Who Got the Kid?

Poll: Who Got the Kid?

Total Members Polled: 67

Male: My partner did, in agreement: 30%
Male: My partner did, not in agreement: 33%
Male: I did: 16%
Female: My partner did, in agreement: 6%
Female: My partner did, not in agreement: 4%
Female: I did: 10%
Author
Discussion

andyroo

Original Poster:

2,469 posts

226 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
Based on various things I've seen, heard and read, it's seems increasingly sad that parents often don't have an equal chance to take responsibility of their children when a relationship ends. I would be very interested to know how many guys on here have split up, but more importantly how fair the settlements were and especially who 'got the kid'. I say this in light of a recent realisation that my dad, whose second wife left him for another bloke and took the kids without a word whilst he was working overseas, for him to return to an empty house, is not allowed any contact with these kids. He sends birthday cards but his ex-wife bins them, but he still pays CSA money despite having just had a stroke. He is not allowed to have any contact with them without his ex's permission, which she won't grant.

So; just how bad is it?

NiceCupOfTea

25,424 posts

267 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
Presumably only blokes should be voting so that you get a male/female split? Perhaps you should change the options to him/her?

It's a bit simplistic anyway given that it depends on each situation (who leaves who, who owns the house, alcohol/drug dependancies, etc.

andyroo

Original Poster:

2,469 posts

226 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
Good thinking, amended the poll a bit. Detailing the vote with a suitable story should suffice I think

Kinky

39,877 posts

285 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
Looks like you've missed 10 votes already - so they can't re-vote - so that will totally skew your numbers; as you don't know the facts behind them.

Plus - you've changed the titles for 1st 2 options - so you can't count those 10 votes - as you are now assuming they are all male.

Edited by Kinky on Sunday 8th March 17:00

andyroo

Original Poster:

2,469 posts

226 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
Bugger frown

a boardman

1,316 posts

216 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
I cannot vote as I dont have kids,

But my mate got his 2 kids (my godsons) after his wife left, she took the kids and emptied the house whilst he was at work it all went to court and he won custody of the 2 kids and she pay maintenance to him, kids have lived with him for the last 10 years.

ajcj

798 posts

221 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
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Where's the button for a 50/50 sharing arrangement?

HRG

72,863 posts

255 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
You've missed off a "joint custody - in agreement" option.

There is the odd good ending to separation you know biggrin

Kinky

39,877 posts

285 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
I think you'll need to start it again - as the 10 who originally voted, voted for something completely different to how it's worded now - unless you can remember how those 10 voted - so you can exclude them from the results.

Sorry frown

Hammerwerfer

3,234 posts

256 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
Don't get me going on this one. My ex abducted the kids back to Ireland, then went into hiding. I had to get the Gardai to find them, then was told they could not tell me where they were. Months later I won the right to access, which was denied me for three year. Each breach of access technically punishable by up to a year in prison! She should be in until retirelment age!

Had to go to court again. Had to drop the charges of breach....

At least I get to see them now.


M@T.R

2,180 posts

246 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
My dad got me when my parents got divorced. I got to choose who I lived with though, I dont think either of my parents expected me to say my dad though.

karona

1,927 posts

202 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
First wife fecked off with another bloke and left our two kids with me. 18 months later she applied to court for custody, they told her to feck off again.

Tony 1234

3,465 posts

243 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
I spent the last 17 years as a single dad and would not have missed it for the world, my ex has missed so much, she chose her boyfriend and said she did not want the girls living with her, they did not want to see her after that.

Girls now in their mid 20's and love me to bits..

Penny-lope

13,645 posts

209 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
Never went through the courts, but between us, we decided that it was best that our son stayed with me during the week, and with his dad at the weekends. That way his schooling was no effected and dealt with by one parent.

Been like that for nearly two years, and seems to work. Holidays can be a bit of a problem, due to my ex's working hrs but we tend to work around this.

MartG

21,863 posts

220 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
A bit complex here....

When we first split she had custody of both my sons, but I had free access to them and generally saw then nearly every day after school and they usually stayed overnight at least one night each weekend.

She then threw a big wobbly at them, and dumped them at my place late one Friday night. When she calmed down a couple of days later she apologised to them and asked them to go back - the youngest ( aged 8 at the time ) did but the eldest ( 12 ) decided to stay with me. Initially he still visited her, but got fed up with her continually pressuring him about him staying with me, and now refuses to even speak to her he hasn't seen her since last September.

I still see my youngest every day after school though smile

jessica

6,321 posts

268 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
HRG said:
You've missed off a "joint custody - in agreement" option.

There is the odd good ending to separation you know biggrin
and in the real world that is what should happen.

my children live with me and at their fathers choice(wants a weekend to himself)frown they go to his (two out of five kids do) one weekend out of two.
i do all the parent stuff......##
parents evenings stress and trouble every day ish.
he does fri 4pm to sun 4pm not a second more every other week.

and thats only two out of five. He does however pay maintenance even if it is below CSA rates.
i wish it could all be equal.
yes i got the family home. yes i had to buy him out, yes get no pension and he gets to keep it all.
and i cannot work full time as i have two kids with special needs... there is no fair about it.

mybrainhurts

90,809 posts

271 months

Sunday 8th March 2009
quotequote all
HRG said:
You've missed off a "joint custody - in agreement" option.

There is the odd good ending to separation you know biggrin
Even that's not good for the sprogs...

HRG

72,863 posts

255 months

Monday 9th March 2009
quotequote all
mybrainhurts said:
HRG said:
You've missed off a "joint custody - in agreement" option.

There is the odd good ending to separation you know biggrin
Even that's not good for the sprogs...
Mine are quite happy with it... They've never known any different tbh.

G'kar

3,728 posts

202 months

Monday 9th March 2009
quotequote all
HRG said:
mybrainhurts said:
HRG said:
You've missed off a "joint custody - in agreement" option.

There is the odd good ending to separation you know biggrin
Even that's not good for the sprogs...
Mine are quite happy with it... They've never known any different tbh.
It would be my ideal.

I get to see my lad most Saturdays. I am not allowed staying contact. Or him to visit my abode.

I voluntarily pay £1500+ CS and SM.

HRG

72,863 posts

255 months

Monday 9th March 2009
quotequote all
weeping It can work well if both parties are willing to compromise, but if either isn't it can be really ste for the kids.

Get your ex to talk to me, I'll explain how she's harming her own children just to spite you...