Lost tolerance
Discussion
I am getting concerned that I've lost tolerance. I'm 38. Have mucho experience in my field. Currently have an interesting job but took a 40% pay cut to do it.
I have the correct qualifications, over 15 years in this field and worked for the best companies.
So why have I lost my tolerance?
I don't want to go back to the role that would get me the 40% pay rise because it bores me and is quite full on.
I don't want to keep doing what I'm doing now as I literally can't put up with the stress heads and demanding nature of people that are stressed because they are choosing to be.
Mid life crisis?
Maybe I need a holiday.
Anyone else felt like that at middle age?
I have the correct qualifications, over 15 years in this field and worked for the best companies.
So why have I lost my tolerance?
I don't want to go back to the role that would get me the 40% pay rise because it bores me and is quite full on.
I don't want to keep doing what I'm doing now as I literally can't put up with the stress heads and demanding nature of people that are stressed because they are choosing to be.
Mid life crisis?
Maybe I need a holiday.
Anyone else felt like that at middle age?
Entirely normal; be more concerned if these feelings never occurred! How to deal with them? Is it the job; the people around you at work; or indeed is home life having an effect? A holiday is a good start. So is objectively assessing the next 5-year stage of your career; what do you really want to do; how much do you really need to earn; and how hard do you really enjoy working? Use that as a starter for ten to help focus. Good luck!
Firstly the good news, 38 isnt a mid life crisis, now the bad news it only gets worse. Not the thing to admit to your mates but talking about it helps. Get to the libary and there are some great self help books. I would have thought anybody who needed them was a weak lune but as I got older and had an accident that left me with PTSD I found out that we aint as tuff as we think we are.
Re mid life crise when I was 42 bought a TR6 without telling the wife until I brought it home. I told her it was either that or an 18 year old blond. Now she says she would rather I had gone for the blond as I would have spent less! I say it would be like a dog chasing a truck, it couldnt drive it, if it caught it.
Cognitive behaviour therapy works great as well.
Talk to a good mate who you trust
Re mid life crise when I was 42 bought a TR6 without telling the wife until I brought it home. I told her it was either that or an 18 year old blond. Now she says she would rather I had gone for the blond as I would have spent less! I say it would be like a dog chasing a truck, it couldnt drive it, if it caught it.
Cognitive behaviour therapy works great as well.
Talk to a good mate who you trust
Yep, I resemble that 
For the first time ever I jacked in a contract a few weeks ago because of exactly this sentiment. I'm 44 and have been doing what I do for the last 15 years and have a lot of experience after many contracts with blue chip clients.
I finished a long 3 year contract and took a new one in January. Within a week it was obvious that the whole thing was a crock of s
t being lead by management more interested in playing politics than bothering to understand what was actually required and getting anything sensible in place to deliver.
I decided I couldn't tolerate having to deal with these feckwits and the awful commute, despite the best day rate I'd ever had.
I think it was the combination of knowing that everything was going tits up on the project, them being twunts, the fact I'd just been on a 3 year project with maybe only 1 week proper holiday, and... having enough money saved up for the first time ever to not have to worry about not earning for a few months.
I've been off a couple of months now and have loved every moment of it. It's been a great break and I look forward to the next contract having had a chance to recharge the tolerance levels.
So not a mid life crisis as such, I just think that as you get more experienced at what you do you get less willing to put up with idiots and dolts who seem to want to make everyone's life way more difficult than it should be.
For the first time ever I jacked in a contract a few weeks ago because of exactly this sentiment. I'm 44 and have been doing what I do for the last 15 years and have a lot of experience after many contracts with blue chip clients.I finished a long 3 year contract and took a new one in January. Within a week it was obvious that the whole thing was a crock of s
t being lead by management more interested in playing politics than bothering to understand what was actually required and getting anything sensible in place to deliver.I decided I couldn't tolerate having to deal with these feckwits and the awful commute, despite the best day rate I'd ever had.
I think it was the combination of knowing that everything was going tits up on the project, them being twunts, the fact I'd just been on a 3 year project with maybe only 1 week proper holiday, and... having enough money saved up for the first time ever to not have to worry about not earning for a few months.
I've been off a couple of months now and have loved every moment of it.
It's been a great break and I look forward to the next contract having had a chance to recharge the tolerance levels.So not a mid life crisis as such, I just think that as you get more experienced at what you do you get less willing to put up with idiots and dolts who seem to want to make everyone's life way more difficult than it should be.
I'm 40 this year, and about 7 years ago I simply decided to never work on a Monday again. So I work only 4 days and have 3 days weekend since then. - Best work related decision I ever made.
The main reason for doing this was to look at my 40yo coworkers when I was 33 back then. Some started to burn out already. To prevent this happening to me I simply cut my income by 20% but gained the most precious of everyday life luxury: Relax time.
The main reason for doing this was to look at my 40yo coworkers when I was 33 back then. Some started to burn out already. To prevent this happening to me I simply cut my income by 20% but gained the most precious of everyday life luxury: Relax time.
RacerMDR said:
Started building a business, but for someone else............what is the point?
I had this epiphany just over 5 years ago. I was heading up a small department and had sole responsibility for both generating and delivering new income each year - lots of pressure and getting no support or recognition. I was approached by a competitor to replicate the same and as I discussed how much fee income I generated each year I had the lightbulb moment - why should I do the same for them when I could do it for myself. I would then only need to generate a fraction of the work to replace my lost salary.Cue another run in with my boss a few days later and this time I left the meeting, walked to my desk, typed my resignation and handed it in. A scary prospect with two kids and a mortgage.
Anyway, I've now been self employed for longer than I ever held down a job, I've more than doubled my income and have worked, on average, about 20 hours a week since! I work from home, I get to take my children to school and pick them up and I've been able to spend time with them that I would never have been able to had I stayed in the rat race.
I'd now consider myself unemployable - I don't know anywhere else where I would only have to work for people I like, where I don't have to suffer fools, where I don't have to sit through another meeting about nothing and with a commute that involves turning right at the bottom of the stairs.
I had a big issue last year. Shan’t go into the detail of it all too much but there was an opportunity to take my life in a different direction which I have always secretly wondered if I should have gone down many years ago.
A lot of soul searching and talking to the fiancée, friends and some family. For about a week I was ready to make the jump then a number of things happened to remind me why I do what I do and why I don’t do what I could have been doing (IYSWIM)!
I sat back and looked at everything again and took the view that everything was so finely balanced with the negatives of one option being the positives of the other that it was perhaps best to stick to what I know will cover all the bases and where I know there is a long term future that I can very much shape rather than just have input into.
One of the hardest choices of my life and it hasn’t all gone as I hoped but I am happy in myself and know what I need to do to take things where I want to be. It is proving very hard to do less of something you love to do and I haven’t been very successful on cutting that down.
I have also noticed though that I suffer fools far less gladly now than i did a few years ago. I'm also far more likely to make my feelings known befrore it gets to the point of no return which is a good thing.
A lot of soul searching and talking to the fiancée, friends and some family. For about a week I was ready to make the jump then a number of things happened to remind me why I do what I do and why I don’t do what I could have been doing (IYSWIM)!
I sat back and looked at everything again and took the view that everything was so finely balanced with the negatives of one option being the positives of the other that it was perhaps best to stick to what I know will cover all the bases and where I know there is a long term future that I can very much shape rather than just have input into.
One of the hardest choices of my life and it hasn’t all gone as I hoped but I am happy in myself and know what I need to do to take things where I want to be. It is proving very hard to do less of something you love to do and I haven’t been very successful on cutting that down.
I have also noticed though that I suffer fools far less gladly now than i did a few years ago. I'm also far more likely to make my feelings known befrore it gets to the point of no return which is a good thing.
I get to that feeling very quickly, almost anywhere I've worked. I'm 'only' 30 but where other people keep jobs for decades I rarely stay more than 2 years.
Been on the current contract a little over 18 months and I've just about had enough of it. This time round I might just take some time out and build a business of my own. Bit worried I might not have any tolerance for running my own business at some point in the not too distant future though.
Been on the current contract a little over 18 months and I've just about had enough of it. This time round I might just take some time out and build a business of my own. Bit worried I might not have any tolerance for running my own business at some point in the not too distant future though.
lipadier said:
I'm 40 this year, and about 7 years ago I simply decided to never work on a Monday again. So I work only 4 days and have 3 days weekend since then. - Best work related decision I ever made.
The main reason for doing this was to look at my 40yo coworkers when I was 33 back then. Some started to burn out already. To prevent this happening to me I simply cut my income by 20% but gained the most precious of everyday life luxury: Relax time.
Mondays are the wrong day to take off - you don't get paid for bank holidays. Take another day (Friday for instance) and you'll also get a few 3 days weeks for no less pay!The main reason for doing this was to look at my 40yo coworkers when I was 33 back then. Some started to burn out already. To prevent this happening to me I simply cut my income by 20% but gained the most precious of everyday life luxury: Relax time.
lipadier said:
I'm 40 this year, and about 7 years ago I simply decided to never work on a Monday again. So I work only 4 days and have 3 days weekend since then. - Best work related decision I ever made.
The main reason for doing this was to look at my 40yo coworkers when I was 33 back then. Some started to burn out already. To prevent this happening to me I simply cut my income by 20% but gained the most precious of everyday life luxury: Relax time.
Hero. Finding an employer to meet the requirements may be slightly more difficult I imagine.The main reason for doing this was to look at my 40yo coworkers when I was 33 back then. Some started to burn out already. To prevent this happening to me I simply cut my income by 20% but gained the most precious of everyday life luxury: Relax time.
Dissident Dragon said:
Anyway, I've now been self employed for longer than I ever held down a job, I've more than doubled my income and have worked, on average, about 20 hours a week since! I work from home, I get to take my children to school and pick them up and I've been able to spend time with them that I would never have been able to had I stayed in the rat race.
I'd now consider myself unemployable - I don't know anywhere else where I would only have to work for people I like, where I don't have to suffer fools, where I don't have to sit through another meeting about nothing and with a commute that involves turning right at the bottom of the stairs.
What do you do for a living DD?I'd now consider myself unemployable - I don't know anywhere else where I would only have to work for people I like, where I don't have to suffer fools, where I don't have to sit through another meeting about nothing and with a commute that involves turning right at the bottom of the stairs.
I had nine months out of work last year and have ended up selling cars, right at the bottom of the heap! I worked out last month that I used to pay more tax per month than my gross pay now!
Now, the pay is rubbish, the hours are even worse, but I do quite enjoy the job and most of the people I work with.
I'm just not sure how to get back to earning a reasonable salary
if it helps, I am early 30s and am about to take two months off to spend time with my wife and stepson, we're also going on a nice long holiday abroad.
I've been working for 3 years on a contract for the same bank and it has now gotten to the point where the challenge isn't there. The rate is good, I could carry on easily, but I need to change, and I need a gap inbetween to evaluate and enjoy the things that life can offer.
My commute is dire, I have no tolerance (in fact a general loathing) for the public at large, and the people at the top in my company. I cannot recommend enough taking a little time out. It's a big brave step but if you can safely go a quarter of the year without being worried on the money side then do it. I've always been a workaholic but meeting someone has changed my perspective, not least that when we have kids of our own I want to be around to see them.
Early 30s in London could still be considered a young mans game but frankly, it isn't for me. 5 days abroad with a mate playing golf recently was wonderful time away to chat and take a breather after marriages, deaths, taxes and my project in the last couple of years.
You're not having a crisis, but I would suggest you either talk to someone or take a wee break.
I've been working for 3 years on a contract for the same bank and it has now gotten to the point where the challenge isn't there. The rate is good, I could carry on easily, but I need to change, and I need a gap inbetween to evaluate and enjoy the things that life can offer.
My commute is dire, I have no tolerance (in fact a general loathing) for the public at large, and the people at the top in my company. I cannot recommend enough taking a little time out. It's a big brave step but if you can safely go a quarter of the year without being worried on the money side then do it. I've always been a workaholic but meeting someone has changed my perspective, not least that when we have kids of our own I want to be around to see them.
Early 30s in London could still be considered a young mans game but frankly, it isn't for me. 5 days abroad with a mate playing golf recently was wonderful time away to chat and take a breather after marriages, deaths, taxes and my project in the last couple of years.
You're not having a crisis, but I would suggest you either talk to someone or take a wee break.
RacerMDR said:
I don't want to keep doing what I'm doing now as I literally can't put up with the stress heads and demanding nature of people that are stressed because they are choosing to be.
Working from home or part-time e.g. 4 days a week might be a less drastic way forward. I've also changed my whole commute by moving nearer to town. Lots of smaller changes might help you cope better with the current situation, rather than quitting, as satisfying as that might be in the short-term. Have a think about it over a long holiday.Gassing Station | Jobs & Employment Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff