Feeling trapped, want to quit but...
Discussion
Im 59 and still work, although I have just dropped to 4 days a week. That took me almost a year to argue and finally begin. Thanks to all who offered advice & support here. My mortgage is paid in 18mths along with a car loan. Although we still live on an estate with a maintenance charge, and part rent/own our home. Im also (touch wood) quite fit.
Its a good little job horribly spoilt by awful management. I have dealt with that for over the 20yrs I have been with them. But im sick of moaning about something they did or said virtually everyday. I thought the drop to four days would really help, it has a little but not enough to make a real difference sadly.
I was chatting with swmbo the other day who asked if I thought I could do another 5yrs. I replied no way, the thought of that depresses me. She then said what if those two (loosely referred to as management) were not there. I responded with yes I could probably do another 5yrs. Im not saying im the model employee by the way. Anyway she replied, that makes me so angry because another 5yrs would make a significant difference to our finances.
I actually dont have an issue with continuing to work at something, but god help me I need to do something. But how and what that looks like eludes me.
Are you in the same boat, have you experienced the same. What did you do ?
Thankyou in advance.
Its a good little job horribly spoilt by awful management. I have dealt with that for over the 20yrs I have been with them. But im sick of moaning about something they did or said virtually everyday. I thought the drop to four days would really help, it has a little but not enough to make a real difference sadly.
I was chatting with swmbo the other day who asked if I thought I could do another 5yrs. I replied no way, the thought of that depresses me. She then said what if those two (loosely referred to as management) were not there. I responded with yes I could probably do another 5yrs. Im not saying im the model employee by the way. Anyway she replied, that makes me so angry because another 5yrs would make a significant difference to our finances.
I actually dont have an issue with continuing to work at something, but god help me I need to do something. But how and what that looks like eludes me.
Are you in the same boat, have you experienced the same. What did you do ?
Thankyou in advance.
A few things you may or may not be able to do.
Change to a different role in the same organisation but with different managers.
Change your attitude from caring to not caring, and respond to all management anguish with "Oh well", if you have been there a while they are unlikely to sack you, and it's easy to play by the rules when needed to ensure you keep your job.
Work out how much your life costs, and if you change a few things would that make a difference to finances, enabling you to no longer work.
Get another job, with zero stress and something that you just leave and go home from, supermarket or similar.
Get signed off with stress.
Or the most sensible one, talk to your managers manager if they have one.
You spend more time working than you do not working, life is short so having a job you don't mind doing is worth so much. Most when they get towards their mid 50's tend to want to put up with the nonsense politics of the workplace, it's pretty normal.
Change to a different role in the same organisation but with different managers.
Change your attitude from caring to not caring, and respond to all management anguish with "Oh well", if you have been there a while they are unlikely to sack you, and it's easy to play by the rules when needed to ensure you keep your job.
Work out how much your life costs, and if you change a few things would that make a difference to finances, enabling you to no longer work.
Get another job, with zero stress and something that you just leave and go home from, supermarket or similar.
Get signed off with stress.
Or the most sensible one, talk to your managers manager if they have one.
You spend more time working than you do not working, life is short so having a job you don't mind doing is worth so much. Most when they get towards their mid 50's tend to want to put up with the nonsense politics of the workplace, it's pretty normal.
I've been there.
Things that helped me.
A} Paid off mortgage, just knowing I could walk away without a care ment I didn't have to.
B) Having an escape plan (a legal & realistic one, not the recurring dream about driving a bulldozer through the building)
Work was changing as was management, I wasn't, so making everyone's lives a misery.
Things that helped me.
A} Paid off mortgage, just knowing I could walk away without a care ment I didn't have to.
B) Having an escape plan (a legal & realistic one, not the recurring dream about driving a bulldozer through the building)
Work was changing as was management, I wasn't, so making everyone's lives a misery.
ARH said:
A few things you may or may not be able to do.
Change to a different role in the same organisation but with different managers.
Change your attitude from caring to not caring, and respond to all management anguish with "Oh well", if you have been there a while they are unlikely to sack you, and it's easy to play by the rules when needed to ensure you keep your job.
Work out how much your life costs, and if you change a few things would that make a difference to finances, enabling you to no longer work.
Get another job, with zero stress and something that you just leave and go home from, supermarket or similar.
Get signed off with stress.
Or the most sensible one, talk to your managers manager if they have one.
You spend more time working than you do not working, life is short so having a job you don't mind doing is worth so much. Most when they get towards their mid 50's tend to want to put up with the nonsense politics of the workplace, it's pretty normal.
Many thanks for the reply. Sadly no opportunity of a change of role within my organisation. And unfortunately my managers manager is not in the same country, so there is little interaction. Evidenced by the fact that the group has no idea of the poor level of management. I do like the 'oh well' comment though. Change to a different role in the same organisation but with different managers.
Change your attitude from caring to not caring, and respond to all management anguish with "Oh well", if you have been there a while they are unlikely to sack you, and it's easy to play by the rules when needed to ensure you keep your job.
Work out how much your life costs, and if you change a few things would that make a difference to finances, enabling you to no longer work.
Get another job, with zero stress and something that you just leave and go home from, supermarket or similar.
Get signed off with stress.
Or the most sensible one, talk to your managers manager if they have one.
You spend more time working than you do not working, life is short so having a job you don't mind doing is worth so much. Most when they get towards their mid 50's tend to want to put up with the nonsense politics of the workplace, it's pretty normal.
Huzzah said:
I've been there.
Things that helped me.
A} Paid off mortgage, just knowing I could walk away without a care ment I didn't have to.
B) Having an escape plan (a legal & realistic one, not the recurring dream about driving a bulldozer through the building)
Work was changing as was management, I wasn't, so making everyone's lives a misery.
Thankyou for the reply. My wife is convinced im suffering with burnout. Evidenced by no interest in work, staying up late at night at the weekends. And althoughI like a drink she feels its become excessive.Things that helped me.
A} Paid off mortgage, just knowing I could walk away without a care ment I didn't have to.
B) Having an escape plan (a legal & realistic one, not the recurring dream about driving a bulldozer through the building)
Work was changing as was management, I wasn't, so making everyone's lives a misery.
I just dont want the hassle of the doctor visit and the ensuing meetings/discussions. The two managers are massive over thinkers. They dont take a sledgehammer to crack a nut, they nuke it.
macp said:
Thankyou for the reply. My wife is convinced im suffering with burnout. Evidenced by no interest in work, staying up late at night at the weekends. And althoughI like a drink she feels its become excessive.
I just dont want the hassle of the doctor visit and the ensuing meetings/discussions. The two managers are massive over thinkers. They dont take a sledgehammer to crack a nut, they nuke it.
You have two problems here. Work and home. Listen to her and don’t let the first also kill the second. I just dont want the hassle of the doctor visit and the ensuing meetings/discussions. The two managers are massive over thinkers. They dont take a sledgehammer to crack a nut, they nuke it.
Op I’m in a fairly similar situation. Started with the current company only a year ago and after a few months realised the management are so poor that I’ll never change them.
From that point on I’ve decided not to care too much and I’m ticking over to October when I hit 55 and have access to my pension. Once I hit this I’ll be asking to go part time or leave and find my own part time gig.
I’m going to struggle with 6 months,can’t imagine doing years on top.
Must admit I’m not keen to access my pension so early but my sanity is worth the 25% tax free lump and in reality I do not have to work for a year or 2 once I get this,giving me a lot more options.
You always know how bad a company is by the constant hew hires and leavers. It’s a revolving door where I work. Quickest was 1 day😂
From that point on I’ve decided not to care too much and I’m ticking over to October when I hit 55 and have access to my pension. Once I hit this I’ll be asking to go part time or leave and find my own part time gig.
I’m going to struggle with 6 months,can’t imagine doing years on top.
Must admit I’m not keen to access my pension so early but my sanity is worth the 25% tax free lump and in reality I do not have to work for a year or 2 once I get this,giving me a lot more options.
You always know how bad a company is by the constant hew hires and leavers. It’s a revolving door where I work. Quickest was 1 day😂
I’m in the same boat, I’ve only been where I am now for less than a year and a half but it’s getting me down and I’m trying to stick it out until the end of the year until I leave. My line manager is a clown who micro manages everything I do, I’ve been doing the job 10 years longer than him. Some of the lads I work with are lazy, incompetent or both so I have to do a load of things for them or else stuff doesn’t get done.
I’m 51, planning on retiring in 5 years time but I’m close to packing in what I’m doing now and doing a low level supervisors role for a lot less money, responsibility and stress for the next few years.
I’m 51, planning on retiring in 5 years time but I’m close to packing in what I’m doing now and doing a low level supervisors role for a lot less money, responsibility and stress for the next few years.
RammyMP said:
I m in the same boat, I ve only been where I am now for less than a year and a half but it s getting me down and I m trying to stick it out until the end of the year until I leave. My line manager is a clown who micro manages everything I do, I ve been doing the job 10 years longer than him. Some of the lads I work with are lazy, incompetent or both so I have to do a load of things for them or else stuff doesn t get done.
I m 51, planning on retiring in 5 years time but I m close to packing in what I m doing now and doing a low level supervisors role for a lot less money, responsibility and stress for the next few years.
Do we work for the same company?I m 51, planning on retiring in 5 years time but I m close to packing in what I m doing now and doing a low level supervisors role for a lot less money, responsibility and stress for the next few years.
helmutlaang said:
RammyMP said:
I m in the same boat, I ve only been where I am now for less than a year and a half but it s getting me down and I m trying to stick it out until the end of the year until I leave. My line manager is a clown who micro manages everything I do, I ve been doing the job 10 years longer than him. Some of the lads I work with are lazy, incompetent or both so I have to do a load of things for them or else stuff doesn t get done.
I m 51, planning on retiring in 5 years time but I m close to packing in what I m doing now and doing a low level supervisors role for a lot less money, responsibility and stress for the next few years.
Do we work for the same company?I m 51, planning on retiring in 5 years time but I m close to packing in what I m doing now and doing a low level supervisors role for a lot less money, responsibility and stress for the next few years.
RammyMP said:
Some of the lads I work with are lazy, incompetent or both so I have to do a load of things for them or else stuff doesn t get done.
have you considered just doing your own job and leaving the wasters to it?Bad managers are happy for the good workers to pick up the slack as long as they continue to do it. Things might change if you stop. And if things don't change, at least you're not frustrated by all the extra stuff you're doing for no credit.
I have been walking the dogs and doing some thinking. I have a good job for which im paid relatively well. The downside is management are a pair of micro managing, gas lighters with nothing better to do.
But why the actual feck should they stand in my way to a better life when i have had enough. And thats my decision, not theirs. Also I could drop again to a 3 day week if I wanted. A colleague who doesnt realise he has probably the best job in the company keeps talking about leaving. I would automatically take up that position, and I will demand I remain there for the foreseeable if that happens.
I just need to adopt the 'oh well' attitude.
But why the actual feck should they stand in my way to a better life when i have had enough. And thats my decision, not theirs. Also I could drop again to a 3 day week if I wanted. A colleague who doesnt realise he has probably the best job in the company keeps talking about leaving. I would automatically take up that position, and I will demand I remain there for the foreseeable if that happens.
I just need to adopt the 'oh well' attitude.
RammyMP said:
We might! There s 4 who do my role with a senior who has just been promoted to principal so he s now even more painful. Since I started in January 2025 3 have left, quite a high turnover in a small department.
That’s a sure sign of a badly run business.I took my job nearly a year ago. I’m a HSE manager for an engineering company. I’m in a department of one in a company with a 30m turnover last year. My sign off before I have to get it authorised? £50. Yup fifty quid. I’ve seen over 20 people leave since I’ve been there.
I sympathise with the OP - I'm in a similar position.
I've genuinely enjoyed most of my career (software) - but these days, I hate my job and the main reason is my boss. Absolutely awful - and my opinion is far from unique.
We're a big company, but our working model these days seems to be that our biggest customer says 'jump' and we say yes - even if they said 'jump over the empire state building'.
She 'asks' us to work weekends and cancel holiday fairly often - but doesn't actually ask. At Christmas, I was told 'this is ultra urgent you will be working over Christmas'.
My reply was : No, I won't.
Same with weekends: You need to work this weekend
No, I don't.
I have worked plenty of weekends, late nights and even holidays in my career. But I wasn't working for somebody with the people management skills of Putin then. So, no.
She decided a couple of years ago that she was too busy and needed help to plan our work - so we also have her helper being equally ridiculous:
"How long would it take you to do this if you had time to work on it?"
"Two weeks, but you know that because of <this> issue, I have zero time to work on it".
"Yes, I understand that - no problem"
Five minutes later, I noticed that he's committed a delivery date in exactly 2 weeks - or sometimes, less!
It's frustrating, because my work could be interesting again. But their management makes it awful (and several people feel the same).
Will hit 57 next month so wouldn't be easy to find anything new - and it is very convenient (close to home). I figured I'll make it to 60 and then I may decide that whatever my pension is, it's good enough!
I've genuinely enjoyed most of my career (software) - but these days, I hate my job and the main reason is my boss. Absolutely awful - and my opinion is far from unique.
We're a big company, but our working model these days seems to be that our biggest customer says 'jump' and we say yes - even if they said 'jump over the empire state building'.
She 'asks' us to work weekends and cancel holiday fairly often - but doesn't actually ask. At Christmas, I was told 'this is ultra urgent you will be working over Christmas'.
My reply was : No, I won't.
Same with weekends: You need to work this weekend
No, I don't.
I have worked plenty of weekends, late nights and even holidays in my career. But I wasn't working for somebody with the people management skills of Putin then. So, no.
She decided a couple of years ago that she was too busy and needed help to plan our work - so we also have her helper being equally ridiculous:
"How long would it take you to do this if you had time to work on it?"
"Two weeks, but you know that because of <this> issue, I have zero time to work on it".
"Yes, I understand that - no problem"
Five minutes later, I noticed that he's committed a delivery date in exactly 2 weeks - or sometimes, less!
It's frustrating, because my work could be interesting again. But their management makes it awful (and several people feel the same).
Will hit 57 next month so wouldn't be easy to find anything new - and it is very convenient (close to home). I figured I'll make it to 60 and then I may decide that whatever my pension is, it's good enough!
Edited by davek_964 on Monday 20th April 06:59
Edited by davek_964 on Monday 20th April 07:34
davek_964 said:
I sympathise with the OP - I'm in a similar position.
I've genuinely enjoyed most of my career (software) - but these days, I hate my job and the main reason is my boss. Absolutely awful - and my opinion is far from unique.
We're a big company, but our working model these days seems to be that our biggest customer says 'jump' and we say yes - even if they said 'jump over the empire state building'.
She 'asks' us to work weekends and cancel holiday fairly often - but doesn't actually ask. At Christmas, I was told 'this is ultra urgent you will be working over Christmas'.
My reply was : No, I won't.
Same with weekends: You need to work this weekend
No, I don't.
I have worked plenty of weekends, late nights and even holidays in my career. But I wasn't working for somebody with the people management skills of Putin then. So, no.
She decided a couple of years ago that she was too busy and needed help to plan our work - so we also have her helper being equally ridiculous:
"How long would it take you to do this if you had time to work on it?"
"Two weeks, but you know that because of <this> issue, I have zero time to work on it".
"Yes, I understand that - no problem"
Five minutes later, I noticed that he's committed a delivery date in exactly 2 weeks - or sometimes, less!
It's frustrating, because my work could be interesting again. But their management makes it awful (and several people feel the same).
Will hit 57 next month so wouldn't be easy to find anything new - and it is very convenient (close to home). I figured I'll make it to 60 and then I may decide that whatever my pension is, it's good enough!
You do have a fairly similar setup to me. I offer my sympathies in return, but its kind of good to know its not just me. My MD and the sales manager, laughably referred to as management are actually not bad people. But their decisions and monumental overthinking are beyond ridiculous. I've genuinely enjoyed most of my career (software) - but these days, I hate my job and the main reason is my boss. Absolutely awful - and my opinion is far from unique.
We're a big company, but our working model these days seems to be that our biggest customer says 'jump' and we say yes - even if they said 'jump over the empire state building'.
She 'asks' us to work weekends and cancel holiday fairly often - but doesn't actually ask. At Christmas, I was told 'this is ultra urgent you will be working over Christmas'.
My reply was : No, I won't.
Same with weekends: You need to work this weekend
No, I don't.
I have worked plenty of weekends, late nights and even holidays in my career. But I wasn't working for somebody with the people management skills of Putin then. So, no.
She decided a couple of years ago that she was too busy and needed help to plan our work - so we also have her helper being equally ridiculous:
"How long would it take you to do this if you had time to work on it?"
"Two weeks, but you know that because of <this> issue, I have zero time to work on it".
"Yes, I understand that - no problem"
Five minutes later, I noticed that he's committed a delivery date in exactly 2 weeks - or sometimes, less!
It's frustrating, because my work could be interesting again. But their management makes it awful (and several people feel the same).
Will hit 57 next month so wouldn't be easy to find anything new - and it is very convenient (close to home). I figured I'll make it to 60 and then I may decide that whatever my pension is, it's good enough!
Edited by davek_964 on Monday 20th April 06:59
Edited by davek_964 on Monday 20th April 07:34
My old bosses would be so unhappy to learn of what a toxic place it has become. So I think im going to keep on keeping on. Im going to do my very best to have the attitude that they can frankly go feck themselves. I will do my job to the very bare minimum as I am being paid to do so. At some point I may put in request to drop another day to 3 days a week. They will hate that so I may give them an ultimatum such as agree to it or I will give my 3mth notice. Or I might just make plans to leave in 12mths time. Or if the stress gets too much im going on the sick. I have had enough, but it seems like I have more options than I thought I did. I now need to make an appointment with an IFA and see what else I can do.
At the moment im feeling a little more positive, and working on how to deal with my reaction to their work practices.
TL:DR: don’t give up on yourself, do as little as possible in the current role and find another with nice people.
I used to work for a toxic boss, clearly she felt threatened (rightly so) so made everyone’s life hell. I was in a team of 5 and in 4 years there I saw so many people who reported to her either leave or be fired for speaking up. When I resigned last April, 3 of the 5 had (again) resigned. I decided after two years I the job, as nothing was going to change, to quiet quit. My pay was okay and she didn’t want you to use initiative, so I bumped the mouse every now and again and did nice things whilst waiting for the right job. I now work with nice people, am trusted (paid more-‘which wasn’t the driver at all) and am in charge of my life. I was an employment solicitor many years back and when in private practice met so many people of the OPs age who believed they would get a job elsewhere- and invariably did! When looking for a new job make it clear what you want and interview back- make sure you like the company and management!
I used to work for a toxic boss, clearly she felt threatened (rightly so) so made everyone’s life hell. I was in a team of 5 and in 4 years there I saw so many people who reported to her either leave or be fired for speaking up. When I resigned last April, 3 of the 5 had (again) resigned. I decided after two years I the job, as nothing was going to change, to quiet quit. My pay was okay and she didn’t want you to use initiative, so I bumped the mouse every now and again and did nice things whilst waiting for the right job. I now work with nice people, am trusted (paid more-‘which wasn’t the driver at all) and am in charge of my life. I was an employment solicitor many years back and when in private practice met so many people of the OPs age who believed they would get a job elsewhere- and invariably did! When looking for a new job make it clear what you want and interview back- make sure you like the company and management!
Interview back is good advice, I should have taken this advice in the last role I had.
During the interview, my suspicions were raised enough to ask the 2 directors who were interviewing me what experience they had of managing teams. It was a new startup with 8 employees. They told me they had many years of experience, I could tell that was not true. I should not have taken the role. After being there a few months and finding a bit out about the directors it was clear they had never managed anyone. They were not happy to allow me to offer my experience.
During the interview, my suspicions were raised enough to ask the 2 directors who were interviewing me what experience they had of managing teams. It was a new startup with 8 employees. They told me they had many years of experience, I could tell that was not true. I should not have taken the role. After being there a few months and finding a bit out about the directors it was clear they had never managed anyone. They were not happy to allow me to offer my experience.
Thanks all
You know I wouldn t have a clue where to start looking for a new job. Firstly I don t want to go back into a job that will stress me out as anything specifically sales based would do. And why would anybody take on a guy of my age. Even if I was happy to continue working for another few years given I m 60 this year.
For the record I am inside sales for an electric motor company. I offer some limited technical customer support. I am responsible for HSE which being honest was forced on me, despite no previous experience or training. And I dislike intensely. Probably why I do the bare minimum. I also support the warehouse and carry out light motor modifications. Which to be honest I prefer doing.
You know I wouldn t have a clue where to start looking for a new job. Firstly I don t want to go back into a job that will stress me out as anything specifically sales based would do. And why would anybody take on a guy of my age. Even if I was happy to continue working for another few years given I m 60 this year.
For the record I am inside sales for an electric motor company. I offer some limited technical customer support. I am responsible for HSE which being honest was forced on me, despite no previous experience or training. And I dislike intensely. Probably why I do the bare minimum. I also support the warehouse and carry out light motor modifications. Which to be honest I prefer doing.
Edited by macp on Tuesday 21st April 11:50
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