Patronising manager
Discussion
Youngish (25/6) guy at work, lets call him George, seconded here for a week from an office miles away. A fairly regular thing. He's popular, extremely hard working, but a bit quiet. Often assumed to be a few years younger than he is.
One of the middle managers, lets call him Bob, here who is ultimately sponsoring the project George is working on habitually greets him with the words 'it's young George' as if he's talking to a five year old, he never addresses others the same age the same way.
George hates it, though it's possible Bob doesn't realize, and I think George should ask for a word and make it clear he isn't happy. Bob is very senior to George but not on the same reporting line, and I think George would be more than justified in calling him out on his behavior. I suspect George has been passed over for a promotion partly because he looks young for his age and partly because he doesn't assert himself enough. Cynically, also because he has taken crap without complaint in the past.
Is George justified in being annoyed by what he clearly sees as patronising behavior? Or should he shrug it off?
One of the middle managers, lets call him Bob, here who is ultimately sponsoring the project George is working on habitually greets him with the words 'it's young George' as if he's talking to a five year old, he never addresses others the same age the same way.
George hates it, though it's possible Bob doesn't realize, and I think George should ask for a word and make it clear he isn't happy. Bob is very senior to George but not on the same reporting line, and I think George would be more than justified in calling him out on his behavior. I suspect George has been passed over for a promotion partly because he looks young for his age and partly because he doesn't assert himself enough. Cynically, also because he has taken crap without complaint in the past.
Is George justified in being annoyed by what he clearly sees as patronising behavior? Or should he shrug it off?
I'm 23, but look quite a few years younger - I get asked for ID every time I buy a pint.
A similar thing happens to me, with people calling me Young Man, making jokes about my age etc, but who cares? They're only joking around.
If he doesn't like it then fair enough he should have a word, but I'd not be surprised if it just gets worse as it'll just reinforce the old guys view that George is a little kid - even if he doesn't truly believe that.
Just turn it around on them and make light of it. People here can be talking about a particular movie, or year etc, and I'll just chip in that I wasn't born then. Watching people do the maths and realise they graduated many years before I was born is pretty funny
A similar thing happens to me, with people calling me Young Man, making jokes about my age etc, but who cares? They're only joking around.
If he doesn't like it then fair enough he should have a word, but I'd not be surprised if it just gets worse as it'll just reinforce the old guys view that George is a little kid - even if he doesn't truly believe that.
Just turn it around on them and make light of it. People here can be talking about a particular movie, or year etc, and I'll just chip in that I wasn't born then. Watching people do the maths and realise they graduated many years before I was born is pretty funny
As already mentioned I'd respond with "hello old bob"
Although in reality I wouldn't let it bother me. If you start relying on other people's behaviour to determine how you feel then you're in for a life of misery. It's not old Bob that making him feel bad, it's young George that is making himself feel bad.
On a related note a woman at work was moaning about something to me and pointed out that I had it all to look forward to when I reached her age...... I pointed out that was 2 years older than her
Dam these youthful good looks 
Although in reality I wouldn't let it bother me. If you start relying on other people's behaviour to determine how you feel then you're in for a life of misery. It's not old Bob that making him feel bad, it's young George that is making himself feel bad.
On a related note a woman at work was moaning about something to me and pointed out that I had it all to look forward to when I reached her age...... I pointed out that was 2 years older than her
Dam these youthful good looks Several years ago I sent an e-mail to two female colleagues I was working with on a joint project. I addressed it "Hi Girls". I got a phone call from their boss to tell me to stop using that phrase as they objected to it.
I suppose these days I may have ended up being cautioned, arrested and detained, gone to court and then let off due to a procedural error by the prosecution.
R.
I suppose these days I may have ended up being cautioned, arrested and detained, gone to court and then let off due to a procedural error by the prosecution.
R.
xjay1337 said:
thebraketester said:
“Hello old Bob”
Defo this!!Dr Jekyll said:
Bob is very senior to George
Of all the things 'old Bob' could say, is this really worth having a strop over?I get all the bullying and harassment stuff, but at some point young people need to understand that the early years of their career, their approach, their attitude, what they do and what they say, could have a significant impact on their later success.
It could well be that 'old Bob' actually has a soft spot for 'young George'; sees him as a rising star? Someone to watch for the future? A form of teasing... maybe he sees himself at that age?
My advice to George is to get on with being the best 'George' he can be.
Dr Jekyll said:
Youngish (25/6) guy at work, lets call him George, seconded here for a week from an office miles away. A fairly regular thing. He's popular, extremely hard working, but a bit quiet. Often assumed to be a few years younger than he is.
One of the middle managers, lets call him Bob, here who is ultimately sponsoring the project George is working on habitually greets him with the words 'it's young George' as if he's talking to a five year old, he never addresses others the same age the same way.
George hates it, though it's possible Bob doesn't realize, and I think George should ask for a word and make it clear he isn't happy. Bob is very senior to George but not on the same reporting line, and I think George would be more than justified in calling him out on his behavior. I suspect George has been passed over for a promotion partly because he looks young for his age and partly because he doesn't assert himself enough. Cynically, also because he has taken crap without complaint in the past.
Is George justified in being annoyed by what he clearly sees as patronising behavior? Or should he shrug it off?
fOne of the middle managers, lets call him Bob, here who is ultimately sponsoring the project George is working on habitually greets him with the words 'it's young George' as if he's talking to a five year old, he never addresses others the same age the same way.
George hates it, though it's possible Bob doesn't realize, and I think George should ask for a word and make it clear he isn't happy. Bob is very senior to George but not on the same reporting line, and I think George would be more than justified in calling him out on his behavior. I suspect George has been passed over for a promotion partly because he looks young for his age and partly because he doesn't assert himself enough. Cynically, also because he has taken crap without complaint in the past.
Is George justified in being annoyed by what he clearly sees as patronising behavior? Or should he shrug it off?
k sake, get some balls George. xjay1337 said:
Ali Chappussy said:
fk sake, get some balls George.
To be fair it can be a bit daunting in an office environment especially if you are young / new.k sake, get some balls George. It's not quite as easy as that.
Besides, not everyone is an alpha male.
Dr Jekyll said:
Youngish (25/6) guy at work, lets call him George, seconded here for a week from an office miles away. A fairly regular thing. He's popular, extremely hard working, but a bit quiet. Often assumed to be a few years younger than he is.
One of the middle managers, lets call him Bob, here who is ultimately sponsoring the project George is working on habitually greets him with the words 'it's young George' as if he's talking to a five year old, he never addresses others the same age the same way.
George hates it, though it's possible Bob doesn't realize, and I think George should ask for a word and make it clear he isn't happy. Bob is very senior to George but not on the same reporting line, and I think George would be more than justified in calling him out on his behavior. I suspect George has been passed over for a promotion partly because he looks young for his age and partly because he doesn't assert himself enough. Cynically, also because he has taken crap without complaint in the past.
Is George justified in being annoyed by what he clearly sees as patronising behavior? Or should he shrug it off?
What is the world coming to, don't know what is worse George getting the hump because someone calls him "young George" or someone posting on a web site asking if George is justified in being annoyed. One of the middle managers, lets call him Bob, here who is ultimately sponsoring the project George is working on habitually greets him with the words 'it's young George' as if he's talking to a five year old, he never addresses others the same age the same way.
George hates it, though it's possible Bob doesn't realize, and I think George should ask for a word and make it clear he isn't happy. Bob is very senior to George but not on the same reporting line, and I think George would be more than justified in calling him out on his behavior. I suspect George has been passed over for a promotion partly because he looks young for his age and partly because he doesn't assert himself enough. Cynically, also because he has taken crap without complaint in the past.
Is George justified in being annoyed by what he clearly sees as patronising behavior? Or should he shrug it off?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Interesting spread of opinions here. I'd like to think this manager is just teasing George affectionately but I doubt it. It isn't a case of 'what are you working on young George' but of exclaiming 'it's young George' as if someone's brought their toddler in.
Either calling Bob out or ignoring him can both be regarded as 'getting some balls'. My guess is that if George ignores this Bob will assume he's afraid to stand up for himself and it'll get worse.
Either calling Bob out or ignoring him can both be regarded as 'getting some balls'. My guess is that if George ignores this Bob will assume he's afraid to stand up for himself and it'll get worse.
Dr Jekyll said:
Interesting spread of opinions here. I'd like to think this manager is just teasing George affectionately but I doubt it. It isn't a case of 'what are you working on young George' but of exclaiming 'it's young George' as if someone's brought their toddler in.
Either calling Bob out or ignoring him can both be regarded as 'getting some balls'. My guess is that if George ignores this Bob will assume he's afraid to stand up for himself and it'll get worse.
I must be missing something as there doesn’t seem a spread of opinions.Either calling Bob out or ignoring him can both be regarded as 'getting some balls'. My guess is that if George ignores this Bob will assume he's afraid to stand up for himself and it'll get worse.
If he is as touchy about being called young Bob he has some real problems ahead in life.
Years ago, when I was making my way in the world as a young IT Manager (I was 22 when I got my first management gig), I worked with a chap on the same management level as me, but in a different department. He was also a lot older than me - old enough to be my dad, in fact.
Anyway, this bloke did a fair amount of "joshing" with people, semi-good natured/passive aggressive needling, and generally seeing what he could get away with. It didn't take me long to notice he was like this with everyone.
I also observed that those who stood up to him didn't suffer any of his st, whereas those who ignored it, or accepted it, were "legitimate targets" in his eyes.
Some adults are like toddlers - they push and push and push, until they find the limit. They then operate at that limit, on an individual basis with each person they've pushed.
I didn't take any of his crap, and as a result, he was completely fine with me. I really felt for those who'd been putting up with his crap for years, mind you.
The point of all this? I would encourage the OP to read out what I've written, word for word, to George. What George then does with this information is entirely up to him.
Anyway, this bloke did a fair amount of "joshing" with people, semi-good natured/passive aggressive needling, and generally seeing what he could get away with. It didn't take me long to notice he was like this with everyone.
I also observed that those who stood up to him didn't suffer any of his s
t, whereas those who ignored it, or accepted it, were "legitimate targets" in his eyes.Some adults are like toddlers - they push and push and push, until they find the limit. They then operate at that limit, on an individual basis with each person they've pushed.
I didn't take any of his crap, and as a result, he was completely fine with me. I really felt for those who'd been putting up with his crap for years, mind you.
The point of all this? I would encourage the OP to read out what I've written, word for word, to George. What George then does with this information is entirely up to him.
Gassing Station | Jobs & Employment Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff