Written Notice

[WorAl]

OK PHers, need some ideas.

My boss is a complete , he's really rattled my cage this morning and im close to fking stamping on his head. Was going to walk half an hour ago, but though better of it as not got another job lined up, going to hand in notice next week though.

So need some thoughts on what i should write in my letter? any advice welcome, nasty/funny/serious will all be welcomed.

Cheers
WorAl

[Mr POD]

I have found the work at xxxxxxx particularly interesting and challenging and know that I have learn a great deal, which will be useful in my future career. I wish you all the best and have made a handover plan so that I can leave knowing that all my good work will not be lost.

I look forward to the leaving interview with HR where I will detail my positive and negative views which if acted on will make the company a far stronger place.


Copies to HR and CEO and MD

you boss will be crapping himself to know what you might say off the record.

[A.Wang]

Try this one:

Dear [manager],

I am delighted to be able to inform you that, effectively immediately, I resign from my appointment as [job title]. I trust that this news is neither surprising nor unwelcome. I hope this letter makes up for that.

I would like to thank you for giving me the unique opportunity to [start/develop] my career with [company]. I have learned many things - I have learned how to lie, how to deceive and how to flatter. I am skilled in meaningless apologies, time-wasting, and email banter with moderately-attractive [male/female] colleagues you have managed to hire. I am au fait with putting the concept of "minimum effort, maximum gain" into practice. My greatest daily accomplishment for the past year has been to read, in detail, every article on the websites of BBC News, Pistonheads and The Sun. MSN Messenger has been a true saviour.

Most of all, I have learned that I want to be nothing like you in thirty years time.

You are the most ignorant, self-centred inbred dribbling half-wit with whom I have the displeasure of "working" - if you can indeed call it that. You are a knob-jockey of the premier rung. You are a pitiful excuse of a human being. I have no doubt in my mind that you had a traumatic childhood - you were the last to be picked in the playground, and first to be buggered by older kids in 6th form.

I believe that my official notice period is one month. However, if you expect me to spend another second in this dreary, soul-sucking st-hole that I have learned to call hell, you can think again.

I wish you all the best for what remains of your soulless, humourless, purposeless life. In the hope that the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits, I now end our acquaintance.

Yours lovingly,
--
[your name]

P.S. If my next endeavours do not work out, I expect and demand my job back with a pay-rise.

[Mr POD]

A.Wang said:

Try this one:

Dear [manager],

I am delighted to be able to inform you that, effectively immediately, I resign from my appointment as [job title]. I trust that this news is neither surprising nor unwelcome. I hope this letter makes up for that.

I would like to thank you for giving me the unique opportunity to [start/develop] my career with [company]. I have learned many things - I have learned how to lie, how to deceive and how to flatter. I am skilled in meaningless apologies, time-wasting, and email banter with moderately-attractive [male/female] colleagues you have managed to hire. I am au fait with putting the concept of "minimum effort, maximum gain" into practice. My greatest daily accomplishment for the past year has been to read, in detail, every article on the websites of BBC News, Pistonheads and The Sun. MSN Messenger has been a true saviour.

Most of all, I have learned that I want to be nothing like you in thirty years time.

You are the most ignorant, self-centred inbred dribbling half-wit with whom I have the displeasure of "working" - if you can indeed call it that. You are a knob-jockey of the premier rung. You are a pitiful excuse of a human being. I have no doubt in my mind that you had a traumatic childhood - you were the last to be picked in the playground, and first to be buggered by older kids in 6th form.

I believe that my official notice period is one month. However, if you expect me to spend another second in this dreary, soul-sucking st-hole that I have learned to call hell, you can think again.

I wish you all the best for what remains of your soulless, humourless, purposeless life. In the hope that the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits, I now end our acquaintance.

Yours lovingly,
--
[your name]

P.S. If my next endeavours do not work out, I expect and demand my job back with a pay-rise.

CC HR Manager, CEO, MD,
BCC all your mates

ETA

[Merritt]

WorAl said:

OK PHers, need some ideas.

My boss is a complete , he's really rattled my cage this morning and im close to fking stamping on his head. Was going to walk half an hour ago, but though better of it as not got another job lined up, going to hand in notice next week though.

So need some thoughts on what i should write in my letter? any advice welcome, nasty/funny/serious will all be welcomed.

Cheers
WorAl

Off topic, but can I point out that it seems to be getting more common at the moment to get employees to leave of their own free will. It costs the company nothing to do this in redundancy / termination payments.

Add to this that the job market is in pieces.. If you haven't got a job lined up, I seriously recommend looking first to see how long it might take you!

You haven't detailed the reasons your boss is a but you may want to speak to an employment solicitor if you are being 'bullied' / pressurised unreasonably.


Steve

[Scawie]

Dear (manager),

In accordance with paragraph (number) of my contract of employment I will be ending my employment with (company) on (end date).

Yours sincerely,
(your signature)
(your printed name)

[mattikake]

If you want a reference, by nice. Most people are, this is why we have st managers with heads still on their shoulders.

If not, give you resignation to your managers boss!

[Jasper Gilder]

In the current climate - inadvisable to leave without a job to go to - as soon as you start looking you know something they don't...Revenge always tastes better served stone cold!