Discussion
I've posted in here before about a particular employee and I'm just looking for a bit of third-party guidance.
She's quiet fiery and has had a tough past so often takes the defensive position without just cause. She's not the most eloquently spoken person and this comes across in some very abrupt emails. As a result, she gets some abrupt replies and then gets angry that people are being rude to her.
I'm trying hard to guide her through this and help her improve her written skills. The company paid for a "Business Writing" course to help and I've written draft templates of common emails which she can use.
Today, she needed to ask a client to fill in a form and wrote something along the lines of
1) Am I imagining that the rephrased version is a bit softer?
2) If I'm not, how would you explain this to someone who can't see it? That's where I'm really struggling.
She's quiet fiery and has had a tough past so often takes the defensive position without just cause. She's not the most eloquently spoken person and this comes across in some very abrupt emails. As a result, she gets some abrupt replies and then gets angry that people are being rude to her.
I'm trying hard to guide her through this and help her improve her written skills. The company paid for a "Business Writing" course to help and I've written draft templates of common emails which she can use.
Today, she needed to ask a client to fill in a form and wrote something along the lines of
Colleague said:
Hello Customer,
[Hope you're well / general pleasantries]
I need a form filled in can you let me know when you're next on site?
I said it would be good to rephrase the last part to explain why we need it and make it sound a bit softer. [Hope you're well / general pleasantries]
I need a form filled in can you let me know when you're next on site?
I said:
As you know as part of your agreement with us we do X for you. We've noticed that the authorisation form for this has not been completed. Could you let me know when you're next on site so we can go through this?
Two questions really.1) Am I imagining that the rephrased version is a bit softer?
2) If I'm not, how would you explain this to someone who can't see it? That's where I'm really struggling.
I think it depends on the relationship between the sender and the recipient. If it is someone you deal with regularly then a quick/brief "when are you next on site" isn't an unusual or rude request, but if it is someone you rarely speak with then you need the lengthier 2nd option.
In fact if I got the second email from someone I dealt with everyday then it would seem overly formal and might make me think something was afoot.
In fact if I got the second email from someone I dealt with everyday then it would seem overly formal and might make me think something was afoot.
romeogolf said:
I've posted in here before about a particular employee and I'm just looking for a bit of third-party guidance.
She's quiet fiery and has had a tough past so often takes the defensive position without just cause. She's not the most eloquently spoken person and this comes across in some very abrupt emails. As a result, she gets some abrupt replies and then gets angry that people are being rude to her.
I'm trying hard to guide her through this and help her improve her written skills. The company paid for a "Business Writing" course to help and I've written draft templates of common emails which she can use.
Today, she needed to ask a client to fill in a form and wrote something along the lines of
1) Am I imagining that the rephrased version is a bit softer?
2) If I'm not, how would you explain this to someone who can't see it? That's where I'm really struggling.
She said in 16 words what you required a least 42 words for She's quiet fiery and has had a tough past so often takes the defensive position without just cause. She's not the most eloquently spoken person and this comes across in some very abrupt emails. As a result, she gets some abrupt replies and then gets angry that people are being rude to her.
I'm trying hard to guide her through this and help her improve her written skills. The company paid for a "Business Writing" course to help and I've written draft templates of common emails which she can use.
Today, she needed to ask a client to fill in a form and wrote something along the lines of
Colleague said:
Hello Customer,
[Hope you're well / general pleasantries]
I need a form filled in can you let me know when you're next on site?
I said it would be good to rephrase the last part to explain why we need it and make it sound a bit softer. [Hope you're well / general pleasantries]
I need a form filled in can you let me know when you're next on site?
I said:
As you know as part of your agreement with us we do X for you. We've noticed that the authorisation form for this has not been completed. Could you let me know when you're next on site so we can go through this?
Two questions really.1) Am I imagining that the rephrased version is a bit softer?
2) If I'm not, how would you explain this to someone who can't see it? That's where I'm really struggling.
Ecomomy is good. The Client might actually prefer her style rather than your verbose one, especilally if you charge by word count.
I may have gone for something like:
"Would you be so kind to fill out 'X' form when you are next on site".
The 'I need' bit is a little abrupt for my liking.
Also from engineering background but perhaps I interpret things differently. Her attempt comes across a little passive aggressive to me.
"Would you be so kind to fill out 'X' form when you are next on site".
The 'I need' bit is a little abrupt for my liking.
Also from engineering background but perhaps I interpret things differently. Her attempt comes across a little passive aggressive to me.
DuncB7 said:
I may have gone for something like:
"Would you be so kind to fill out 'X' form when you are next on site".
The 'I need' bit is a little abrupt for my liking.
Also from engineering background but perhaps I interpret things differently. Her attempt comes across a little passive aggressive to me.
"Would you be so kind to fill out 'X' form when you are next on site".
The 'I need' bit is a little abrupt for my liking.
Also from engineering background but perhaps I interpret things differently. Her attempt comes across a little passive aggressive to me.
I encounter people using the term "passive agressive" when describing the written word all the time, but I'm a bit confused about what it actually means, and if it actually applies here. I can see that her message might be agressive, but passive? Sounds like she's saying what she wants.
Mr. H said:
I know that I don't have time to re-write an email 3 times* when a one sentence question with some pleasantries will do just fine. OP maybe you need a bigger workload.
I probably do need a bigger workload, but it means that I can get the small things perfect rather than rushing them ;-)- I do have time to browse and post here.
romeogolf said:
DuncB7 said:
The 'I need' bit is a little abrupt for my liking.
Was beginning to think I was the only one. That was the exact bit which made me double-take.romeogolf said:
DuncB7 said:
The 'I need' bit is a little abrupt for my liking.
Was beginning to think I was the only one. That was the exact bit which made me double-take.Communication in any format is a challenge for us all. It takes time, practice, coaching and some errors along the way to hone the skill.
Your approach looks sound in terms of you attempting the coaching bit. Her ability to learn from feedback however seems to be a little more challenging thus I would introduce the concept of reflection with her. The also challenging art of effective reflective practice may provide an opportunity to improve her communication skills. There are a number of on-line resources as well as face-to-face providers who can support you.
Good luck!
Your approach looks sound in terms of you attempting the coaching bit. Her ability to learn from feedback however seems to be a little more challenging thus I would introduce the concept of reflection with her. The also challenging art of effective reflective practice may provide an opportunity to improve her communication skills. There are a number of on-line resources as well as face-to-face providers who can support you.
Good luck!
romeogolf said:
DuncB7 said:
The 'I need' bit is a little abrupt for my liking.
Was beginning to think I was the only one. That was the exact bit which made me double-take.
Hello Mr Jones,
I hope you are well and enjoying the favourable weather. I have a XYZ form here for the project ABC, can you please let me know when you're next on site and able to complete this?
As always, feel free to get in touch if I can assist with anything else.
Kind regards,
Passive Aggressive
the 7 C's.
Clear
Concise
Concrete
Correct
Coherent
Complete
Courteous
Seems to tick the boxes for me.
Why say it with 100 words when you can use 10? Brevity is a good thing, especially in the context of the original message, yours seems overworded massively for its purpose, why are you reminding a client of yours that they have an agreement with you? They know they have, they signed it.
Clear
Concise
Concrete
Correct
Coherent
Complete
Courteous
Seems to tick the boxes for me.
Why say it with 100 words when you can use 10? Brevity is a good thing, especially in the context of the original message, yours seems overworded massively for its purpose, why are you reminding a client of yours that they have an agreement with you? They know they have, they signed it.
Edited by TIGA84 on Thursday 31st March 13:56
Sheepshanks said:
I would prefer a tiny bit more background otherwise her email is likely to generate a "which form?" question back.
Something like: "I need a new authorisation form for X work filled in - can you please let me know when you're next on site?"
I agree. It tells me what is required whereas the original only gives me half the information.Something like: "I need a new authorisation form for X work filled in - can you please let me know when you're next on site?"
TIGA84 said:
Why say it with 100 words when you can use 10? Brevity is a good thing, especially in the context of the original message, yours seems overworded massively for its purpose, why are you reminding a client of yours that they have an agreement with you? They know they have, they signed it.
In the past people have questioned this and I'd rather answer all questions up front to avoid later to-and-fro. The case in question is business rates which we pay on their behalf, but they need to authorise us to do so, or the council chase them directly. Gassing Station | Jobs & Employment Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff