Fair deal? Not so sure...
Discussion
Am always a believer that you should leave people to make their own decisions and friends should only be there to offer their advice but not so sure this time..
I have a mate who has been going out with this girl for 14 months. He's living at his folks and is planning to buy a place next year. His g/f is renting a flat with her friend but for the last 8 months has been pretty much a permanant resident in his parents house. You'd think it would be the other way round.
Initially he wanted to buy on his own but she wanted to purchase the place together. You would think it would be 50-50, the 'terms' then changed to 10% her and 90% him as she was strapped of cash...then it was he would buy the place and then she would contribute to the running costs.
He has raised concerns to me about this and as a mate I can't really tell him what to do, but there's a few potential problems:
1. He's always subbing her money for numerous girls nightsouts and would pay him back but doesn't (he's 31 and she is 25 so still at the going out a lot stage in her life which is understandable)
2. She's always short of money for rent so again bails her out on a regular basis (and for other things)
3. And this is an important one...on 2 nightouts with the lads, he was 'playing away' with 2 different girls but on both occasions his g/f had forgiven him
I worry that he's letting his g/f use him as an 'ATM' and it he does go ahead with buying a house 'together', it may go a bit pear shape only for his family/friends to help him pick up the pieces..
I have a mate who has been going out with this girl for 14 months. He's living at his folks and is planning to buy a place next year. His g/f is renting a flat with her friend but for the last 8 months has been pretty much a permanant resident in his parents house. You'd think it would be the other way round.
Initially he wanted to buy on his own but she wanted to purchase the place together. You would think it would be 50-50, the 'terms' then changed to 10% her and 90% him as she was strapped of cash...then it was he would buy the place and then she would contribute to the running costs.
He has raised concerns to me about this and as a mate I can't really tell him what to do, but there's a few potential problems:
1. He's always subbing her money for numerous girls nightsouts and would pay him back but doesn't (he's 31 and she is 25 so still at the going out a lot stage in her life which is understandable)
2. She's always short of money for rent so again bails her out on a regular basis (and for other things)
3. And this is an important one...on 2 nightouts with the lads, he was 'playing away' with 2 different girls but on both occasions his g/f had forgiven him
I worry that he's letting his g/f use him as an 'ATM' and it he does go ahead with buying a house 'together', it may go a bit pear shape only for his family/friends to help him pick up the pieces..
k upsIf he's been going out with her for 14 months then he should know what to expect by now. He should buy a place 100% and let her stay until he gets sick of her and then turf her out, alternatively they might live happily together ever after, you never know, but 90% 10% split has disaster written all over it.
The first things which spring to mind are:-
How much does she earn?
Where does she spend her income?
Are her "girlie" nights really that?
If they do decide to buy a place together he must draw up an agreement detailing the way in which the property should be divided when they split up. If he doesn't do this the goldigger will take him for at least half of everything. even if she has made no contribution.
Cynical by experience!
How much does she earn?
Where does she spend her income?
Are her "girlie" nights really that?
If they do decide to buy a place together he must draw up an agreement detailing the way in which the property should be divided when they split up. If he doesn't do this the goldigger will take him for at least half of everything. even if she has made no contribution.
Cynical by experience!
If he's still playing away then he's probably not ready to settle down or get into messy contractual stuff either.
Tell him to focus on his own goals in life, whether that's jobs, buying his own place, enjoying his life with mates and girls, as clearly neither he nor his current girlfriend are ready for something permanent.
Tell him to focus on his own goals in life, whether that's jobs, buying his own place, enjoying his life with mates and girls, as clearly neither he nor his current girlfriend are ready for something permanent.
Poledriver said:
The first things which spring to mind are:-
How much does she earn?
Where does she spend her income?
Are her "girlie" nights really that?
If they do decide to buy a place together he must draw up an agreement detailing the way in which the property should be divided when they split up. If he doesn't do this the goldigger will take him for at least half of everything. even if she has made no contribution.
Cynical by experience!
She works as a hairdresser - not really sure how much people earn these days in a salon.How much does she earn?
Where does she spend her income?
Are her "girlie" nights really that?
If they do decide to buy a place together he must draw up an agreement detailing the way in which the property should be divided when they split up. If he doesn't do this the goldigger will take him for at least half of everything. even if she has made no contribution.
Cynical by experience!
Problem is, like a lot of girls when all her mates go out she wants out too and when he refuses to sub her, she's throws an almighty strop until she gets her way.
I did advise him buying on his own is the best way. To be fair, he moved back to his folks a couple of years ago as he didn't want waste money on rent to save up enough cash for a deposit.
Edited by amare32 on Friday 10th October 13:06
amare32 said:
Poledriver said:
The first things which spring to mind are:-
How much does she earn?
Where does she spend her income?
Are her "girlie" nights really that?
If they do decide to buy a place together he must draw up an agreement detailing the way in which the property should be divided when they split up. If he doesn't do this the goldigger will take him for at least half of everything. even if she has made no contribution.
Cynical by experience!
She works as a hairdresser - not really sure how much people earn these days in a salon.How much does she earn?
Where does she spend her income?
Are her "girlie" nights really that?
If they do decide to buy a place together he must draw up an agreement detailing the way in which the property should be divided when they split up. If he doesn't do this the goldigger will take him for at least half of everything. even if she has made no contribution.
Cynical by experience!
Problem is, like a lot of girls when all her mates go out she wants out too and when he refuses to sub her, she's throws an almighty strop until she gets her way.
I did advise him buying on his own is the best way. To be fair, he moved back to his folks a couple of years ago as he didn't want waste money on rent to save up enough cash for a deposit.
Edited by amare32 on Friday 10th October 13:06
amare32 said:
*She works as a hairdresser* - not really sure how much people earn these days in a salon.
- Tell him to buy her an MX5*.
HTH
Vesuvius 996 said:
BOR said:
How do you expect us to give advice without seeing her photo ?
She does ATM?ATM = the machines you use to take cash out. It would appear he's a substitute for one of these..
Edited by amare32 on Friday 10th October 13:15
amare32 said:
Vesuvius 996 said:
BOR said:
How do you expect us to give advice without seeing her photo ?
She does ATM?ATM = the machines you use to take cash out. It would appear he's a substitute for one of these
Sounds like a pretty crap relationship on both sides tbh. She is using him for cash, and he is using her for midweek sex.
They'll mess one another up eventually, but it will take time and no internvention is going to be worth the hassle to you. He will tell you to get lost, you'll lose a friend then in 2 years time they will split up and he'll tell you you were right.
Stay out of it
Just my two cents.
They'll mess one another up eventually, but it will take time and no internvention is going to be worth the hassle to you. He will tell you to get lost, you'll lose a friend then in 2 years time they will split up and he'll tell you you were right.
Stay out of it
Just my two cents.
amare32 said:
Vesuvius 996 said:
BOR said:
How do you expect us to give advice without seeing her photo ?
She does ATM?ATM = the machines you use to take cash out. It would appear he's a substitute for one of these..
Edited by amare32 on Friday 10th October 13:15
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