Football "armchair pundit" comments

[Dog Star]

I work in a sports industry and am decidedly uninformed about football - which is on all over the office on big screens at the moment (on the upside when it's not the World Cup I can put all sorts of motorsport on )

I have got myself a bit of a reputation as "armchair pundit" and it's great for a friendly wind-up of the footie fans (ie. everyone else).

I was thinking that I could do with some punditry type comments along the lines of "it's a game of two halves" and "Argentina need to take the game to Paraguay" etc etc.

Anyone got any more I can throw in? A PH virtual pint if I can get someone to punch me

[zac510]

I checked the Private Eye website but they don't have many Colemanballs online unfortunately. It would be perfect for you!

[Ross1988]

It's unbelievable Jeff!

[Mazda Baiter]

If you call it Wendyball enough, they will start to punch you.

[zac510]

Here's some from the current Private Eye I have on my desk:

"The ball is unpredictable, but not all the time" (Glen Johnston)

"There's going to be a goal any minute.. at one end or the other" (Clive Tyldesley)

"That pass wasn't meant for him .. you can tell by the shape of the ball" (Mark Lawrenson)

[Dog Star]

Haha! Like it! I have been using "thugball" which works quite well.

[Famous Graham]

The thing with Arsenal is they always try to walk it in.

[NitroNick]

Famous Graham said:

The thing with Arsenal is they always try to walk it in.

What's Wenger thinking sending Walcott on that early?

[8Ace]

I'm woefully uninformed about football, but have observed a lot of people shout things like "out wide", if the ball is in the middle, and "down the centre" if it's out wide. Give this a go.


The odd disparing cry of "Referee!" never hurts, either.

[andyjo1982]

In a Lee Evans style you could randomly shout out 'GO ON'...

There that ought to do the trick...

[Justayellowbadge]

The thing about Rooney is you can tell by his flowing play on the left that he comes from a decidedly feminist didactic and the majority of his technique is clearly a telling allegory on the evils of a patriachical society.

[blindswelledrat]

Argentina are really asking some questions of them now.

[williamp]

as above, i;'m uninformed, and not bothered about football. which is why the following work a treat with **real** fans:

Alan partridge quotes:

"back of the net" (say this whilst kicking an imaginary ball)
"That was liquid football"
"he must have a foot like a traction engine"

Or even a debate I try and start every now and then: you know how popular f1 is at the moment? well, football try and copy it by using the same names. The manager used to be a Mclaren. Currently there is Piquet and Alonso. Heck, there's even a team called Hamilton....

[Justayellowbadge]

williamp said:

Alan partridge quotes:

"back of the net" (say this whilst kicking an imaginary ball)
"That was liquid football"
"he must have a foot like a traction engine"

Eat my goal!

[blindswelledrat]

tt!!!! GOAL!!!

[lawrence567]

Well that was a game of 2 halves.

Or just do what my dad does when watching football, as soon as anyone messes up, god that guys st, whats he doing in the team, absolute waste of space.
He'll end up saying that about every player in every game at some point.

[Dog Star]

These are great!
When I disappear from PH you can be fairly sure that I'm in casualty

[HOGEPH]

Sick as a parrot.

Over the moon.

Fabio is going to pull him off at half time.

[snotrag]

Reporter -

"So what was missing Steve?"

Gerrard -

" Er, goals?"

[snotrag]

Cows backside, Banjo.


Where on earth did that come from? I remember it from FIFA 98 I think.