingly, a few years ago - long before I bought a house - my old boy had a Hayterette (think it was a bit older than the one in the pic) which we took down the tip as we had no use for it. And unlike my current heap, the Hayterette started first pull and ran like a dream! Lovely old beast that was. Wish I'd kept it, or at least it's Briggs and Stratton lump.
Jonny_ said:
It requires Herculean strength to start due to being partially seized - a result of the previous owner filling it with dirt-cheap car engine oil rather than using the proper stuff.
I don't think the dirt cheap oil is the prob, more likely to be a bent crank due to cutting 8" inch grass.Jonny_ said:
It's litany of faults are thus:
It requires Herculean strength to start due to being partially seized - a result of the previous owner filling it with dirt-cheap car engine oil rather than using the proper stuff.
As a result, the starter cord snaps on a monotonously regular basis and has more knots in it than an amnesiac's handkerchief.
Speaking of starter cords, when the rubber knob thing snapped off the end years ago, my mate tied a broken spanner on in it place.
After about 5 minutes running under load, the engine begins to slow and eventually conks out. Pulling the cord reveals that its now near-impossible to turn over. Yep, its overheated and seized - again. Given a few mins to cool it starts again!
One of the head bolts has a stripped thread - result is blue smoke emerging from around the bolt and a bit of extra noise for good measure.
Oil is lost from numerous places: filler neck, plate covering valve stems, and of course into the cylinder. Hence it kicks out as much blue smoke as a 2-stroke moped.
It's self propelled, but only if you pull like hell on the lever to engage the drive, whilst pushing it forward very slowly and hoping the moon is in the correct phase this time. But engaging this whilst cutting grass is usually too much for the poor engine, which then stalls.
It can be heard from half a mile away thanks to the hole in the silencer. The neighbours' kids are terrified of the racket it makes.
Most of the power generated is wasted in overcoming the friction in the engine, so pushing it into long grass at more than snails' pace stalls it.
The grassbox is in numerous broken plastic pieces - hence the unfortunate sod pushing it gets his/her legs peppered with high-velocity grass clippings. Stings if it picks up a stone!
On the upside, it was free and despite all the above it refuses to die completely!
It requires Herculean strength to start due to being partially seized - a result of the previous owner filling it with dirt-cheap car engine oil rather than using the proper stuff.
As a result, the starter cord snaps on a monotonously regular basis and has more knots in it than an amnesiac's handkerchief.
Speaking of starter cords, when the rubber knob thing snapped off the end years ago, my mate tied a broken spanner on in it place.
After about 5 minutes running under load, the engine begins to slow and eventually conks out. Pulling the cord reveals that its now near-impossible to turn over. Yep, its overheated and seized - again. Given a few mins to cool it starts again!
One of the head bolts has a stripped thread - result is blue smoke emerging from around the bolt and a bit of extra noise for good measure.
Oil is lost from numerous places: filler neck, plate covering valve stems, and of course into the cylinder. Hence it kicks out as much blue smoke as a 2-stroke moped.
It's self propelled, but only if you pull like hell on the lever to engage the drive, whilst pushing it forward very slowly and hoping the moon is in the correct phase this time. But engaging this whilst cutting grass is usually too much for the poor engine, which then stalls.
It can be heard from half a mile away thanks to the hole in the silencer. The neighbours' kids are terrified of the racket it makes.
Most of the power generated is wasted in overcoming the friction in the engine, so pushing it into long grass at more than snails' pace stalls it.
The grassbox is in numerous broken plastic pieces - hence the unfortunate sod pushing it gets his/her legs peppered with high-velocity grass clippings. Stings if it picks up a stone!
On the upside, it was free and despite all the above it refuses to die completely!
That has to be the funniest description of anything I have heard in a long time!
jeff m said:
I don't think the dirt cheap oil is the prob, more likely to be a bent crank due to cutting 8" inch grass.
Haha, that never occurred to me! Although it used to seize up on my mate when he had it too, so will ask him if he'd ever used it to mow jungles like mine. If/when it finally dies I might strip the engine down to see just how mullered the internals actally are Old mower showing the bit that used to scare me where the blade span around without protection
Old mower on right with its replacement on the left.
I bought the old mower for £14 at an auction, got it home - wouldn't start (starter cable cmae out at the first attempt) took it to father-in-law who had this thing about mowers and who eventually got it going. I'd bought a new one by this time while he used the auction machine. He used it for about eight years in fact while the "bodywork" slowly fell to bits. Eventually fil passed away and I re-inherited the mower just in time as my shiny new one also packed up about then. Every spring it would come out of storage from the shed and I'd have to patch up a bit of the shell or handle, only 1 of the 4 wheels was held onto the original mower, the other 3 were bolted to bits of steel plate that were bolted onto the remaining shell, height adjustment had ceased to be an option many years previously. I'd change the spark plug and eventually it would go and I'd think - I'll get a new one soon. I had 5 years of this before it finally wouldn't start and I got fed up with adding extra metal to it to replace decayed bits, so went and bought a Honda Izy instead which is great - then took the old one down the skip.
Old mower on right with its replacement on the left.
I bought the old mower for £14 at an auction, got it home - wouldn't start (starter cable cmae out at the first attempt) took it to father-in-law who had this thing about mowers and who eventually got it going. I'd bought a new one by this time while he used the auction machine. He used it for about eight years in fact while the "bodywork" slowly fell to bits. Eventually fil passed away and I re-inherited the mower just in time as my shiny new one also packed up about then. Every spring it would come out of storage from the shed and I'd have to patch up a bit of the shell or handle, only 1 of the 4 wheels was held onto the original mower, the other 3 were bolted to bits of steel plate that were bolted onto the remaining shell, height adjustment had ceased to be an option many years previously. I'd change the spark plug and eventually it would go and I'd think - I'll get a new one soon. I had 5 years of this before it finally wouldn't start and I got fed up with adding extra metal to it to replace decayed bits, so went and bought a Honda Izy instead which is great - then took the old one down the skip.
tomTVR said:
Get a Mountfield GTI like ours, 20 years and works like new.
Interested to learn that lawnmovers have silencers, they are so loud anyay!
Oddly enough my heap is a Mountfield! And to be fair most of the Mountfield bits (i.e. deck, handle and wheels) are all rock solid - nearly all the faults are with the Tecumseh engine. Trouble is, it'd be a bit of a bugger to replace the motor as it's got a PTO shaft at 90deg. to the crank which drives the self-propulsion gubbins.Interested to learn that lawnmovers have silencers, they are so loud anyay!
Anyway, someone must surely have something as bad if not worse?!
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