Bouncing back after a false start
Discussion
I took what I thought was a dream job not too long ago and because of lots of what I consider stupid reasons its not worked out.
I've tried reasoning, presented facts and tried to compromise but it's not worked out and I'm gutted, I've lost lots of confidence as a result.
Any advice on moving on and regaining confidence? I now feel like any dream is going to be a nightmare.
I've tried reasoning, presented facts and tried to compromise but it's not worked out and I'm gutted, I've lost lots of confidence as a result.
Any advice on moving on and regaining confidence? I now feel like any dream is going to be a nightmare.
Edited by Greenbot35 on Wednesday 23 June 22:29
Just trust in yourself. Not everything works out. I think we've all started a job and either been let go or left because it wasn't what it was supposed to be.
If it's your first time, which sounds like it is, then don't fret. It happens to us all, and usually it's for the right reasons.
If you made mistakes, learn from them, don't repeat them, improve, etc.
If they've made mistakes, learn the "warning signs" , don't ignore them in the future.
If it's your first time, which sounds like it is, then don't fret. It happens to us all, and usually it's for the right reasons.
If you made mistakes, learn from them, don't repeat them, improve, etc.
If they've made mistakes, learn the "warning signs" , don't ignore them in the future.
I did the same in the last role.
Turned out my boss (CEO) was mental and the CFO took a dislike to me on account of being a straight white man. I pulled the plug after 6 months and left after 9 (short notice period within probation period was blessing but a risk).
With the prospect of no income and a recent house renovation having depleted the war chest (aka f
k Off Fund), I worked hard at hitting every angle I had. I struck lucky with the role I landed (and am still in 2.5 years later) and timed it so that I walked from one to the other. Had I not got this I would have gone contracting for a period while looking for perm roles.
What I did spend some time doing privately was reflecting on why the previous role didn't work. It was clear that it was a both ways thing - me not right for them and vice versa (I have always held that 50% of why work is good or bad is down to ourselves as individuals). Part of the issue was that I had misread the culture at the failed place because I had arrived with a mindset of how I did things at the previous job (there for nearly a decade). I was also given 5 broken departments to fix in one go and hadn't been strong enough in saying what I wanted and the order I would fix things in - they expected miracles and had given me the proverbial five loaves and two fish and demanded 5,000 people be fed.
Did I doubt myself? Yes. Did I need a job? Yes. Was I prepared to examine myself and learn from any direct or indirect feedback? Yes.
As a child I learned to ride horses. One old chap said to me "you're only a proper rider if you've been thrown off a horse seven times, picked yourself up and climbed back on". While that is a rather old school, it's true. You need to get back in the saddle and you need to back yourself. You didn't become rubbish overnight (remember 50% of the issue is the place you went to), so line yourself up with some income and focus on what you have learned from the experience and then go again at a new challenge.
Good luck.
ETA People have asked me when I knew the job wasn't right. I can pinpoint the exact time: walking out of a difficult meeting I was dragged into at lunchtime on day 1.
Turned out my boss (CEO) was mental and the CFO took a dislike to me on account of being a straight white man. I pulled the plug after 6 months and left after 9 (short notice period within probation period was blessing but a risk).
With the prospect of no income and a recent house renovation having depleted the war chest (aka f
k Off Fund), I worked hard at hitting every angle I had. I struck lucky with the role I landed (and am still in 2.5 years later) and timed it so that I walked from one to the other. Had I not got this I would have gone contracting for a period while looking for perm roles. What I did spend some time doing privately was reflecting on why the previous role didn't work. It was clear that it was a both ways thing - me not right for them and vice versa (I have always held that 50% of why work is good or bad is down to ourselves as individuals). Part of the issue was that I had misread the culture at the failed place because I had arrived with a mindset of how I did things at the previous job (there for nearly a decade). I was also given 5 broken departments to fix in one go and hadn't been strong enough in saying what I wanted and the order I would fix things in - they expected miracles and had given me the proverbial five loaves and two fish and demanded 5,000 people be fed.
Did I doubt myself? Yes. Did I need a job? Yes. Was I prepared to examine myself and learn from any direct or indirect feedback? Yes.
As a child I learned to ride horses. One old chap said to me "you're only a proper rider if you've been thrown off a horse seven times, picked yourself up and climbed back on". While that is a rather old school, it's true. You need to get back in the saddle and you need to back yourself. You didn't become rubbish overnight (remember 50% of the issue is the place you went to), so line yourself up with some income and focus on what you have learned from the experience and then go again at a new challenge.
Good luck.
ETA People have asked me when I knew the job wasn't right. I can pinpoint the exact time: walking out of a difficult meeting I was dragged into at lunchtime on day 1.
Edited by OMITN on Thursday 24th June 17:31
I thought I had found a great job last October. A true start-up where I was employee number two.
I walked out last month. Bloke who was setting up business had huge knowledge of the sector, massive passion, could negotiate hard with suppliers, secured investment for, and opened and new trade counter.
Thing was he is a genuine psychopath, and had drug issues. I had my concerns just after new year, but the business was growing fast and I could see the growth continuing, and as his right hand man, who knows where we would be in 5 years.
Final straw: he had forgotten that an important potential supplier was meeting us 9am a few weeks back. My boss turned up very stoned. The smell of weed on him was overpowering, and that’s coming from an occasional ‘toker’.
He got into a bit of a flap when he realised this supplier was due to arrive in 20mins, and he was wasted. So, to counteract the cannabis, he produced a bag of coke and emptied the contents onto a desk and hoovered up the lot.
He was certainly enthusiastic during the meeting, though did go off on a few strange tangents.
Lesson learned? It’s not about the money.
I walked out last month. Bloke who was setting up business had huge knowledge of the sector, massive passion, could negotiate hard with suppliers, secured investment for, and opened and new trade counter.
Thing was he is a genuine psychopath, and had drug issues. I had my concerns just after new year, but the business was growing fast and I could see the growth continuing, and as his right hand man, who knows where we would be in 5 years.
Final straw: he had forgotten that an important potential supplier was meeting us 9am a few weeks back. My boss turned up very stoned. The smell of weed on him was overpowering, and that’s coming from an occasional ‘toker’.
He got into a bit of a flap when he realised this supplier was due to arrive in 20mins, and he was wasted. So, to counteract the cannabis, he produced a bag of coke and emptied the contents onto a desk and hoovered up the lot.
He was certainly enthusiastic during the meeting, though did go off on a few strange tangents.
Lesson learned? It’s not about the money.
Agreed its not about the money, just very on edge about being lied to in interviews now. You can over analyse things too. I'm looking at linked in median tenure data trying to second guess.
I now I think back i really though the job sounded amazing but I was always slightly uncomfortable about little things (not offered a glass of water, strange questions and manners) I just made excuses to explain them.
I now I think back i really though the job sounded amazing but I was always slightly uncomfortable about little things (not offered a glass of water, strange questions and manners) I just made excuses to explain them.
You'll be fine, it does make you question yourself but sometimes it's the company's fault.
I recently started a technical suoport/engineering role in a company I already worked in on the tools. The MD and operations manager sold me the role as everything I'd wanted, with lots of promises.
I started the role and instantly the workshop supervisor decided that because I was there, he didn't have to bother supervising any more and used it as an excuse to hide in the deepest corners of the building pretending to be busy.
The result was everyone was coming to me for every little thing and he was effectively stealing a living. On paper our roles were very different and I was supposed to be extracting information from CAD, making work instructions, estimating, making bill of materials, advising the supervisor if he wasn't sure etc, not hand holding the shop floor staff. I raised my concerns constantly over about 8 weeks, and whilst in agreement, the company did nothing about it. They had the nerve to be surprised when I put my notice in! Said they wish I'd had more patience. Well unfortunately I don't.
For a while I questioned if I should have done anything differently or stuck it out but ultimately I was let down, as you have been. Just try to turn this set back in to something positive and a new start.
I recently started a technical suoport/engineering role in a company I already worked in on the tools. The MD and operations manager sold me the role as everything I'd wanted, with lots of promises.
I started the role and instantly the workshop supervisor decided that because I was there, he didn't have to bother supervising any more and used it as an excuse to hide in the deepest corners of the building pretending to be busy.
The result was everyone was coming to me for every little thing and he was effectively stealing a living. On paper our roles were very different and I was supposed to be extracting information from CAD, making work instructions, estimating, making bill of materials, advising the supervisor if he wasn't sure etc, not hand holding the shop floor staff. I raised my concerns constantly over about 8 weeks, and whilst in agreement, the company did nothing about it. They had the nerve to be surprised when I put my notice in! Said they wish I'd had more patience. Well unfortunately I don't.
For a while I questioned if I should have done anything differently or stuck it out but ultimately I was let down, as you have been. Just try to turn this set back in to something positive and a new start.
Edited by Raymond Reddington on Thursday 1st July 07:15
Like others have said, take it as a learning experience and move on. Sometimes it's not a good match-up.
I've failed a three month probation and at the time it felt awful but it was probably the best thing to happen to me.
I learnt that there were some methods and working practices that I hated. I learnt not to just say whatever you think they want to hear to get a job. It's also given me something to talk about in subsequent interviews to allow me to discuss the sort of person I am and the sort of person I'm not so that I can better see if the company is right for me as well as the other way round.
I've failed a three month probation and at the time it felt awful but it was probably the best thing to happen to me.
I learnt that there were some methods and working practices that I hated. I learnt not to just say whatever you think they want to hear to get a job. It's also given me something to talk about in subsequent interviews to allow me to discuss the sort of person I am and the sort of person I'm not so that I can better see if the company is right for me as well as the other way round.
Greenbot35 said:
Agreed its not about the money, just very on edge about being lied to in interviews now. You can over analyse things too. I'm looking at linked in median tenure data trying to second guess.
I now I think back i really though the job sounded amazing but I was always slightly uncomfortable about little things (not offered a glass of water, strange questions and manners) I just made excuses to explain them.
You have just reminded me of something.I now I think back i really though the job sounded amazing but I was always slightly uncomfortable about little things (not offered a glass of water, strange questions and manners) I just made excuses to explain them.
I’m a very positive person. I ignore all the negative stuff and just focus on the positive. This has its downside! I have often not been critical enough, or, when in a good job, think the grass is greener elsewhere.
I have learned that an interview should be a two way thing. You are just as much interviewing them to ensure a good fit. Can be difficult to get in that frame of mind though if one is in financial difficulties and really need a job.
I’m heartened by all these responses to the OP. I find myself in the same situation and am now in almost at the end of my probation.
I’m close to walking as my new job is nothing like as discussed at interview. My spider senses pinged at interview 2 the team I was going to manage were resistant to change so I did check with the guy that was poaching me (an old boss that know me quite well) whether or not the team I’m managing really wanted me in to bring in much needed change. Definitely was the answer. Well guess what - they don’t. And they are knobs about it.
Now shall I bail out before probation is over and just sit out a one month notice period with no job. Or do I suck it up and secure another job before I walk, meaning I’m past probation and into a three month notice period?
I’m close to walking as my new job is nothing like as discussed at interview. My spider senses pinged at interview 2 the team I was going to manage were resistant to change so I did check with the guy that was poaching me (an old boss that know me quite well) whether or not the team I’m managing really wanted me in to bring in much needed change. Definitely was the answer. Well guess what - they don’t. And they are knobs about it.
Now shall I bail out before probation is over and just sit out a one month notice period with no job. Or do I suck it up and secure another job before I walk, meaning I’m past probation and into a three month notice period?
Edited by buymeabar on Sunday 4th July 17:09
I’m heartened by all these responses to the OP. I find myself in the same situation and am now in almost at the end of my probation.
I’m close to walking as my new job is nothing like as discussed at interview. My spider senses pinged at interview 2 the team I was going to manage were resistant to change so I did check with the guy that was poaching me (an old boss that know me quite well) whether or not the team I’m managing really wanted me in to bring in much needed change. Definitely was the answer. Well guess what - they don’t. And they are knobs about it.
Now shall I bail out before probation is over and just sit out a one month notice period with no job. Or do I suck it up and secure another job before I walk, meaning I’m past probation and into a three month notice period?
I’m close to walking as my new job is nothing like as discussed at interview. My spider senses pinged at interview 2 the team I was going to manage were resistant to change so I did check with the guy that was poaching me (an old boss that know me quite well) whether or not the team I’m managing really wanted me in to bring in much needed change. Definitely was the answer. Well guess what - they don’t. And they are knobs about it.
Now shall I bail out before probation is over and just sit out a one month notice period with no job. Or do I suck it up and secure another job before I walk, meaning I’m past probation and into a three month notice period?
Edited by buymeabar on Sunday 4th July 18:10
CoolHands said:
I think always secure a job while you’ve got a job!
That’s always previously been my mantra also. My only thoughts on applying that this time around are I’m likely going to have to lie to my boss when we get to the end of probation and don’t walk until I get another role elsewhere. I’ve known him years and it doesn’t sit well with me. But I have bills to pay so I guess it needs to be done. buymeabar said:
That’s always previously been my mantra also. My only thoughts on applying that this time around are I’m likely going to have to lie to my boss when we get to the end of probation and don’t walk until I get another role elsewhere. I’ve known him years and it doesn’t sit well with me. But I have bills to pay so I guess it needs to be done.
Then just tell him the honest truth.So my view is this: he probably knows you’re not happy. So the question is whether that is going to cause him a loss of face or not.
In other words, while you might have the conversation at your probation review but then agree to support him in saving face by hanging round for an agreed period: long enough for you to find something else and long enough for him to find a replacement.
Though my inclination would be to make sure you’re well on the way to a solution and then go through that conversation…!
In other words, while you might have the conversation at your probation review but then agree to support him in saving face by hanging round for an agreed period: long enough for you to find something else and long enough for him to find a replacement.
Though my inclination would be to make sure you’re well on the way to a solution and then go through that conversation…!
buymeabar said:
I’m heartened by all these responses to the OP. I find myself in the same situation and am now in almost at the end of my probation.
I’m close to walking as my new job is nothing like as discussed at interview. My spider senses pinged at interview 2 the team I was going to manage were resistant to change so I did check with the guy that was poaching me (an old boss that know me quite well) whether or not the team I’m managing really wanted me in to bring in much needed change. Definitely was the answer. Well guess what - they don’t. And they are knobs about it.
Now shall I bail out before probation is over and just sit out a one month notice period with no job. Or do I suck it up and secure another job before I walk, meaning I’m past probation and into a three month notice period?
I’ve often wondered how often these companies actual hold you to your 3 month notice period. I’m close to walking as my new job is nothing like as discussed at interview. My spider senses pinged at interview 2 the team I was going to manage were resistant to change so I did check with the guy that was poaching me (an old boss that know me quite well) whether or not the team I’m managing really wanted me in to bring in much needed change. Definitely was the answer. Well guess what - they don’t. And they are knobs about it.
Now shall I bail out before probation is over and just sit out a one month notice period with no job. Or do I suck it up and secure another job before I walk, meaning I’m past probation and into a three month notice period?
Edited by buymeabar on Sunday 4th July 17:09
My wife used to run a power station. Before that she ran oil rigs. Very clever lady. Anyway the last company she worked at she kept advising the big boss that one of the guys in her team was a big safety concern. She was constantly having to look over his shoulder for fear he was about to do something very stupid.
She really wanted rid of the guy but ultimate he was very pally with the boss and it was clear he wasn’t going to reprimand him or get rid of him.
In the end through a twist of fate she got a phone call asking her if she would be interested in contracting on the construction of a new power stations. Problem being she needed to start next week.
She walked in to work, cleared her office and locker and then knocked on the big bosses office door. Here’s my resignation letter fully explaining that xyz was a liability and only a matter of time before he does something stupid and she’s not about to carry the cab. I’m off see you, walked out the door.
We fully expected them to hold on to outstanding pay but nope they still paid her what was owed. Even had the Gaul to ask her if she would reconsider.
So what do companies do when an employer just ups and leaves. Genuinely interested.
I would imagine it’s quite easy to get a sick note if you really don’t want to work your notice anyway.
Jasey_ said:
A lot of folk forget that an interview is a two way thing.
I've had a couple of interviews in my early years where I didn't try to work out what that companies culture is like and in the case of one of them had to walk after 3 months as the place was full of boring aholes.
If you ask questions about what the team is like and the work culture you can try to establish if it is a fit or not.
Good luck.
Absolutely this, people get lost in being the interviewee.I've had a couple of interviews in my early years where I didn't try to work out what that companies culture is like and in the case of one of them had to walk after 3 months as the place was full of boring a
holes.If you ask questions about what the team is like and the work culture you can try to establish if it is a fit or not.
Good luck.
I did an interview recently, the guy was aggressive, he was bad mouthing his former employees, he kept banging on about punctuality as if he was assuming i'd always be late, he talked about how "everyone chips in", which as time went on I realised basically meant that the techs and engineers also clean the toilets and the offices, pack boxes, sweep floors, unload trucks, etc. The workshop was also slightly smaller than the office area, but had 12 people (+tools/equipment) versus 3 in the office, and it was also a goldfish bowl in the middle of the building, where everyone else could see in at all times.
I sent an email withdrawing my application as soon as I got home, there's no way i'm working for someone who has that level of mistrust and disrespect for his employees.
After many years of unhappiness in work I decided to assume everyone I worked for was a and would fk me over at the first opportunity, I felt much happier after that, and tbh it seemed apretty accurate assessment.
I don't think a dream job exists for most people and looking for it is just depressing
and would fk me over at the first opportunity, I felt much happier after that, and tbh it seemed apretty accurate assessment.I don't think a dream job exists for most people and looking for it is just depressing
sociopath said:
After many years of unhappiness in work I decided to assume everyone I worked for was a and would fk me over at the first opportunity, I felt much happier after that, and tbh it seemed apretty accurate assessment.
I don't think a dream job exists for most people and looking for it is just depressing
Seems like an accurate assessment. I think we reach an age and it's different for each of us, where we finally wake the f**k up to all the BS. and would fk me over at the first opportunity, I felt much happier after that, and tbh it seemed apretty accurate assessment.I don't think a dream job exists for most people and looking for it is just depressing
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