Quick CV advice :: Pedantry Matters

[bitwrx]

Hi all,

I got some good advice here back when I last looked for a job, so here I am again...

I've included a personal statement on my CV for the first time, but am struggling with a few words:

"An output driven mechanical engineer with experience across *more or less the same industry as the one I'm looking for a job in*. An effective communicator with analytical mind and pragmatic approach.

Desire to deepen technical skills and to lead delivery teams in a commercial organisation."

My issues with it are:

1. An "an" too many, and I've already cut one out. Can't think of any suitable adjectives that begin with a consonant. Help me out?
2. Can I really start a sentence about a job with "desire"? "Keen" doesn't sound right either. Any other words I've forgotten to express my high levels of motivation to do the job I'm applying for? Or do I need to start again with that sentence?
3. Comments on the overall structure and tone would be helpful as well. As I say, I've not done one of these before.

If it helps, I'm looking to move from a customer org. in the public sector, to an engineering consultancy that does some of its work in the same sector.

I'm off to dream about covering letters... And consider the possibility that I'm not actually as effective a communicator as my CV says I am.

Thanks in advance,

Charlie

[GadgeS3C]

Could change to "A results driven mechanical engineer..." solves the "an" problem and also avoids "output driven mechanical engineer". To me (as an engineer) the latter sounds like a confused engineer - shouldn't things be driven by inputs rather than outputs? As you said - pedantry matters

Also, are you looking to deepen or broaden technical skills? Or both? I'd imagine the options would be open to do either in engineering consultancies.

Not sure about the desire bit but I'll pop back if something occurs to me.

I find writing about myself very difficult, much easier to communicate about business/technical stuff or other people's CVs!

[MotorcyclesFish]

Hi chap,

I'm sure someone like rog007 will be along with some to-the-heart-of-the-matter advice, but IMO if your cv is optimised to the point that these are your dilemmas, you have already proven attention to detail. Provided formatting and tone is correct, I suggest that it's fine as it is.

For desire I might substitute the appropriate form of aspire, aim, ambition, target, goal, objective or prefer. My mental thesaurus has just given out.

Alternatively, rewrite as "career-minded, with a desire to commit to an opportunity providing progression to man-management, having made efforts to tailor skillset to suit"? May be too wordy, however.

[rog007]

Some good advice above. I'd add that the opening gambit of a CV has to grab the reader and not let go, forcing them to continue reading and not discard it like the majority. Some evidence published about a year ago that tracked the eyes of recruiters and employers scanning CVs confirms this as they went to this area first and concentrated on it and in fact scimmed much of the rest of the CV (at least at the first sift).

Rather than think about your competencies, behaviours and desires in the first few lines, write about what would grab the attention of the prospective employer. This could mean reflecting on the job advert and confirming straight away how you could add value to that particular organisation (specificity). Then you can go on and describe how you can achieve this (the evidence). Most businesses need you to do something for them rather than them do something for you (at least initially anyway). I'm staggered at how poorly this is approached when I'm recruiting; I often think candidates feel I'm a charity or some higher education organisation rather than an organisation looking to improve its efficiency.

Hope that helps a little. Good luck!

[bitwrx]

Thanks all.

Output vs results: I'll go with results because it solves the an problem. Any distinction in meaning is negligible. Thank you.

Well done on the mental thesaurus as well MotorcyclesFish. Definitely something to work with there. Your alternative sentence is definitely not my style though.

Rog: Your advice has taken a bit of digesting. I've reflected the job ad pretty well in the "who I am" bit (1st para). I think you're right about majoring more on what I can do for them though. My last sentence is definitely "where I want to get to". I think I can say that whilst making it clear it will benefit them as well!

One last go over, then it's off. Wish me luck!

[Dave_M]

People very often add superfluos words because that's how we speak. However, writte text can be very different.

"An output driven mechanical engineer with experience across *more or less the same industry as the one I'm looking for a job in*. An effective communicator with analytical mind and pragmatic approach."

For CV purposes (or personal statement) is the same as:


"Output driven mechanical engineer with experience across *more or less the same industry as the one I'm looking for a job in*. Effective communicator with analytical mind and pragmatic approach."

The second one actually sounds more positive.

These things are all about opinion of course

[Dave_M]

Oh, this comes from someone who a colleague sent an email today saying:

"Why do I know you are sat there silently correcting my grammar"

[bitwrx]

Dave_M said:

Oh, this comes from someone who a colleague sent an email today saying:

"Why do I know you are sat there silently correcting my grammar"

Should that not be 'sitting'?

[Dave_M]

bitwrx said:

Should that not be 'sitting'?

[WhereamI]

Do you really think anyone reads this stuff and thinks anything other than its a few seconds of their life wasted? I employ around 70 people and recruit around 10 a year, any CV that contains this sort of stuff is likely to end up in the bin.

I want facts, what your experience is, what your qualifications and skills are and what you want to do. Make that clear in a succinct CV and, so long as it ties in with what we need, you are likely to get an interview. But given me a load of waffle and bullst and you won't get anywhere. (And this is both waffle and bullst)