Marriage. Is it worth it?

[The_Burg]

After a drunken conversation i somehow ended up proposing.
Now we've always said we wouldn't bother, (been living in 'sin' for 7 years anyway), now the good lady seems to be getting keen. So what to do?

[cardigankid]

Big mistake pal. You have basically given her 50% of your income and future asset growth which she can cash in for no reason any time she feels like it.

[Don]

Marry her. Of course she's keen. Who wouldn't be? She obviously loves you if she's stuck with you for seven years already and you have just done the "romantic" thing. Follow it through.

You were planning on growing old together weren't you?

Good luck and congratulations!

[Racingdude009]

Some of the the couples I know were very happy until they got married.

[Don]

Racingdude009 said:

Some of the the couples I know were very happy until they got married.

If all it took to break them up was going through a ceremony they clearly weren't destined for one-another, eh?

[Maxf]

Racingdude009 said:

Some of the the couples I know were very happy until they got married.

This is my problem. Perfectly happy together, but she obviously wants the whole 'princess for a day' thing - but I always say if it ain't broke - don't fix it. I'm not sure my logic will work indefinitely though.

[trumpet600]

The_Burg said:

(been living in 'sin' for 7 years anyway),

Seven years or seventy years, it doesn't matter once you have signed on the dotted line. The saying that is used to death 'what's yours is mine and what's mine is my own' still rings very much true.

After living in sin, as you put it, for 9 years, I thought it was meant to be forever. Little did I know 14 months after the wedding I would receive a very special letter from the solicitors!

[Cara Van Man]

I'm quite traditional, so I think marriage can be a good thing.

From a male perspective I think it shows a lack of committment to the relationship to avoid it.

It makes it harder to 'walk away'.

I'm glad I married, apart from the fact she ended the bum sex allowance.

[SpydieNut]

Cara Van Man said:

I'm glad I married, apart from the fact she ended the sex allowance.

EFA

[dreamer75]

I never saw the point of getting married, but my partner liked the idea. I thought it over, he proposed, I said yes We're not getting married until next year but it does make me feel quite different. I used to think there was no difference to being married (I don't mean legally), or just living together (we've been together for 5 years) but now I'm engaged i DO feel completely different (in a good way!)

And no I don't need half of his income/house/cars/assets/whatever!

[minerva]

i am married, but it is by far and away financially the worst idea I have ever had. I have to pay more for most things and I don't get my own pension. It is a downright swizz!

[The_Burg]

Seems the idea of marriage is not quite dead!

(Oh and i have sod all assets and house is only just positive equity).

Can't see how it makes you 'feel' different about things though.

[thebluebus]

It is brilliant.

I love being married, and I have every moment so far.

Good luck and congratulations!



Also: the whole "why get married? - we're happy together as we are" question. Why not get married? What's the thing that stops you when you've been living together for years?

Fear of losing all your money in a divorce? Fecking selfish bd! You can't live your life with someone worrying about it costing you money if they leave. If you're living together you've got a massive commitment to each other already - and if you don't think so, then you need to look at how important the relationship is to you.

And if you don't think a relationship can be that important in the first place, then you're the wrong person to be talking to about marriage.

[G'kar]

thebluebus said:

It is brilliant.

I love being married, and I have every moment so far.

Good luck and congratulations!



Also: the whole "why get married? - we're happy together as we are" question. Why not get married? What's the thing that stops you when you've been living together for years?

Fear of losing all your money in a divorce? Fecking selfish bd! You can't live your life with someone worrying about it costing you money if they leave. If you're living together you've got a massive commitment to each other already - and if you don't think so, then you need to look at how important the relationship is to you.

And if you don't think a relationship can be that important in the first place, then you're the wrong person to be talking to about marriage.

Thing is, a marriage is composed of 2 individuals. Sometimes you cannot predict what the other will do.
I was happy being married. No problem with commitment. I came home to find the house cleared and everything gone.
With hindsight, I obviously wish I had not put myself in that position.

[thebluebus]

G'kar said:

Thing is, a marriage is composed of 2 individuals. Sometimes you cannot predict what the other will do.
I was happy being married. No problem with commitment. I came home to find the house cleared and everything gone.
With hindsight, I obviously wish I had not put myself in that position.

Agree.

But that surely is an indictment of the relationship, and not of the institution?

[G'kar]

thebluebus said:

G'kar said:

Thing is, a marriage is composed of 2 individuals. Sometimes you cannot predict what the other will do.
I was happy being married. No problem with commitment. I came home to find the house cleared and everything gone.
With hindsight, I obviously wish I had not put myself in that position.

Agree.

But that surely is an indictment of the relationship, and not of the institution?

I have few issues with the institution.

Opening yourself to the crippling legal and financial consequences of another person's actions, regardless of your own culpability in the ending of the partnership?

BIG PROBLEM.

[thebluebus]

G'kar said:

thebluebus said:

G'kar said:

Thing is, a marriage is composed of 2 individuals. Sometimes you cannot predict what the other will do.
I was happy being married. No problem with commitment. I came home to find the house cleared and everything gone.
With hindsight, I obviously wish I had not put myself in that position.

Agree.

But that surely is an indictment of the relationship, and not of the institution?

I have few issues with the institution.

Opening yourself to the crippling legal and financial consequences of another person's actions, regardless of your own culpability in the ending of the partnership?

BIG PROBLEM.

Pre-nup.

[big dub]

Don't bother. I was married for 9 years, together for 13. All very nice, but it's just a bit of paper and a ball and chain round your ankle.
Personally I don't see any point in spending a stupid amount of money to have your whole family arguing over who's not speaking to each other and who you can and can't sit together!
Carry on just living together.

[G'kar]

thebluebus said:

Pre-nup.

UK.

Unenforcable.

[trumpet600]

thebluebus said:

Pre-nup.

So one goes into a marriage with a contingency in place in case it goes tits up.

Nice.