Discussion
I seen a thread about this on a non-car related forum I visit occasionally & I thought some of them were amusing.
Any creative types fancy having a crack at some more?
Horse walks into a bar, barman says "Why the long face?"
The horse replies "Natural selection caused my most common ancestor to evolve in such a way that the mandible jaw extended outwards in order to make grazing grass easier. Why the stupid question?"
Polar bear walks into bar and says,
"I'll have a vodka....................................................... ............................................................ ..........................................................................and tonic please"
Barman says, "why the big pause?"
Polar bears says, "I was just thinking about what mixer I wanted"
The barman pours the polar bear a vodka and tonic and the polar bear enjoyed what was a particularly refreshing beverage.
Fred walks into his house with a sheep tucked under his arm. He carries it upstairs and into the bedroom where his wife is in bed, reading a magazine. "Honey," says Fred, "This is the pig I've been screwing when you're not available." "Fred," the wife says, "That's not a pig. That's a sheep."
"So it is," says Fred, "My mistake. How is your magazine?"
Q. What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
A. Dinosaurs died out over 63 million years ago, so the likelihood of every having to contemplate the situation is rather unlikely. But that's only if this hypothetical situation was based on the assumption that the dinosaur was alive. You could easily go into a museum and look at dinosaur fossils, which don't have any eyes for obvious reasons, so all you'd need to do look at the information card, helpfully provided by the curator.
Any creative types fancy having a crack at some more?
Horse walks into a bar, barman says "Why the long face?"
The horse replies "Natural selection caused my most common ancestor to evolve in such a way that the mandible jaw extended outwards in order to make grazing grass easier. Why the stupid question?"
Polar bear walks into bar and says,
"I'll have a vodka....................................................... ............................................................ ..........................................................................and tonic please"
Barman says, "why the big pause?"
Polar bears says, "I was just thinking about what mixer I wanted"
The barman pours the polar bear a vodka and tonic and the polar bear enjoyed what was a particularly refreshing beverage.
Fred walks into his house with a sheep tucked under his arm. He carries it upstairs and into the bedroom where his wife is in bed, reading a magazine. "Honey," says Fred, "This is the pig I've been screwing when you're not available." "Fred," the wife says, "That's not a pig. That's a sheep."
"So it is," says Fred, "My mistake. How is your magazine?"
Q. What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
A. Dinosaurs died out over 63 million years ago, so the likelihood of every having to contemplate the situation is rather unlikely. But that's only if this hypothetical situation was based on the assumption that the dinosaur was alive. You could easily go into a museum and look at dinosaur fossils, which don't have any eyes for obvious reasons, so all you'd need to do look at the information card, helpfully provided by the curator.
Q. What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A. In the first instance, a conciliatory tone is probably preferable, as the woman is likely to be in a shocked and fearful state of mind. A calm, sensitive, non-threatening approach without invading her personal space would be ideal, and the suggestion of police involvement for the assault should be broached tactfully.
A. In the first instance, a conciliatory tone is probably preferable, as the woman is likely to be in a shocked and fearful state of mind. A calm, sensitive, non-threatening approach without invading her personal space would be ideal, and the suggestion of police involvement for the assault should be broached tactfully.
k off...
oobster said:
Q. What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A. In the first instance, a conciliatory tone is probably preferable, as the woman is likely to be in a shocked and fearful state of mind. A calm, sensitive, non-threatening approach without invading her personal space would be ideal, and the suggestion of police involvement for the assault should be broached tactfully.
A. You ought to put some ice on that to cure the swelling, later some makeup might cover the colour a bit. Au revoir.A. In the first instance, a conciliatory tone is probably preferable, as the woman is likely to be in a shocked and fearful state of mind. A calm, sensitive, non-threatening approach without invading her personal space would be ideal, and the suggestion of police involvement for the assault should be broached tactfully.
IIRC
Yellow man, lives in a yellow bungalow, with yellow walls,kicthen,living room a yellow bedroom, even the dining room was yellow, but what colour are the stairs?
A.Its a bungalow
Yellow man, lives in a yellow bungalow, with yellow walls,kicthen,living room a yellow bedroom, even the dining room was yellow, he has a yellow car yellow dog and a yellow girlfriend, what colour were her shoes?
PURPLE!
Yellow man, lives in a yellow bungalow, with yellow walls,kicthen,living room a yellow bedroom, even the dining room was yellow, but what colour are the stairs?
A.Its a bungalow
Yellow man, lives in a yellow bungalow, with yellow walls,kicthen,living room a yellow bedroom, even the dining room was yellow, he has a yellow car yellow dog and a yellow girlfriend, what colour were her shoes?
PURPLE!
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