Crazy ex... What to do?
Discussion
Evening all.
So to cut a long story short, my ex is a nutter - 100% absolute headcase. We split up, she refused to move out for months (my house).
Anyway, all that was a year ago! I'm now a happy chappy enjoying life again.
Unfortunately it's not quite that simple - we have a 2yr old daughter involved so she has me by the balls. If I don't tread on eggshells around her she won't let me see the little'un as punishment. For example, my child support payments were 1 day late due to it falling on a bank holiday = Don't see daughter for 3 weeks.
Well she just phoned me up saying her (and probably her new boyfriend) will be visiting my house while I'm at work tomorrow to pick up some of daughters stuff as they need it urgently.
Now she does still have a key which she refuses to give back for no reason at all (YES I KNOW - should have changed the locks ages ago!! I'm an idiot!).
I don't like the idea of her and her fella at my place when I'm not there - They're so going to be shagging all over my bed... but if I refuse, I don't get to see my daughter this weekend!!!
Replies along the lines of 'grow a pair' won't help. I've spent enough time telling her where to go and all she does is cut me off from my daughter
Life's never easy is it!
Argggggh.
So to cut a long story short, my ex is a nutter - 100% absolute headcase. We split up, she refused to move out for months (my house).
Anyway, all that was a year ago! I'm now a happy chappy enjoying life again.
Unfortunately it's not quite that simple - we have a 2yr old daughter involved so she has me by the balls. If I don't tread on eggshells around her she won't let me see the little'un as punishment. For example, my child support payments were 1 day late due to it falling on a bank holiday = Don't see daughter for 3 weeks.
Well she just phoned me up saying her (and probably her new boyfriend) will be visiting my house while I'm at work tomorrow to pick up some of daughters stuff as they need it urgently.
Now she does still have a key which she refuses to give back for no reason at all (YES I KNOW - should have changed the locks ages ago!! I'm an idiot!).
I don't like the idea of her and her fella at my place when I'm not there - They're so going to be shagging all over my bed... but if I refuse, I don't get to see my daughter this weekend!!!
Replies along the lines of 'grow a pair' won't help. I've spent enough time telling her where to go and all she does is cut me off from my daughter
Life's never easy is it!
Argggggh.
You need to get parental responsibility before you do very much else, OP. It comes automatically to fathers who married the child's mother and for children born after a certain date. If I have time in the morning, I'll look up the rules for you but if you haven't got PR, get it as you'll need it...
Thanks for the advice so far... Unfortunately I "worked from home" last Friday due to a furniture delivery so doing it 2 weeks running might look a bit off really.
According to this "If your child was born after 1st December 2003 however and you – as the father – are named on the child’s birth certificate then you have parental responsibility too." I do have some rights automatically but it would take a court battle for me to actually get them.
Anyone legal brainancs know a ballpark figure for taking that to court? Sounds expensive but would be great in the long run.
Oh and the wise man in the 'life lessons' thread that said "Never trust a girl that doesn't have any friends"... This is a lesson every man should be taught early on in life!
ianash said:
Go back to court and demonstrate that the ex is using your daughter as a bargaining
counter. Do this every time she denies you access - she'll soon get the message. These f
king mothers that use children in this way need a fecking good kicking.
I've never been to court. We were never married so it wasn't a divorce.counter. Do this every time she denies you access - she'll soon get the message. These f
king mothers that use children in this way need a fecking good kicking.According to this "If your child was born after 1st December 2003 however and you – as the father – are named on the child’s birth certificate then you have parental responsibility too." I do have some rights automatically but it would take a court battle for me to actually get them.
Anyone legal brainancs know a ballpark figure for taking that to court? Sounds expensive but would be great in the long run.
Oh and the wise man in the 'life lessons' thread that said "Never trust a girl that doesn't have any friends"... This is a lesson every man should be taught early on in life!
Edited by pejay on Thursday 5th March 23:23
Er... actually, you should grow a pair.
Your house. Entering it without consent (key or no key) is trespass so tell her to p off.
Or if you really "can't" then be there - park the car away from the house and be nice and quiet in the back when they arrive. At some point during their proceedings observe what they are up to. If you were correct in your assumption they were up to no good, now you have lots of bargaining power to help you see your kid more...
Your house. Entering it without consent (key or no key) is trespass so tell her to p off.
Or if you really "can't" then be there - park the car away from the house and be nice and quiet in the back when they arrive. At some point during their proceedings observe what they are up to. If you were correct in your assumption they were up to no good, now you have lots of bargaining power to help you see your kid more...
Scraggles said:
citizens advice bureau ?
change the locks ffs !
first thing to do !, the ex wants entry to house, get her to come when u come back ?
why she need support when she has a new partner, not as if all the money is spent on the kid ?
It's the OP's kid and it's right and proper he should maintain the child. By the same token his rights of access should be respected. change the locks ffs !
first thing to do !, the ex wants entry to house, get her to come when u come back ?
why she need support when she has a new partner, not as if all the money is spent on the kid ?
sorry i don't care if you took a day off last week, this week you are going to have to call up and explain it to the boss. If they are any decent sort they'll (at worst) tell you to take it unpaid or as part of your holiday entitlement, then tell you not to bring your home to work again 
Not my area so I don't know what the legal fees for arranging custody would be, but start with a high 4 figures and you'll be close(ish). Oh and even then if you get a shared custody order what chances do you think you have of getting her to comply with the order? By the sound of it the first word starts with an 'F' and the second is 'all'.
So you are on the birth certificate and have PR. Personally I would bite my lip, make my plans (including making 100% sure I was within the letter (if not the spirit) of the law) and when you are ready call her up a few hours after she has left the kid with you and explain that you are taking over her day to day care and will allow her supervised access at times and periods to be agreed between your solicitors. This will almost certainly mean moving from the area and changing jobs but just how badly do you want to raise your child?
Sorry it's either the above or acceptance that to one degree or another you will be your ex's bh for the next 12-16 years (ie when she can make her own mind up is she's bright enough and not totally damaged goods) if you want anything to do with your kid than watching the monthly CSA payments leave your account. Oh and to add to that ray of sunshine you'll have to accept that it is unlikely, but not impossible, that you will find another lady who will put up with the crap from the ex as well as the child, etc.
I know this is harsh, but best to know and accept the worst, then push to make it the best you can, Good luck, I'm afraid you are going to need that, and your balls.
Not my area so I don't know what the legal fees for arranging custody would be, but start with a high 4 figures and you'll be close(ish). Oh and even then if you get a shared custody order what chances do you think you have of getting her to comply with the order? By the sound of it the first word starts with an 'F' and the second is 'all'.
So you are on the birth certificate and have PR. Personally I would bite my lip, make my plans (including making 100% sure I was within the letter (if not the spirit) of the law) and when you are ready call her up a few hours after she has left the kid with you and explain that you are taking over her day to day care and will allow her supervised access at times and periods to be agreed between your solicitors. This will almost certainly mean moving from the area and changing jobs but just how badly do you want to raise your child?
Sorry it's either the above or acceptance that to one degree or another you will be your ex's b
h for the next 12-16 years (ie when she can make her own mind up is she's bright enough and not totally damaged goods) if you want anything to do with your kid than watching the monthly CSA payments leave your account. Oh and to add to that ray of sunshine you'll have to accept that it is unlikely, but not impossible, that you will find another lady who will put up with the crap from the ex as well as the child, etc.I know this is harsh, but best to know and accept the worst, then push to make it the best you can, Good luck, I'm afraid you are going to need that, and your balls.
pejay said:
Well she just phoned me up saying her (and probably her new boyfriend) will be visiting my house while I'm at work tomorrow to pick up some of daughters stuff as they need it urgently.
Actually I've just re-read this and I think you might be too late. I suspect that it's everything your daughter has at yours she'll be collecting and possibly the odd dvd/cd she fancies. Then that's it, end of game, she's got all the stuff she wants, CSA payments on their way to her...ETA If they needed it that urgently they would have come for it tonight would they not?
Edited by Rude-boy on Thursday 5th March 23:51
B&Q open at 07:00 get yourself over there first thing and get new locks. Change them over and ring your ex reminding her that the locks have been changed so she will have to pick the stuff up at your convenience. It may cost you the weekend with your daughter but you have to put your foot down for once. It's your house so she is no longer entitled to free entry. Also ask her what exactly does she need so urgently for your daughter so you can leave it out for her top pick up. If she gets into the house how do you know she wont start removing more than what she said she is coming round for.
Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff