Any Italian Speakers Out There? Wind Up Help Needed!

[Ganglandboss]

Our admin girl has been emailing and texting somebody on Dating Direct who has a little bit of Italian in him. The little ponce is the typical type from that sort of site - sending semi-naked pictures of himself and never shutting up about the fact he's partially Italian.

She showed me a text message that ends, "say sono una gran figa". I guess 'figa' means pussy as Valentino Rossi has 'Viva La Figa' on his leathers etc. which I know means 'Long Live Pussy' or something like that.

Firstly, what does it mean? A translation engine says 'You are a great pussy' which only sounds half right to me. Secondly, how do I say 'I am an angry piece of blue carpet' in Italian or some other nonsense that will confuse him when I trick her into sending it?