Spoken communication skills - Help required
Discussion
Can anyone out there recommend any courses or training with regard to spoken communication skills.
My wife has recently began working in a corporate environment, in a field that is new to her, after a long time working for legal firms.
She is intelligent, conscientious and hardworking. Her written communication is excellent and she has a good (neutral) speaking voice and is very particular about pronunciation. However, when she has to verbally explain things to colleagues she finds that she can’t articulate at a similar level. Her vocabulary is good but she struggles to get the pertinent points across, often going into a huge level of detail in order to make a very simple points. She recently had a review at work which was excellent in all areas apart from her spoken communication.
She also does this at home and in social situations but she wants to fix it in order to be more proficient and efficient at work, hopefully improving her long term prospects.
To give an example, I remember a recent occasion, shortly after we had moved house, where a friend asked if she missed the area we had moved from. My wife went into a 5 minute monologue giving a detailed breakdown of the area we had previously lived in, mentioning how the atmosphere had changed in the period we had lived there, our neighbours, increasing levels of traffic and changes to local pubs etc. When she had finished this wonderfully detailed speech, our friend said “yes, but do you miss the area?” she hadn’t actually given an answer.
She is not an extrovert. This is not just a case of somebody who likes the sound of their own voice. If anything, she is more introverted.
She is desperate to improve this. She has asked work if they can help by getting some training, and although they are receptive to her requests, the reality of a very busy department making time for the sort of training that many people can’t see a need for means she may have to seek something outside of the workplace.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
My wife has recently began working in a corporate environment, in a field that is new to her, after a long time working for legal firms.
She is intelligent, conscientious and hardworking. Her written communication is excellent and she has a good (neutral) speaking voice and is very particular about pronunciation. However, when she has to verbally explain things to colleagues she finds that she can’t articulate at a similar level. Her vocabulary is good but she struggles to get the pertinent points across, often going into a huge level of detail in order to make a very simple points. She recently had a review at work which was excellent in all areas apart from her spoken communication.
She also does this at home and in social situations but she wants to fix it in order to be more proficient and efficient at work, hopefully improving her long term prospects.
To give an example, I remember a recent occasion, shortly after we had moved house, where a friend asked if she missed the area we had moved from. My wife went into a 5 minute monologue giving a detailed breakdown of the area we had previously lived in, mentioning how the atmosphere had changed in the period we had lived there, our neighbours, increasing levels of traffic and changes to local pubs etc. When she had finished this wonderfully detailed speech, our friend said “yes, but do you miss the area?” she hadn’t actually given an answer.
She is not an extrovert. This is not just a case of somebody who likes the sound of their own voice. If anything, she is more introverted.
She is desperate to improve this. She has asked work if they can help by getting some training, and although they are receptive to her requests, the reality of a very busy department making time for the sort of training that many people can’t see a need for means she may have to seek something outside of the workplace.
Any suggestions would be appreciated.
I'm sure there are lots of courses on public speaking but it doesn't sound like that's what she needs.
I am an engineer, often accused of being mono syllabic and will always naturally attempt to use a few words as possible. This is also misconstrued sometimes in a professional environment.
In my experience the people who tend to meander in conversation and not get to the point with do it as a means of controlling the interaction or as a means to supress their anxiety.
I would suggest she tries to limit herself to 4 word per interaction with you and other friends around the house etc to practice listening more and saying what's only pertinent. May also be beneficial to you.
I am an engineer, often accused of being mono syllabic and will always naturally attempt to use a few words as possible. This is also misconstrued sometimes in a professional environment.
In my experience the people who tend to meander in conversation and not get to the point with do it as a means of controlling the interaction or as a means to supress their anxiety.
I would suggest she tries to limit herself to 4 word per interaction with you and other friends around the house etc to practice listening more and saying what's only pertinent. May also be beneficial to you.
It sounds like a confidence thing to me. I've coached one or two people over this kind of thing in the past (I'm not a coach, they were just employees).
Succinct is always best. Take a beat, consider what's required of you, say that, and then shut up. If people need more, they'll ask for it. If that's because you missed the point and didn't say what was required, you can learn from that for next time.
If you know your subject (and it sounds like she does), a moment's reflection will allow you to home in on whats being asked.
It can be difficult to avoid appearing reticent by saying too little, and often this is where the confidence thing comes in. The most important thing is to be conscious of the 'problem', and to actively manage it.
A few years ago, I developed an annoying habit of saying something, proof reading it in my head, editing it, and then immediately saying the edited version. I thought I was clarifying what I'd just said, but everyone else thought I was just repeating myself because, to them, what I'd said the first time was fine.
In suspect I began to do this when managing a business across four countries and three languages. In meetings, I had the best understanding of the subject matter, and of the business overview, and I had the best grasp of all the languages, so I became the 'conduit', and people looked to me for translation/clarification, so I began to give it even when I wasn't asked.
It took conscious effort on my part to say something once only, and then shut up. Sometimes people asked me to repeat or clarify, and I from those, I learned to modify before I'd said something, not afterwards. Mostly, people were happy with what I'd said, and over time, it became 'normal' for me to only say stuff once.
Succinct is always best. Take a beat, consider what's required of you, say that, and then shut up. If people need more, they'll ask for it. If that's because you missed the point and didn't say what was required, you can learn from that for next time.
If you know your subject (and it sounds like she does), a moment's reflection will allow you to home in on whats being asked.
It can be difficult to avoid appearing reticent by saying too little, and often this is where the confidence thing comes in. The most important thing is to be conscious of the 'problem', and to actively manage it.
A few years ago, I developed an annoying habit of saying something, proof reading it in my head, editing it, and then immediately saying the edited version. I thought I was clarifying what I'd just said, but everyone else thought I was just repeating myself because, to them, what I'd said the first time was fine.
In suspect I began to do this when managing a business across four countries and three languages. In meetings, I had the best understanding of the subject matter, and of the business overview, and I had the best grasp of all the languages, so I became the 'conduit', and people looked to me for translation/clarification, so I began to give it even when I wasn't asked.
It took conscious effort on my part to say something once only, and then shut up. Sometimes people asked me to repeat or clarify, and I from those, I learned to modify before I'd said something, not afterwards. Mostly, people were happy with what I'd said, and over time, it became 'normal' for me to only say stuff once.
Doofus said:
It sounds like a confidence thing to me.
Very much this.As with many people who suffer from a lack of self confidence it's very hard for those of us who are not afflicted in this way to understand why they are like that, given that in many cases they are intelligent and talented. One of the difficulties for me is that I don't struggle with spoken communication. I have made numerous suggestions such as saying less, pausing more, etc.
One thing that I have suggested as a starting point that she spends time listening to people who are renowned for their ability to put forward an argument/opinion. Looking up well known orators (Christopher Hitchens etc.) on You Tube and just listening to how the formulate sentences, how they pause between their sentences, how concise or flamboyant they are etc.
However, she is the type of person who responds better to the more formulated approach that a proper training course may give.
This is a deep seated problem, probably seated in anxiety, that will almost certainly take more than some well meant amateur advice to sort (with all due respect to those who have and will give such advice).
BIG MOLE said:
One thing that I have suggested as a starting point that she spends time listening to people who are renowned for their ability to put forward an argument/opinion. Looking up well known orators (Christopher Hitchens etc.) on You Tube and just listening to how the formulate sentences, how they pause between their sentences, how concise or flamboyant they are etc.
I think the limitation with this approach is that those people will have pre-planned what they are going to say, and will have rehearsed. Most of us don't always have that opportunity.Some great replies there to consider.
It’s quite a complex area and it’s linked to both the skill/art of speaking and the personality of the individual.
The former can be developed quite quickly to make an impact; the latter less so easily addressed. But it can be done.
Finding the tools that fit best with her personality and deploying them as often as possible would be the best strategy in my opinion. Look for extra curricular opportunities to practice outside of the workplace such as debating societies. Practice really is the best approach.
It’s quite a complex area and it’s linked to both the skill/art of speaking and the personality of the individual.
The former can be developed quite quickly to make an impact; the latter less so easily addressed. But it can be done.
Finding the tools that fit best with her personality and deploying them as often as possible would be the best strategy in my opinion. Look for extra curricular opportunities to practice outside of the workplace such as debating societies. Practice really is the best approach.
I agree with the poster above with the "figure out the information that person needs to have in their head - what few clear words will be needed to make that happen - say them - shut up"
I think the confidence thing knackers both ends of that. Not having the confidence to stay quiet for half a second while you do the first steps, then at the end worrying that you've done a poor job of getting the message across, so then you try again in a different way.
It might sound odd, but would it be worth you two doing some exercises either made up or based on something at work where she literally talks through the steps out loud with you?
So, Sally asks for the latest on that report, what thought/information needs to be in her head at the end of the conversation?
That there's an issue, what it is, how to fix it and when it'll be done.
What are you going to say to give her that information?
A supplier is late, we're sourcing an alternative from down the road, it'll be done on Tuesday.
So say those words right now.
A supplier is late, we're sourcing an alternative from down the road, it'll be done on Tuesday.
Now sit happily silent for 5 seconds.
I think the confidence thing knackers both ends of that. Not having the confidence to stay quiet for half a second while you do the first steps, then at the end worrying that you've done a poor job of getting the message across, so then you try again in a different way.
It might sound odd, but would it be worth you two doing some exercises either made up or based on something at work where she literally talks through the steps out loud with you?
So, Sally asks for the latest on that report, what thought/information needs to be in her head at the end of the conversation?
That there's an issue, what it is, how to fix it and when it'll be done.
What are you going to say to give her that information?
A supplier is late, we're sourcing an alternative from down the road, it'll be done on Tuesday.
So say those words right now.
A supplier is late, we're sourcing an alternative from down the road, it'll be done on Tuesday.
Now sit happily silent for 5 seconds.
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