Relate - any experineces?

[Liszt]

Having a tough time with the wife at the moment with me having moved out. Relate has been suggested but does anyone have experience with them? Not sure I want to see some busybody who tells me we need to communicate.

[Swilly]

Liszt said:

Having a tough time with the wife at the moment with me having moved out. Relate has been suggested but does anyone have experience with them? Not sure I want to see some busybody who tells me we need to communicate.

.... get divorced then !!

[Shar2]

They can be very helpful, but both parties need to see that something is wrong, needs fixing and is willing to try.

[Fer]

Never used them, but when an ex-GF and I were having problems (hence the ex-) she contacted them, and gave them my work number. About 6 months later they contacted me to arrange a meeting... I had already split up!

[CosmicMatt]

I'm sure if you care for the wife then anything is worth a try, however if you've gone past the point of getting the relationship fixed then it could make matters worse.

Whats happened to make you move out - arguing? Or more?

[JagLover]

My wife and I have had some counselling sessions which have helped us in our relationship. So they can be of use, assuming you want to save your marriage that is.

[parakitaMol.]

CosmicMatt said:

I'm sure if you care for the wife then anything is worth a try, however if you've gone past the point of getting the relationship fixed then it could make matters worse.

Whats happened to make you move out - arguing? Or more?

I disagree.

They can help you get your point accross when you have tried many times before but feel like you're not being heard. They do this because they are neutral. They aren't busybodies.

Even if you've reached the point of no return. They can help you negotiate the terms in which you separate.

I have a positive experience of them.

[Miss Pitstop]

Liszt said:

Having a tough time with the wife at the moment with me having moved out. Relate has been suggested but does anyone have experience with them? Not sure I want to see some busybody who tells me we need to communicate.

Sorry to hear this - YHM

[Agoogy]

Shar2 said:

They can be very helpful, but both parties need to see that something is wrong, needs fixing and is willing to try.

Thats the long and the short of it.. if either one of you feels 'unhelpful' then it won't work...
my wife and I went... guy asks a few questions about our past and then looks at me and asks what I think are the problems... and I give a fair, objective assessment of the issues (which I've been into on here before...)
Then he turns to my wife and asks for her perspective and (with no word of a lie) she comes out with a string of lies and insults about me (!!!!) I try and suggest that what she's saying is not true and the guy holds his hand up to me and suggests she has to finish and get her point across.. meanwhile he's taking notes...

So now this stranger is having his opinions and direction formed and altered by a mad woman!

You may be getting the impression I have no time for Relate... not quite the case... I have no time for my then insulting/un-apologetic wife.



5 weeks into divorce now...just wish it was over....

good luck though!

[Liszt]

parakitaMol. said:

CosmicMatt said:

I'm sure if you care for the wife then anything is worth a try, however if you've gone past the point of getting the relationship fixed then it could make matters worse.

Whats happened to make you move out - arguing? Or more?

I disagree.

They can help you get your point accross when you have tried many times before but feel like you're not being heard. They do this because they are neutral. They aren't busybodies.

Even if you've reached the point of no return. They can help you negotiate the terms in which you separate.

I have a positive experience of them.

I don't particularly want to discuss the details in public, but I have a lot of resentment built up for many reasons.
Need to work out how to get over those.

[Shar2]

Agoogy said:

Shar2 said:

They can be very helpful, but both parties need to see that something is wrong, needs fixing and is willing to try.

Thats the long and the short of it.. if either one of you feels 'unhelpful' then it won't work...
my wife and I went... guy asks a few questions about our past and then looks at me and asks what I think are the problems... and I give a fair, objective assessment of the issues (which I've been into on here before...)
Then he turns to my wife and asks for her perspective and (with no word of a lie) she comes out with a string of lies and insults about me (!!!!) I try and suggest that what she's saying is not true and the guy holds his hand up to me and suggests she has to finish and get her point across.. meanwhile he's taking notes...

So now this stranger is having his opinions and direction formed and altered by a mad woman!

You may be getting the impression I have no time for Relate... not quite the case... I have no time for my then insulting/un-apologetic wife.



5 weeks into divorce now...just wish it was over....

good luck though!

Sounds like the way my ex-wife was. She just couldn't see that there was a problem. I'm glad we were able to get the divorce sorted quickly.

[rich1231]

How many of you can say that you have had a relationship and then had it go wrong, and then worked things out and it all be grand again?

fk all I'd imagine.

[nigelfr]

My experience with Relate was almost 15 years ago. The woman asked my wife what the problems were. After she had finished, the woman turned to me and said, "You've got to change a lot."

I mean WTF, I hadn't even had a chance to present my side of the story.

There was no second appointment.

Good news is, I got divorced and married someone I like a lot more. (Don't want to use any mushy words here.)

[GuildfordPaul]

Miss Pitstop said:

Liszt said:

Having a tough time with the wife at the moment with me having moved out. Relate has been suggested but does anyone have experience with them? Not sure I want to see some busybody who tells me we need to communicate.

Sorry to hear this - YHM

easy love, moving in a bit quickly there, give him a chance to get over his wife first

[Brown and Boris]

Can be useful if you want it to work, expensive waste of time if you don't.

Also they tend to use psychobabble techniques ( give you a bag of stones to chose one; what kind of stone are you?) and I felt that any blokish or sarcastic behaviour was frowned upon (e.g. taking the pi55 out of her family).

I was there every Saturday for 9 months at £40 an hour. I could have had new tyres for that money or bought my mistress a nice pressie.

[johnfm]

They asked me to start with the positives....what do you both have in common?


"..well, neither of us sucks cock...."

[parakitaMol.]

Liszt said:

parakitaMol. said:

CosmicMatt said:

I'm sure if you care for the wife then anything is worth a try, however if you've gone past the point of getting the relationship fixed then it could make matters worse.

Whats happened to make you move out - arguing? Or more?

I disagree.

They can help you get your point accross when you have tried many times before but feel like you're not being heard. They do this because they are neutral. They aren't busybodies.

Even if you've reached the point of no return. They can help you negotiate the terms in which you separate.

I have a positive experience of them.

I don't particularly want to discuss the details in public, but I have a lot of resentment built up for many reasons.
Need to work out how to get over those.

Fair enough. I just wanted point out that it's not only helpful for those who want it to work. I was sure at that point, however it did help with other aspects. Like anything, it's only worth it if you're getting something out of it.

[dave_s13]

rich1231 said:

How many of you can say that you have had a relationship and then had it go wrong, and then worked things out and it all be grand again?

fk all I'd imagine.

I have.

[Miss Pitstop]

GuildfordPaul said:

Miss Pitstop said:

Liszt said:

Having a tough time with the wife at the moment with me having moved out. Relate has been suggested but does anyone have experience with them? Not sure I want to see some busybody who tells me we need to communicate.

Sorry to hear this - YHM

easy love, moving in a bit quickly there, give him a chance to get over his wife first

Opps - Didn't read it like that! All honest intentions I promise, just don't feel the need to air my experiences on PH!

[soprano]

johnfm said:

They asked me to start with the positives....what do you both have in common?


"..well, neither of us sucks cock...."