Self congratulatiory annual letters
Discussion
You know the thing; 'this year Johnny got an A* in his GCES food tech and has a place at Oxford, been very busy taking Jessica to her England swimming team pratice ( I kid you not) and I got voted Yummy Mummy of the year, how embarrassing!'
Anytime now these US inspired emails of self-masturbation will start to arrive from people trying to pretend their ife is far better and sucessful than mine (and they will be right).
They clearly have no insight to the fact they look like a tosser for sending these out. I am temptd to pre-empt with with one sayinmg I have had some serious, and what may yet prove fatal disease, to put them off.
Any more ideas or responses?
Anytime now these US inspired emails of self-masturbation will start to arrive from people trying to pretend their ife is far better and sucessful than mine (and they will be right).
They clearly have no insight to the fact they look like a tosser for sending these out. I am temptd to pre-empt with with one sayinmg I have had some serious, and what may yet prove fatal disease, to put them off.
Any more ideas or responses?
Edited by Brown and Boris on Saturday 6th December 23:14
|Keep getting these off some geezer that I never knew that worked at a business partner of ours and took a 2 year "sebatical" Whilst doing so, I ended up on his email contact list somehow for these "Round Robins" as he called them.
Stories of Mitzty and Bunty, his kids (!) swimming with dolphins in where flipping ever, crap about rail journeys...........
His firm were totally embarrased by it all tbh.
We just thought he was a nob and we certainly know him now he's back at work!
Stories of Mitzty and Bunty, his kids (!) swimming with dolphins in where flipping ever, crap about rail journeys...........
His firm were totally embarrased by it all tbh.
We just thought he was a nob and we certainly know him now he's back at work!
Why don't you just tell them you don't want to hear from them? Perhaps send them a letter saying that you're dead or something, then I'm sure they won't bother any more...
Christmas is the perfect opportunity to catch up with people and exchange news. I rather like finding out what people are up to if we have been slack enough not to communicate during the year (easily done).
Christmas is the perfect opportunity to catch up with people and exchange news. I rather like finding out what people are up to if we have been slack enough not to communicate during the year (easily done).
Brown and Boris said:
You know the thing; 'this year Johnny got an A* in his GCES food tech and has a place at Oxford, been very busy taking Jessica to her England swimming team pratice ( I kid you not) and I got voted Yummy Mummy of the year, how embarrassing!'
Anytime now these US inspired emails of self-masturbation will start to arrive from people trying to pretend their ife is far better and sucessful than mine (and they will be right).
They clearly have no insight to the fact they look like a tosser for sending these out. I am temptd to pre-empt with with one sayinmg I have had some serious, and what may yet prove fatal disease, to put them off.
Any more ideas or responses?
US inspired E-mails? My Grandfather used to send such a letter out about 40 years ago slipped into every Christmas card, and his own Grandparents did the same. (This being 3000 miles away from the US and 100 years before the internet).Anytime now these US inspired emails of self-masturbation will start to arrive from people trying to pretend their ife is far better and sucessful than mine (and they will be right).
They clearly have no insight to the fact they look like a tosser for sending these out. I am temptd to pre-empt with with one sayinmg I have had some serious, and what may yet prove fatal disease, to put them off.
Any more ideas or responses?
Edited by Brown and Boris on Saturday 6th December 23:14
Edited by trampagne on Saturday 6th December 23:59
s3fella said:
Stories of Mitzty and Bunty, his kids (!)
those are not names. please tell me you're exaggerating.and i hate those letters too - not the concept, as a yearly update can be nice...but some people just write them in a way that makes you want to send them some anthrax by return.
In total contrast, a very close mate of mine (best man at the wedding type-close) who lives 120 miles away, recently bought a new Merc. I didnt know, he didnt tell me, ended up coming out through a mutual friend. Some people are just humble. I prefer it that way. Its very British.
Edited by Mst007 on Sunday 7th December 00:37
trampagne said:
Brown and Boris said:
You know the thing; 'this year Johnny got an A* in his GCES food tech and has a place at Oxford, been very busy taking Jessica to her England swimming team pratice ( I kid you not) and I got voted Yummy Mummy of the year, how embarrassing!'
Anytime now these US inspired emails of self-masturbation will start to arrive from people trying to pretend their ife is far better and sucessful than mine (and they will be right).
They clearly have no insight to the fact they look like a tosser for sending these out. I am temptd to pre-empt with with one sayinmg I have had some serious, and what may yet prove fatal disease, to put them off.
Any more ideas or responses?
US inspired E-mails? My Grandfather used to send such a letter out about 40 years ago slipped into every Christmas card, and his own Grandparents did the same. (This being 3000 miles away from the US and 100 years before the internet).Anytime now these US inspired emails of self-masturbation will start to arrive from people trying to pretend their ife is far better and sucessful than mine (and they will be right).
They clearly have no insight to the fact they look like a tosser for sending these out. I am temptd to pre-empt with with one sayinmg I have had some serious, and what may yet prove fatal disease, to put them off.
Any more ideas or responses?
Edited by Brown and Boris on Saturday 6th December 23:14
Edited by trampagne on Saturday 6th December 23:59
Brown and Boris said:
You know the thing; 'this year Johnny got an A* in his GCES food tech and has a place at Oxford, been very busy taking Jessica to her England swimming team pratice ( I kid you not) and I got voted Yummy Mummy of the year, how embarrassing!'
Anytime now these US inspired emails of self-masturbation will start to arrive from people trying to pretend their ife is far better and sucessful than mine (and they will be right).
They clearly have no insight to the fact they look like a tosser for sending these out. I am temptd to pre-empt with with one sayinmg I have had some serious, and what may yet prove fatal disease, to put them off.
Any more ideas or responses?
You can never trump these people unless you have travelled from John o' Groats to Bangalore on a unicycle with one change of underpants while breastfeeding, so I'd suggest that you don't try.Anytime now these US inspired emails of self-masturbation will start to arrive from people trying to pretend their ife is far better and sucessful than mine (and they will be right).
They clearly have no insight to the fact they look like a tosser for sending these out. I am temptd to pre-empt with with one sayinmg I have had some serious, and what may yet prove fatal disease, to put them off.
Any more ideas or responses?
Nightmare said:
s3fella said:
Stories of Mitzty and Bunty, his kids (!)
those are not names. please tell me you're exaggerating.and i hate those letters too - not the concept, as a yearly update can be nice...but some people just write them in a way that makes you want to send them some anthrax by return.
Apparently, they are back in the UK and Mitzy runs the squashclub!!
Ok, I have just done a 12 page version of my own ready for when the next one arrives.
It recounts various sexual episodes in a hotel bedroom, tells lies about our kids (Ok, so we don't have kids but stories about the dogs being selected for the England team etc) talks about Gary Glitter and the bouts of flatulence I have suffered during the year. Sprinkled with innuendo about a friend being taken up the Oxo tower for a proposal, I think that should put them right. Can't see them competing next year.
It recounts various sexual episodes in a hotel bedroom, tells lies about our kids (Ok, so we don't have kids but stories about the dogs being selected for the England team etc) talks about Gary Glitter and the bouts of flatulence I have suffered during the year. Sprinkled with innuendo about a friend being taken up the Oxo tower for a proposal, I think that should put them right. Can't see them competing next year.
A family that I baby sat for a few times before they moved to Kent send us one of these horrors every Christmas. Me and my Mum spend a bit of time reading between the lines, as it were.
"Our sixteen year old son is full of a energy and is a typical teenage boy, always getting in to mischief and little scrapes".
Translated in to "our sixteen year old son is a spoilt brat and is starting to come off the rails, he's been caught with drugs at school several times and last week we had to pick him up from the police station after he was caught joy riding".
"Our eighteen year old daughter has completed her A Levels with fantastic grades but has decided to put off university for a year, she's thinking of travelling, or possibly doing some volunteer work for the local charity".
Translation, "our eighteen year old daughter failed several A Levels as she didn't realise that not turning in your coursework because you were too busy shagging half the rugby team meant you didn't get a grade, so is having to retake them as even Hull won't accept her, this is assuming the pregnancy test she is currently upstairs taking doesn't come out positive".
"My husband has been very busy at work as his assistant left recently to move closer to her parents, who are a bit poorly at the moment."
Translation, "My husband had an affair with his assistant and transferred her to another office in a different region after I threatened to kill the pair of them if they continued to work together".
"I had a little medical problem a few months ago but I'm starting to feel a lot better and we're hoping the new year will bring some good news on that front".
Translation, "I was arrested for drunk driving a few months ago, but it's okay as I've taken to popping sleeping pills instead, can you blame me, my son's a criminal, my daughter's a w
e and my husband is shagging anything in a skirt except me, even after the plastic surgery I had done last Christmas".
"Our sixteen year old son is full of a energy and is a typical teenage boy, always getting in to mischief and little scrapes".
Translated in to "our sixteen year old son is a spoilt brat and is starting to come off the rails, he's been caught with drugs at school several times and last week we had to pick him up from the police station after he was caught joy riding".
"Our eighteen year old daughter has completed her A Levels with fantastic grades but has decided to put off university for a year, she's thinking of travelling, or possibly doing some volunteer work for the local charity".
Translation, "our eighteen year old daughter failed several A Levels as she didn't realise that not turning in your coursework because you were too busy shagging half the rugby team meant you didn't get a grade, so is having to retake them as even Hull won't accept her, this is assuming the pregnancy test she is currently upstairs taking doesn't come out positive".
"My husband has been very busy at work as his assistant left recently to move closer to her parents, who are a bit poorly at the moment."
Translation, "My husband had an affair with his assistant and transferred her to another office in a different region after I threatened to kill the pair of them if they continued to work together".
"I had a little medical problem a few months ago but I'm starting to feel a lot better and we're hoping the new year will bring some good news on that front".
Translation, "I was arrested for drunk driving a few months ago, but it's okay as I've taken to popping sleeping pills instead, can you blame me, my son's a criminal, my daughter's a w
e and my husband is shagging anything in a skirt except me, even after the plastic surgery I had done last Christmas".
MentalSarcasm said:
A family that I baby sat for a few times before they moved to Kent send us one of these horrors every Christmas. Me and my Mum spend a bit of time reading between the lines, as it were.
"Our sixteen year old son is full of a energy and is a typical teenage boy, always getting in to mischief and little scrapes".
Translated in to "our sixteen year old son is a spoilt brat and is starting to come off the rails, he's been caught with drugs at school several times and last week we had to pick him up from the police station after he was caught joy riding".
"Our eighteen year old daughter has completed her A Levels with fantastic grades but has decided to put off university for a year, she's thinking of travelling, or possibly doing some volunteer work for the local charity".
Translation, "our eighteen year old daughter failed several A Levels as she didn't realise that not turning in your coursework because you were too busy shagging half the rugby team meant you didn't get a grade, so is having to retake them as even Hull won't accept her, this is assuming the pregnancy test she is currently upstairs taking doesn't come out positive".
"My husband has been very busy at work as his assistant left recently to move closer to her parents, who are a bit poorly at the moment."
Translation, "My husband had an affair with his assistant and transferred her to another office in a different region after I threatened to kill the pair of them if they continued to work together".
"I had a little medical problem a few months ago but I'm starting to feel a lot better and we're hoping the new year will bring some good news on that front".
Translation, "I was arrested for drunk driving a few months ago, but it's okay as I've taken to popping sleeping pills instead, can you blame me, my son's a criminal, my daughter's a we and my husband is shagging anything in a skirt except me, even after the plastic surgery I had done last Christmas".
"Our sixteen year old son is full of a energy and is a typical teenage boy, always getting in to mischief and little scrapes".
Translated in to "our sixteen year old son is a spoilt brat and is starting to come off the rails, he's been caught with drugs at school several times and last week we had to pick him up from the police station after he was caught joy riding".
"Our eighteen year old daughter has completed her A Levels with fantastic grades but has decided to put off university for a year, she's thinking of travelling, or possibly doing some volunteer work for the local charity".
Translation, "our eighteen year old daughter failed several A Levels as she didn't realise that not turning in your coursework because you were too busy shagging half the rugby team meant you didn't get a grade, so is having to retake them as even Hull won't accept her, this is assuming the pregnancy test she is currently upstairs taking doesn't come out positive".
"My husband has been very busy at work as his assistant left recently to move closer to her parents, who are a bit poorly at the moment."
Translation, "My husband had an affair with his assistant and transferred her to another office in a different region after I threatened to kill the pair of them if they continued to work together".
"I had a little medical problem a few months ago but I'm starting to feel a lot better and we're hoping the new year will bring some good news on that front".
Translation, "I was arrested for drunk driving a few months ago, but it's okay as I've taken to popping sleeping pills instead, can you blame me, my son's a criminal, my daughter's a w
e and my husband is shagging anything in a skirt except me, even after the plastic surgery I had done last Christmas".
If any of us receives one of these hideous letters, we should publish it here for a translation.
Edited by NDA on Sunday 7th December 10:29
Chrispy Porker said:
Agreed^
We have started to reply with spoof letters listing our childrens failings, and our own miserable existence.
We have started to reply with spoof letters listing our childrens failings, and our own miserable existence.
"Dear X, Oh that's sounds nice. Little Johnny is on smack now. The other half has started renting her ring out to see us through the crunch. Cheerio then"
Should do it
My very religious aunt/uncle/nutcase family member sends these out about how they are doing God's work every day, running a church school, being a pastor. How their kids are following in their footsteps and preaching blah blah blah.
I'm sending one out for the first time this year, telling them how I'm still living in sin, having lots of sex outside of marriage, drinking far too much and partying hard. It might prompt them not to bother sending one to me next year.
I'm sending one out for the first time this year, telling them how I'm still living in sin, having lots of sex outside of marriage, drinking far too much and partying hard. It might prompt them not to bother sending one to me next year.
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