Workplace favouritism
Discussion
Hi all,
I'm after some advice or the opinions of fellow forumites. I work in a small team of 5 people in an office doing computer work. Over the last year I have been handed more and more work to do which is becoming stressful and I am finding myself making mistakes due to the pressure and deadlines. Over the same year I have noticed one of the team (an attractive and very flirty girl in her early thirties) doing less and less work and taking on more managerial tasks. It's a bit disappointing to see because I work extremely hard and have 100% attendance, whereas she is constantly not turning up and booking the day as holiday, and even turning up drunk over Xmas and having to be sent home on the quiet. She is apparently going through a rough patch in her relationship (married with a young child) so I have not thought much of it, and just hoped that she would get her life together and pull her weight at work.
Well today completely out of the blue I received a phone call from my bosses wife of 30 years... you can probably guess what's coming next.
She has heard them video calling each other, telling each other how much they love each other and arranging to meet up for sex. The reason she called me was because she also heard them discussing how my flirty colleague will take on less work and how my boss will delegate as much of her work to me as possible, as he has been doing thus far. I am still a bit in shock as it all seems rather surreal. This is quite a big company with around 400 employees over 3 sites. My girlfriend has been complaining that my colleagues don't seem to be working as hard as me and asking why I'm always working late and stressed out when they don't seem to be at all.
Rightly or wrongly I gave my bosses wife the phone numbers of both the CEO and MD of the company, and she has contacted them about the possibility of having my boss relocated to one of the other sites. In order to improve my situation, I can't help thinking that I want to stir things up by maybe telling my colleagues husband who also works at our company in a different department. I have screenshots of conversations between my bosses wife and the very apologetic flirty colleague as proof, but would probably keep them to myself unless I had to share them.
Should I leave well alone and see if anything happens? Or should I help things along somehow before my own relationship goes down the pan through working too hard and being miserable to my own partner?
Answers on a postcard....
I'm after some advice or the opinions of fellow forumites. I work in a small team of 5 people in an office doing computer work. Over the last year I have been handed more and more work to do which is becoming stressful and I am finding myself making mistakes due to the pressure and deadlines. Over the same year I have noticed one of the team (an attractive and very flirty girl in her early thirties) doing less and less work and taking on more managerial tasks. It's a bit disappointing to see because I work extremely hard and have 100% attendance, whereas she is constantly not turning up and booking the day as holiday, and even turning up drunk over Xmas and having to be sent home on the quiet. She is apparently going through a rough patch in her relationship (married with a young child) so I have not thought much of it, and just hoped that she would get her life together and pull her weight at work.
Well today completely out of the blue I received a phone call from my bosses wife of 30 years... you can probably guess what's coming next.
She has heard them video calling each other, telling each other how much they love each other and arranging to meet up for sex. The reason she called me was because she also heard them discussing how my flirty colleague will take on less work and how my boss will delegate as much of her work to me as possible, as he has been doing thus far. I am still a bit in shock as it all seems rather surreal. This is quite a big company with around 400 employees over 3 sites. My girlfriend has been complaining that my colleagues don't seem to be working as hard as me and asking why I'm always working late and stressed out when they don't seem to be at all.
Rightly or wrongly I gave my bosses wife the phone numbers of both the CEO and MD of the company, and she has contacted them about the possibility of having my boss relocated to one of the other sites. In order to improve my situation, I can't help thinking that I want to stir things up by maybe telling my colleagues husband who also works at our company in a different department. I have screenshots of conversations between my bosses wife and the very apologetic flirty colleague as proof, but would probably keep them to myself unless I had to share them.
Should I leave well alone and see if anything happens? Or should I help things along somehow before my own relationship goes down the pan through working too hard and being miserable to my own partner?
Answers on a postcard....
Stuff happens in the office, it's not really worth getting involved with the revenge of a scorned wife.
Your first few words are the key to this : I have been handed more and more work to do
Completing tasks at work also involve accepting them and taking the opportunity to explain the impact on the daily grind if there is an impact of course.
Plan some time with your boss and present some work priorities aligned with your working hours. Be prepared to argue the toss about certain points, have a clear agenda and write a summary of the meeting emailed to the boss.
Short-term higher than average working hours is acceptable to complete a tough assignment etc etc. But long term over and above isn't. It's not sustainable.
In summary, the office romances are just noise and you need to manage your boss more effectively.. I spend 20% of my time doing this!
Your first few words are the key to this : I have been handed more and more work to do
Completing tasks at work also involve accepting them and taking the opportunity to explain the impact on the daily grind if there is an impact of course.
Plan some time with your boss and present some work priorities aligned with your working hours. Be prepared to argue the toss about certain points, have a clear agenda and write a summary of the meeting emailed to the boss.
Short-term higher than average working hours is acceptable to complete a tough assignment etc etc. But long term over and above isn't. It's not sustainable.
In summary, the office romances are just noise and you need to manage your boss more effectively.. I spend 20% of my time doing this!
Don't get involved. Don't get involved. Don't get involved. Don't get involved.
If your workload is too high, start saying No, or when allocated a task respond with a realistic timeframe for when you are able to complete it rather than the arbitrary deadline given to you. If you are told to meet the deadline, ask which other task they want you to stop doing to meet the deadline.
I'm the worlds worst for taking too much on and working all hours to compensate - I always blamed my employer for being under resourced, but on reflection that was primarily because I enabled them to be by doing too much.
I changed jobs a few months ago, have stuck steadfastly to the advice above and now start work at 9am and finish at 5pm. I still get the same excellent feedback I've always got.
If your workload is too high, start saying No, or when allocated a task respond with a realistic timeframe for when you are able to complete it rather than the arbitrary deadline given to you. If you are told to meet the deadline, ask which other task they want you to stop doing to meet the deadline.
I'm the worlds worst for taking too much on and working all hours to compensate - I always blamed my employer for being under resourced, but on reflection that was primarily because I enabled them to be by doing too much.
I changed jobs a few months ago, have stuck steadfastly to the advice above and now start work at 9am and finish at 5pm. I still get the same excellent feedback I've always got.
Assuming this post isn’t BS, then I think you’re in a good position now.
Just politely refuse any additional tasks from your boss and should this create an issue; then respectfully suggest you join arms as friends and go to his boss* to clarify expectations, the division of labour in the team and how the company is going help you thrive and be successful.
Personally I’d do a side deal with him to say let me have overtime and I’ll pick up her work so you can bonk your heart out!
(My observation is that (your) girlfriends and wives go very quiet at the prospect of you working long hours if it means more cash for clothes, better holidays etc.)
Just politely refuse any additional tasks from your boss and should this create an issue; then respectfully suggest you join arms as friends and go to his boss* to clarify expectations, the division of labour in the team and how the company is going help you thrive and be successful.
- Assuming his wife has tipped them off to his behaviour, this would allow your workload to be rebalanced immediately.
Personally I’d do a side deal with him to say let me have overtime and I’ll pick up her work so you can bonk your heart out!
(My observation is that (your) girlfriends and wives go very quiet at the prospect of you working long hours if it means more cash for clothes, better holidays etc.)
Do not tell flirty girls husband
Theres a child involved,its not your business
The s
t that will drop on you when she tells the boss that you told her husband will be massive
Given time it will probably all explode in a sticky mess without you contributing
The boss, his scorned wife, his lover, alcohol and the fact his scorned wife is talking to senior management - its only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.
It may work in your favour, in the long term, your boss may be redeployed, her husband may force her to seek another job away from the company and somebody still needs to do the work on time and without drama.
Theres a child involved,its not your business
The s
t that will drop on you when she tells the boss that you told her husband will be massive Given time it will probably all explode in a sticky mess without you contributing
The boss, his scorned wife, his lover, alcohol and the fact his scorned wife is talking to senior management - its only a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.
It may work in your favour, in the long term, your boss may be redeployed, her husband may force her to seek another job away from the company and somebody still needs to do the work on time and without drama.
In my experience there are 3 types of workers, (this is a very generalized opinion)
1 The person who can't say no to anyone and ends up working far too many hours and never really meeting targets until the pressure overwhelms them.
2 The person who has learnt to say no they don't have the time to do that unless something ese slips.
3 The person who puts all their effort into avoiding work.
You need to understand how much time you have at work and say no when the expectations are too high. And just ignore other team members behaviour unless you are their boss.
1 The person who can't say no to anyone and ends up working far too many hours and never really meeting targets until the pressure overwhelms them.
2 The person who has learnt to say no they don't have the time to do that unless something ese slips.
3 The person who puts all their effort into avoiding work.
You need to understand how much time you have at work and say no when the expectations are too high. And just ignore other team members behaviour unless you are their boss.
Thanks for the replies. He is not a bad boss but it's the fact that now I'm finding out why I'm working so bloody hard that's got me a bit miffed.
His wife is texting me a lot after our conversation, and is now asking if I could complain about my workload to senior management in order to give her text messages more validity. I won't be doing this, I'll take advice and see how this pans out over the coming weeks.
His wife is texting me a lot after our conversation, and is now asking if I could complain about my workload to senior management in order to give her text messages more validity. I won't be doing this, I'll take advice and see how this pans out over the coming weeks.
ARHarh said:
In my experience there are 3 types of workers, (this is a very generalized opinion)
1 The person who can't say no to anyone and ends up working far too many hours and never really meeting targets until the pressure overwhelms them.
2 The person who has learnt to say no they don't have the time to do that unless something ese slips.
3 The person who puts all their effort into avoiding work.
You need to understand how much time you have at work and say no when the expectations are too high. And just ignore other team members behaviour unless you are their boss.
I can clearly see myself as the first person in the list.1 The person who can't say no to anyone and ends up working far too many hours and never really meeting targets until the pressure overwhelms them.
2 The person who has learnt to say no they don't have the time to do that unless something ese slips.
3 The person who puts all their effort into avoiding work.
You need to understand how much time you have at work and say no when the expectations are too high. And just ignore other team members behaviour unless you are their boss.
Maybe I should work on being the second person rather than stirring the pot.
Free_30_day_trial said:
Thanks for the replies. He is not a bad boss but it's the fact that now I'm finding out why I'm working so bloody hard that's got me a bit miffed.
His wife is texting me a lot after our conversation, and is now asking if I could complain about my workload to senior management in order to give her text messages more validity. I won't be doing this, I'll take advice and see how this pans out over the coming weeks.
The whole ‘wife contacting you’ is a bit weird - did you both know each other prior to all this starting?His wife is texting me a lot after our conversation, and is now asking if I could complain about my workload to senior management in order to give her text messages more validity. I won't be doing this, I'll take advice and see how this pans out over the coming weeks.
You’re right to keep out of this as much as possible. Only make a complaint if your workload starts to get to much, you raise concerns with your manager and nothing improves. I’d also start keeping a diary/list of all this in case it does escalate in the future.
parabolica said:
The whole ‘wife contacting you’ is a bit weird - did you both know each other prior to all this starting?
We'd met once at a social thing a few years ago. It all seems very weird to me too.She says she reached out because she heard them talking about the uneven workload that they were planning to load onto me.
Free_30_day_trial said:
parabolica said:
The whole ‘wife contacting you’ is a bit weird - did you both know each other prior to all this starting?
We'd met once at a social thing a few years ago. It all seems very weird to me too.
Did she do that to all her husband's team or just you?And the fact that she overheard her hubby and the flirty girl video-calling AND talking about dumping work on you and then spoke to you rather than having a screaming slanging match with her husband or flirty girl also seems exceptionally odd.
quinny100 said:
Don't get involved. Don't get involved. Don't get involved. Don't get involved.
If your workload is too high, start saying No, or when allocated a task respond with a realistic timeframe for when you are able to complete it rather than the arbitrary deadline given to you. If you are told to meet the deadline, ask which other task they want you to stop doing to meet the deadline.
This is good advice!!If your workload is too high, start saying No, or when allocated a task respond with a realistic timeframe for when you are able to complete it rather than the arbitrary deadline given to you. If you are told to meet the deadline, ask which other task they want you to stop doing to meet the deadline.
Countdown said:
...and she asked you for your phone number? Did she do that to all her husband's team or just you?
And the fact that she overheard her hubby and the flirty girl video-calling AND talking about dumping work on you and then spoke to you rather than having a screaming slanging match with her husband or flirty girl also seems exceptionally odd.
She is messaging 'Flirty Girl' and sending me screenshots of her conversations! Did she do that to all her husband's team or just you?And the fact that she overheard her hubby and the flirty girl video-calling AND talking about dumping work on you and then spoke to you rather than having a screaming slanging match with her husband or flirty girl also seems exceptionally odd.
I'm guessing she got my number from my bosses phone as she called me on my work phone.
I've given her the number of someone in the office a bit more senior than me who is a bit of a gossip and doesn't like 'Flirty Girl' at all.
Hopefully things will go quiet now...and maybe this year I will get to see a firework display after all
Edited by Free_30_day_trial on Thursday 18th February 14:21
Edited by Free_30_day_trial on Thursday 18th February 14:23
In a company that large, keep in mind that there maybe someone else who works there on the forums, and your profile gives more than enough away to identify you if they already know you.
I'd keep my head down and crack on. There really must be an awkward atmosphere in the office at the moment?
I'd keep my head down and crack on. There really must be an awkward atmosphere in the office at the moment?
Free_30_day_trial said:
parabolica said:
The whole ‘wife contacting you’ is a bit weird - did you both know each other prior to all this starting?
We'd met once at a social thing a few years ago. It all seems very weird to me too.She says she reached out because she heard them talking about the uneven workload that they were planning to load onto me.
Seriously tell her (politely) you can't be getting involved in this.... in any way
Its not really odd is it.
She's aggrieved, she knows you probably are, so she sees you as an ally. No doubt she needs someone to talk to while she's sharpening knives.
When the screaming starts, your name might be mentioned. I wouldn't tell her to sod off as she might go mental on you. She's clearly a woman scorned, so be careful. Having been on the end of one, there's not much good comes of it.
The weirdest bit is your boss actually plotting with her to load you up with work! Haven't they got better things to do.
She's aggrieved, she knows you probably are, so she sees you as an ally. No doubt she needs someone to talk to while she's sharpening knives.
When the screaming starts, your name might be mentioned. I wouldn't tell her to sod off as she might go mental on you. She's clearly a woman scorned, so be careful. Having been on the end of one, there's not much good comes of it.
The weirdest bit is your boss actually plotting with her to load you up with work! Haven't they got better things to do.
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