Anything I can add to this complaint letter?
Discussion
Not as much an attempt at humour as my previous rants but I'd like feedback none the less. I can't really swear on this one as they won't follow it up if I do...
The letter will be sent to the council and is pretty self explanatory. Any additions welcomed.
Letter of complaint
Dear Sir/Madam,
As much as I enjoy the drama that surrounds each of your annual council tax statements, I would like to suggest that perhaps your organisation is not as efficient as you would have us believe. I will explain the situation in the eyes of us; the loyal and persecuted taxpayer.
As you should know from the reference number provided my partner and I received a bill stating that we owed the council in the region of £150. Now approximately £30 of this was actually the bill due and the remaining ~£120 was required to pay the charming bailiffs who threatened to seize my assets and other worldly possessions’ should I chose not to pay an obscene bill that, prior to this demand, I had no idea even existed.
Obviously we then called regarding this matter to discuss the obvious oversight. How wonderful it was to see my hard earned money was being used to supplement a recording of a real person. After around twenty minutes of waiting I was then kindly informed that we had to write in to resolve the situation. I was also enlightened by the same charming (but utterly useless) gentleman, that I would have to foot the bill for all the tenants who stay at the property as I’d had the rotten luck of registering to vote first (however in hindsight I can now understand why I do deserve to be punished for believing that the few can successfully see to the needs of the many).
I then took the time out of my working day to carefully reconstruct the events so even the most intellectually challenged council administrator would understand the impossibility of accruing this bill. I must say I was overjoyed to discover you effectively ignored every single point I raised and chose instead to further threaten me with legislation that was so poorly “copied and pasted” that even the most gifted of legal teams would struggle to decipher it. Another triumph in council-taxpayer communications.
Another phone call was made and this time, by what I can only describe as a spiritual experience that may allow me to rediscover religion, an individual of adequate intelligence acknowledged that there was a computer error on the date of payment. But we needed to prove that we had called.
A mobile phone statement was then posted along with a request for confirmation of receipt that was, of course, completely ignored. Then lo and behold, approximately three months after receipt was not sent, it was finally acknowledged that we were right all along. Oh how we danced with joy. Words cannot express the pure adulation that occurs when Edinburgh council makes an intelligent decision. I fear I shall never be so lucky as to experience said moment again. The letter has been framed and takes a position of pride in our study.
One can only quiver with fear at the sociopathic mind that finds this sort of behaviour as both an acceptable and logical way to deal with problems. Do you realise that the council in this city is a laughing stock? We’re building a tramline to areas that have become desolate waste lands because of the building of the same tramline. We have more road blocks than Basra and our pavements are just as uneven as the same place after it was blanket bombed. But then again how can these problems ever hope to be addressed if you can’t even sort out your invoicing? If your management had been running a business they would have all been fired and lobotomised years ago. Although I suspect the latter wouldn’t make any difference.
Please feel free to use this letter as a tool in your staff appraisal processes.
Yours Faithfully,
The last sane man in Edinburgh.
EDIT: I corrected some of my more obvious errors...
The letter will be sent to the council and is pretty self explanatory. Any additions welcomed.
Letter of complaint
Dear Sir/Madam,
As much as I enjoy the drama that surrounds each of your annual council tax statements, I would like to suggest that perhaps your organisation is not as efficient as you would have us believe. I will explain the situation in the eyes of us; the loyal and persecuted taxpayer.
As you should know from the reference number provided my partner and I received a bill stating that we owed the council in the region of £150. Now approximately £30 of this was actually the bill due and the remaining ~£120 was required to pay the charming bailiffs who threatened to seize my assets and other worldly possessions’ should I chose not to pay an obscene bill that, prior to this demand, I had no idea even existed.
Obviously we then called regarding this matter to discuss the obvious oversight. How wonderful it was to see my hard earned money was being used to supplement a recording of a real person. After around twenty minutes of waiting I was then kindly informed that we had to write in to resolve the situation. I was also enlightened by the same charming (but utterly useless) gentleman, that I would have to foot the bill for all the tenants who stay at the property as I’d had the rotten luck of registering to vote first (however in hindsight I can now understand why I do deserve to be punished for believing that the few can successfully see to the needs of the many).
I then took the time out of my working day to carefully reconstruct the events so even the most intellectually challenged council administrator would understand the impossibility of accruing this bill. I must say I was overjoyed to discover you effectively ignored every single point I raised and chose instead to further threaten me with legislation that was so poorly “copied and pasted” that even the most gifted of legal teams would struggle to decipher it. Another triumph in council-taxpayer communications.
Another phone call was made and this time, by what I can only describe as a spiritual experience that may allow me to rediscover religion, an individual of adequate intelligence acknowledged that there was a computer error on the date of payment. But we needed to prove that we had called.
A mobile phone statement was then posted along with a request for confirmation of receipt that was, of course, completely ignored. Then lo and behold, approximately three months after receipt was not sent, it was finally acknowledged that we were right all along. Oh how we danced with joy. Words cannot express the pure adulation that occurs when Edinburgh council makes an intelligent decision. I fear I shall never be so lucky as to experience said moment again. The letter has been framed and takes a position of pride in our study.
One can only quiver with fear at the sociopathic mind that finds this sort of behaviour as both an acceptable and logical way to deal with problems. Do you realise that the council in this city is a laughing stock? We’re building a tramline to areas that have become desolate waste lands because of the building of the same tramline. We have more road blocks than Basra and our pavements are just as uneven as the same place after it was blanket bombed. But then again how can these problems ever hope to be addressed if you can’t even sort out your invoicing? If your management had been running a business they would have all been fired and lobotomised years ago. Although I suspect the latter wouldn’t make any difference.
Please feel free to use this letter as a tool in your staff appraisal processes.
Yours Faithfully,
The last sane man in Edinburgh.
EDIT: I corrected some of my more obvious errors...
Edited by G_T on Monday 9th March 15:39
G_T said:
E31Shrew said:
Isn't it 'lo and behold ' as opposed to 'low and belong' ?
Yeah, quite a few errors on it I've noticed now. My arguement would fall apart a little if these hadn't been spotted to be fair.Do we have s
t loads of school teachers on PH or something?
I wouldn't send that if I were you, unless you don't mind being the butt of jokes at the council offices.
If the sole purpose is to make you feel better then great, send it, no harm done, but if you want to actually achieve anything with it then I would sort out the spelling ,grammar & errors(low & belong being my favourite
)
If the sole purpose is to make you feel better then great, send it, no harm done, but if you want to actually achieve anything with it then I would sort out the spelling ,grammar & errors(low & belong being my favourite
)Sisyphus said:
I wouldn't send that if I were you, unless you don't mind being the butt of jokes at the council offices.
If the sole purpose is to make you feel better then great, send it, no harm done, but if you want to actually achieve anything with it then I would sort out the spelling ,grammar & errors(low & belong being my favourite)
Not really arsed what they say to be honest. It's never going to be read by anyone that makes a damned bit of difference. I'm going more for bile-venting to cause mild amusement than critical self appraisal. If the sole purpose is to make you feel better then great, send it, no harm done, but if you want to actually achieve anything with it then I would sort out the spelling ,grammar & errors(low & belong being my favourite
)I've sorted out all the ones that have been mentioned on the document just not edited the post... SPG is f-ing awful today.
G_T said:
E31Shrew said:
Isn't it 'lo and behold ' as opposed to 'low and belong' ?
Yeah, quite a few errors on it I've noticed now. My arguement would fall apart a little if these hadn't been spotted to be fair.Do we have s
t loads of school teachers on PH or something?G_T said:
E31Shrew said:
Isn't it 'lo and behold ' as opposed to 'low and belong' ?
Yeah, quite a few errors on it I've noticed now. My arguement would fall apart a little if these hadn't been spotted to be fair.Do we have s
t loads of school teachers on PH or something?It's a good letter, that they probably won't read, but you need to be sure it's absolutely correct before you send it in.
Strangely Brown said:
G_T said:
E31Shrew said:
Isn't it 'lo and behold ' as opposed to 'low and belong' ?
Yeah, quite a few errors on it I've noticed now. My arguement would fall apart a little if these hadn't been spotted to be fair.Do we have s
t loads of school teachers on PH or something?It's a good letter, that they probably won't read, but you need to be sure it's absolutely correct before you send it in.
After the PH "abuse for lack of SPG test" I'll get the Mrs to proof read it.
G_T said:
Strangely Brown said:
G_T said:
E31Shrew said:
Isn't it 'lo and behold ' as opposed to 'low and belong' ?
Yeah, quite a few errors on it I've noticed now. My arguement would fall apart a little if these hadn't been spotted to be fair.Do we have s
t loads of school teachers on PH or something?It's a good letter, that they probably won't read, but you need to be sure it's absolutely correct before you send it in.
After the PH "abuse for lack of SPG test" I'll get the Mrs to proof read it.
There are so many mistakes in that original version I couldn't be bothered to start writing them out.
ETA. For example, the use of 'perhaps' twice in the first sentence for starters.
Edited by Piersman2 on Monday 9th March 14:53
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