Burnin' down the house. Your closest shave..............
Discussion
So, the other half does the housework on sunday morning.
Im at mine with cousin doing things various.
She visits for 5 minutes, then leaves.
She then phones telling me i need to get back urgently...................
(only round the corner)
Arrive back to see smoke billowing out of the front door.
When she was cleaning the cooker, she turned it off at the socket (sensible)
Before she came out, she put the oven on to cook the roast (also sensible)
Due to the lights not coming on, she flicks the wall switch, hey presto, all is well, and leaves the house.
When she arrives back (after no more than 10mins) all of the hotplates were on, as she hadnt checked that before turning it back on (not so sensible) and there was a stack of paperwork (not at all sensible) and a wooden pan holder thing (pretty f
king stupid)
House still stinks, we need new worktops, a new hob, and a new extractor.
And, for all the blokes reading this, the conversation went along the lines of.................................Well, if you had bothered to help me, it wouldnt have happened.
Thought i may be to blame somewhere along the line
Whats the closest you have ever come to disater in the home??????
Im at mine with cousin doing things various.
She visits for 5 minutes, then leaves.
She then phones telling me i need to get back urgently...................
(only round the corner)
Arrive back to see smoke billowing out of the front door.
When she was cleaning the cooker, she turned it off at the socket (sensible)
Before she came out, she put the oven on to cook the roast (also sensible)
Due to the lights not coming on, she flicks the wall switch, hey presto, all is well, and leaves the house.
When she arrives back (after no more than 10mins) all of the hotplates were on, as she hadnt checked that before turning it back on (not so sensible) and there was a stack of paperwork (not at all sensible) and a wooden pan holder thing (pretty f
king stupid)House still stinks, we need new worktops, a new hob, and a new extractor.
And, for all the blokes reading this, the conversation went along the lines of.................................Well, if you had bothered to help me, it wouldnt have happened.
Thought i may be to blame somewhere along the line
Whats the closest you have ever come to disater in the home??????
not me but my dad left the chip pan on, cue flames, smoke and him not making a cloth wet and dropping it over the pan. no he drop kicked it from the back door down the garden into our sand pit (i was 6 at the time)
i spent ages painting the kitchen with him, at least it got rid of the manky orange colour it had been and became a pale blue
i spent ages painting the kitchen with him, at least it got rid of the manky orange colour it had been and became a pale blue
Emsman said:
And, for all the blokes reading this, the conversation went along the lines of.................................Well, if you had bothered to help me, it wouldnt have happened.
Thought i may be to blame somewhere along the line
Predictable! It's always the man's fault, even if he wasn't involved at all.Thought i may be to blame somewhere along the line
I've left the gas hob and oven on before now, without incident luckily.
When I was 14 I left my full collection of scraps of adult material spread out like a collage in the bathroom while I made a quick phone call. Nobody else was upstairs I and was only rushing to get the phone from the kitchen. Got talking to my mum for a minute or 2. Return up the stairs to find the door locked and the shower running. My younger brother had gone in and hadn't realised. Immediately as got out of the shower he realised and refused to open the door. Somehow I managed to stop him shopping me to my parents.
That was my closest call.
That was my closest call.
Not me personally, we were at a mates house having pre-drinks.
Popped over the road to a Nightclub my friend works in (about 9.30pm as he was dj'ing).
His laptop had broken so i had to burn him some CD's to use, i didnt have any cd's so walked back to friends house, get inside & all the fire alarms are going mental, all his dogs are going crazy.
House is filled with smoke.
We go into the living room & he'd left his log burner vents open after filling it with wood.
It was'nt on fire but had smoked the house !
Popped over the road to a Nightclub my friend works in (about 9.30pm as he was dj'ing).
His laptop had broken so i had to burn him some CD's to use, i didnt have any cd's so walked back to friends house, get inside & all the fire alarms are going mental, all his dogs are going crazy.
House is filled with smoke.
We go into the living room & he'd left his log burner vents open after filling it with wood.
It was'nt on fire but had smoked the house !
I set fire to my bin last night while welding (not very smart to weld over a bin really)
Set to my mate while waving the oxy torch about and catching him with it.
Set fire to my curtains in my bedroom once by playing with a lighter and deodrant.
Woken up with a half smoked fag on the bedroom floor presume I must have fallen asleep while smoking in bed.
Set to my mate while waving the oxy torch about and catching him with it.
Set fire to my curtains in my bedroom once by playing with a lighter and deodrant.
Woken up with a half smoked fag on the bedroom floor presume I must have fallen asleep while smoking in bed.
2 years ago during the summer I was outside playing football when I heard one of the windows in the house smash – it was sooo loud. I went to the front of the house and there was smoke coming out of the bathroom window which had just been smashed. I went upstairs to find a new (but now empty) fk deodrant can laying on the bathroom floor and a nice big gash in the ceiling and a smashed spot light. I’ve no idea how the window smashed, I can only imagine the can hit it or the sheer force of the can exploding upwards caused the (old) window to shatter. Other than that we’ve had the usual bath overflows but nothing more serious thank god.
k deodrant can laying on the bathroom floor and a nice big gash in the ceiling and a smashed spot light. I’ve no idea how the window smashed, I can only imagine the can hit it or the sheer force of the can exploding upwards caused the (old) window to shatter. Other than that we’ve had the usual bath overflows but nothing more serious thank god.Used a blowtorch to take some old bitumen off my dads garage roof years back. It was a hot summers day and the whole bloody roof went up. I had to jump off the roof on to the garden, then rig up the hose to put it out.
All of the bitumen pretty much burnt off, no damage to the inside, but black smoke billowing for about 5 minutes. My old man thought it was hilarious.
Put some "Danish toaster" bread in to a Dualit toaster and cranked up the timer in the kitchen in the halls of residence at Uni. Was about 2am and got back from a club with the munchies. Went to my room and forgot about it. The toast charred so much the black smoke set off the fire alarm....so in the freezing cold loads of blokes - and birds - wearing not very much in the car park as 3 fire engines turned up in full breathing gear....about 2 minutes later a fireman comes out holding two very burnt pieces of toast and proceeds to lecture us all on the dangers of leaving bread to toast unattended. Warden not best pleased.
They never did find out who did that
All of the bitumen pretty much burnt off, no damage to the inside, but black smoke billowing for about 5 minutes. My old man thought it was hilarious.
Put some "Danish toaster" bread in to a Dualit toaster and cranked up the timer in the kitchen in the halls of residence at Uni. Was about 2am and got back from a club with the munchies. Went to my room and forgot about it. The toast charred so much the black smoke set off the fire alarm....so in the freezing cold loads of blokes - and birds - wearing not very much in the car park as 3 fire engines turned up in full breathing gear....about 2 minutes later a fireman comes out holding two very burnt pieces of toast and proceeds to lecture us all on the dangers of leaving bread to toast unattended. Warden not best pleased.
They never did find out who did that
When I was about 6 I nicked some matches from the Happy Eater (in Purley) & we went round a friends house to borrow a torch for my brothers nativity play. While there I was playing 'ovens' with my sister and set fire to their garage.
Speaking about it now many years later my dad said it's one of the most embarrasing things I did. Also that family never invited us around again.
So if your reading this & I nearly burnt your garage I'm sorry. I think I'm still gated from that now 20+ years later
Forward a few years or so again playing with fire outside by a chicken shed in the cow field. Experiementing with stuff the farmer had lying around throwing it onto the fire. Some stuff burns with pretty colours others go 'woof' needless to say a mixture of the stuff that burns colours + some woof =
but 
pretty uncontrolable. So as we're stamping it out or trying to the farmer makes an appearance. Starts yellin something incoherant picks up each up by an ear and drags us into the barn where some big fkoff cow is about to give birth. I got in loads of st for that, my friend didn't I reckon it's becasue his dads Dutch (relax, schmoke a spliff).
More years pass & I've started smoking. Waiting down the road from a friends house (near the barn) flicking matches off the box so they ignite mid flight (trés cool). The verge of the road was covered in the white dandylion fluffy seed things and they'd set on fire really easily. The embers would crawl quite quickly outward. Got a bit ambitious with it all TBH and as I'm trying to stamp it out the little buggers flew out from under my feet and started more little fires. It wasn't long before the whole verge ws on fire. There were horses in the field (where the cow was before) along with a load of this fluff that was on fire.
I managed to get a bottle of water used to dowse the dogs when they fight to put a line of wet to stop it buring any further up. I do admit that I was flapping like a little girl, screaming for someone to phone the fire brigade. Fortunately the water I put down and the fact the fire ran out of fluff to burn at the other end saved the day & horses.
These days I just stick to stapling fireworks to bolsar wood aeroplanes and launching them in the quarry.
Speaking about it now many years later my dad said it's one of the most embarrasing things I did. Also that family never invited us around again.
So if your reading this & I nearly burnt your garage I'm sorry. I think I'm still gated from that now 20+ years later
Forward a few years or so again playing with fire outside by a chicken shed in the cow field. Experiementing with stuff the farmer had lying around throwing it onto the fire. Some stuff burns with pretty colours others go 'woof' needless to say a mixture of the stuff that burns colours + some woof =
but pretty uncontrolable. So as we're stamping it out or trying to the farmer makes an appearance. Starts yellin something incoherant picks up each up by an ear and drags us into the barn where some big fkoff cow is about to give birth. I got in loads of st for that, my friend didn't I reckon it's becasue his dads Dutch (relax, schmoke a spliff).More years pass & I've started smoking. Waiting down the road from a friends house (near the barn) flicking matches off the box so they ignite mid flight (trés cool). The verge of the road was covered in the white dandylion fluffy seed things and they'd set on fire really easily. The embers would crawl quite quickly outward. Got a bit ambitious with it all TBH and as I'm trying to stamp it out the little buggers flew out from under my feet and started more little fires. It wasn't long before the whole verge ws on fire. There were horses in the field (where the cow was before) along with a load of this fluff that was on fire.
I managed to get a bottle of water used to dowse the dogs when they fight to put a line of wet to stop it buring any further up. I do admit that I was flapping like a little girl, screaming for someone to phone the fire brigade. Fortunately the water I put down and the fact the fire ran out of fluff to burn at the other end saved the day & horses.
These days I just stick to stapling fireworks to bolsar wood aeroplanes and launching them in the quarry.
Eddh said:
Woken up with a half smoked fag on the bedroom floor presume I must have fallen asleep while smoking in bed.
I've woken up to a sizzling sound that stopped when I lifted my head off the pillow. Started again when I put my head back down, followed soon after by my ear getting hot. Not good.When I was a kid I had one of those Mamod Steam Traction Engines with a meths burner. I was once in our garage and tried to refill the burner with meths without extinguishing the burner first. The flames shot up to the bottle which splashed meths on my hands, I dropped the bottle which smashed on the floor. So, my hands were on fire and so was half the garage.
Amazingly, the fire burnt off the meths vapour within about 10 seconds with no other damage and there was no burns to my hands at all.
Amazingly, the fire burnt off the meths vapour within about 10 seconds with no other damage and there was no burns to my hands at all.
Christmas Day 2007, we had only just moved into our new house after gutting it & starting again. The plan was to put the goose in the oven & go to the pub for an hour but in the end we decided to cook post pub.
All is going well, left hubby playing with the new dog & I went to check on the goose, lots of smoke when I opened oven door then a minute later the goose was a fireball. Puppy was put in the bathroom & lots of wet towels thrown at the cooker. Christmas dinner was veg, mash & gravy that year and its forever known as the year I ruined Christmas.
All is going well, left hubby playing with the new dog & I went to check on the goose, lots of smoke when I opened oven door then a minute later the goose was a fireball. Puppy was put in the bathroom & lots of wet towels thrown at the cooker. Christmas dinner was veg, mash & gravy that year and its forever known as the year I ruined Christmas.
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