Stop paying maintenance when .... ?

[clonmult]

Background :
Was married with one son, then got divorced - paying a fair wedge in maintenance. Have no problems with that, I get to see my son every weekend, and have a great time hooning around like a kid.

Moved on, now had a baby with my girlfriend, life is good, although we aren't living together, but figure it will happen in time.

So ... onto the question.

Girlfriend was chatting with a few friends, and they've said that if I were to move in with her, the "government" has said that as I then have another family to pay for, I no longer have to continue paying maintenance, and that the government will take up the slack in the income for my ex wife. Some of them have been in that situation. Allegedly.

That sounds somewhat strange, and to be honest I'm incredibly sceptical. Not to mention that I'd expect the ex wife to explode at the suggestion.

I know, I should get legal advice, but is this genuine? Has anyone heard of such before?

[Jasandjules]

Haven't heard that, and as far as I know my ex Brother-in-Law still pays my sister maintenance for his kids despite living with his new wife and baby.

[scruffy]

Is the CSA involved?
If it is then I'll try and give you the benefit of my experience, and I'll try not to get too bitter...

[clonmult]

I guess the only thing that could change would be the amount of maintenance then?

When I was discussing the level of maintenance payments during divorce, we went on a "guidance" of 15% for one child 20% for 2.

So on that basis, now that I have two children, I should in theory be paying less maintenance to the ex wife. Guess I'm lucky that the income I'm on at the moment allows me to pay a mildly silly amount to the ex, pay rent on the place I'm in, support the girlfriend and my second son ....

[Fittster]

clonmult said:

I no longer have to continue paying maintenance, and that the government will take up the slack in the income for my ex wife.

The government has no money, just us sucker taxpayers who keep having to bail people and organisations out.

[scruffy]

How is the money being paid? i.e. is the CSA involved.
If it's a private arrangement (because there's no dole involved), then it's up to you...
If not, then you will still have to pay, but monies will be adjusted - but ALL incomes will be taken into account...
CSA closes an 'account' when the child reaches 19 (if still at school), but watch those arrears - even if you think there aren't any...

[clonmult]

scruffy said:

Is the CSA involved?
If it is then I'll try and give you the benefit of my experience, and I'll try not to get too bitter...

Thankfully no CSA involvement.

But then the CSA didn't get involved when the ex wifes first husband left her before the birth of their second child (he's never seen his son, and has never paid a penny in 16 years).

The CSA haven't even got involved with the girlfriend and the father of her daughter.

[Captain Ahab]

I think its the other way around, if your current girlfriend had a child with someone else before your relaionship and you moved in with her, then the father no longer needs to pay her maintenance for that child.

[Mc Lovin]

I dont want to come across as a total prick, however, you have a son and therefore a duty to provide for him regardless of your situation.

[anonymous-user]

Fittster said:

clonmult said:

I no longer have to continue paying maintenance, and that the government will take up the slack in the income for my ex wife.

The government has no money, just us sucker taxpayers who keep having to bail people and organisations out.

"Yeah the government will pay for my kids"

[anonymous-user]

Mc Lovin said:

I dont want to come across as a total prick, however, you have a son and therefore a duty to provide for him regardless of your situation.

2 now.

[clonmult]

Mc Lovin said:

I dont want to come across as a total prick, however, you have a son and therefore a duty to provide for him regardless of your situation.

By not reading all of what I said, it doesn't help. I said that I have no problems with paying for my son at all - I'm just asking for clarification of what others have told me, as it didn't strike me as being correct.

[Welshbeef]

Captain Ahab said:

I think its the other way around, if your current girlfriend had a child with someone else before your relaionship and you moved in with her, then the father no longer needs to pay her maintenance for that child.

You sure?
I have a friend who is dating/in a relationship with a to be divorced lady with 2 kids (from 2 different dads), the divorce has not yet been settled hence him never answering the land line at the house (just incase the dad phones up and suspects he is actually living there).
Anyway the reason being that it will effect the amount of settlement & monthly payment towards the children.

Note the dad of the first child even though in full employment & no other kids has never paid a penny but the second dad pays for his own child & the other child [I dont really get the logic in that - however it makes sense I suppose now that he is the guardian]

One thing I HATE about it is every conversation revolves around £ & oh hes now with another lady "he better not have any more kids" (Im guessing as it would stop the payout). One other annoying thing is that she wants to receive a set % of his retirement pension.... note he is 30 she is a few years younger, how on earth can she justify future earnings. I have mentioned it in passing to her before but backed off to avoid an arguement/none of my business. Instead I have said imagine we have a Mr X who is in your husbands situation but goes on and marries & divorces say 4 other women and has kids from each marridge - surely the claim you are proposing for the pension she said she didnt know but if that happened to her she wouldnt want/allow any changes to her % of pension.

I turned round to my mrs and told her if that ever happens to us I'll put everything on Black on the roulette and hopefully lose the lot. Following that I'd go for a min wage job on part time hrs - (the other lady frowned hearing this) also added that I'd most certainly leave the country and gain citizenship somewhere else/might even disappear (no assets nothing and not even tell my family where I am). Sod being made a mug of.

[clonmult]

Fittster said:

clonmult said:

I no longer have to continue paying maintenance, and that the government will take up the slack in the income for my ex wife.

The government has no money, just us sucker taxpayers who keep having to bail people and organisations out.

Selective quoting is great, isn't it?

I'm paying what feels like a stupid amount in tax every month, and all I see the government doing with that tax is wasting it.

[missy-a-k]

clonmult said:

Background :
Was married with one son, then got divorced - paying a fair wedge in maintenance. Have no problems with that, I get to see my son every weekend, and have a great time hooning around like a kid.

Moved on, now had a baby with my girlfriend, life is good, although we aren't living together, but figure it will happen in time.

So ... onto the question.

Girlfriend was chatting with a few friends, and they've said that if I were to move in with her, the "government" has said that as I then have another family to pay for, I no longer have to continue paying maintenance, and that the government will take up the slack in the income for my ex wife. Some of them have been in that situation. Allegedly.

That sounds somewhat strange, and to be honest I'm incredibly sceptical. Not to mention that I'd expect the ex wife to explode at the suggestion.

I know, I should get legal advice, but is this genuine? Has anyone heard of such before?

Simple answer is no, if your ex wife got CSA involved they'd take into account your earnings and children via both channels then divide it up accordingly. My stepdad has children all over the place and most of his earnings go directly to his children(or their respective mothers lol). If you presented this to your ex-wife she'd probably take it to CSA in which case you'd may or may not end up paying more than you were initially doing.

When I was younger my dad said instead of paying maintenance to my mum he would give me and my sisters the money directly, my mum wouldn't accept this got CSA involved and my poor daddio ended up paying her more.

The government won't pick up the slack when they know you've got the funds to support your exwife.

[clonmult]

missy-a-k said:

clonmult said:

Background :
Was married with one son, then got divorced - paying a fair wedge in maintenance. Have no problems with that, I get to see my son every weekend, and have a great time hooning around like a kid.

Moved on, now had a baby with my girlfriend, life is good, although we aren't living together, but figure it will happen in time.

So ... onto the question.

Girlfriend was chatting with a few friends, and they've said that if I were to move in with her, the "government" has said that as I then have another family to pay for, I no longer have to continue paying maintenance, and that the government will take up the slack in the income for my ex wife. Some of them have been in that situation. Allegedly.

That sounds somewhat strange, and to be honest I'm incredibly sceptical. Not to mention that I'd expect the ex wife to explode at the suggestion.

I know, I should get legal advice, but is this genuine? Has anyone heard of such before?

Simple answer is no, if your ex wife got CSA involved they'd take into account your earnings and children via both channels then divide it up accordingly. My stepdad has children all over the place and most of his earnings go directly to his children(or their respective mothers lol). If you presented this to your ex-wife she'd probably take it to CSA in which case you'd may or may not end up paying more than you were initially doing.

When I was younger my dad said instead of paying maintenance to my mum he would give me and my sisters the money directly, my mum wouldn't accept this got CSA involved and my poor daddio ended up paying her more.

The government won't pick up the slack when they know you've got the funds to support your exwife.

I didn't think it was the case ... but apparently some people have experienced it. Maybe totally different (financial) circumstances.

Not sure the ex wife would want the CSA to get involved, as she's worried that they'd start investigating her first husband and his total non payment - she barely ever talked about him in the 7 years we were together. She was a good one for believing that ignoring a problem and it'd go away ...

[Piersman2]

The father of any child is liable to pay child maintenance.

THis obviously depends on the ability of the father to actually earn some money.

If the father is in work and not claiming benefits, he will be liable for 15% of his income for the first one, 20% for the second, and 25% for anymore.

Now in this case the interesting bit is how the money is split as your kids are in different places.

AT the moment, you have one child from a previous relationship which in theory you are paying 15% of your income to. You now have another child in a different location so your personal liability goes up to 20%. But how you adjust the split so that your ex gets 10% and the GF gets 10% is a grey area for me. I guess that if you lowered the payment to the ex, she could take you to court at which point a judge would decide how your money gets split.

If you move in with your GF and live with your second child, all bets are off and you're back to paying 15% to the ex.

Aa a note to some other points. You are always due child maintenance for your kids until they hit 18 or leave school if earlier. It makes no difference if your ex shacks up with a multi-millionaire, you will still be due your child maintenance. The bit you would be able to stop paying would be any alimony you pay her. Child maintenance and alimony are different things.

Ultimately, if you're earning decent whack, and can afford the payments then do it, after all they are your kids and you want to see them looked after properly. That's what I tell myself everytime I transfer the ex her huge payment each month!!!

But it won't be for ever LOL

[Mc Lovin]

clonmult said:

Mc Lovin said:

I dont want to come across as a total prick, however, you have a son and therefore a duty to provide for him regardless of your situation.

By not reading all of what I said, it doesn't help. I said that I have no problems with paying for my son at all - I'm just asking for clarification of what others have told me, as it didn't strike me as being correct.

I have actually read it all (for a change) the fact that your actually looking into it and by the thread title suggests my point as well.

[clonmult]

Mc Lovin said:

clonmult said:

Mc Lovin said:

I dont want to come across as a total prick, however, you have a son and therefore a duty to provide for him regardless of your situation.

By not reading all of what I said, it doesn't help. I said that I have no problems with paying for my son at all - I'm just asking for clarification of what others have told me, as it didn't strike me as being correct.

I have actually read it all (for a change) the fact that your actually looking into it and by the thread title suggests my point as well.

I wouldn't ever expect to be able to still see my son every weekend while not paying for his upkeep, clothes, food, etc. As I said, just clarification being requested. I totally believe I should continue payments regardless of my circumstances.

[Piersman2]

Welshbeef said:

Captain Ahab said:

I think its the other way around, if your current girlfriend had a child with someone else before your relaionship and you moved in with her, then the father no longer needs to pay her maintenance for that child.

You sure?
I have a friend who is dating/in a relationship with a to be divorced lady with 2 kids (from 2 different dads), the divorce has not yet been settled hence him never answering the land line at the house (just incase the dad phones up and suspects he is actually living there).
Anyway the reason being that it will effect the amount of settlement & monthly payment towards the children.

Note the dad of the first child even though in full employment & no other kids has never paid a penny but the second dad pays for his own child & the other child [I dont really get the logic in that - however it makes sense I suppose now that he is the guardian]

One thing I HATE about it is every conversation revolves around £ & oh hes now with another lady "he better not have any more kids" (Im guessing as it would stop the payout). One other annoying thing is that she wants to receive a set % of his retirement pension.... note he is 30 she is a few years younger, how on earth can she justify future earnings. I have mentioned it in passing to her before but backed off to avoid an arguement/none of my business. Instead I have said imagine we have a Mr X who is in your husbands situation but goes on and marries & divorces say 4 other women and has kids from each marridge - surely the claim you are proposing for the pension she said she didnt know but if that happened to her she wouldnt want/allow any changes to her % of pension.

I turned round to my mrs and told her if that ever happens to us I'll put everything on Black on the roulette and hopefully lose the lot. Following that I'd go for a min wage job on part time hrs - (the other lady frowned hearing this) also added that I'd most certainly leave the country and gain citizenship somewhere else/might even disappear (no assets nothing and not even tell my family where I am). Sod being made a mug of.

When you are divorcing, the financial positions of both parties are looked at. IF the wife was making a claim for monies from the husband (95% of time I expect) then the settlement would have to take into account what she reasonably required to live and his ability to pay it to her.

If the divorning wife, could be proved to have a live in fella, I would say that his income and contributions to the shared house could be taken into account in the calculations.

I know when I was getting divorced, my solicitor specifically told me that she did not want me to tell her that I was living with a GF or had a GF living with me. Becuase then her earnings would have come into the calcs as well! Once the divorce is through, and assuming you get a 'clean break' divorce, then it doesn't really matter.

With reference to the future pension etc... I agree. I didn't have one so it wasn't an issue. BUt if I hadn't been able to get a clean break, or been forced to pay more that I felt was 'fair'... then I'd have developed a gammy back and gone on the sick, or more likely , just left and gone abroad until the Ex stared to see things from my point of view. I told her that several times too... which seemed to reel her in !!!