Chapel of rest
Discussion
mybrainhurts said:
Not keen.
I think I'd rather remember them as they were.
Viewed my mother alone, then advised adult kids not to go as she looked dreadful.
Oh i'm sorry about thatI think I'd rather remember them as they were.
Viewed my mother alone, then advised adult kids not to go as she looked dreadful.
The last one i went to was my best friend and she looked pain free. It was as if she was sleeping. I hope Fred doesn't look to bad or its gonna kill My OH and MIL
Bonnie and Clyde said:
You know i guess when someone you love has a terminal illness and you've watched them in pain for months, I think its nice to see the pain has left there face. I expect it to be extremely upsetting, but i couldn't not go
This was my case with my father.It helped me a lot, to see that the pained look was gone from his face.
It was difficult, but I am extremely glad I did go and see him.
Bonnie and Clyde said:
mybrainhurts said:
Not keen.
I think I'd rather remember them as they were.
Viewed my mother alone, then advised adult kids not to go as she looked dreadful.
Oh i'm sorry about thatI think I'd rather remember them as they were.
Viewed my mother alone, then advised adult kids not to go as she looked dreadful.
The last one i went to was my best friend and she looked pain free. It was as if she was sleeping. I hope Fred doesn't look to bad or its gonna kill My OH and MIL
I have been to see several of my relatives and it in no way helped.
My uncle was a very funny man who had the wit and intellect I could only dream of. All I remember him now for is lying in that coffin with one eye half closed and his mouth not quite shut looking very grey.
I wish I remembered the witty man.
My uncle was a very funny man who had the wit and intellect I could only dream of. All I remember him now for is lying in that coffin with one eye half closed and his mouth not quite shut looking very grey.
I wish I remembered the witty man.
I have only ever been once, which was to see my grandfather. I don't think it helped per se, as with Hindu funerals you tend to have an open casket at home prior to going to the crematorium. But I was very attached to him, as he and my gran looked after me a lot when I was a kid and they both lived with us, well my gran still does.
I think it helped in so far as I could see he was no longer suffering. At the end of the day I got to see him a couple more times, even though life was gone, that still meant the world to me. I don't think it ruins a memory of a person, I still treasure memories of my childhood, him taking me to see my dad during his lunch, down to the park, for ice cream after school. Sorry to go off on one, but this thread has rather pricked my memories.
OP thoughts are with you and yours, hope whatever you decide works out for you.
I think it helped in so far as I could see he was no longer suffering. At the end of the day I got to see him a couple more times, even though life was gone, that still meant the world to me. I don't think it ruins a memory of a person, I still treasure memories of my childhood, him taking me to see my dad during his lunch, down to the park, for ice cream after school. Sorry to go off on one, but this thread has rather pricked my memories.
OP thoughts are with you and yours, hope whatever you decide works out for you.
Scottydon said:
Bonnie and Clyde said:
You know i guess when someone you love has a terminal illness and you've watched them in pain for months, I think its nice to see the pain has left there face. I expect it to be extremely upsetting, but i couldn't not go
This was my case with my father.It helped me a lot, to see that the pained look was gone from his face.
It was difficult, but I am extremely glad I did go and see him.
Totally depends on you but how the person died can make a massive difference.
A Grandparent who died of old age in her 80's? Glad I did, looked peaceful and finally at rest.
An Aunt who died in her 40's of cancer? Not good, she looked awful, like she was still in terrible pain and that image of her has never left me.
A close friend who died of a brain tumor in his teens? Like he was about to wake up and ask to go for a pint
A cousin who commited suicide at 26 by throwing herself off a high-rise block of flats? Viewing definitely not recommended unless necessary for purposes of formal identification
A Grandparent who died of old age in her 80's? Glad I did, looked peaceful and finally at rest.
An Aunt who died in her 40's of cancer? Not good, she looked awful, like she was still in terrible pain and that image of her has never left me.
A close friend who died of a brain tumor in his teens? Like he was about to wake up and ask to go for a pint
A cousin who commited suicide at 26 by throwing herself off a high-rise block of flats? Viewing definitely not recommended unless necessary for purposes of formal identification
I went to visit one of my old clubbing mates who I grew up with on Wednesday this week. He was very ill and had been moved from Wexham Park Hospital in Slough, to the Thames Hospice in Dedworth, Windsor. He was suffering pancreatic cancer. I should have known that things would be bad by the fact that he has moved into a Hospice. When I got there, I announced my arrival to the receptionist, who looked somewhat flustered at my presence, and after the words "Hang on a second, take a seat", she scurried off. A few minutes later, I women whom I thought was Caroline, the nurse I had been talking with before I set off, came towards me. "Are you Simon?" She asked. I nodded, "I'm Clives' sister. I'm sorry to have to tell you that Clive died 40 minutes ago. Would you like to see him?" I gave her a big hug and nodded. When I went in to see him, I was horrified. He was down to just over 6 stone, as previously a 6 foot skinhead who was afraid of no-one, yet had no enemies in the world, I wondered in total shock as to why it had to be him? This illness had ripped him apart in just 9 months and the last time I saw him he was relatively healthy. He left behind a beautiful wife and an eleven year old son. Apparently he was not in any pain because theu just maxed out the drugs. Those images when I saw him have automatically beed overwritten by the positive ones which I remember him by. I know that wherever he is he could not possibly be in the pain that he went through. I know that when I go to the funeral on Thursday I am grateful that I was priveledged enough to see him one more time, regardless of what he looked like.
To the OP - go and see your friend and say goodbye. If I had been there 40 minutes earlier I may had the chance to say goodbye while he was alive, but I'm not sure I would have been strong enough for that.
RIP Clive Bullion. He was just 43.
To the OP - go and see your friend and say goodbye. If I had been there 40 minutes earlier I may had the chance to say goodbye while he was alive, but I'm not sure I would have been strong enough for that.
RIP Clive Bullion. He was just 43.
Sorry for your loss
The only time I have done it was when my fiance died after going through the whole (i think they are starting to call it the Jade thing) for 18 months, she looked shocking when she died in the hospice, I um'd and ah'd about it for ages, but thought that if I didn't go I might regret it and its not something that I could do again.
I went with a good friend who waited outside, had a bit of time with her, I actually wrote a letter which I read to her (just saying stuff that I had thought about since her death).. bit dumb but kind of helped me in a cleansing way!
She did look better, still not great (she was dead so thats a bit obvious) but she was dressed how she would have been normally, and they had done makeup etc..
I think that it helped me, but I guess its down to the individual and your relationship/ emotions with the deceased.
Not sure that helps! just my 2p's worth!
The only time I have done it was when my fiance died after going through the whole (i think they are starting to call it the Jade thing) for 18 months, she looked shocking when she died in the hospice, I um'd and ah'd about it for ages, but thought that if I didn't go I might regret it and its not something that I could do again.
I went with a good friend who waited outside, had a bit of time with her, I actually wrote a letter which I read to her (just saying stuff that I had thought about since her death).. bit dumb but kind of helped me in a cleansing way!
She did look better, still not great (she was dead so thats a bit obvious) but she was dressed how she would have been normally, and they had done makeup etc..
I think that it helped me, but I guess its down to the individual and your relationship/ emotions with the deceased.
Not sure that helps! just my 2p's worth!
Bonnie and Clyde said:
You know i guess when someone you love has a terminal illness and you've watched them in pain for months, I think its nice to see the pain has left there face. I expect it to be extremely upsetting, but i couldn't not go
My Mum said the same after my dad died. The picture she now has in her head is one of him fre of pain and the undertaker did a great job of making him look ike he had before he was ill. Sadly my picture is less comforting and I wish I had gone.Sorry about your news - not good. My only experience of visiting someone after they died was with my mother in law earlier this year, when we saw her in the 'Chapel of Rest' at the hospital where she died, before the undertaker had done his 'thing'.
It wasn't her to be honest as far as I was concerened - she looked washed out and her hair wasn't right - the hospital people had obviously tidied her up a bit, but she wasn't released to the undertaker due to no doctor being available to sign the death certificate - it was 'only' Chelmsford General Hospital or whatever they call it, so one can understand an establishment of that size making us wait 5 days for the death certicate - not... However - I digress. My brother in law saw her after she'd been dressed properly and made up and was in her coffin, and he said she looked very calm and peaceful - that isn't my memory I'm afraid.
So go as you're doing if that's what you want to do - a very individual decision I think - but to anyone else, make sure it's after the undertaker has done his thing.
It wasn't her to be honest as far as I was concerened - she looked washed out and her hair wasn't right - the hospital people had obviously tidied her up a bit, but she wasn't released to the undertaker due to no doctor being available to sign the death certificate - it was 'only' Chelmsford General Hospital or whatever they call it, so one can understand an establishment of that size making us wait 5 days for the death certicate - not... However - I digress. My brother in law saw her after she'd been dressed properly and made up and was in her coffin, and he said she looked very calm and peaceful - that isn't my memory I'm afraid.
So go as you're doing if that's what you want to do - a very individual decision I think - but to anyone else, make sure it's after the undertaker has done his thing.
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