the wife has a problem
Discussion
My wife has been working part time for the last 3 years as a classsroom assistant in a local primary school. She is not classed as a permanent member of staff and doesn't know until June if she'll have a job for the next school year. In the past she has approached the headmaster and asked that if any additional hours are available that she be considered for them (currrently works 9-12 each day). The classroom assistants are used to cover lunchtimes and playground in addition to their in class roles.
Last year additional hours were given to one of the assistants that had only just started (the daughter of one of the teachers) and she was told that because my wife had an evening job as well that she didn't need the extra hours as much as the new girl.
My wife was lead to believe that this year she was next in line for additional hours once the permanent assistants had been allocated their contracted hours. On friday the head announced in the staffroom, whilst most of the other staff excluding my wife were having their teabreak, that additional hours were being given to another new assistant.
My wife was told by some of her friends later that morning, something was said by the headmaster that they won't tell her.
Today she asked the headmaster why she wasn't offered the hours and his excuse was that she'd been heard complaing to her friends around the photo copier about some of his decisions and as such she wasn't getting the hours and would never be, he doesn't like her having an opinion.
One of the things she'd been complaining about was that he decided to close the school gates at opening time to stop parents driving in, told the teachers but no one else and the first my wife knew about it was when she arrived for work and couldn't get in.
My wife has rang me in tears and is talking about handing in her notice tomorrow.
Any suggestions as to a better way of doing things?
Last year additional hours were given to one of the assistants that had only just started (the daughter of one of the teachers) and she was told that because my wife had an evening job as well that she didn't need the extra hours as much as the new girl.
My wife was lead to believe that this year she was next in line for additional hours once the permanent assistants had been allocated their contracted hours. On friday the head announced in the staffroom, whilst most of the other staff excluding my wife were having their teabreak, that additional hours were being given to another new assistant.
My wife was told by some of her friends later that morning, something was said by the headmaster that they won't tell her.
Today she asked the headmaster why she wasn't offered the hours and his excuse was that she'd been heard complaing to her friends around the photo copier about some of his decisions and as such she wasn't getting the hours and would never be, he doesn't like her having an opinion.
One of the things she'd been complaining about was that he decided to close the school gates at opening time to stop parents driving in, told the teachers but no one else and the first my wife knew about it was when she arrived for work and couldn't get in.
My wife has rang me in tears and is talking about handing in her notice tomorrow.
Any suggestions as to a better way of doing things?
To be honest if she needed the extra hours that badly why not look for a job with the amount of hours she wants to work rather than relying on what I presume is overtime.
I'm not sure where the headmaster stands in regards to how he dishes out extra hours but it seems like he doesn't like your wife for whatever reason and she would probably be happier elsewhere. I'm not condoning what he did but taking this further will probably only result in her being even more miserable.
I'm not sure where the headmaster stands in regards to how he dishes out extra hours but it seems like he doesn't like your wife for whatever reason and she would probably be happier elsewhere. I'm not condoning what he did but taking this further will probably only result in her being even more miserable.
If she is any good as a TA then she should get a reference and look elsewhere. Good TA's are always in demand.
Schools are funny little insular places (esp primaries imho), very cliquey. She could persevere , but it sounds as if her face doesn't fit and that she will not progress, or enjoy the work (which for a P/T TA on those wages needs to be a part of the deal) with the current head. Why persist in an environment that makes you miserable?
Schools are funny little insular places (esp primaries imho), very cliquey. She could persevere , but it sounds as if her face doesn't fit and that she will not progress, or enjoy the work (which for a P/T TA on those wages needs to be a part of the deal) with the current head. Why persist in an environment that makes you miserable?
the extra hours would be permanent until the end of the school year so not overtime, she is actively looking for another job as, although she loves what she is doing, he is doing his best to make life as difficult as possible.
Last year, the teacher she was working with was quite set in her ways and she spent most of her time photo copying instead of assisting in the class, he had a meeting which was supposed to be in confidence and asked for her opinion on why she wasn't in the class more. He subsequently told the teacher everything that was said which created a great atmosphere for the rest of the year.
Shortly after, a traveller girl joined the class, my wife spent most of the year teaching her as the teacher couldn't be bothered, the headmaster spent most of his time taking the piss out of the young girl in the staffroom.
My wife also has an irish accent so on a number of occasions took the piss out of her acccent and "jokingly" suggested that my wife is a traveller in front of the whole staff.
Last year, the teacher she was working with was quite set in her ways and she spent most of her time photo copying instead of assisting in the class, he had a meeting which was supposed to be in confidence and asked for her opinion on why she wasn't in the class more. He subsequently told the teacher everything that was said which created a great atmosphere for the rest of the year.
Shortly after, a traveller girl joined the class, my wife spent most of the year teaching her as the teacher couldn't be bothered, the headmaster spent most of his time taking the piss out of the young girl in the staffroom.
My wife also has an irish accent so on a number of occasions took the piss out of her acccent and "jokingly" suggested that my wife is a traveller in front of the whole staff.
You / she need to be brutally honest with yourselves about whether she's any good - and I mean brutally honest. If you're sure she is then before things get worse - because they probably will given the story so far - her best option is to leave with a good reference and find a job in another school. Leave it too late and the chances of the good ref will decline. She should also start keeping a diary of events / conversations.
Speaking as an ex-teacher, schools can be horrible little fiefdoms populated by self important a
holes, or they can be lovely places to work. For some reason they seem to cluster at either end of the continuum.
Good luck.
Speaking as an ex-teacher, schools can be horrible little fiefdoms populated by self important a
holes, or they can be lovely places to work. For some reason they seem to cluster at either end of the continuum.Good luck.
scdan4 said:
If she is any good as a TA then she should get a reference and look elsewhere. Good TA's are always in demand.
Schools are funny little insular places (esp primaries imho), very cliquey. She could persevere , but it sounds as if her face doesn't fit and that she will not progress, or enjoy the work (which for a P/T TA on those wages needs to be a part of the deal) with the current head. Why persist in an environment that makes you miserable?
It is very cliquey, I can't see her sticking it out any longer but if she has to leave it would be nice to give him a wake up call about his management skills.Schools are funny little insular places (esp primaries imho), very cliquey. She could persevere , but it sounds as if her face doesn't fit and that she will not progress, or enjoy the work (which for a P/T TA on those wages needs to be a part of the deal) with the current head. Why persist in an environment that makes you miserable?
For what it's worth, she's the only one of her religion on the school staff so there may be a religious aspect to his behaviour.
Anonamoose said:
I'm not sure where the headmaster stands in regards to how he dishes out extra hours but it seems like he doesn't like your wife for whatever reason and she would probably be happier elsewhere. I'm not condoning what he did but taking this further will probably only result in her being even more miserable.
Just this really. You can easily overthink these things and get angry about it. THe bloke is a bit of a , obviously, and arguably your wife hasn't a perfect grasp on who she can trust to have a moan to - and that is an unfortunate combination with no logical easy solution. If she really doesn't want to leave for practical reasons then she'll have to apologise to him and stoke his ego and hope that he accepts it and considers her next time.Bluequay said:
The alternate viewpoint of course is that it's not everybody else and the title speaks the truth. Maybe your wife is very had to work with.
You may be right, in my experience she throws herself into a role and will do anything for anyone, she's not the sort to get stroppy just for the sake of it and usually get's tongue tied when she has to approach her peers. She gets on well with the ones that she works with and regularly get's invited to nights out with them. A large number in the school are devout christians (not the head) who frown upon the ones that she is friendly with as they enjoy a drink etc.There may be a clash of personalities with the head.
blindswelledrat said:
Anonamoose said:
I'm not sure where the headmaster stands in regards to how he dishes out extra hours but it seems like he doesn't like your wife for whatever reason and she would probably be happier elsewhere. I'm not condoning what he did but taking this further will probably only result in her being even more miserable.
Just this really. You can easily overthink these things and get angry about it. THe bloke is a bit of a , obviously, and arguably your wife hasn't a perfect grasp on who she can trust to have a moan to - and that is an unfortunate combination with no logical easy solution. If she really doesn't want to leave for practical reasons then she'll have to apologise to him and stoke his ego and hope that he accepts it and considers her next time.ooo000ooo said:
Bluequay said:
The alternate viewpoint of course is that it's not everybody else and the title speaks the truth. Maybe your wife is very had to work with.
You may be right, in my experience she throws herself into a role and will do anything for anyone, she's not the sort to get stroppy just for the sake of it and usually get's tongue tied when she has to approach her peers. She gets on well with the ones that she works with and regularly get's invited to nights out with them. A large number in the school are devout christians (not the head) who frown upon the ones that she is friendly with as they enjoy a drink etc.There may be a clash of personalities with the head.
blindswelledrat said:
Just this really. You can easily overthink these things and get angry about it. THe bloke is a bit of a , obviously, and arguably your wife hasn't a perfect grasp on who she can trust to have a moan to - and that is an unfortunate combination with no logical easy solution. If she really doesn't want to leave for practical reasons then she'll have to apologise to him and stoke his ego and hope that he accepts it and considers her next time.
One of the things that he brought up this morning when talking about her complaining referred to a comment she made after she found out about not getting the hours., obviously, and arguably your wife hasn't a perfect grasp on who she can trust to have a moan to - and that is an unfortunate combination with no logical easy solution. If she really doesn't want to leave for practical reasons then she'll have to apologise to him and stoke his ego and hope that he accepts it and considers her next time.i don't think she'll be apologising to him any time soon, i've told her to stick it out until something else comes up, go in, do what she gets paid to do and nothing else and keep a note of any comments made.
She may make it to the end of the week without shaking him by the throat.
ooo000ooo said:
blindswelledrat said:
Just this really. You can easily overthink these things and get angry about it. THe bloke is a bit of a , obviously, and arguably your wife hasn't a perfect grasp on who she can trust to have a moan to - and that is an unfortunate combination with no logical easy solution. If she really doesn't want to leave for practical reasons then she'll have to apologise to him and stoke his ego and hope that he accepts it and considers her next time.
One of the things that he brought up this morning when talking about her complaining referred to a comment she made after she found out about not getting the hours., obviously, and arguably your wife hasn't a perfect grasp on who she can trust to have a moan to - and that is an unfortunate combination with no logical easy solution. If she really doesn't want to leave for practical reasons then she'll have to apologise to him and stoke his ego and hope that he accepts it and considers her next time.i don't think she'll be apologising to him any time soon, i've told her to stick it out until something else comes up, go in, do what she gets paid to do and nothing else and keep a note of any comments made.
She may make it to the end of the week without shaking him by the throat.
ooo000ooo said:
One of the things that he brought up this morning when talking about her complaining referred to a comment she made after she found out about not getting the hours.
i don't think she'll be apologising to him any time soon, i've told her to stick it out until something else comes up, go in, do what she gets paid to do and nothing else and keep a note of any comments made.
She may make it to the end of the week without shaking him by the throat.
I feel for her. They are vicious circles these things.i don't think she'll be apologising to him any time soon, i've told her to stick it out until something else comes up, go in, do what she gets paid to do and nothing else and keep a note of any comments made.
She may make it to the end of the week without shaking him by the throat.
He favours someone over her. She gets angry about it. He perceives her to be moody and favours others even more. She gets angrier etc etc.
Between us all we have all witnessed this type of thing again and again and again, and a lot of us have been both the Headmaster and your wife at various stages of your life (you know what I mean), and one thing's for sure - each situation never gets better until someone leaves.
OP, whilst you are clearly biased, it does come across that it may be your wife that has the issues and not everyone else. From what you have posted so far, it comes across as your wife is put upon by the teachers she works with, is singled out because of her accent and you also hint at some sort of religious intolerance towards her. Not sure if you meant to, but it all sounds a bit like you are trying to justify her position.
If she doesn't like her job any more, nobody puts a gun to her head and makes her go every morning. She can leave any time she wants. Similarly, you have not given any specific instances where she has a genuine grievance against her headmaster. If indeed the comment was made referring to your wife as a 'traveller' then she would have a genuine reason to call in her union and/or make a formal complaint. It sounds like there is no actual substance to it.
If she doesn't like her job any more, nobody puts a gun to her head and makes her go every morning. She can leave any time she wants. Similarly, you have not given any specific instances where she has a genuine grievance against her headmaster. If indeed the comment was made referring to your wife as a 'traveller' then she would have a genuine reason to call in her union and/or make a formal complaint. It sounds like there is no actual substance to it.
Inkyfingers said:
One minor detail...If she's been working there for 3 years then I'm not sure how she can't be considered a permanent member of staff?
I asked the same question, apparently after 2 years you can be considered for permanent status but it's up to each individual school to decide and nominate you for it. One of her colleagues has been there 5 years and has only been made permanent this year. Tyre Smoke said:
OP, whilst you are clearly biased, it does come across that it may be your wife that has the issues and not everyone else. From what you have posted so far, it comes across as your wife is put upon by the teachers she works with, is singled out because of her accent and you also hint at some sort of religious intolerance towards her. Not sure if you meant to, but it all sounds a bit like you are trying to justify her position.
If she doesn't like her job any more, nobody puts a gun to her head and makes her go every morning. She can leave any time she wants. Similarly, you have not given any specific instances where she has a genuine grievance against her headmaster. If indeed the comment was made referring to your wife as a 'traveller' then she would have a genuine reason to call in her union and/or make a formal complaint. It sounds like there is no actual substance to it.
I am biased, but, in the past when she's told me about things that he's said and done (not just relating to her) i can only compare to my own employers HR procedures and how it would be dealt with and in my opinion he would have been in serious trouble.If she doesn't like her job any more, nobody puts a gun to her head and makes her go every morning. She can leave any time she wants. Similarly, you have not given any specific instances where she has a genuine grievance against her headmaster. If indeed the comment was made referring to your wife as a 'traveller' then she would have a genuine reason to call in her union and/or make a formal complaint. It sounds like there is no actual substance to it.
She does enjoy her job just not the other stuff that comes with it.
ooo000ooo said:
I am biased, but, in the past when she's told me about things that he's said and done (not just relating to her) i can only compare to my own employers HR procedures and how it would be dealt with and in my opinion he would have been in serious trouble.
She does enjoy her job just not the other stuff that comes with it.
So why isn't he?She does enjoy her job just not the other stuff that comes with it.
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