FFS what sort of muppets are employed by phone companies
Discussion
I decided to get rid of a load of contracts I had with Vodafone. Something that I just hadn't got around to doing, putting off, etc. But last month I sent that cancellation fax. Of the 5 contracts, 4 were being cancelled with immediate effect, or at least the 30 days notice you have to give. Yesterday was cut off day.
THEY'VE ONLY CANCELLED MY CONTRACT!!!
Maybe its my fault - I get the copy of the letter out and it clearly states the contracts that need to cease. There is no reference to the master phone on the account, yet they turned it into Pay As You Waffle.
So, I dial 191 to speak to the accounts team. Instead, 191 now diverts to Top Up Line and this recorded female voice starts barking instructions at you. Its the dumbed down instructions as well for idiots, remember this is the Top Up line. I can only describe this woman's voice as horrible for some reason.
The voice is nice and reassuring, specially selected so that after the 40th time it says "you are held in a queue, sorry for the delay" you really unscrewing the antique razor to get to the blades. Depression starts to grip.
Then the insult "Press 0 for an operator - you will be charged 25p for this option". ^*&%&^%@£&^%&^@%£&^%@&£^%&^%&^ grrrrr
First 6 minutes on hold pass peacefully. I hate hold music. Hold music stops you listening to other things in life, like the TV or the radio, instead you are forced to listen to the same repeating loop that some failed musicians have recorded. You cheer the chord change. And then every 30 seconds, just as the will to live is lost, the woman's voice chimes in with an apology. An apology you will hear over and over again, that is as empty the first time as it its the 40th time.
You kill time looking for the antique razor. You check that the heating is on, and maybe start running the bath in preparation. Warm water I've heard is best. And who wants to sit in a cold bath anyway.
After 2 more minutes Vodafone rustle up a human. "Sorry for the delay" he starts. Yeah, right, I've called the apology line at 25p a call. Marvelous.
I explain the problem which he fails to understand. He thinks I'm a new happy stupid customer when in fact I'm an unhappy veteran customer who is working out if he can lean down the phone and rip this guy a new a
hole. His stupidity continues for a few minutes, until the penny finally drops. Ah he says, "I need to transfer you".
Its amazing how much you can do in 30 minutes whilst on hold, with the tally rate of the Apology Lady apologizing every 30 seconds. The number of chord changes on the hold music is 6. You can write last will and testaments and all sorts. In fact the bath has gone somewhat tepid, but these will soon be problems of the past you console yourself with.
Eventually another cheery person at Vodafone HQ come to speak to me. Success I think. He apologies about the hold time. I assure him that "really mate, I didn't have anything else planned this afternoon". He takes it in good humour confirming his endearing stupidity.
He discovers that my problem isn't in fact his problem, and that its someone else's problem all together. He apologies that he'll put me on hold again.
8 more minutes and we get a happy sounding soul on my business team. I explain the problem, she gets wrong end of stick, but not before another 3 minutes on hold whilst she grapples with that incorrect stick. She comes back with solution to the wrong stick. I explain the wrong stick solution is the wrong stick, and she APOLOGISES! I love Vodafone, several human apologies and countless "hold" apologies.
I explain to her the problem again. She understands. Success. After nearly an hour I can nearly see light at the end of the tunnel.
She goes away to sort the problem and offers to call me back. Doesn't take long to hear from her. Apparently I have to start the whole process again as the PayasyouWaffle people need to start the transfer of the number back to the business team.
I explained that that wasn't going to happen. This was their problem and they need to sort it, and if she wanted me to talk to her supervisor then that wasn't a problem. And then the magic words "if I have to call the PayTalk people - i'll be calling for the PUK code and going to 02 and getting an iPhone."
Now we are waiting for the call back....
THEY'VE ONLY CANCELLED MY CONTRACT!!!
Maybe its my fault - I get the copy of the letter out and it clearly states the contracts that need to cease. There is no reference to the master phone on the account, yet they turned it into Pay As You Waffle.
So, I dial 191 to speak to the accounts team. Instead, 191 now diverts to Top Up Line and this recorded female voice starts barking instructions at you. Its the dumbed down instructions as well for idiots, remember this is the Top Up line. I can only describe this woman's voice as horrible for some reason.
The voice is nice and reassuring, specially selected so that after the 40th time it says "you are held in a queue, sorry for the delay" you really unscrewing the antique razor to get to the blades. Depression starts to grip.
Then the insult "Press 0 for an operator - you will be charged 25p for this option". ^*&%&^%@£&^%&^@%£&^%@&£^%&^%&^ grrrrr
First 6 minutes on hold pass peacefully. I hate hold music. Hold music stops you listening to other things in life, like the TV or the radio, instead you are forced to listen to the same repeating loop that some failed musicians have recorded. You cheer the chord change. And then every 30 seconds, just as the will to live is lost, the woman's voice chimes in with an apology. An apology you will hear over and over again, that is as empty the first time as it its the 40th time.
You kill time looking for the antique razor. You check that the heating is on, and maybe start running the bath in preparation. Warm water I've heard is best. And who wants to sit in a cold bath anyway.
After 2 more minutes Vodafone rustle up a human. "Sorry for the delay" he starts. Yeah, right, I've called the apology line at 25p a call. Marvelous.
I explain the problem which he fails to understand. He thinks I'm a new happy stupid customer when in fact I'm an unhappy veteran customer who is working out if he can lean down the phone and rip this guy a new a
hole. His stupidity continues for a few minutes, until the penny finally drops. Ah he says, "I need to transfer you".Its amazing how much you can do in 30 minutes whilst on hold, with the tally rate of the Apology Lady apologizing every 30 seconds. The number of chord changes on the hold music is 6. You can write last will and testaments and all sorts. In fact the bath has gone somewhat tepid, but these will soon be problems of the past you console yourself with.
Eventually another cheery person at Vodafone HQ come to speak to me. Success I think. He apologies about the hold time. I assure him that "really mate, I didn't have anything else planned this afternoon". He takes it in good humour confirming his endearing stupidity.
He discovers that my problem isn't in fact his problem, and that its someone else's problem all together. He apologies that he'll put me on hold again.
8 more minutes and we get a happy sounding soul on my business team. I explain the problem, she gets wrong end of stick, but not before another 3 minutes on hold whilst she grapples with that incorrect stick. She comes back with solution to the wrong stick. I explain the wrong stick solution is the wrong stick, and she APOLOGISES! I love Vodafone, several human apologies and countless "hold" apologies.
I explain to her the problem again. She understands. Success. After nearly an hour I can nearly see light at the end of the tunnel.
She goes away to sort the problem and offers to call me back. Doesn't take long to hear from her. Apparently I have to start the whole process again as the PayasyouWaffle people need to start the transfer of the number back to the business team.
I explained that that wasn't going to happen. This was their problem and they need to sort it, and if she wanted me to talk to her supervisor then that wasn't a problem. And then the magic words "if I have to call the PayTalk people - i'll be calling for the PUK code and going to 02 and getting an iPhone."
Now we are waiting for the call back....
Been there, got very annoyed.
Needed to buy a new phone and contract, so did it at my local Vodafone retail shop. People I can talk to and they want to help me. Well, all of them other than that vacuous cow with severe halitosis and massive bazookas! But any issues, I just pop in and they help out. Retail, they way forward for customer service....
Needed to buy a new phone and contract, so did it at my local Vodafone retail shop. People I can talk to and they want to help me. Well, all of them other than that vacuous cow with severe halitosis and massive bazookas! But any issues, I just pop in and they help out. Retail, they way forward for customer service....
Been away for a month, and been vaguely aware my phone was disconnected whilst away. Not exactly end of the world as I don't need it for the month. Figure its an unpaid bill, but would sort when I get back.
Yup, its an unpaid bill - the feckers charged me for the remainder of the contract that was in fact on the phone that they cancelled in November!!!! So despite all this screwing around, they left a £300 charge on the account....Feckwits.
Yup, its an unpaid bill - the feckers charged me for the remainder of the contract that was in fact on the phone that they cancelled in November!!!! So despite all this screwing around, they left a £300 charge on the account....Feckwits.
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