Brother in-law's marriage break-up
Discussion
Not in the habit of posting maudlin' threads but just had an unpleasant weekend at the parents'-in-law, where we stayed for the weekend.
My wife's brother who has been married for 10 years and is father to 3 kids under 7 years old, seems to have decided to 'check out early' from his marriage and 'Dad role' to be with an 18 year old girl.
Much of the break-up arguing and shouting have happened at the parents'-in-law house because this is where my BiL is staying.
His wife is in bits and the oldest kid is very unhappy. Seeing her lying on the sofa crying made me well-up. Poor little thing.
I don't think the marriage was perfect but my BiL just seems to have found himself in an unhappy rut and sees this 18 year old as a way out. I don't know much of the background in the last few months but his affair was out of the blue.
It all seems very simple -he's being a selfish t
t, is shirking his responsibilities and is hurting his wife and 3 kids just because he's found an 18 year-old (and 17 years his junior) 'soulmate'.
I want to take a balanced view though, I am being too harsh?
My wife's brother who has been married for 10 years and is father to 3 kids under 7 years old, seems to have decided to 'check out early' from his marriage and 'Dad role' to be with an 18 year old girl.
Much of the break-up arguing and shouting have happened at the parents'-in-law house because this is where my BiL is staying.
His wife is in bits and the oldest kid is very unhappy. Seeing her lying on the sofa crying made me well-up. Poor little thing.
I don't think the marriage was perfect but my BiL just seems to have found himself in an unhappy rut and sees this 18 year old as a way out. I don't know much of the background in the last few months but his affair was out of the blue.
It all seems very simple -he's being a selfish t
t, is shirking his responsibilities and is hurting his wife and 3 kids just because he's found an 18 year-old (and 17 years his junior) 'soulmate'.I want to take a balanced view though, I am being too harsh?
No, you seem to be looking at it from the right angle.
Age differences between partners are nothing when you are both reasonably 'developed' mentally (like 25+) but where there is a 35 year old and an 18 year old, well the odds on it lasting more than a few months/longer than the money are very short.
Fine if he wants to leave and play house with the 18yo but he must not shirk the responsibilities to the children. How he fecks his own life up is up to him, but he must put the kids welfare first.
Looks like someone needs to reminded of the difference between being an adult male and being a man.
not knowing the other side of the story off him, its difficult to comment on the situation.
Did they talk it through or has he just decided he cant cope (there any reason for the bust up) or is he just being selfish?
Has the credit crunch got him and he has decided to bury his head in the sand and bugger off, etc.
Any more info?
Did they talk it through or has he just decided he cant cope (there any reason for the bust up) or is he just being selfish?
Has the credit crunch got him and he has decided to bury his head in the sand and bugger off, etc.
Any more info?
captainzep said:
Not in the habit of posting maudlin' threads but just had an unpleasant weekend at the parents'-in-law, where we stayed for the weekend.
My wife's brother who has been married for 10 years and is father to 3 kids under 7 years old, seems to have decided to 'check out early' from his marriage and 'Dad role' to be with an 18 year old girl.
Much of the break-up arguing and shouting have happened at the parents'-in-law house because this is where my BiL is staying.
His wife is in bits and the oldest kid is very unhappy. Seeing her lying on the sofa crying made me well-up. Poor little thing.
I don't think the marriage was perfect but my BiL just seems to have found himself in an unhappy rut and sees this 18 year old as a way out. I don't know much of the background in the last few months but his affair was out of the blue.
It all seems very simple -he's being a selfish tt, is shirking his responsibilities and is hurting his wife and 3 kids just because he's found an 18 year-old (and 17 years his junior) 'soulmate'.
I want to take a balanced view though, I am being too harsh?
Having been involved with a very similar situation, I can confirm it's the worst thing ever to 'us'My wife's brother who has been married for 10 years and is father to 3 kids under 7 years old, seems to have decided to 'check out early' from his marriage and 'Dad role' to be with an 18 year old girl.
Much of the break-up arguing and shouting have happened at the parents'-in-law house because this is where my BiL is staying.
His wife is in bits and the oldest kid is very unhappy. Seeing her lying on the sofa crying made me well-up. Poor little thing.
I don't think the marriage was perfect but my BiL just seems to have found himself in an unhappy rut and sees this 18 year old as a way out. I don't know much of the background in the last few months but his affair was out of the blue.
It all seems very simple -he's being a selfish t
t, is shirking his responsibilities and is hurting his wife and 3 kids just because he's found an 18 year-old (and 17 years his junior) 'soulmate'.I want to take a balanced view though, I am being too harsh?
I say us because it affects the whole family. Nothing is ever the same, and a normal situation can quickly become awkward.
I feel for them, I really do.
In all seriousness. It's a terrible siutation for the wife and the children. It seems that he's gone for the "grass is greener" option - which is no doubt tempting - but it is ENTIRELY selfish. He's just decided that he no longer wants the responsibility for the rasing and development of three future-adults. That resonsibility never leaves him though, he will merely be chosing to ignore it.
It's a crying shame and, despite what his wife might or might not be like in the marriage, his children don't deserve it.
Very poor form - to put it mildly. IMO.
It's a crying shame and, despite what his wife might or might not be like in the marriage, his children don't deserve it.
Very poor form - to put it mildly. IMO.
rude-boy said:
No, you seem to be looking at it from the right angle.
Age differences between partners are nothing when you are both reasonably 'developed' mentally (like 25+) but where there is a 35 year old and an 18 year old, well the odds on it lasting more than a few months/longer than the money are very short.
Fine if he wants to leave and play house with the 18yo but he must not shirk the responsibilities to the children. How he fecks his own life up is up to him, but he must put the kids welfare first.
Looks like someone needs to reminded of the difference between being an adult male and being a man.
Nail. Head.Age differences between partners are nothing when you are both reasonably 'developed' mentally (like 25+) but where there is a 35 year old and an 18 year old, well the odds on it lasting more than a few months/longer than the money are very short.
Fine if he wants to leave and play house with the 18yo but he must not shirk the responsibilities to the children. How he fecks his own life up is up to him, but he must put the kids welfare first.
Looks like someone needs to reminded of the difference between being an adult male and being a man.
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