Wifes failing health, give up work to look after?
Discussion
To help people like you is why these guys exist:
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
Use the website to find your local branch and make an appointment. My understanding is that they have a kind of "triage" system where you'll be seen by a generalist first, and if they can't sort things for you on your first visit then they'll make an appointment for you with a specialist in the area you need advice on.
Hope things work out for you.
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
Use the website to find your local branch and make an appointment. My understanding is that they have a kind of "triage" system where you'll be seen by a generalist first, and if they can't sort things for you on your first visit then they'll make an appointment for you with a specialist in the area you need advice on.
Hope things work out for you.
About £60 a week buy the look of it.
https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/overview
Then your wife can also claim things like PIP and Attendance Allowance.
As above you really need to sit down with someone like the CAB as they go through this a lot and understand the various things that your situation allows you to apply for.
There appears to be a "benefits advisor" calculator type thing on the gov website now. Might be worth working through it. https://www.dwpe-services.direct.gov.uk/portal/pag...
https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/overview
Then your wife can also claim things like PIP and Attendance Allowance.
As above you really need to sit down with someone like the CAB as they go through this a lot and understand the various things that your situation allows you to apply for.
There appears to be a "benefits advisor" calculator type thing on the gov website now. Might be worth working through it. https://www.dwpe-services.direct.gov.uk/portal/pag...
Edited by Munter on Tuesday 24th September 11:42
Have you thought about getting someone in to help?
I don't have any real knowledge of this although there are plenty of people I know at my local MS centre who do this, apparently you can choose how to allocate the care budget your wife is allowed and so can choose who looks after her.
I have no idea how this works but it may be cheaper than stopping work.
I don't have any real knowledge of this although there are plenty of people I know at my local MS centre who do this, apparently you can choose how to allocate the care budget your wife is allowed and so can choose who looks after her.
I have no idea how this works but it may be cheaper than stopping work.
I don’t wish to be labelled a totally heartless b
d but one thing that I always think of when I read a terribly sad thread like this is that whilst it is incredibly important to ensure that your loved ones receive the very best care and support you can give them you have to also think of the toll it will take on you.
Before you make any hard and fast decisions you also need to think a little of the future and what that might hold for you. It is not for us to ask, nor any of our business but you need to consider how long you are likely to be caring for your wife and how old you are. If it is a situation where you might be her carer for 5 years before she is likely to pass away, yet you will have to support yourself for another 10 years after that before retirement you must think about how you are going to deal with that and getting back into the work place. I am sure many people will consider going into the care sector themselves once that day comes but would you really want to care for anyone other than your own? There are many, many questions that you will need to address and I am sure you will have thought of them but please remember that to be in any position to help or care for others you first have to ensure that you are catered for or else you are just creating a future problem for you and others to have to deal with.
d but one thing that I always think of when I read a terribly sad thread like this is that whilst it is incredibly important to ensure that your loved ones receive the very best care and support you can give them you have to also think of the toll it will take on you.Before you make any hard and fast decisions you also need to think a little of the future and what that might hold for you. It is not for us to ask, nor any of our business but you need to consider how long you are likely to be caring for your wife and how old you are. If it is a situation where you might be her carer for 5 years before she is likely to pass away, yet you will have to support yourself for another 10 years after that before retirement you must think about how you are going to deal with that and getting back into the work place. I am sure many people will consider going into the care sector themselves once that day comes but would you really want to care for anyone other than your own? There are many, many questions that you will need to address and I am sure you will have thought of them but please remember that to be in any position to help or care for others you first have to ensure that you are catered for or else you are just creating a future problem for you and others to have to deal with.
Rude-boy said:
I don’t wish to be labelled a totally heartless bd but one thing that I always think of when I read a terribly sad thread like this is that whilst it is incredibly important to ensure that your loved ones receive the very best care and support you can give them you have to also think of the toll it will take on you.
Before you make any hard and fast decisions you also need to think a little of the future and what that might hold for you. It is not for us to ask, nor any of our business but you need to consider how long you are likely to be caring for your wife and how old you are. If it is a situation where you might be her carer for 5 years before she is likely to pass away, yet you will have to support yourself for another 10 years after that before retirement you must think about how you are going to deal with that and getting back into the work place. I am sure many people will consider going into the care sector themselves once that day comes but would you really want to care for anyone other than your own? There are many, many questions that you will need to address and I am sure you will have thought of them but please remember that to be in any position to help or care for others you first have to ensure that you are catered for or else you are just creating a future problem for you and others to have to deal with.
Wise words indeed. Always fit your oxygen mask first before helping others.d but one thing that I always think of when I read a terribly sad thread like this is that whilst it is incredibly important to ensure that your loved ones receive the very best care and support you can give them you have to also think of the toll it will take on you.Before you make any hard and fast decisions you also need to think a little of the future and what that might hold for you. It is not for us to ask, nor any of our business but you need to consider how long you are likely to be caring for your wife and how old you are. If it is a situation where you might be her carer for 5 years before she is likely to pass away, yet you will have to support yourself for another 10 years after that before retirement you must think about how you are going to deal with that and getting back into the work place. I am sure many people will consider going into the care sector themselves once that day comes but would you really want to care for anyone other than your own? There are many, many questions that you will need to address and I am sure you will have thought of them but please remember that to be in any position to help or care for others you first have to ensure that you are catered for or else you are just creating a future problem for you and others to have to deal with.
Having worked in the at home care sector I would look into outside help. Scale how much you need over the prognosis from the medical experts, you may be able to continue working and slowly decrease your hours. Looking after a family member is extremely hard and will put extra strains on relationships, just think of the personal dignity side. Look into a small care team, agree core members to give consistent care. Get training for all areas of care, just so you can chip in and help if needed.
First thing you need to do is talk with your wife.
Does she actually want you to give up your job to care for her 24/7?
If she does then you just have to do it, but you will have to to deal with the government departments that
just want to fill your post box with letters/forms/etc.
You will also have to deal with ATOS - the people that the government got in because they can do a better job of making up stuff than politicians can.
But if your wife doesn't want you to do it 24/7 then there are a lot of new day care options available and most of the staff are very good - they do it because they want to not because they get paid to do it.
Does she actually want you to give up your job to care for her 24/7?
If she does then you just have to do it, but you will have to to deal with the government departments that
just want to fill your post box with letters/forms/etc.
You will also have to deal with ATOS - the people that the government got in because they can do a better job of making up stuff than politicians can.
But if your wife doesn't want you to do it 24/7 then there are a lot of new day care options available and most of the staff are very good - they do it because they want to not because they get paid to do it.
Not wishing to be nosey but, has your wife applied to see if she is entitled to
DLA (Disability Living Allowance) as my wife gets £108.25 per week which is not
means tested when applying for/getting any other benefit.
The above amount + your £8000 a year would give you an 'income' of £262 weekly.
DLA (Disability Living Allowance) as my wife gets £108.25 per week which is not
means tested when applying for/getting any other benefit.
The above amount + your £8000 a year would give you an 'income' of £262 weekly.
I can help you with some of the elements to consider in the decision making process, from personal experience. There's a lot more to it than finances, which sometimes isn't immediately obvious. PM me and I'll help you, from someone that has been in your shoes and travelled that long and difficult path.
Some very good points made above. Just to add my 2p worth, I was in exactly your position 5 and a bit years ago, all be it was my mother who was sick. I moved back to my home town having taken redundancy from a well paid job (in the south east) to help look after her. Once here, I tried to get a get a reasonable job so i could continue to meet my financial commitments whilst also looking after my sick parent. I found I had to take a job paying under half what i was earning previously, but I was willing to do so as I did not want to be a financial burden on my family. At this point being a paid carer was not an option that was available to me. Fast forward 4 incredibly difficult and stressful years (and having been made redundant again and having found another job in that time), my mother's health was failing and she was given months to live. I found I could not cope and so took unpaid leave to be at my mothers side for the last few months of her life. Living off what savings i had, i was off work for 2 months before she passed away and about another 6 weeks afterwards. Due to financial constraints and pressure from my employer, I returned to work, but it was too soon and my heart was not really in it. I ended up leaving the company some 8 weeks after my return.
That was some 15 months ago now, and I have found it very difficult to get back into "regular work". Even with a good CV and 10 + years of experience, it continues to be challenge. In this time i have continued to work, doing what i can to earn an income, buying selling bits and pieces, doing consultancy work for some local small businesses, setting up a small business with a friend, even doing manual labour! (I have not had any help from the state in this time).
The problem is that the longer the "gap" in your CV, the harder it is to get back into a "regular" job. Potential Employers don't really care what your back story is, or indeed how constructive you have been with your time whilst being outside of "regular" work. There is so much competition for every role that most of the time, you don't get passed the recruitment agencies CV check. They (the agencies) have a strict formula they work to and they deal with such a large volume of applicants that unless you literally are the most exceptional candidate you don't get a look in.
I know my situation is not unique, and as you have seen from some of the other comments, there are people out there who have been through a similarly challenging time. The best bit of advice I can give is be honest with yourself, emotionally it is incredibly difficult and stressful to look after a loved one who is sick, it will change you as a person, ask yourself if you think you will be able to cope? Be prepared and plan for what you are going to do after your loved one is gone. Will you be able to pick up your career where you left off? Will you want to? Do you have other skills that would enable you to do other things? How will the economy impact your situation? Do you have assets that you can cash in if you cannot find a job? and so on, I personally (and some might say foolishly)never thought that far ahead, I was so focused on looking after my mum that i never really considered the impact on my career or indeed what I might do after she was gone.
Given my time again, I would without a doubt make the same decision again, however, I would plan meticulously for what i would do after my loved one has passed, as difficult as it maybe, I would try and acquire some tangible skills (for example a plumbing/electric/plastering qualification or some other skill) whilst being a carer that would give me something to fall back on if I could not get back into "regular" employment. I would also make use of all the help (financial or otherwise) available to you via the state if that is an option.
I hope that my experience is of some value to you, like someone mentioned above, go and speak to citizens advice to get as much information as possible, but also speak to your GP or whoever it is that is leading the medical care for your partner, see if they can give you details of your local adult social services, there maybe some grants available to you to help you buy specific pieces of equipment that will help you adapt your home to help you look after your loved one. I wish you the best of luck with your decision and with everything ahead. please feel free if to PM me if there is anything you want to discuss privately.....
Jam
That was some 15 months ago now, and I have found it very difficult to get back into "regular work". Even with a good CV and 10 + years of experience, it continues to be challenge. In this time i have continued to work, doing what i can to earn an income, buying selling bits and pieces, doing consultancy work for some local small businesses, setting up a small business with a friend, even doing manual labour! (I have not had any help from the state in this time).
The problem is that the longer the "gap" in your CV, the harder it is to get back into a "regular" job. Potential Employers don't really care what your back story is, or indeed how constructive you have been with your time whilst being outside of "regular" work. There is so much competition for every role that most of the time, you don't get passed the recruitment agencies CV check. They (the agencies) have a strict formula they work to and they deal with such a large volume of applicants that unless you literally are the most exceptional candidate you don't get a look in.
I know my situation is not unique, and as you have seen from some of the other comments, there are people out there who have been through a similarly challenging time. The best bit of advice I can give is be honest with yourself, emotionally it is incredibly difficult and stressful to look after a loved one who is sick, it will change you as a person, ask yourself if you think you will be able to cope? Be prepared and plan for what you are going to do after your loved one is gone. Will you be able to pick up your career where you left off? Will you want to? Do you have other skills that would enable you to do other things? How will the economy impact your situation? Do you have assets that you can cash in if you cannot find a job? and so on, I personally (and some might say foolishly)never thought that far ahead, I was so focused on looking after my mum that i never really considered the impact on my career or indeed what I might do after she was gone.
Given my time again, I would without a doubt make the same decision again, however, I would plan meticulously for what i would do after my loved one has passed, as difficult as it maybe, I would try and acquire some tangible skills (for example a plumbing/electric/plastering qualification or some other skill) whilst being a carer that would give me something to fall back on if I could not get back into "regular" employment. I would also make use of all the help (financial or otherwise) available to you via the state if that is an option.
I hope that my experience is of some value to you, like someone mentioned above, go and speak to citizens advice to get as much information as possible, but also speak to your GP or whoever it is that is leading the medical care for your partner, see if they can give you details of your local adult social services, there maybe some grants available to you to help you buy specific pieces of equipment that will help you adapt your home to help you look after your loved one. I wish you the best of luck with your decision and with everything ahead. please feel free if to PM me if there is anything you want to discuss privately.....
Jam
Jam Rock said:
I was in exactly your position 5 and a bit years ago, all be it was my mother who was sick.
With the greatest of respect to you and with admiration for what you did for your mum, it isn't exactly the same position.Imho, there's a world of difference in giving up work to look after your parent (not something I would even consider) and looking after your spouse, which is the deal one signs up for at the alter/ registry office etc.
Parents have kids because they want to, not as some kind of insurance policy for when they are older. But with a spouse, you have a moral obligation in my view, plus if it were my wife, I'd want to spend as much time with her as possible. To hell with the financial considerations, I'll deal with them afterwards.
I'm sure my wife would nurse me, or I will nurse her. Hopefully we'll go together in a terrible accident on the way back form our 75th wedding anniversary party. But I would not have either of my kids look after us, that's not their job.
Without knowing the exact problems your wife has, have you spoken to Social Services? If your wife meets the criteria (usually FACS levels Substantial or Critical, some authorities are just offering at Critical now) then they may be able to help you. Services are not necessarily free and ability to pay is means tested through a financial assessment, but it may mean you can continue to work whilst your wife receives the care and support she needs. They will also help you to receive the benefits you're entitled to.
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