long distance relationships
Discussion
do they ever work out?
been with the OH 2.5yrs, she moved 200miles away in the first week.
until recently she was at uni and i have had a long term house renovation on the go. was easy not to have to think about the realities of how things would work long term - career plans, where to live etc.
the other night we had 'a talk', the upshot of which is that she doesn't know whether there's any point continuing. she thinks having to commit to a relationship over such a distance is killing the spontaneity and romance and its too much having to juggle it round work/life etc.
its not over yet but am pretty damn gutted. the worst part is that i have recently largely abandoned my planned career move abroad and was thinking about renting my house out when its finished and finding work a lot nearer to the OH. now i'm afraid it just sounds like i'm trying to apease her to stop the relationship breaking up.
i guess i don't really have a point, just that i think i'm losing the most wonderful woman in the world and its the most terrible feeling i have ever had. been in and out of love before but if it comes to an end i will carry this with me for a long time
anyone been through similar? has anyone made a LDR work?
<awaits the usual response to this kind of thing >
been with the OH 2.5yrs, she moved 200miles away in the first week.
until recently she was at uni and i have had a long term house renovation on the go. was easy not to have to think about the realities of how things would work long term - career plans, where to live etc.
the other night we had 'a talk', the upshot of which is that she doesn't know whether there's any point continuing. she thinks having to commit to a relationship over such a distance is killing the spontaneity and romance and its too much having to juggle it round work/life etc.
its not over yet but am pretty damn gutted. the worst part is that i have recently largely abandoned my planned career move abroad and was thinking about renting my house out when its finished and finding work a lot nearer to the OH. now i'm afraid it just sounds like i'm trying to apease her to stop the relationship breaking up.
i guess i don't really have a point, just that i think i'm losing the most wonderful woman in the world and its the most terrible feeling i have ever had. been in and out of love before but if it comes to an end i will carry this with me for a long time
anyone been through similar? has anyone made a LDR work?
<awaits the usual response to this kind of thing >
shirt said:
<awaits the usual response to this kind of thing >
It's sad but it's true. If you both have things to do with your lives and distance makes them incompatible then it would be WRONG to ruin your futures by trying to stay together.Eventually there will come a time in your life when nothing matters except to be with the woman. You'll compromise EVERYTHING else to make it happen. There will be no "moving nearer". There will be getting married and moving in together and the only future that matters is the one together.
If either of you aren't ready for the latter scenario? Treasure what you'be had. Move on. Be long distance friends.
shirt said:
do they ever work out?
been with the OH 2.5yrs, she moved 200miles away in the first week.
until recently she was at uni and i have had a long term house renovation on the go. was easy not to have to think about the realities of how things would work long term - career plans, where to live etc.
the other night we had 'a talk', the upshot of which is that she doesn't know whether there's any point continuing. she thinks having to commit to a relationship over such a distance is killing the spontaneity and romance and its too much having to juggle it round work/life etc.
its not over yet but am pretty damn gutted. the worst part is that i have recently largely abandoned my planned career move abroad and was thinking about renting my house out when its finished and finding work a lot nearer to the OH. now i'm afraid it just sounds like i'm trying to apease her to stop the relationship breaking up.
i guess i don't really have a point, just that i think i'm losing the most wonderful woman in the world and its the most terrible feeling i have ever had. been in and out of love before but if it comes to an end i will carry this with me for a long time
anyone been through similar? has anyone made a LDR work?
<awaits the usual response to this kind of thing >
Yes, did similar for nearly 4 years. It's tough, there's no getting away from it. Work still takes me all over, often at short notice, so we don't see each other as much as if I had a 9-5 mon to Fri job. Managed more than 12 years together though.been with the OH 2.5yrs, she moved 200miles away in the first week.
until recently she was at uni and i have had a long term house renovation on the go. was easy not to have to think about the realities of how things would work long term - career plans, where to live etc.
the other night we had 'a talk', the upshot of which is that she doesn't know whether there's any point continuing. she thinks having to commit to a relationship over such a distance is killing the spontaneity and romance and its too much having to juggle it round work/life etc.
its not over yet but am pretty damn gutted. the worst part is that i have recently largely abandoned my planned career move abroad and was thinking about renting my house out when its finished and finding work a lot nearer to the OH. now i'm afraid it just sounds like i'm trying to apease her to stop the relationship breaking up.
i guess i don't really have a point, just that i think i'm losing the most wonderful woman in the world and its the most terrible feeling i have ever had. been in and out of love before but if it comes to an end i will carry this with me for a long time
anyone been through similar? has anyone made a LDR work?
<awaits the usual response to this kind of thing >
Unfortunately, it requires give and take from both parties. It sounds like you're making changes to your career and life to be near her. Tell her that's what you're wanting to do, and see how she responds. If it works out, great, if not, unfortunately that's life.
It's difficult to provide an answer to this, only the two of you know what you need to do to make it work.
HOpe it all works out for you.
Depends how old you are.
Long distance would probably work in your 30's because you or she 'might be the one'. But in your 20's? Forget it, would never work. Your GF is absolutely correct to point out the problems.
I'd try one last sympathy shag and then move on. Try and photograph or video it if possible to remember her by.
shirt said:
... i think i'm losing the most wonderful woman in the world and its the most terrible feeling i have ever had...
<awaits the usual response to this kind of thing >
Never a good time for a conversation like that - but believe me - there'll be another one that comes along and decides to ruin you soon enough.<awaits the usual response to this kind of thing >
...by which time you'll be having fantastic EX-SEX with the
I don't see why not, although long distance relationships require much more effort and a lot more trust. As long as both of you are willing to travel, then there is no reason why you cannot see each other every 2-3 weeks for a weekend - Maybe book some time off work for important occasions etc?
My OH recently moved to Southampton, 70 miles from where I live. I usually see her at weekends and occasionally in the week, driving back the following morning at 5am to get to work on time! However before this I had to travel 225 miles to see her! Usually every two weeks to a month at a time. You'll have lots of telephone conversations, but it'll still be difficult in between not seeing each other.
Must be worth a go, shirley?
ETA: Moving in together in July - First house!
My OH recently moved to Southampton, 70 miles from where I live. I usually see her at weekends and occasionally in the week, driving back the following morning at 5am to get to work on time! However before this I had to travel 225 miles to see her! Usually every two weeks to a month at a time. You'll have lots of telephone conversations, but it'll still be difficult in between not seeing each other.
Must be worth a go, shirley?
ETA: Moving in together in July - First house!
Edited by Ikemi on Friday 19th December 11:21
Steamer said:
shirt said:
... i think i'm losing the most wonderful woman in the world and its the most terrible feeling i have ever had...
<awaits the usual response to this kind of thing >
Never a good time for a conversation like that - but believe me - there'll be another one that comes along and decides to ruin you soon enough.<awaits the usual response to this kind of thing >
...by which time you'll be having fantastic EX-SEX with the
no i met her in a bar. she was working there over summer, it was a 2nd job for me to save the deposit on the house.
i am not making sacrifices just to be with her. i am at a career crossroads in that i had always intended to move to europe with work - i.e. house bought off me, full relocation deal etc. - but that has fallen apart under the present economic climate. my other option was to leave the company and change industry - with just so happens to give me a lot more opportunities nearer to her [london]. i wouldn't move for a realtionship alone.
we have been through a lot tbh, but the hardest things has always been the distance and that my house has taken a year longer than i thought it would. she has take nthe view that it'll be another year at least before i am free to move on and she doesn't want to wait that long.
this is a big change from a couple of months back when i went for an interview in france and she said we;d make it work if i wanted to go, just take it one day at a time. seems she has thought about it a lot since then
i'm still of the opinion to take it a day at a time and to improve the communication on my career / building plans so she can see an end date to the LDR.
would love to stay friends if thats all thats possible but that never works now does it?
you really don't know what you've got til its gone. its not even final and i feel like crap.
only spoke about it the other night and said i'd call tonight. feel like jumping in the car and driving down but feel its the wrong thing to do.
i am not making sacrifices just to be with her. i am at a career crossroads in that i had always intended to move to europe with work - i.e. house bought off me, full relocation deal etc. - but that has fallen apart under the present economic climate. my other option was to leave the company and change industry - with just so happens to give me a lot more opportunities nearer to her [london]. i wouldn't move for a realtionship alone.
we have been through a lot tbh, but the hardest things has always been the distance and that my house has taken a year longer than i thought it would. she has take nthe view that it'll be another year at least before i am free to move on and she doesn't want to wait that long.
this is a big change from a couple of months back when i went for an interview in france and she said we;d make it work if i wanted to go, just take it one day at a time. seems she has thought about it a lot since then
i'm still of the opinion to take it a day at a time and to improve the communication on my career / building plans so she can see an end date to the LDR.
would love to stay friends if thats all thats possible but that never works now does it?
you really don't know what you've got til its gone. its not even final and i feel like crap.
only spoke about it the other night and said i'd call tonight. feel like jumping in the car and driving down but feel its the wrong thing to do.
I'm currently in a Relationship with a girl who lives in Manchester, I live in Guildford.. It's about a 250 mile journey but we make it work.
I'd rather live closer but we're both quite young, i'm 18 and she's 20.. And we met a few years ago online and after that met up in Manchester etc.
I miss seeing her as much as other people do with their partners who live with them or close by but if you want it to work it will
(Excepts loads of abuse too but ah well)
I'd rather live closer but we're both quite young, i'm 18 and she's 20.. And we met a few years ago online and after that met up in Manchester etc.
I miss seeing her as much as other people do with their partners who live with them or close by but if you want it to work it will
(Excepts loads of abuse too but ah well)
Jonny671 said:
I'm currently in a Relationship with a girl who lives in Manchester, I live in Guildford.. It's about a 250 mile journey but we make it work.
I'd rather live closer but we're both quite young, i'm 18 and she's 20.. And we met a few years ago online and after that met up in Manchester etc.
You may be in a relationship, but I doubt very much whether she is. At least, not with you.I'd rather live closer but we're both quite young, i'm 18 and she's 20.. And we met a few years ago online and after that met up in Manchester etc.
If she met you on the Internet and you are rarely together, pretty much goes without saying that she's realising every benefit Internet-dating offers.
Edited by V8mate on Friday 19th December 11:33
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