Relationship break up. Aaaargh!
Discussion
Hi all. I wonder if any of you guys on here can enlighten me on my predicament.
I have been with my girlfriend for seven years now. We are both in our mid forties and both have children from previous marriages.
We have been engaged for 3 years now and up until the past six months have been blissfully happy.
Over the past six months she has become depressed, unhappy, lethargic and a shadow of her usual self.
Never having been one to discuss her problems with me, I have managed to get out her that she is constantly broke (although I am alwys bailing her out), in a dead end job, always tire, no longer wants to go out and totally off sex.
She has told me that she loves me and that it is nothing to do with her going off me or involving another man.
After tactfully asking her to open up to me, she let out a bombshell two weeks ago and said that she wanted to finish our relationship and be on her own, as she felt guilty for dragging me down.
I have only had a couple of text messages during the past fortnight, which basically say that she wants to be on her own.
What should I do. Leave her alone. Confront her again. Speak to her family and friends?
I have been with my girlfriend for seven years now. We are both in our mid forties and both have children from previous marriages.
We have been engaged for 3 years now and up until the past six months have been blissfully happy.
Over the past six months she has become depressed, unhappy, lethargic and a shadow of her usual self.
Never having been one to discuss her problems with me, I have managed to get out her that she is constantly broke (although I am alwys bailing her out), in a dead end job, always tire, no longer wants to go out and totally off sex.
She has told me that she loves me and that it is nothing to do with her going off me or involving another man.
After tactfully asking her to open up to me, she let out a bombshell two weeks ago and said that she wanted to finish our relationship and be on her own, as she felt guilty for dragging me down.
I have only had a couple of text messages during the past fortnight, which basically say that she wants to be on her own.
What should I do. Leave her alone. Confront her again. Speak to her family and friends?
I'm amazed that you have got so far into a relationship without talking about your problems. In that respect I think it was doomed from the start. I would not want to share my life with someone that kept so many things secret (serious things too) and did not want to share their problems. After all that is part of being in a relationship, sharing problems and being honest and supportive. Only you can decide what to do. Could it be the seven year itch? Three years is a very long time to be engaged. Maybe she got tired of waiting to get married.
EmmaP said:
Three years is a very long time to be engaged. Maybe she got tired of waiting to get married.
I have brought up the subject of marriage loads of times over the past 3years, but she always said that she would marry me when her kids had grown up and left home. They are 18 and 15.I am beginning to think it's a mid life crisis. If so, do I hang around, but give her space, or just leave her alone.
Sorry to hear that.
Look up 7-year itch. It happens to both men and women. Plus everyone hits a point where they want to change things as most people spend their whole life resisting change.
You need a good sit down and chat about it. No matter how much you want to tell her she's wrong or being silly - DONT! Just hear her out and then you'll get a chance to say what you want to.
In an ideal world anyway!
Good luck mate!
Look up 7-year itch. It happens to both men and women. Plus everyone hits a point where they want to change things as most people spend their whole life resisting change.
You need a good sit down and chat about it. No matter how much you want to tell her she's wrong or being silly - DONT! Just hear her out and then you'll get a chance to say what you want to.
In an ideal world anyway!
Good luck mate!
Probably best to give here some space if thats what she needs, but let her know you're there for her. If its meant to be she'll come back to you. If/when she does you should lay down the law a bit and say you're willing to come back, but that you don't want to be messed around and stick to that.
Either way you'll know where you stand over the next couple of months.
All the best.
Either way you'll know where you stand over the next couple of months.
All the best.
Bailing her out over the last 7 years... are you ok with doing that forever more?
Tell you one thing rather than ask randoms online why not speak to your & her friends about the situation see what they say.
It might be over it might not but given you have only had 2 texts over the last 2 weeks & from what you have disclosed done nothing yourself to me thats it done & dusted.
Tell you one thing rather than ask randoms online why not speak to your & her friends about the situation see what they say.
It might be over it might not but given you have only had 2 texts over the last 2 weeks & from what you have disclosed done nothing yourself to me thats it done & dusted.
Spinetti, I am goig through a similar thing at the moment.
She is 43 and has two girls of 20 & 15.
She told me about 6 weeks ago, that it would be better for both of us, if we split up. She too said that she just wants to be on her own.
I have respected her wishes, but sent a letter with my thoughts on the matter, just in case she feels like reading it.
I do worry about her, but any attempt to ask her about it, has ended up getting nowhere.
She knows where I am.
She is 43 and has two girls of 20 & 15.
She told me about 6 weeks ago, that it would be better for both of us, if we split up. She too said that she just wants to be on her own.
I have respected her wishes, but sent a letter with my thoughts on the matter, just in case she feels like reading it.
I do worry about her, but any attempt to ask her about it, has ended up getting nowhere.
She knows where I am.
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