Re-negotiating child maintenance.

[Rob.]

Before I say anything else, I am in no way trying to duck and dive my around the emotional and financial responsibility that is my one and only Son. I am purely seeking some sort of advice and sanity in the way I am thinking.

Right. My ex-wife left me in September 2005 when our Son was 9 months old. Since then I have paid maintenance on a private agreement each month by standing order having never missed a payment. Even when I was out of work and she agreed to me paying half the usual amount for 3 months, I paid back the difference when I was able to. Each time my Son`s nursery fees went up, so did my maintenance payments - she did`nt ask; I increased payments off my own back once I knew fees had gone up.

I now feel as though I am having the piss taken out of me to be honest. Since she left me she has had 2 new cars with another on the way according to my Son and has designer wear hanging off her all of the time - I rattle around in the most un-PH car ever because it meets my needs and is affordable. She works 2 days a week and gets what can only be good money from me, the state (Ha! me again because I pay tax on my full salary and then the maintenance leaves) and possibly the capital from the last house we sold. She and my Son live with her parents by the way. I am struggling like hell at the moment, the house is on the market because I can`t afford it any more, and I feel very bitter that my monthly maintenance payment could go on a nice car like all my friends have. I feel as though I am being robbed of financial freedom, but of course I love my Son, he`s now 4 and just watching a video of him on my phone lifts my spirits.

I don`t know if what I am saying makes sense but I hope it does to some of you. Have any of you ever re-negotiated maintenance payments and if so how because super bh won`t listen I fear.

Edited by Rob. on Monday 9th March 23:04

[Amused2death]

If you were to involve the CSA, they would kindly remove you of 15% of your NET income for one child,20% for two children and 25% for three or more children.

However they can remove up to 40% of your net income to recover arrears if neccessary.

Could be a starting point

But be careful of the "You don't give me enough and I won't let you see your child" mentality that can generate itself over issues of finance etc.

[tenohfive]

No degree of personal experience in this, but Citizens Advice Bureau will almost certainly be able to give you some practical advice on how to go about it. I take it you don't qualify for legal aid?

[Rotary Madness]

fking snakes with tits mate. We can only hope she dies in a freak designer clothes accident and you get sole custodey of your son. Personally i feel you should get your son and she pay you child maintence, but the courts are a bunch of wkers who always side with the woman.

[Dupont666]

can you not put most of it in a trust for them and pay as little as possible to her...

[scruffy]

Please don't involve the CSA.

[scruffy]

You will have your bks removed.

[scruffy]

You will have no rights.

[scruffy]

However bleak your circumstances, they will pursue you to the ends of the earth.

[Rob.]

Scruffy, you`re so bloody right. In fact you all are! I`m trying not to get CSA involved although if I did I`d be better off now but long term I would`nt be because of my career aspirations and the more I earn the more she`d get.

[bigandclever]

Amused2death said:

If you were to involve the CSA, they would kindly remove you of 15% of your NET income for one child,20% for two children and 25% for three or more children.

However they can remove up to 40% of your net income to recover arrears if neccessary.

Except that in this case it sounds like the CSA haven't yet been involved - any arrears would only start accruing once first contact is made. I'd agree that looking at the 15% of net and comparing that with the current payments is a good first step. It is a touch more complicated if you add in other kids from other relationships, or take into account how many nights your child stays with you, and so on, but it can only come down from 15%.

The bastard child of the CSA is being geared up to actively encourage private arrangements, so maybe it will get more efficient and actually work. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha wkERS.

[scruffy]

They make st up, lose documents and at the end of the day they're accountable to Britain, so they make more st up and comer after you - even when your kid is 29. And you can't even declare yourself bankrupt, and you have no rights. You will pay for your stupidity for the rest of your life. And probably never see your kid again...

[Amused2death]

I wasn't suggesting ivolving the CSA, just pointing you to their guidelines.

IE, if they would remove 15%, then you can pitch in to the ex at 20%, and if (big "if" but you never know) she knows CSA only try for 15% on her behalf, she would take the 20% knowing she is as better off as she could be,

Bearing in mind if she ever applies for some means tested benefits, the CSA will be involved, and it wont be through her choice.

[scruffy]

...the CSA kicks in properly if ever your ex-partner claims the dole, and to claim for the child - even if your/her grand parents are looking after him/her (if she lies about this, they're 'not concerned' - she will have to name you as the father or she gets no cash/designer dresses. It matters diddly how much her new man earns (in my case he was on about £300,000).
The tax office are great. You tell them stuff, they listen, they adjust, they are flexible (up to a point).
The CSA want their money regardless - even if they cocked up.. They're worse than owing the mafia.

But there is hope.


www.hope-village.com

[limpsfield]

Rob. said:

Before I say anything else, I am in no way trying to duck and dive my around the emotional and financial responsibility that is my one and only Son............ I feel very bitter that my monthly maintenance payment could go on a nice car like all my friends have.

Edited by Rob. on Monday 9th March 23:04

Are you 9 years old?

You have a child so you have to provide for him.

As mentioned above, start with the CSA calculator. If what you are currently paying is more then you have some grounds for negotiation. If not, then stfu.

https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculat...

Edited by limpsfield on Monday 9th March 23:41

[Rob.]

limpsfield said:

Rob. said:

Before I say anything else, I am in no way trying to duck and dive my around the emotional and financial responsibility that is my one and only Son............ I feel very bitter that my monthly maintenance payment could go on a nice car like all my friends have.

Are you 9 years old?

You have a child so you have to provide for him.

No I`m not. 31 for what it matters. And I do provide for my Son. But when I hardly see him and his Mother is a bh it makes things fking hard. I doubt you`ve been in this position.

[tenohfive]

limpsfield said:

Rob. said:

Before I say anything else, I am in no way trying to duck and dive my around the emotional and financial responsibility that is my one and only Son............ I feel very bitter that my monthly maintenance payment could go on a nice car like all my friends have.

Edited by Rob. on Monday 9th March 23:04

Are you 9 years old?

You have a child so you have to provide for him.

As mentioned above, start with the CSA calculator. If what you are currently paying is more than you have some grounds for negotiation. If not, then stfu.

https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculat...

Why can't people on PH act like adults when someones clearly after a bit of help? This isn't a question on the rights and wrongs of speeding, so save the attitude for another post.

[limpsfield]

Rob. said:

limpsfield said:

Rob. said:

Before I say anything else, I am in no way trying to duck and dive my around the emotional and financial responsibility that is my one and only Son............ I feel very bitter that my monthly maintenance payment could go on a nice car like all my friends have.

Are you 9 years old?

You have a child so you have to provide for him.

No I`m not. 31 for what it matters. And I do provide for my Son. But when I hardly see him and his Mother is a bh it makes things fking hard. I doubt you`ve been in this position.

Your comment about the car wound me up.

My son lives with his mother. There is the hard, constant argument way of doing this or the sensible adult way. The CSA calculator is a sensible benchmark and I hope you can sort this out - if you are hardly seeing him then you should not hesitate to go down the legal route. But I think that one of the reasons that fathers lose touch with their kids is because arguing with mothers leads to cutting back money which leads to not seeing the child.Which is not good.

Edited by limpsfield on Monday 9th March 23:54

[gaunty]

hello mate i split up from my ex when my boy was just a few months old he is now 6 at first things were fine with payments then she wanted more and more so i said no and she took me to the csa and they came back saying i had to pay her alot less than i was i laughed my ass off at her for trying to get more money out of me now the money i was over paying goes into a trust fund for him

[Nobody You Know]

Have you tried negotiating a deal were instead of paying her you pay bills realted to your son directly? That way she can't buy cars with it.

Also surely with him going to school soon the nursery bills will go and you can re-negotiate?

Sorry to hear about another PH'er getting a rough deal from a former partner. What is going on?