Would you help her?
Discussion
A bit of a long story and a dilema but I hope you guys can help me out with some advice please?
A bit of background first .... my older sister hasn't worked for about 8 years and is currently on incapacity benefit. She is a bit volatile and has fallen out with our parents and us numerous times over the years. Despite this, she has still approached our mum for help (financially) many times, asking to borrow money which has been loaned on the agreement it would be paid back. Some £8,000 later she has only paid back a few hundred at the most and the period of borrowing goes back 4 or 5 years now.
She won't see our mum and only will speak to her on the phone when she wants something - mainly staying in occasional contact through texts. She does not speak to us at all, and been particuarly nasty in the past - upsetting mum, leaving her in tears down the phone to us. She has also been nasty to us in the past because she is resentful about anything we have (house, car, holidays etc). The difference is - we work and always have done and life is what you make it. We've also known hard times ourselves in the past (including both being made redundant after exchanging contracts on a house) but we didn't bother mum or her for help.
My sister now needs to leave her current address (due to split from partner) and due to being on benefits and having 4 cats, she feels her options are limited on somewhere to rent. However, she has seen somewhere and is desperate to get it, but her circumstances are that she cannot afford it and will have to borrow the deposit and 1st months rent from mum (approx £1000 in total). Her housing benefit will not cover all the rent per month and the letting agent are asking for someone to be a guarantor for her. Mum can't be a guarantor as she herself is retired and living on a pension. She has been asking mum to ask us to be a guarantor for her (but won't talk to us herself).
She says it is only for £12 a month (the shortfall between the rent and the housing benefit) - but in reality, if something happened to her housing benefit we would be liable for the full amount. We understand we are also tied into her tenancy agreement to pay the rent, any damages etc for the life of the agreement and that we cannot decline to guarantor part way through if our circumstances change in the future. We also understand it would affect our credit history if she defaults on the rent, even if we paid it the following day and if it goes to court - it would be us, not her, responsible and we'd have a CCJ.
Mum has sought advice from the CAB (citizens advice bureau) and a solicitor friend who both say it is too risky - which backs up our concerns. But she still maintains to mum that for us to be a guarantor, there is no risk to us at all (and that it is only for £12!) Problem is now that she has been on the phone to mum late last night saying that if this doesn't work out, she may as well end it all (so mum wants an answer ASAP) - what would you do??
All advice much appreciated
Cheers,
RR
A bit of background first .... my older sister hasn't worked for about 8 years and is currently on incapacity benefit. She is a bit volatile and has fallen out with our parents and us numerous times over the years. Despite this, she has still approached our mum for help (financially) many times, asking to borrow money which has been loaned on the agreement it would be paid back. Some £8,000 later she has only paid back a few hundred at the most and the period of borrowing goes back 4 or 5 years now.
She won't see our mum and only will speak to her on the phone when she wants something - mainly staying in occasional contact through texts. She does not speak to us at all, and been particuarly nasty in the past - upsetting mum, leaving her in tears down the phone to us. She has also been nasty to us in the past because she is resentful about anything we have (house, car, holidays etc). The difference is - we work and always have done and life is what you make it. We've also known hard times ourselves in the past (including both being made redundant after exchanging contracts on a house) but we didn't bother mum or her for help.
My sister now needs to leave her current address (due to split from partner) and due to being on benefits and having 4 cats, she feels her options are limited on somewhere to rent. However, she has seen somewhere and is desperate to get it, but her circumstances are that she cannot afford it and will have to borrow the deposit and 1st months rent from mum (approx £1000 in total). Her housing benefit will not cover all the rent per month and the letting agent are asking for someone to be a guarantor for her. Mum can't be a guarantor as she herself is retired and living on a pension. She has been asking mum to ask us to be a guarantor for her (but won't talk to us herself).
She says it is only for £12 a month (the shortfall between the rent and the housing benefit) - but in reality, if something happened to her housing benefit we would be liable for the full amount. We understand we are also tied into her tenancy agreement to pay the rent, any damages etc for the life of the agreement and that we cannot decline to guarantor part way through if our circumstances change in the future. We also understand it would affect our credit history if she defaults on the rent, even if we paid it the following day and if it goes to court - it would be us, not her, responsible and we'd have a CCJ.
Mum has sought advice from the CAB (citizens advice bureau) and a solicitor friend who both say it is too risky - which backs up our concerns. But she still maintains to mum that for us to be a guarantor, there is no risk to us at all (and that it is only for £12!) Problem is now that she has been on the phone to mum late last night saying that if this doesn't work out, she may as well end it all (so mum wants an answer ASAP) - what would you do??
All advice much appreciated
Cheers,
RR
Stu R said:
Learn how to say no.
Can you afford, or would you buy it for her out of your own pockets? By the sounds of it that's exactly what's about to happen.
Foxtrot Oscar would be my reply.
+1Can you afford, or would you buy it for her out of your own pockets? By the sounds of it that's exactly what's about to happen.
Foxtrot Oscar would be my reply.
My brother-in-law is the same - doesn't have two-bob to rub together from one day to the next and just travels from country to country (not as glamorous as it sounds) sponging off of 'friends'. Then when people's patience wears thin, he turns up back at his mums for a few weeks (he's 44!) making her life a misery, relieving her of some money and then moving on again.
More people need to say 'no' to him and also to your sister. If she can't afford that place, she needs to find another one she can afford.
If she was depressed and suicidal she'd just do it - people who claim they will are just attention-seeking losers
Edited by V8mate on Sunday 7th September 20:38
Racing Redhead said:
She does not speak to us at all, and been particuarly nasty in the past - upsetting mum, leaving her in tears down the phone to us.
She has also been nasty to us in the past because she is resentful about anything we have....
All advice much appreciated
In the circumstances I would advise you politely to decline.She has also been nasty to us in the past because she is resentful about anything we have....
All advice much appreciated
k off.I didn't know I had a brother! My older sister is in exactly the same situation at the moment(swap the cats for a dog though). My parents who she also has almost nothing to do with have looked at the situation and agreed to lend her the deposit and first months rent, however they have told me they never expect to see any of it again. With regards to being the gaurantor if your mum can afford to pay it and is willing to risk never seeing that money again then she should help. However if she can't afford to lose out then she should steer well clear. I think my sister having a 2 year old son is the only reason my parents have helped out. If it wasn't for the kid they would tell her to sling her hook.
Racing Redhead said:
She says it is only for £12 a month (the shortfall between the rent and the housing benefit) - but in reality, if something happened to her housing benefit we would be liable for the full amount. We understand we are also tied into her tenancy agreement to pay the rent, any damages etc for the life of the agreement and that we cannot decline to guarantor part way through if our circumstances change in the future. We also understand it would affect our credit history if she defaults on the rent, even if we paid it the following day and if it goes to court - it would be us, not her, responsible and we'd have a CCJ.
Mum has sought advice from the CAB (citizens advice bureau) and a solicitor friend who both say it is too risky - which backs up our concerns. But she still maintains to mum that for us to be a guarantor, there is no risk to us at all (and that it is only for £12!) Problem is now that she has been on the phone to mum late last night saying that if this doesn't work out, she may as well end it all (so mum wants an answer ASAP) - what would you do??
All advice much appreciated
Cheers,
RR
Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. If she is able to find cheaper accomodation without the cats then, imo, they need to go. Priorities need to be sorted out I think.Mum has sought advice from the CAB (citizens advice bureau) and a solicitor friend who both say it is too risky - which backs up our concerns. But she still maintains to mum that for us to be a guarantor, there is no risk to us at all (and that it is only for £12!) Problem is now that she has been on the phone to mum late last night saying that if this doesn't work out, she may as well end it all (so mum wants an answer ASAP) - what would you do??
All advice much appreciated
Cheers,
RR
Gaurantor is a dangerous position with ANY finacial agreement. Can you afford the full payment of her rent should she default? Even if you can, how likely are you to be repaid if she owes your mum £8k?
Your summing up of a CCJ is a bit misguided but the risk of future credit problems is very real.
Suggest she takes a bit of responsibility for her life.
Thanks for the replies - I didn't also mention that she also has debts (fairly large ones) on top of what she owes mum. And she recently nagged mum to give her her credit card details so she could continue trading as an ebay seller, and ran up a £1000 bill.
Mum's is now fraught that she will do something stupid and we feel like we are being blackmailed into helping (when deep down both we and mum know it is the wrong decision to be guarantor). Even though we have said no to mum, she keeps asking us to help my sister. Feels like we have been backed into a corner ...
Mum's is now fraught that she will do something stupid and we feel like we are being blackmailed into helping (when deep down both we and mum know it is the wrong decision to be guarantor). Even though we have said no to mum, she keeps asking us to help my sister. Feels like we have been backed into a corner ...
mrobertshaw said:
I didn't know I had a brother! My older sister is in exactly the same situation at the moment(swap the cats for a dog though). My parents who she also has almost nothing to do with have looked at the situation and agreed to lend her the deposit and first months rent, however they have told me they never expect to see any of it again. With regards to being the gaurantor if your mum can afford to pay it and is willing to risk never seeing that money again then she could help. However if she can't afford to lose out then she should steer well clear. I think my sister having a 2 year old son is the only reason my parents have helped out. If it wasn't for the kid they would tell her to sling her hook.
ETA- Could help not should help. Personally I agree with telling her to Naff off.Racing Redhead said:
Thanks for the replies - I didn't also mention that she also has debts (fairly large ones) on top of what she owes mum. And she recently nagged mum to give her her credit card details so she could continue trading as an ebay seller, and ran up a £1000 bill.
Mum's is now fraught that she will do something stupid and we feel like we are being blackmailed into helping (when deep down both we and mum know it is the wrong decision to be guarantor). Even though we have said no to mum, she keeps asking us to help my sister. Feels like we have been backed into a corner ...
I'm amazed you've even had to consider it, let alone ask for others opinions on the matter. Tell the sponging numpty to naff off and learn to live within her means.Mum's is now fraught that she will do something stupid and we feel like we are being blackmailed into helping (when deep down both we and mum know it is the wrong decision to be guarantor). Even though we have said no to mum, she keeps asking us to help my sister. Feels like we have been backed into a corner ...
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