Best Put Down ever...
Discussion
Years ago I was at an Al Murray standup gig and the bloke sat next but one to me - random stranger - was 'picked on' by Al, as is the wont of comedians (if you're picked you just have to take it with good grace) and he became incoherently arsy. He was clearly both very drunk and very stupid.
Al finished the discussion (argument) with him by saying, "look mate, me up here on this stage, this is just an act, I get paid to do this; but you down there, that's your life!" I nearly coughed-up a lung laughing.
Al finished the discussion (argument) with him by saying, "look mate, me up here on this stage, this is just an act, I get paid to do this; but you down there, that's your life!" I nearly coughed-up a lung laughing.
Digga said:
Years ago I was at an Al Murray standup gig and the bloke sat next but one to me - random stranger - was 'picked on' by Al, as is the wont of comedians (if you're picked you just have to take it with good grace) and he became incoherently arsy. He was clearly both very drunk and very stupid.
Al finished the discussion (argument) with him by saying, "look mate, me up here on this stage, this is just an act, I get paid to do this; but you down there, that's your life!" I nearly coughed-up a lung laughing.
Al Murray tore a strip off me on live TV once. (Not great since I was off work sick that day! He's very quick! Shame his act hasnt changed in years...)Al finished the discussion (argument) with him by saying, "look mate, me up here on this stage, this is just an act, I get paid to do this; but you down there, that's your life!" I nearly coughed-up a lung laughing.
A stand up, years ago. Got heckled, laughed it off and carried on with his act.
Which, along with many asides, was to point out that the average penis is 6" long while the average vagina is 9".
And that if you thought about it, that meant there were many inches of unused vagina in the world, and many miles in the UK alone.
Which didn't seem that unreasonable, considering there was 6 foot odd of useless
right there -> as the spotlight swung on to the heckler, who had been forgotten about.
Guess you had to be there, but it brought the house down.
Which, along with many asides, was to point out that the average penis is 6" long while the average vagina is 9".
And that if you thought about it, that meant there were many inches of unused vagina in the world, and many miles in the UK alone.
Which didn't seem that unreasonable, considering there was 6 foot odd of useless
right there -> as the spotlight swung on to the heckler, who had been forgotten about.Guess you had to be there, but it brought the house down.
chunkymonkey71 said:
My favourite was "Shut up you fking mutant!"
..
Honestly?king mutant!"..
All the famous put-down in history and that is your favourite?
Actual favourite?
As in -you prefer that to any other you have ever heard or seen?
Have you actually heard any other put downs before?
Can you hear?
Edited by blindswelledrat on Tuesday 27th January 15:48
The Eddo Brandes (sp? and also IIRC) biscuit one takes some beating!
While batting he was asked why he was so fat, to which he replied "because every time I f*ck your mum she gives me a biscuit!" - Brilliant!
(I'm sure there are lots of mistakes and omissions to that story though I'm sure one of the PH intelligentia will correct me
While batting he was asked why he was so fat, to which he replied "because every time I f*ck your mum she gives me a biscuit!" - Brilliant!
(I'm sure there are lots of mistakes and omissions to that story though I'm sure one of the PH intelligentia will correct me
blindswelledrat said:
chunkymonkey71 said:
My favourite was "Shut up you fking mutant!"
..
Honestly?king mutant!"..
All the famous put-down in history and that is your favourite?
Actual favourite?
As in -you prefer that to any other you have ever heard or seen?
Have you actually heard any other put downs before?
Can you hear?
Edited by blindswelledrat on Tuesday 27th January 15:48
I just liked it... it was very much of the time! Besides, its always interesting to hear others opinion!
chunkymonkey71 said:
blindswelledrat said:
chunkymonkey71 said:
My favourite was "Shut up you fking mutant!"
..
Honestly?king mutant!"..
All the famous put-down in history and that is your favourite?
Actual favourite?
As in -you prefer that to any other you have ever heard or seen?
Have you actually heard any other put downs before?
Can you hear?
Edited by blindswelledrat on Tuesday 27th January 15:48
Rawwr said:
I think the most famous put-down was:
"You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk!"
"Yes, Mrs Braddock, I am drunk but you, Mrs Braddock are ugly and disgustingly fat. Tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill, will be sober."
Or the other classic (paraphrased)..."You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk!"
"Yes, Mrs Braddock, I am drunk but you, Mrs Braddock are ugly and disgustingly fat. Tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill, will be sober."
"If you were my husband I would put poison in your drink"
"And if you were my wife I would drink it"
Rawwr said:
I think the most famous put-down was:
"You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk!"
"Yes, Mrs Braddock, I am drunk but you, Mrs Braddock are ugly and disgustingly fat. Tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill, will be sober."
Lady Astor, I believe."You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk!"
"Yes, Mrs Braddock, I am drunk but you, Mrs Braddock are ugly and disgustingly fat. Tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill, will be sober."
Also:
LA: Winston, If you were my husband, I would poison your tea.
WC: Madam, were I your husband, I would drink it.
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